The Day Jan and I Married!

Estimated reading time: 15 minutes, 58 seconds

Our Wedding Vows

We have written our vows,” I said to Jan. If I can’t see your wedding dress before Saturday night, I do not think it a good idea to share our vows before we read them during the ceremony.” Jan nodded affirmatively. Jan had written hers on a tiny notepad, and I had crafted mine on four floral sticker notes. But we may want to discuss what is not in our written vows. 

We were sitting facing each other on the couch in our first home three days before our wedding.

“What do you think we left out of each other’s vows?”

I did not mention ‘until death do us part’ in mine, although I implied it.

I did not say it specifically either,” Jan responded.

“Jan, I love you now and forever, not until one of us dies.”

Jan frowned and said, “If something happened to me, I want you to love and marry again.”

“Jan, I would want you to love again, but I could never replace you and would never want to.”

Richard, you are a wonderful man, and I could never find someone like you again, but if I die first, I will not want you to live alone forever.

“We can agree to disagree.”

We sat silently as a thunderstorm raced across Manhattan, aiming directly at our humble abode.

I broke the silence with two more comments. 

I do not say anything about being faithful to you in my vows as I did not believe it was necessary as it is something I believe we agree on. I have been committed to you since we met and will never be with anyone else.”

Jan did not say anything for several moments. 

I did not mention that either,” Jan stated. “I have not and do not plan to be with anyone else.”

I sighed in relief, but then Jan continued to speak.

However, predicting the future is difficult. There might be situations that will test us, maybe ones where we make mistakes. We are both human and imperfect. I believe all we can do is promise to do our best and be willing to understand.”

I wasn’t happy with her commitment to only doing her best, but I also did not want to know why she chose that language. 

She had flirted with the big tent guy before me but was upset that I might sleep with my ex-girlfriend. If I had slept with her and told Jan I had done my best to be faithful, I wonder how she would have reacted.

“We agree to disagree again.”

“No, we agree on this point. I was only trying to remind us we are human and fallible.

We smiled at each other and held hands to affirm our agreement to a monogamous marriage.

“I also did not say anything about ‘sickness’ in my vows. But I want to be clear that if you ever become sick or have a life-threatening illness, I would be there for you even if you stopped loving me and told me to stay away. My love for you has no limits.”

Jan smiled and mouthed me too. 

But then her smile evaporated and turned into the look of someone who had seen a ghost

I reached over and hugged and kissed Jan

“Are you OK?”

Yes,” she said as tears flowed down her cheeks. 

I covered her lips with mine. I wanted to know what had upset her but chose not to ask. 

The storm was now rattling the windows behind us. I took Jan’s hands and walked with her to the bedroom, where we made love as if it was the first time for both of us.

Next Page

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6

29 comments add your comment

  1. What a great story as well as funny…You described the wedding as if it happened yesterday!!

    • Hugo, thank you very much for commenting on The Day Jan and I Married.

      In my mind, the day Jan and I married was, in fact, yesterday. It was an essential public statement to family and friends that the love Jan and I shared was not an infatuation but a long-term commitment. Jan’s love transformed me and made me a better person.

      Like life itself, love can be fragile. When I write about our early days, I must accept that our love and marriage might not have happened.

        My commitment to my imaginary girlfriend kept me from pursuing Jan even though I felt a strong and unique attraction to Jan when I met her at the December 1972 VISTA Training.

        Jan could have decided that her parent’s opposition was enough to convince her not to marry me.

        Jan might have had a boyfriend when I went to her party, and I would have only a casual friend.

      If any of those had occurred, I might have been a lifelong bachelor, or perhaps the imaginary girlfriend would not have left me.

      As I wrote, the highest honor of my life was and always will be being Jan’s husband. Love never dies, and my passion for Jan will never end.

      The amateur writing I do comes from my heart and soul and flows thru my fingers like the tides in the Bay of Fundy.

      Hugo, I would write more often if I had more readers like you.

      I appreciate your friendship and support during the most challenging chapter of my life.

