Embracing Life After Loss!

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 16 seconds

After 1,000 Days of Walking Solo, I Have Crossed Into The Future!

Over a thousand days, I have walked daily since I laid my wife to rest. It’s hard to believe, but if I had a penny for each day I walked, I would have $10, which would not even pay for the multiple walking shoes I purchase every six months. It all started on May 6, 2021, after the funeral. I remember waking up that morning with a profound sense of loss and no idea what to do with myself. Then, I saw my walking shoes on the walk-in closet floor.

Without a second thought, I put on my sweats and boots and stepped out of Apartment 3D. The soles of my shoes were like Swiss cheese, and I could feel the dampness and hard ground with every step. Initially, I thought I would walk only when I felt up to it, but slowly, it became a morning routine.

Even walking in snow, ice, and rain didn’t deter me. I remember waking up on the bathroom floor once, but every walk after that became more manageable. It’s been a daily ritual for me now, and it’s helped me cope with the loss of my wife.

As I look back on my journey of grief, I realize that it has not been an easy one. However, grief has been a great teacher and taught me things I never thought I would learn. Before my loss, I thought I understood the purpose of ears, arms, and feet – to listen, embrace, and move forward. However, it was only after I lost my loved one that I realized the true meaning behind these actions.

Throughout my life, I have always considered myself a good listener. Still, when I experienced the sounds of silence and the beauty of nature, I truly appreciated the power of listening. I found solace in the stillness and peace of the world around me, which helped me process my thoughts and emotions.

While I appreciate the support of my family and friends, I have only ever experienced the feeling of embracing my wife. Since her passing, I have focused on embracing the unknown future with each step I take. It is not always easy, but I have learned to walk confidently into the future, knowing that I am not alone in my journey of grief.

One particular reading during Friday night services has been very helpful in guiding me.

THIS IS AN HOUR of Change.
Within it we stand uncertain on the border of light.
Shall we draw back or cross over?
Where shall our hearts turn?
Shall we draw back, my brother, my sister, or cross over?

Baruch atah, Adonai, hamaariv aravim.
Day 1000 Walking Statistics

Reflecting on my journey, I realize I have chosen to embrace life and all its mysteries, even though I do not know what lies ahead. My commitment to living life to the fullest is reflected in my daily walking habit, which has led me to travel more than 8,000 miles, according to my trusty Apple Watch.

Despite the uncertainty of tomorrow, I remain steadfast in my resolve to keep moving forward. The future is like a beacon, shining brightly and beckoning me to choose life and all it offers.

Love is a mighty and enduring force that empowers us to overcome life’s adversities. It possesses the power to transform us forever and is capable of staying with us long after our loved ones have gone. Jan’s love transformed me entirely fifty years ago, and though she may no longer be with me, her spirit remains by my side every step of the way, reminding me that love is eternal and transcends all boundaries of time and space.


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14 comments add your comment

  1. Richard, such encouragement and inspiration in your writings and posts. May you continue to find the strength to write and share with others. Warm regards,

    • Diana, I am grateful for your kind words. My words come from deep within me as a reminder that love never dies. Even when faced with loss, we must choose to live life to the fullest. Although my heart still aches for my beloved wife, I decide to wake up each day with enthusiasm for the new opportunities it brings. I take time to appreciate the beauty of nature and listen to my heart, growing stronger and more resilient with each passing day. This journey has taught me that even in the darkest times, there is always light to find.

  2. Hello Richard:

    Walking is the best exercise to keep your brain and body healthy. The best part is that it has helped you to overcome your grieving. People should follow your steps. It may be time to write a book about grieving guidance.

    • Thanks, Hugo. Walking has helped me find peace and tranquility and allowed me to contemplate life, love, and the grieving process. When I tell people about my walks, they often ask me what I listen to. While I do listen to nature, I also listen to my soul. By paying attention to the innermost essence of my being, I can walk farther than my old body should allow. This practice also helps me clear my mind and envision a future.

      Some readers have focused on the number of days and miles as if that were the goal. While it’s true that I may not always be able to walk as long or as far, I can still embrace life fully and contribute to making the world a better place for everyone.

      I appreciate your suggestion and am touched that you think I could write a book. It’s something that I’ve always dreamed of, but I’m not sure if I have what it takes to be a writer. You see, I’m just an average man trying to manage the loss of the love of my life. It’s been a challenging road, but I’ve moved past the initial stages of grief. However, the emptiness and loneliness I feel daily are sometimes unbearable. It’s like a constant ache in my heart that never goes away, no matter how hard I try to distract myself. Writing a book would allow me to process my emotions and hopefully connect with others going through a similar experience. I know it won’t be easy, but I will try.

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We Are All the Same in the Dark

Read: January 2023

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We Are All the Same in the Dark

by Julia Heaberlin

We Are All the Same in the Dark by Julia Heaberlin is a novel I highly recommend and wish I had read earlier. The title summarizes the reality of all humans, that in the dark we are all the same. Disabilities do not define us, just as being a widow does not define who I am. In this twisty psychological thriller, Julia Heaberlin paints two unforgettable portraits of a woman and a girl who redefine perceptions of physical beauty and strength. Her novel has helped me redefine my grief.

