Wedding Roadblocks
Estimated reading time: 16 minutes, 1 second
Interfaith Option
“I talked with Fr. John this morning,” I said to Jan. “He was going to the subway. He asked about how you are, and if it was true, we are planning to get married. I gave him a synopsis of where we are.” I knew Jan did not like me to reveal family matters to others. “He offered to marry us if we could not find anyone else.”
That is very kind, but he is not a Rabbi.
I chuckled. “Both Fr. John and I knew it would not help. When I worked for him, I attended Sunday services regularly until we met; he is someone I like and trust fully.”
Jan looked into my eyes with a surprised look and asked, “You went to church regularly?”
I nodded my head. “When I met you at your party, I was planning to leave so I could make it back in time for church. Once I kissed your sweet lips, I gave up on that plan.”
You always said my kisses were powerful,” Jan giggled. “I just never knew they were that strong.”
Being an incurable romantic, I reached over and kissed her sweet lips.
“I presumed you were going to services regularly when we met.”
“No, I have not been in years and years.”
“Oh? Why is your family holding up the wedding for the lack of a rabbi?
Jan put on her shoes so we could go out for dinner.
It would be humorous if it was not so absurd.
A NY Rabbi
I found this classified ad in the Village Voice,” Jan said. Need a Rabbi for an Interfaith Marriage?” She handed the paper to me. I am going to call and see if we can meet with him before Sunday; that way, if they suggest postponing the wedding, we will have a solution in our pocket!
I smiled at her and was optimistic we would marry this year for the first time in months.
“Let’s call now,” I said. An interfaith service would be nice if we could get your parents to agree.
Jan dialed the phone but said, “I have thought about that since you told me about going to services at St. John’s. My parents would be upset, but I want our wedding to reflect that we are two people joining together.
Can I speak with the Rabbi,” Jan asked?
She provided an overview of our plans for our wedding.
“When can we meet with you?”
We agreed to meet the following afternoon.
The Rabbi Says Yes!
Getting off of the elevator on the top floor, I stopped and kissed Jan. “I love you so much. If he says yes and can marry us in August, I will be the happiest man in NY City!” We had held hands on the train to the Upper West Side and tried not to get too excited. I could no longer hold back my excitement that we could be married in four months!
Jan knocked on the door. A woman in her thirties welcomed us and directed us to the Rabbi’s study.
We stood up and greeted the Rabbi when he entered the room.
“So the two of you want to get married but cannot find anyone to officiate.”
Yes, that is correct,” Jan said and then gave an overview of our interviews in NJ.
“Like most Jews, I would like it if you raised your children Jewish, but I believe that is a choice the two of you will need to make when and if you become parents.”
Wow, I said to myself, did he say yes?
Which one of you is Jewish and which one is not?
Jan explained our backgrounds. “Richard might be more observant than I am,” Jan said with a smile.
We talked about the wedding and the date, and everything was going so smoothly that I could not imagine any issue derailing our plans.
“Richard, would you want an officiant from your faith community to participate,” the Rabbi asked.
Ideally, yes,” I said as tears welled up in my eyes. “But I do not want to do anything that would make it impossible for us to get married in August and love each other forever.”
“I have done several weddings with a pastor. I believe it makes for a stronger marriage as it combines both families and their traditions.
I could see Jan nodding her head.
“Jan and I can talk about it and get back to you,” I said. “We are both so pleased you will marry us!”
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