Share your thoughts and ideas

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous Post:

Next Post:

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

All the Water in the World

Read: January 2025

Get this book

All the Water in the World

by Eiren Caffall

Today, I began reading “All the Water in the World” by Eiren Caffall. Like Station Eleven, this novel is a literary thriller set partly on the roof of New York’s American Museum of Natural History in a flooded future. In the spirit of “From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler” and “Parable of the Sower,” this adventurous journey offers hope that the most important things—love, work, community, and knowledge—will endure.

All the Water in the World” is narrated by a girl who profoundly appreciates water. In the years following the melting of the glaciers, Nonie, along with her older sister, parents, and their researcher friends, remains in a nearly deserted New York City. They have established a settlement on the roof of the American Museum of Natural History with a strict rule: they may only take from the exhibits in cases of dire need. They hunt and grow their food in Central Park while also working to preserve the collections of human history and science.

When a superstorm breaches the city’s flood walls, Nonie and her family must escape northward along the Hudson River. They carry a book containing records of the lost collections. As they race down the swollen river for safety, they encounter communities that have adapted in various, sometimes frightening, ways to the new reality. Despite the challenges, they are determined to create a new world that honors everything they have saved.

Inspired by the stories of curators in Iraq and Leningrad who worked to protect their collections during wartime, “All the Water in the World” mediates what we strive to preserve from collapse and an adventure filled with danger, storms, and a fight for survival.

×
She's Up to No Good

Read: July 2022

Get this book

She’s Up to No Good

by Sara Goodman Confino

After writing Road Trippin, I needed to read about other homeward-bound journeys that help us find peace and a future after a tragedy. Today I started reading She’s Up to No Good by Sara Goodman Confino. The book is a funny, poignant, and life-affirming novel about family, secrets, and broken hearts. It may be the best read for my days in San Diego.

It was the perfect read for my time at Camp, as it was a life-affirming novel. As much as I know that life continues, She’s Up to No Good reaffirmed my belief.

I highly recommend this book.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Four years into her marriage, Jenna is blindsided when her husband asks for a divorce. With time on her hands and her life in flux, she agrees to accompany her eccentric grandmother, Evelyn, on a road trip to the seaside Massachusetts town where much of their family history was shaped.

When they hit the road, Evelyn spins the tale of the star-crossed teenage romance that captured her heart more than seventy years ago and changed the course of her life. She insists the return to her hometown isn’t about that at all—no matter how much she talks about Tony, her unforgettable and forbidden first love.

Upon arrival, Jenna meets Tony’s attentive great-nephew Joe. The new friendship and fresh ocean air give her the confidence and distance she needs to begin putting the pain of a broken marriage behind her.

As the secrets and truths of Evelyn’s past unfold, Jenna discovers a new side of her grandmother and of herself that she never knew existed—and learns that the possibilities for healing can come at the most unexpected times in a woman’s life.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
Lila: A Novel

Read: April 2022

Get this book

Lila: A Novel

by Marilynne Robinson

Lila: A Novel by Marilynne Robinson is an unusual but believable love story. Although different than how I met Jan, this novel is about love and romance that, on the surface, should never have happened. Lila, homeless and alone after years of roaming the countryside, steps inside a small-town Iowa church – the only available shelter from the rain- ignites a romance and a debate that will reshape her life. She becomes the wife of a minister, John Ames, and begins a new existence while trying to make sense of the life that preceded her newfound security.

Lila is the third novel in the Gilead series. Previously I read Home, the second in the series, and Jack, the fourth. I highly recommend all three books.

Hopefully, one day I will read the Gilead and complete the series.

The Goodreads summary of the book provides an excellent overview.

Neglected as a toddler, Lila was rescued by Doll, a canny young drifter, and brought up by her in a hardscrabble childhood. Together they crafted a life on the run, living hand to mouth with nothing but their sisterly bond and a ragged blade to protect them. Despite bouts of petty violence and moments of desperation, their shared life was laced with moments of joy and love. When Lila arrives in Gilead, she struggles to reconcile the life of her makeshift family and their days of hardship with the gentle Christian worldview of her husband which paradoxically judges those she loves.

