Help Me Help, Jan
Estimated reading time: 10 minutes, 41 secondsJan’s Smile Melts Away My Fears
“I am here to see my wife. She was admitted to the ICU last night.” I gave them her name and mine.She is alive is all I could think about as I waited for approval to see Jan. “Do you know how to get to the ICU?” No. Walk to the main elevators and get off on the fifth floor.
Jan greeted me with one of her big smiles.
“I love you,” I said as I kissed her sweet lips.
“How did I get here? I remember Elyssa saying that I needed to go to the hospital.”
I explained what had happened.Why did I wait to call for help if Jan did not remember anything? Did I risk her life waiting for her to agree I could call Mike?
“I am so happy we could get you here and that the surgery worked.”
“Me too! Do you have my iPhone?”
I searched the room and found her bag.
As soon as I handed it to her, the phone rang.
“Jon, how are you? I’m fine. Your Dad is here with me.”
I knew Jon was flying east to be with her.
“You do not need to come to see me. I am doing OK and will be home soon.”
Listening to her talk to Jon and feeling the warmth of her smile, she seemed the healthiest she had been in years. Her voice was like the one I heard the day we met. Strong, confident, reassuring, and soothing.
I felt we had avoided a fatal outcome and turned a corner. Jan’s alive and on the mend! Thank God she will live!
After she stopped talking to Jon, we chatted.
Mid-afternoon, Jan looked at me and said, “you look exhausted.”
I am, my love, but I want to stay with you.
“You should go home and rest. I am OK now.”
I said no, but it was clear that having slept very little since the end of March, it was best to go home.
“I love you and am so happy you are OK!”
“I love you too!”
I texted my sons, Dr. Strair, the Rabbi, and critical friends as I left the hospital.
They have stabilized her enough in the ICU that they plan to move her to the oncology unit as soon as a bed is available.
Saturday, April 3, 3:46 pm
Dr. Strair responded. She is an amazing woman!
On the way home, I repeated an edited version of the chorus to the Beatles singing All You Need is Love.
All I need is Jan’s love.
All You need is love, The Beatles
All I need is Jan’s love.
All I need is Jan’s love.
If you liked this post, you should read A Day of Fear and Hope, written a year ago.
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After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
