Remembering Jan at Camp Widow!

Remembering Jan at Camp Widow!

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True Love Never Dies!

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes, 52 seconds

Hello, How Are You?

“The photographer wanted me to ask you if you wanted to take photos at each table,” Marie asked me as I was finishing dinner.”Yes, I can do that in about five minutes. Would it be better in front of the organizational banner?” After the interview, I enjoyed sitting with family and key colleagues for a few moments but knew I had no choice but to say yes. 

“Richard, it is better table by table with this many people. I know the staff wants a group photo with you.”

I nodded affirmatively, turned to those at my table, and suggested we could do this table first. 

As long as we can also get photos with you in front of the banner,” said Gary, a long-term friend and the person who had interviewed and hired me for my initial position.  

If you want two photos with me, you are more desperate than I thought,” I laughed.

As we walked to the second table, I asked Marie how many tables we had for the event.

“Thirty-two or thirty-three,” she replied. 

I put on my best face and followed her around the banquet hall. 

At every table, I received positive feedback.

“Congratulations, great speech.”

So sorry your marriage ended, but you have so much to feel good about tonight.

When we arrived at the last table, I greeted them the same way I had all of the other tables, with grace and humor.

I stood at the back of the table so the photographer would have a blank wall as the background.

Placing my hands on the back of the chair in the middle of the table, I heard a familiar voice. 

Could it be Jan? If it is Jan, why is she here? It has been more than four decades since I forced her to leave me.

Deciding it was not her, I asked the photographer,” Are you ready for us to smile?“

Once my eyes adjusted to the flash from the camera, I did what I had done at all of the other tables, thanking them for attending.

The person I had been standing behind was the last person I thanked. As I turned to greet her, I was positive that despite more than four decades, it was Jan.

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Life After Life

Read: August 2024

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Life After Life

by Kate Atkinson

Today, I embarked on the journey of Kate Atkinson‘s ‘Life After Life,’ a novel that has secured its place among The New York Times 100 Best Books of the Century. The book presents a unique and thought-provoking premise: What if you could live multiple lives until you found the perfect one? With its darkly comic, startlingly poignant, and utterly original narrative, it’s a testament to Kate Atkinson‘s unparalleled storytelling prowess.

The story unfolds in a unique narrative structure, beginning on a cold and snowy night in 1910 when Ursula Todd is born to an English banker and his wife. She dies before drawing her first breath. However, on that same night, Ursula Todd is born again, lets out a loud cry, and starts a life that will be pretty unusual. As she grows up, she also dies repeatedly in various ways while the young century moves inexorably toward its second cataclysmic world war.

Could Ursula’s seemingly endless life be the key to altering the world’s inevitable destiny? The prospect is both thrilling and hopeful. Yet, the question lingers – if she possesses this power, will she choose to wield it?

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The School for Good Mothers

Read: February 2023

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The School for Good Mothers

by Jessamine Chan

The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan is a searing page-turner that is also a transgressive novel of ideas about the perils of “perfect” upper-middle-class parenting; the violence enacted upon women by both the state and, at times, one another; the systems that separate families; and the boundlessness of love, The School for Good Mothers introduces, in Frida, an everywoman for the ages.

Although it has been forty-two years since I became a parent, I still remember the anxiety of being a father. What if I could not be a good dad? Fortunately, I never had a bad like Frida. or lived in an age where parents would be sent to “a Big Brother-like institution that measures the success or failure of a mother’s devotion.”

Reading The School for Good Mothers was a reminder that solutions like this are possible unless we are willing to invest in families so that the skills and support are there to resolve any issues in the home. As a widow, I found Frida’s inner dialogue comparable to the early stages of my grief journey—the total isolation and fear of failing dominated my first months of mourning.

The School for Good Mothers had been on my book list since the middle of last year. I recommend it without reservations! Jan would have already read it, and we would be debating its fine points.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

In this taut and explosive debut novel, one lapse in judgement lands a young mother in a government reform program where custody of her child hangs in the balance.

Frida Liu is struggling. She doesn’t have a career worthy of her Chinese immigrant parents’ sacrifices. She can’t persuade her husband, Gust, to give up his wellness-obsessed younger mistress. Only with Harriet, their cherubic daughter, does Frida finally attain the perfection expected of her. Harriet may be all she has, but she is just enough.

Until Frida has a very bad day.

The state has its eyes on mothers like Frida. The ones who check their phones, letting their children get injured on the playground; who let their children walk home alone. Because of one moment of poor judgment, a host of government officials will now determine if Frida is a candidate for a Big Brother-like institution that measures the success or failure of a mother’s devotion.

Faced with the possibility of losing Harriet, Frida must prove that a bad mother can be redeemed. That she can learn to be good.

Using dark wit to explore the pains and joys of the deepest ties that bind us, Chan has written a modern literary classic.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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James: A Novel

Read: June 2024

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James: A Novel

by Percival Everett

I started reading “James: A Novel” by Percival Everett, my fiftieth book this year. After reading only a few pages, I knew I had selected the perfect novel. The story revolves around an enslaved man named Jim who overhears that he is about to be sold to a man in New Orleans, separating him from his wife and daughter forever. In response, he decides to hide on nearby Jackson Island while formulating a plan.

Simultaneously, we encounter Huck Finn, who has staged his death to flee his abusive father and has recently resurfaced in town. The narrative unfolds as they embark on a perilous journey, navigating the Mississippi River on a raft. Each turn brings floods, storms, and unexpected encounters, including a run-in with the Duke and Dauphin.

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‘James: A Novel‘ is not just a book; it’s a cornerstone of twenty-first-century American literature. It’s a testament to Everett’s literary prowess, solidifying his status as a true icon in the literary world.

