Home for Hospice

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes, 53 seconds

Jan Runs Out of Options

“Your mom was very frustrated today,” I told Jon as we set the table for dinner after I visited with his mom on Monday. “I had hoped she would have been as vibrant as she was when I saw her in the ICU on Saturday after the emergency stent surgery. I remain optimistic and want to focus on getting her home and keeping her here.”

Jon looked pensive as he queried me, “What can we do?”

“Well, from what I had seen when she was home, she was weak, and I could not always help her. We may need to look into rehab or more intensive physical therapy at home.”

While we ate dinner, we left those suggestions on the sideboard. They were thoughts that might be easier to discuss on a full stomach. 

We were sitting on the couch after cleaning the dinner dishes. 

“Those are the only options I can see,” said Jon. 

“We should talk to both of the oncologists. They might have ideas.”

Can you reach out to them to set up a call so Mike and I can discuss the next steps?

“Yes, I will text Dr. Strair in the morning and schedule a call.”

“Is the physical therapist downstairs the one Mom used?”

I said yes. “I will reach out to Karyn in the morning.”

Next Steps Planning

“Jon, let’s see if we can chat with Karyn for a few minutes before getting Mom her milkshake.” I pulled my mask up and stepped into the office of Keating Physical Therapy. As soon as she saw me, Karyn came over to me.

“Do you have a minute to chat with my two sons about the next steps for Jan?”

“Yes, how is she?”

As we walked outside, I gave her a quick update on Jan’s recent hospitalization and surgery. 

After introducing my sons, Jon asked, “We are trying to make the best plans for Mom’s return home. Is there a time we could talk to you about rehab or more physical therapy?

Yes, I would be happy to help with discharge plans,” said Karyn. “Your Mom is wonderful, and I would be happy to do what I can to help.”

Thanks; let us know the best time for you.

We stopped to get Jan a chocolate milkshake, and the mood was upbeat and optimistic. 

While they prepared the shake, I texted Dr. Strair. 

Both of our sons are in NJ this week. They are concerned, and if it is OK, they might appreciate a brief call to understand the next steps better.

April 6, 2021, 10:13 am

Dr. Strair responded and said we could talk this evening. 

“I will be at Mike’s for dinner,” said Jon.

I nodded as I got into the car and drove to visit Jan


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When No One is Watching

Read: February 2022

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When No One is Watching

by Alyssa Cole

When No One Is Watching by Alyssa Cole is a novel where the gentrification of a Brooklyn neighborhood takes on a sinister new meaning.

Sydney Green is Brooklyn-born and raised, but her beloved neighborhood seems to change every time she blinks. Condos are sprouting like weeds, FOR SALE signs are popping up overnight, and the neighbors she’s known all her life are disappearing. To hold onto her community’s past and present, Sydney channels her frustration into a walking tour and finds an unlikely and unwanted assistant in one of the new arrivals to the block—her neighbor Theo.

But Sydney and Theo’s deep dive into history quickly becomes a dizzying descent into paranoia and fear. After all, their neighbors may not have moved to the suburbs, and the push to revitalize the community may be more deadly than advertised.

When does coincidence become a conspiracy? Where do people go when gentrification pushes them out? Can Sydney and Theo trust each other—or themselves—long enough to find out before they too disappear?

Having lived in Brooklyn and seen the impacts of gentrification, redlining, and other practices, I found this book one that I truly enjoyed. The book will provide a detailed history lesson if you are like Theo and have no thought of these issues.

I enjoyed the visit to Weeksville, as I have been there on several professional occasions. The history of that community needs to be told.

I recommend this book.

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Writers and Lovers

Read: October 2021

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Writers and Lovers

by Lily King

Writers and Lovers by Lily King is a page-turner of a book. From page one, I was engaged with Casey and wanted to continue reading to find out how she resolved the crises of her life.

The loss of her mother was a constant reminder of my loss. Although she mourned in a different way than I am, there was much we had in common. The big difference was she was writing a novel about her mother, and I am only doing journal entries and occasional posts.

