Help Me Help, Jan

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes, 41 seconds

Mike and Elyssa to the Rescue

“Mom, are you OK? Elyssa and I are here to help you,” Mike said. I brought over one of the wooden chairs with the no-scrape patches. It was nearby as the physical therapist needed it for exercises. “This might help to get her to the toilet.

They got her up into the chair and slid her like an ice boat across the wooden floor. 

“Her urine is full of blood,” Mike said. 

I mentioned that the visiting nurse would be here in a few hours. 

“We need her now,” said Elyssa. 

I handed her my iPhone and indicated the number for the visiting nurse. 

Elyssa stepped into the hallway to speak to her. 

“She is on her way. She had an appointment but rescheduled it to get here immediately.”

I thanked Elyssa and rubbed my back. 

“Do you want to sit down?”

I nodded no and tried to walk off the pain. 

My iPhone rang, and it was the Visiting Nurse. Mike went down to let her in.

“Ms. Lilien let me take your vitals,” said the nurse. 

While waiting for the vitals, I stopped breathing for a minute.

“Her blood pressure is 70 over 40, and her temperature is over 100,” said the nurse. “That combined with the blood in her urine, she is high risk and needs to be hospitalized now.”

“I need to call her Oncologist and let him know.”

Dr. Strair answered on the first ring, and I placed him on speakerphone and provided an overview of the situation, and the nurse provided the details.

“I agree she should go to the hospital,” Dr. Strair said. “Do you know what is in her advanced directive? You should read it and know what to do as you might need to use it.

My body shook like an earthquake had torn the apartment into two pieces.I can’t lose Jan. She is all I have.

The nurse called for an ambulance. 

“Jan, I know going to the hospital is not what you want, but it is what you need to do,” said Elyssa in a very soothing and reassuring voice.

Overlook Hospital

“Thanks for driving me,” I said to Mike. “Can you and Jon make calls to family and friends? I can text you the names and phone numbers. I can’t do it now….” Mike said yes as we pulled into the parking deck at the hospital.

“Only one of you can stay,” said the triage nurse. Mike and Elyssa hugged me and left. 

I paced the narrow hallway as I had not slept in forty hours. 

“I did not know she had COVID,” said the triage nurse. “You cannot stay.”

“It’s important that they call Dr. Strair,” I said as I scribbled his name and number on paper. 

“I will make sure they call the doctor.”

“What about the bag I brought?”

“I will give it to her.”

I stumbled out of the ER and texted my sons that I could not stay with her. Will I ever see her again?

When I got in the car, I called Rabbi Renee.

“Jan’s in the ER!” I said as tears overflowed my face like an open hydrant. 

“She is very sick.”

“What happened,” she asked.

Between my tears, I updated her the best I could.

“I will update everyone at services tonight.”

The Rabbi asked what she could do to help her very calming voice. 

“I just need Jan to stay alive!”

“Any prayers for her recovery will help.”

After parking the car, I texted my sons, family, and close friends this message. 

Jan is in Overlook Hospital. I just spoke to the emergency room physician. He described her as being critically ill. Her blood pressure was 70 over 40, and she had a temperature of 100. She is being admitted to the ICU. Because she still has Covid, I was not allowed to stay with her. I will update you as I learn more.

Friday, April 2, 4 PM

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How to Read a Book: A Novel

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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by Andrea Elliott

Invisible Child: Poverty, Survival & Hope in an American City by Andrea Elliott was a gift from my son Jon. The New York Times selected “Invisible Child” as one of the best books published this year. It is indeed one of the top books on my all-time list.

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The riveting, unforgettable story of a girl whose indomitable spirit is tested by homelessness, poverty, and racism in an unequal America—from Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Andrea Elliott of The New York Times

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Jan and I were involved and knew that child poverty and homelessness needed repair. In addition, Jan lived on Washington Park across from Ft. Greene Park in 1974-75. We knew the neighborhood where much of the book’s story takes place. 

Before meeting Jan in 1973, I was both a community/tenant organizer and a youth worker. In the latter role, I made weekly hostel trips for eight to ten young boys from East Williamsburg during 1973. The trips were the first the boys had ever been outside of their neighborhood.

Many of them had imaginations like Dasani. They also had her instinct to fight. One of my first tasks was to check for any weapons.

Decades later, when I would see any of them, now adults, they would ask when we were going on another trip. I wish I had met Jan when I made those trips. She would have helped me improve them and document the impact. If I could re-write history, I would have her join me as the second adult on the hostel trips.

After that summer, it was clear my primary skills were as a community/tenant organizer. Over the next few years, my work focused on creating affordable and supportive housing.

Jan and I did meaningful work that made a difference, yet the need for a permanent solution to the crisis remains. The book highlights the crucial role of resilience, the importance of family, and the cost of inequality. As a nation, we cannot undermine those values by breaking up families, impeding resilience, and maintaining racial and economic inequality. 

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This is how you fortify a compelling moral identity, which is what all of us need if we’re going to be able to look in the mirror with self-respect. This is the cultural transformation that good policy can sometimes achieve. Statecraft is soulcraft.

If you can only read one book this year, this is the one to read. Child poverty, homelessness, and inequality impact all of us. Ending child poverty and homelessness will make us a healthier and more inclusive nation. It is time for a compelling moral call to action!

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