Perplexed But Devoted
Estimated reading time: 14 minutes, 46 seconds
Lifetime Income Comparison
“Yes, this is Richard,” I said into my phone. I had scheduled a call with Social Security to see if I qualified for the lump sum death benefit of $255. I hope you are doing OK today,” said the woman from Social Security. “Losing a spouse is the most difficult challenge we will ever face. I only have a few questions to ask to help me determine your eligibility for the death benefit. Are you OK if I start the interview now?”
I started to nod my head but told her I was ready.
“I will need your permission to record our call. Do I have your permission?”
I said yes.
The questions were easy to answer, such as where and when did we marry?
I answered them honestly and quickly.
“Mr. Brown, you qualify for the death benefit and should receive it in the next two weeks.”
Assuming the call was over, I thanked her.
“While I have you on the phone, let me check and ensure you receive the largest social security payment. If your wife’s benefits were greater than yours, you could receive her benefits instead of yours.”
“That’s fine if you have time to review our accounts.”
I paced around our home office while she checked the records.
“Your benefits were slightly higher than your wife ‘s. I rarely see a couple where the Social Security payments were almost identical. Your benefit was only $30 a month more than hers.”
I thanked her and ended the call.
I remember when Jan called me to ask if I would be upset if she made more money than I did. I told her no then, as it did not matter.
Every year when I did our taxes, I would sit down with her and show her who had made more the previous year. Sometimes she earned more, and in other years, I did.
After forty-five years, Jan and I had earned almost the same. Our love had always been more important than money. It never mattered to either of us.
Walking downstairs for lunch, I decided the $255 death benefit should go to our grandson’s college fund. The death benefit will not make a difference in my life but will help the next generation.
At the bottom of the stairs, I looked at Jan’s photo on the coffee table.
Jan, do you agree with my suggestion to deposit the death benefit check into the college fund?
Of course, I knew she could not speak, but I could hear her whispering affirmatively in my ears.
Looking at the photo, I said, “Jan, I love you and always will love you!”
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
Excellent story…I never heard of any couple making almost the same salary!!
Funny and sad story, but I enjoyed it!!
Thanks, Hugo, for your comment.
Jan and I chose similar work focused on repairing the world. As a result, our salaries were both modest. That we ended with wages almost the same at the end is not all that surprising. If Jan had lived and continued to work at the YWCA for the last two years, her total compensation would have surpassed mine.
I agree that the story, like life, is humorous and sad simultaneously. I write from my heart, and the articles reflect the complexity of the lives Jan and I lived and how life is complicated.
The love that Jan and I shared will never die.
In closing I wanted to share share a poem from Evergreen by Kirsten Robinson. Her poems are a tribute to the enduring resilience of human nature as we cycle through times of light and darkness, much like nature itself.
Give thanks for all
that is good and beautiful;
the gifts you carry
people who lift you up
your big, big love
faith and trust that your life
is unfolding as it should
Give thanks for all
that has been difficult and hard;
trials tribulations tears
tests of self strength fears
all of the unknowns and days
that broke you
Without the darkness
you would not have
learned to appreciate the light
Thanks for your friendship and support.