Will You Marry Me?

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes, 16 seconds

The Plaza Hotel

Do you think I will be able to meet the dress code of the Plaza Hotel,” I asked Jan as she came out of the bathroom. Jan was wearing a lovely dress, and I had no doubts she would be presentable. I selected nice pants and a button-down shirt.  

You look great to me,” Jan said as she kissed me. “Can you help me zip up my dress?”

I started to say something but didn’t.

“I know you would prefer to unzip me, but we must leave now, or we will be very late.”

When we got on the D train, I reviewed that Charlotte was a member of the DNC, and she was in NY because they were holding a policy conference. 

It should be an enjoyable evening,” I stated as the D train crossed the Manhattan Bridge.

Walking into the lobby, Charlotte recognized us before I saw her. I introduced Jan and greeted her as she approached us. 

“It’s so nice to meet you, Jan,” she said. Jan said the same, and the two were chatting like old friends

My cousin then turned to me. “I’m not sure we can get into the dining room. They have a rule that men must wear coats and ties,” Charlotte explained. She went over to speak with the hostess. 

As she returned, she was shaking her head negatively. 

“There is a diner around the corner. Is that OK for the two of you?” my cousin asked.

Having no choice but to have Jan have dinner with Charlotte while I waited in the lobby, we both nodded yes. 

Diner on Central Park South

Tell me what the two of you are doing,” my cousin asked. Richard, I know a little about what you are doing from your parents, but I would love to know more.” I turned to Jan and said, why didn’t she go first? She smiled at me before she spoke.

I am starting work next month as an in-school drug counselor,” Jan explained. Like Richard, I was a VISTA Volunteer.”

In response to Charlotte’s questions, Jan provided biographical details.  

Charlotte, I have always seen the world as being broken and in need of repair,” Jan explained. Richard shares my view and the work I am doing now and will focus on repairing the world.

What is the Jewish word for that?” my cousin asked. 

Tikun Olam,” Jan said. I am Jewish,” she added.

Charlotte nodded affirmatively and then turned to me. 

I gave a quick overview of my work in Brooklyn and concurred with Jan about repairing the world. I mentioned my work on the Lowenstein campaign. He and McGovern carried our neighborhood with large margins,” I said. “If only…”

Charlotte smiled at me. 

While we dined on adequate food but not like the Plaza, Charlotte talked about the policy conference and how it could provide opportunities to help our work if they won the next national election. 

What we are debating are programs and policies that could save and improve lives in neighborhoods you work as well as people with addictions,” she said.

The waitress came over, cleared the plates, and asked if we wanted anything. Both of them asked for decaf coffee. As usual, I said no.

What are the two of you going to do?” my cousin asked as she looked at Jan and me. 

I reached over, held Jan’s hand, looked at her, and then turned to face Charlotte. 

“Jan and I are going to get married and continue to work to repair the world,” I announced. 

Charlotte was quiet for a second, smiled at us, and said, “I am so happy for both of you! Richard, does your family know?” 

I looked at Jan, who was still smiling and holding my hand. “No, we have not. Jan and I have never talked about getting married until now.

As I said, it dawned on me that Jan might not want to marry me. 

Did I mess up our relationship? What if she does not want to marry me? Will she break up with me as soon as we leave my cousin?


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14 comments add your comment

  1. These are lovely, Richard. Thank you for sharing. What a wonderful way to bring a smile to you and everyone.

    • Jodi, thank you so very much for sharing your comment on this post. I appreciate your friendship and support.

      My writings are from my heart and, in many ways, are an extended love letter to Jan. As I have described in other posts and comments, the words flow from me like an incoming tide at the Jersey shore.

      They fill pages and pages with memories that I then edit before sharing. Writing about Jan, Love, life, and grief helped me during this difficult time. Love never dies.

      I have always liked Viktor E. Frankl’s quote in Man’s Search for Meaning.

      For the first time in my life, I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth – that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through Love and in Love.

      I hope to see you on April 24th to Celebrate Jan Day.

      Thanks so very much for reading this post. Please feel free to share this post and others.