I have been a widow for almost twenty-one months. After a trauma of that magnitude, it is easier to let the widowed state define me. But I am more than just a widow! But I am a father, grandfather, friend, neighbor, advocate, and more. Reading We Are All the Same in the Dark helped me embrace myself and not wallow in widowhood.

The novel begins with the discovery of a girl abandoned by the side of the road who threatens to unearth the long-buried secrets of a Texas town’s legendary cold case. In the first section, I was still determining if I wanted to continue. Once I read about Odette Tucker and Angel, it became a page-turner. 

This line from Odette given to Angelica, aka Angel, summarizes the characteristics that each of us should live by.

Tender. Resilient. Strong. Resourceful. Kind. Empathetic.—Six words Marshall Tucker wrote on a piece of paper to describe his daughter, Odette.

As a mensch-in-training, I will strive to live by those six words.

We are truly all the same in the dark.

We Are All the Same in the Dark is the ninth book I read this year.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

It’s been a decade since Trumanell Branson disappeared, leaving only a bloody handprint behind. Her pretty face still hangs like a watchful queen on the posters on the walls of the town’s Baptist church, the police station, and the high school. They all promise the same thing: We will find you. Meanwhile, her brother, Wyatt, lives as a pariah in the desolation of the old family house, cleared of wrongdoing by the police but tried and sentenced in the court of public opinion and a new documentary about the crime.

When Wyatt finds a lost girl dumped in a field of dandelions, making silent wishes, he believes she is a sign. The town’s youngest cop, Odette Tucker, believes she is a catalyst that will ignite a seething town still waiting for its missing girl to come home. But Odette can’t look away. She shares a wound that won’t close with the mute, one-eyed mystery girl. And she is haunted by her history with the missing Tru.

Desperate to solve both cases, Odette fights to save the lost girl in the present and to dig up the shocking truth about a fateful night in the past–the night her friend disappeared. This night inspired her to become a cop, the night that wrote them all a role in the town’s dark, violent mythology.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Sarah's Key

Read: January 2022

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Sarah’s Key

by Tatiana de Rosnay

Sarah’s Key by Tatiana de Rosnay is the untold story of the roundup of the Jews in Paris in July 1942. The novel focuses on how the French were complicit in rounding up thousands of Jews in 1942. It is also a reminder that we can never allow another genocide. I finished this book the day before Holocaust Remembrance Day, January 27, the date on which the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration and death camp complex was liberated in 1945.

Ten-year-old Sarah is brutally arrested with her family in the Vel’ d’Hiv’ roundup, the most notorious act of French collaboration with the Nazis. But before the police come to take them, Sarah locks her younger brother, Michel, in their favorite hiding place, a cupboard in the family’s apartment. She keeps the key, thinking she will be back within a few hours.

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The twin narratives of Sarah and Julia hold the first two-thirds of the book together and make it a page-turner. Sarah’s memory reminds us during the final third of the book and ensures that the complete story of the Vel’ d’Hiv’ roundup and its lasting impact are told.

As Goodreads describes the novel,

In the course of her investigation, she stumbles onto a trail of long-hidden family secrets that connects her to Sarah. Julia finds herself compelled to retrace the girl’s ordeal, from the terrible days spent shut in at the Vel’ d’Hiv’ to the camps and beyond. As she probes into Sarah’s past, she begins to question her own place in France and to reevaluate her marriage and her life.

Writing about the fate of her country with a pitiless clarity, Tatiana de Rosnay offers us a brilliantly subtle, compelling portrait of France under occupation and reveals the taboos and denial surrounding this painful episode in French history.

I highly recommend the book.

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Read: May 2024

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How to Read a Book: A Novel

by Monica Wood

I started reading Monica Wood‘s “How to Read a Book: A Novel” today. It’s a heartfelt and uplifting story about a chance encounter at a bookstore—the novel delves into themes of redemption, unlikely friendships, and the life-changing power of sharing stories. With Monica Wood’s characteristic heart, wit, grace, and understanding, the novel illuminates the decisions that shape a life and the kindnesses that make life meaningful.

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How to Read a Book is a candid and hopeful story about releasing guilt, embracing second chances, and the profound impact of books on our lives.

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The Girl in His Shadow

Read: July 2022

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The Girl in His Shadow

by Audrey Blake

I completed the Big Library Read of 2022, The Girl in His Shadow, by Audrey Blake. I highly recommend it. The Girl in His Shadow is historical fiction about one woman who believed in scientific medicine before the world believed in her. Ms. Blake has a split personality— because she is the creative alter ego of writing duo Jaima Fixsen and Regina Sirois, two authors who met as finalists of a writing contest and have been writing together happily ever since.

The pen name – Audrey Blake – was in response to the publishers recommending a more straightforward author’s name. Regina’s daughter is named Audrey, and Jaima’s son is Blake.

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For more information and to start reading The Girl in His Shadow by Audrey Blake, visit: Big Library Read.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Raised by the eccentric surgeon Dr. Horace Croft after losing her parents to a deadly pandemic, the orphan Nora Beady knows little about conventional life. While other young ladies were raised to busy themselves with needlework and watercolors, Nora was trained to perfect her suturing and anatomical illustrations of dissections.

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Read: September 2021

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A Good Neighborhood

by Therese Anne Fowler

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Read: February 2025

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Intermezzo: A Novel

by Sally Rooney

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