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Writers & Lovers follows Casey–a smart and achingly vulnerable protagonist–in the last days of a long youth, a time when every element of her life comes to a crisis. Written with King’s trademark humor, heart, and intelligence, Writers & Lovers is a transfixing novel that explores the terrifying and exhilarating leap between the end of one phase of life and the beginning of another.

I very much recommend this book and this writer.

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The New Wilderness

Read: October 2021

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The New Wilderness

by Diane Cook

The New Wilderness by Diane Cook. The New Wilderness is a timely book and one that resonated with me. When Jan and I met in 1973, it was a revolutionary time with movements encouraging communes and returning to the farm. Neither Jan nor I were interested in living in a commune. Reading this book helped reassure me that we made the correct choice.

The summary of the book is:

Margaret Atwood meets Miranda July in this wildly imaginative debut novel of a mother’s battle to save her daughter in a world ravaged by climate change; A prescient and suspenseful book from the author of the acclaimed story collection, Man V. Nature.

Bea’s five-year-old daughter, Agnes, is slowly wasting away, consumed by the smog and pollution of the overdeveloped metropolis that most of the population now calls home. If they stay in the city, Agnes will die. There is only one alternative: the Wilderness State, the last swath of untouched, protected land, where people have always been forbidden. Until now.

Bea, Agnes, and eighteen others volunteer to live in the Wilderness State, guinea pigs in an experiment to see if humans can exist in nature without destroying it. Living as nomadic hunter-gatherers, they slowly and painfully learn to survive in an unpredictable, dangerous land, bickering and battling for power and control as they betray and save one another. But as Agnes embraces the wild freedom of this new existence, Bea realizes that saving her daughter’s life means losing her in a different way. The farther they get from civilization, the more their bond is tested in astonishing and heartbreaking ways.

At once a blazing lament of our contempt for nature and a deeply humane portrayal of motherhood and what it means to be human, The New Wilderness is an extraordinary novel from a one-of-a-kind literary force.

When I finished this book, I read Pompeii Still Has Buried Secrets by  in The New Yorker. It reminded me of all of the threats to civilization that we face, who will be Pliny the Younger to be “the only surviving eyewitness account of the disaster.” Fleeing our cities for the wilderness is no longer an option!

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The Essential Hamilton: Letters & Other Writings: A Library of America Special Publication

Read: February 2019

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The Essential Hamilton: Letters & Other Writings

by Edited by Joanne B. Freeman

The Essential Hamilton: Letters & Other Writings, edited by Joanne B. Freeman, Professor of History and American Studies at Yale University, is a must-read in our times when a constitutional crisis is the watchword of our day. Compared to reading all 27 volumes of Hamilton’s writings, this book provides the essential texts that offer a clear understanding of both the revolutionary era, the debates over the constitution, Hamilton’s impact as Secretary of the Treasury, and his downfall and eventual downfall death in Weehawken.

Professor Freeman’s introductions and chronology help place the writings into a historical context.

The Essential Hamilton is one of four books that I purchased after my first One Day University class.

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Worry: A Novel

Read: May 2024

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Worry: A Novel

by Alexandra Tanner

Today, I began reading Alexandra Tanner‘s debut novel, Worry: A Novel. The New Yorker praised it as “dryly witty,” The New York Times Book Review called it “fabulously revealing.” The story follows two siblings-turned-roommates who try to navigate an absurd world on the verge of calamity. It explores existentialism and sisterhood in a Seinfeldian style.

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Worry is a darkly funny and deadpan portrayal of two sisters struggling through anxiety and uncertainty in America. A bold new voice in contemporary fiction writes it.

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Bright Young Women: A Novel

Read: October 2023

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Bright Young Women: A Novel

by Jessica Knoll

Today, I commenced reading Bright Young Women: A Novel by Jessica Knoll. Violent acts of the same man bring together two women from opposite sides of the country and become allies and sisters in arms as they pursue the justice that would otherwise elude them in one of the year’s most acclaimed, highly anticipated thrillers.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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