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Sarah's Key

Read: January 2022

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Sarah’s Key

by Tatiana de Rosnay

Sarah’s Key by Tatiana de Rosnay is the untold story of the roundup of the Jews in Paris in July 1942. The novel focuses on how the French were complicit in rounding up thousands of Jews in 1942. It is also a reminder that we can never allow another genocide. I finished this book the day before Holocaust Remembrance Day, January 27, the date on which the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration and death camp complex was liberated in 1945.

Ten-year-old Sarah is brutally arrested with her family in the Vel’ d’Hiv’ roundup, the most notorious act of French collaboration with the Nazis. But before the police come to take them, Sarah locks her younger brother, Michel, in their favorite hiding place, a cupboard in the family’s apartment. She keeps the key, thinking she will be back within a few hours.

Paris, May 2002: On Vel’ d’Hiv’s sixtieth anniversary, Julia Jarmond, an American journalist, is asked by her Paris-based American magazine to write an article about this black day in France’s past. Julia has lived in Paris for nearly twenty-five years and married a Frenchman, and she is shocked both by her ignorance about the event and the silence that still surrounds it.

The twin narratives of Sarah and Julia hold the first two-thirds of the book together and make it a page-turner. Sarah’s memory reminds us during the final third of the book and ensures that the complete story of the Vel’ d’Hiv’ roundup and its lasting impact are told.

As Goodreads describes the novel,

In the course of her investigation, she stumbles onto a trail of long-hidden family secrets that connects her to Sarah. Julia finds herself compelled to retrace the girl’s ordeal, from the terrible days spent shut in at the Vel’ d’Hiv’ to the camps and beyond. As she probes into Sarah’s past, she begins to question her own place in France and to reevaluate her marriage and her life.

Writing about the fate of her country with a pitiless clarity, Tatiana de Rosnay offers us a brilliantly subtle, compelling portrait of France under occupation and reveals the taboos and denial surrounding this painful episode in French history.

I highly recommend the book.

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Read: October 2019

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Losing Earth: A Recent History

by Nathaniel Rich

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Losing Earth tells the human story of climate change in even richer, more intimate terms. It reveals, in previously unreported detail, the birth of climate denialism and the genesis of the fossil-fuel industry’s coordinated effort to thwart climate policy through misinformation propaganda and political influence. The audiobook carries the story into the present day, wrestling with the long shadow of our past failures and asking crucial questions about how we make sense of our past, our future, and ourselves.

Like John Hersey’s Hiroshima and Jonathan Schell’s The Fate of the Earth, Losing Earth is the rarest of achievements: a riveting work of dramatic history that articulates a moral framework for understanding how we got here and how we must go forward.

Losing Earth is a must-read book!

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Read: September 2023

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Happiness Falls: A Novel

by Angie Kim

I highly recommend reading Happiness Falls, a book authored by Angie Kim. The story is about a family’s search for their missing father, which leads them to question their beliefs and relationships. The award-winning author of Miracle Creek writes this thrilling and emotionally profound book.

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Happiness Falls is a gripping investigation that centers around a father’s disappearance and the intricate dynamics of his family. As the clock ticks, the family’s deepest secrets come to light, raising questions about love, communication, and the human experience. This novel is a thrilling blend of mystery, drama, and philosophical exploration, showcasing Angie Kim’s remarkable storytelling skills that garnered her numerous accolades for her debut novel, Miracle Creek. Through the family’s journey, Kim offers a fresh perspective on the missing person story, creating a memorable tale of a family that goes to great lengths to understand each other.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Read: November 2024

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Something About Living

by Lena Khalaf Tuffaha

I recently read “Something About Living” by Lena Khalaf Tuffaha, a poet and essayist whose work resonates deeply. The book of poems won the 2024 National Book Award for Poetry and delved into Palestinian life through the lens of the American language, revealing a legacy of obfuscation and erasure. It questions what happens when language packages ongoing disasters for consumption and disposal.

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Read: October 2021

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Summer: A Novel

by Ali Smith

Summer: A Novel by Ali Smith is a fascinating book about the times in which we live.

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Read: January 2025

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I’ll Come to You: A Novel

by Rebecca Kauffman

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