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The New Wilderness

Read: October 2021

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The New Wilderness

by Diane Cook

The New Wilderness by Diane Cook. The New Wilderness is a timely book and one that resonated with me. When Jan and I met in 1973, it was a revolutionary time with movements encouraging communes and returning to the farm. Neither Jan nor I were interested in living in a commune. Reading this book helped reassure me that we made the correct choice.

The summary of the book is:

Margaret Atwood meets Miranda July in this wildly imaginative debut novel of a mother’s battle to save her daughter in a world ravaged by climate change; A prescient and suspenseful book from the author of the acclaimed story collection, Man V. Nature.

Bea’s five-year-old daughter, Agnes, is slowly wasting away, consumed by the smog and pollution of the overdeveloped metropolis that most of the population now calls home. If they stay in the city, Agnes will die. There is only one alternative: the Wilderness State, the last swath of untouched, protected land, where people have always been forbidden. Until now.

Bea, Agnes, and eighteen others volunteer to live in the Wilderness State, guinea pigs in an experiment to see if humans can exist in nature without destroying it. Living as nomadic hunter-gatherers, they slowly and painfully learn to survive in an unpredictable, dangerous land, bickering and battling for power and control as they betray and save one another. But as Agnes embraces the wild freedom of this new existence, Bea realizes that saving her daughter’s life means losing her in a different way. The farther they get from civilization, the more their bond is tested in astonishing and heartbreaking ways.

At once a blazing lament of our contempt for nature and a deeply humane portrayal of motherhood and what it means to be human, The New Wilderness is an extraordinary novel from a one-of-a-kind literary force.

When I finished this book, I read Pompeii Still Has Buried Secrets by Rebecca Mead in The New Yorker. It reminded me of all of the threats to civilization that we face, who will be Pliny the Younger to be “the only surviving eyewitness account of the disaster.” Fleeing our cities for the wilderness is no longer an option!

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Tenth of December: Stories

Read: July 2024

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Tenth of December: Stories

by George Saunders

One of the most important and blazingly original writers of his generation, George Saunders, is an undisputed master of the short story. Tenth of December is his most honest, accessible, and moving collection yet. It is one of the New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the Century. The book is structured as a collection of short stories, each offering a unique and compelling narrative.

In the taut opener, “Victory Lap,” a boy witnesses the attempted abduction of the girl next door and is faced with a harrowing choice: Does he ignore what he sees or override years of smothering advice from his parents and act?

In “Home,” a combat-damaged soldier moves back in with his mother and struggles to reconcile the world he left with the one to which he has returned.

In the title story, a stunning meditation on imagination, memory, and loss, a middle-aged cancer patient walks into the woods to commit suicide, only to encounter a troubled young boy who, throughout a fateful morning, gives the dying man a final chance to recall who he is.

An unfortunate, deluded owner of an antique store; two mothers struggling to do the right thing; a teenage girl whose idealism is challenged by a brutal brush with reality; a man tormented by a series of pharmaceutical experiments that force him to lust, to love, to kill—the unforgettable characters that populate the pages of Tenth of December are vividly and lovingly infused with Saunders’s signature blend of exuberant prose, deep humanity, and stylistic innovation.

Writing brilliantly and profoundly about class, sex, love, loss, work, despair, and war, Saunders cuts to the core of the contemporary experience. These stories take on the big questions and explore the fault lines of our morality, delving into what makes us suitable and what makes us human. They are not just stories but profound explorations that will stimulate your intellect and make you ponder.

Unsettling, insightful, and hilarious, the stories in Tenth of December—through their manic energy, their focus on what is redeemable in human beings, and their generosity of spirit—not only entertain and delight but also fulfill Chekhov’s dictum that art should “prepare us for tenderness.” The humor in these stories will keep you entertained and laughing, even as they delve into profound themes.

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Lucy by the Sea: A Novel

Read: November 2022

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Lucy by the Sea: A Novel

by Elizabeth Strout

Lucy by the Sea: A Novel by Elizabeth Strout is a poignant, pitch-perfect novel about a divorced couple stuck together during lockdown–and the love, loss, despair, and hope that animate us even as the world seems to be falling apart. Having lost Jan during Covid, I was apprehensive about reading this book. However, it was not only a page-turner but also a novel that gave me a new perspective on loss which helped me manage my grief.

With her trademark spare, crystalline prose, Elizabeth Strout turns her exquisitely tuned eye to the inner workings of the human heart, following the indomitable heroine of My Name Is Lucy Barton through the early days of the pandemic.

I highlighted several passages that specifically spoke to me.

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It has been said that the second year of widowhood is worse than the first—the idea being, I think, that the shock has worn off and now one has to live with the loss, and I had been finding that to be true, even before I came to Maine with William. But now there were times I felt that I was just learning of David’s death again for the first time. And I would be privately staggered by grief. And to be in this place where David had never been (!)—I was really dislocated is what I mean.

And I also understood: Grief is a private thing. God, is it a private thing.

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The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

As a panicked world goes into lockdown, Lucy Barton is uprooted from her life in Manhattan and bundled away to a small town in Maine by her ex-husband and on-again, off-again friend, William. For the next several months, it’s just Lucy, William, and their complex past together in a little house nestled against the moody, swirling sea.

Rich with empathy and emotion, Lucy by the Sea vividly captures the fear and struggles that come with isolation, as well as the hope, peace, and possibilities that those long, quiet days can inspire. At the heart of this story are the deep human connections that unite us even when we’re apart–the pain of a beloved daughter’s suffering, the emptiness that comes from the death of a loved one, the promise of a new friendship, and the comfort of an old, enduring love.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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