Revisiting the beloved characters and setting of Robinson’s Pulitzer Prize-winning Gilead and Home, a National Book Award finalist, Lila is a moving expression of the mysteries of existence that is destined to become an American classic.

Register to Attend Celebrate Jan Day

Subscribe

Contact Us

When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
Beautyland: A Novel

Read: June 2024

Get this book

Beautyland: A Novel

by Marie-Helene Bertino

I started reading “Beautyland: A Novel” by Marie-Helene Bertino today. The novel is about the fragility and resilience of life on Earth and in our universe. It tells the story of a baby born with extraordinary perception to a single mother in Philadelphia when Voyager 1 embarks on its interstellar journey. As we follow Adina Giorno’s growth, we witness her awakening to her exceptional nature—a profound understanding of a distant planet.

With the introduction of a fax machine, she established a unique form of communication with her extraterrestrial kin, who dispatched her to observe and document the peculiarities of Earthlings. As Adina navigates the complexities of the human world, she not only shares her observations on the joys and terrors of existence but also grapples with her identity and the connections she forms. At a pivotal moment, a trusted friend encourages her to share her transmissions with the world, leading her to question if she is alone in her experiences.

Beautyland‘ is a wise, tender novel about a woman who doesn’t feel at home on Earth, penned by the highly acclaimed Marie-Helene Bertino, the author of ‘Parakeet.’ With her proven ability to craft compelling narratives, Bertino’s ‘Beautyland’ is a surefire way to captivate readers interested in contemporary fiction, themes of identity, and human connection.

×
The Sum of Our Dreams

Read: September 2019

Get this book

The Sum of Our Dreams: A Concise History of America

by Louis P. Masur

The Sum of Our Dreams: A Concise History of America by Louis P. Masur is a book I got through my membership at One Day University. Professor Masur is one of the best teaches that One Day University has. He is the Board of Governors Distinguished Professor of American Studies and History at Rutgers University.

Most concise histories leave out more than they include. I found the Sum of our Dreams to be an excellent book to read, and professor Masur conveyed the American experience concisely and clearly. The more recent history is complex as events like the Global War on Terror are still being analyzed and re-understood.

Evoking Barack Obama’s belief that America remains the “sum of its dreams,” Masur locates the origin of those dreams of freedom, equality, and opportunity and traces their progress chronologically, illuminating the nation’s struggle over time to articulate and fulfill their promise.

Masur lets the story of American tell itself. Inspired by James Baldwin’s observation that “American history is longer, larger, more beautiful and more terrible than anything anyone has ever said about it,” he expands our notion of that history while identifying its threads.

I recommend this book as well as any of Professor Masur’s lectures at One Day University.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
Everything's Fine

Read: June 2023

Get this book

Everything’s Fine

by Cecilia Rabess

I started reading Everything’s Fine by Cecilia Rabess today, a stunning debut introducing a talented new author. However, I found it easier to decide to read it after reading in the New York Times that some reviewers on Goodreads criticized the book’s premise without reading it. It’s unfair to criticize something after experiencing it first-hand.

On Jess’s first day at Goldman Sachs, she’s disappointed to learn that she’ll be working with Josh, a white conservative she used to argue with in college. Josh enjoys playing devil’s advocate and can be challenging to deal with.

But when Jess realizes she’s the only Black woman on the team and is being overlooked, Josh offers his support in imperfect but meaningful ways. As they develop an unlikely friendship with undeniable chemistry, it eventually becomes an electrifying romance that shocks them both.

Despite their differences, their attraction brings them together, and Jess starts to question whether happiness is more important than being right. However, as the cultural and political landscape shifts in 2016, Jess, who is just discovering herself, must decide what she’s willing to compromise for love and if everything is excellent. This poignant and sharp novel by Cecilia Rabess asks if they will and if they should.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×

Discover more from Sharing Jan’s Love

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading