by 2 comments

Spread the Light!

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes, 21 seconds
Hanukkah Lights

Everyday is Beautiful, and We Need to Cherish Life!

“Watch out, Maggie!” Joe exclaimed as his energetic dog jumped on my leg, threatening to muddy my clothes. Despite the interruption, I couldn’t help but smile at Maggie’s playful antics. I gently petted her head, feeling her soft fur beneath my fingertips, and told Joe that today was laundry day.

As we chatted, I asked Joe how he was doing. We had first met last November after Thanksgiving. While our initial conversation was brief, we both opened up about our aspirations to become the best versions of ourselves. The ongoing COVID pandemic has forced us to reconsider many aspects of our lives, from career paths to relationships.

Of course, for me, over the past year, I had made progress despite having lost my beloved wife three years ago, and the grief at times was still fresh in my heart but more often in the rearview mirror. For Joe, it was a realization that the path he had been on was no longer fulfilling, and he was seeking new opportunities and experiences. Despite our different struggles, we shared a sense of camaraderie in facing these uncertain times together.

Joe shared with me his experience of reading self-help books and how they have benefited him. However, he expressed frustration with people who try to offload their issues onto him. I could relate to what Joe was saying as I, too, had gone through a similar experience in February.

I empathized with Joe when he said, “They are pulling me into their rabbit holes. I already have a lot on my plate trying to avoid distractions, and I don’t need additional problems.”

We talked for a while to support and encourage each other, sharing our experiences and strategies for staying focused on our goals. By the end of our chat, we both felt more robust and more determined to keep on track.

Joe and Maggie were walking back home when Joe turned to me and said, “God bless you, Richard.” I responded to him, saying I needed as many blessings as possible this month as I had a significant birthday at the end of the month. Joe wished me a happy birthday, and I corrected him, saying it was still a few weeks away.

As we walked, another couple we had seen in Nomehegan Park passed us and greeted us warmly. They wished me a happy birthday, and I reminded them it was still later in the month. However, the woman in the couple spoke and said I had so much wisdom to share with everyone.

I considered joking about it being all BS, but I didn’t want to offend anyone.

Have a Nice Day!

As I made my way home, I decided to take a different route to avoid the flooded paths in the park. As I walked, I couldn’t help but dwell on the comment someone had made about my wisdom. It left me wondering what exactly they meant. If they had referred to me as friendly, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

I noticed a woman walking her dog as I approached the high school. Without thinking, I greeted her with a friendly “have a nice day“. She replied by saying, “It’s better than yesterday”. Although the sun was shining and the high temperature would reach the sixties, I couldn’t help but question her words. I responded that every day is beautiful, regardless of the weather. The woman agreed, and we both acknowledged the importance of making the best of what we have and helping others.

Spread the Light!

The crisp morning air brushed against my cheeks as I strolled through the desolate streets of Cranford’s downtown. Lost in thought, I reflected on the experiences that had shaped my recent past. Since the passing of my beloved wife, Jan, attending the Friday night services at Temple Sha’arey Shalom has become an essential part of my life. The comforting words of Rabbi Renee and, more recently, Rav Uri had helped me to let go of the painful memories that haunted me and embrace the peace of Shabbat.

As we gathered to light the Shabbat candles on Friday night, I felt the warmth of the flames enveloping my soul, filling me with hope. I couldn’t help but think of the Genesis commandment, “Let there be light,” which separated the day from the night. The light from the candles seemed to shine across the world, bringing a sense of peace and tranquility I had been yearning for so long.

As I traveled across North Union, something dawned on me: my simple greetings and reminders to enjoy life are more than empty words. They reflect the warm and uplifting light I experienced during Shabbat, a light that we are commanded to share with everyone we meet. Some people have criticized my cheerful phrases for years, dismissing them as mere silliness. However, I now realize that my words are not just meaningless platitudes; they are sage advice on living a joyful and fulfilling life while supporting and uplifting one another.

As I reached mile seven, my watch beeped, and I felt energized—with only half a mile left to meet this month’s exercise goal. With gratitude for the wisdom and peace I found during my daily walk, I danced like a butterfly, feeling alive and invigorated.

It has been almost three years since my wife passed away. As her caregiver, I lost my ability to greet people enthusiastically and encourage them to have a good day. Even though it may seem strange, I still believe that every day is beautiful despite the immense loss I have experienced. Moving forward one day at a time has been a significant challenge, but I have been making progress. My simple greetings may seem insignificant, but they are my way of spreading the light, being positive, and making a small contribution to repairing the world. I will continue to say “have a nice day“ to those I meet. This small gesture has helped me when I felt like I couldn’t go on, and it has also helped others by sharing the light.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

Contact Us
Subscribe
Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.

2 comments add your comment

Share your thoughts and ideas

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous Post:

Next Post:

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Donate Now!
Corey Fah Does Social Mobility

Read: February 2024

Get this book

Corey Fah Does Social Mobility

by Isabel Waidner

Today, I began reading “Corey Fah Does Social Mobility: A Novel” by Isabel Waidner. The book is about Corey Fah, a writer whose novel has just won the Fictionalization of Social Evils prize. Despite this achievement, the trophy and funds with the award still need to be in reach. The novel celebrates radical queer survival and challenges false notions of success.

Corey, their partner Drew, and their pet spider, Bambi Pavok, embark on a quest to find an elusive trophy with neon-beige color and UFO-like qualities. This journey takes them back to their childhood in the forest and includes a stint on a reality TV show. While facing the horrors of wormholes and time loops, Corey discovers the difference between a prize and a gift in a complex way.

Following the Goldsmiths Prize–winning Sterling Karat Gold, Isabel Waidner’s bold and buoyant new novel is about coming into one’s own, the labor of love, the tendency of history to repeat itself, and what ensues when a large amount of cultural capital is suddenly deposited in a place it has never been before.

×
Come and Get It

Read: February 2024

Get this book

Come and Get It

by Kiley Reid

I recently started reading “Come and Get It” by Kiley Reid, a celebrated New York Times bestselling author known for her book Such a Fun Age. The novel is about a senior resident assistant named Millie Cousins, who, in 2017, attended the University of Arkansas. Millie aspires to graduate, get a job, and buy a house.

She is offered an unusual opportunity by Agatha Paul, a visiting professor and writer, which she accepts. Unfortunately, Strange new friends, dorm pranks, and illicit behavior undermine Millie’s ambition.

Overall, “Come and Get It” is a gripping story about desire, consumption, and recklessness. It explores themes of money, indiscretion, and bad behavior through Millie’s eyes. The novel is highly anticipated, given that Kiley Reid is an acclaimed and award-winning author.

×
After Annie: A Novel

Read: February 2024

Get this book

After Annie: A Novel

by Anna Quindlen

I started reading Anna Quindlen‘s “After Annie: A Novel” today. Forty years ago, my wife Jan and I used to read Ms. Quindlen’s column “Life in the Thirties” in The New York Times, even if we didn’t have time to read anything else. We clipped and saved each column, which helped us manage getting older with children. I am reading “After Annie,” which is about how love can overcome loss.

Anna Quindlen, the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Still Life with Bread Crumbs and One True Thing, is known for her insightful wisdom on family, friendship, and the bonds that unite us. Her latest novel explores the power of love to overcome loss and adversity.

The story centers around the Brown family and their matriarch, Annie. When Annie suddenly passes away, the family is forced to navigate life without their beloved wife, mother, and friend. Bill, Annie’s husband, struggles to cope with the loss, while Annemarie, her best friend, must confront the bad habits she once overcame with Annie’s help. Ali, Annie’s eldest child, must take on new responsibilities to care for her younger brothers and father.

Although Annie is no longer physically present, her memory continues to guide and inspire those who love her. Her voice resonates in their minds, offering them comfort, wisdom, and clarity. Through the power of her love, Annie gives her family the strength they need to move on without her. They learn that even though their beloved Annie is gone, she will always be with them in spirit.

“After Annie” is a poignant and touching story exploring the unanticipated ways adversity can transform our lives. With her signature style that strikes an emotional chord, Quindlen delivers a heartwarming tale about the tenacity of love and how it can triumph over even the most formidable obstacles. This story of hope is a testament to the enduring strength of the human spirit and its ability to rise above life’s challenges. It inspires us to believe in the power of love and its capacity to reshape our lives for the better.

×
Breathe

Read: September 2021

Get this book

Breathe

by Joyce Carol Oates

Celebrate JanReading Breathe by Joyce Carol Oates was a book I knew I needed to read once Jan was diagnosed. Although the book might trigger negative memories, I finally read Breathe. It was what I needed to read at this point in my journey.

Ms. Oates wrote the book in 2019 after her husband, Charlie Gross, died. The novel is a story of love, loss, and loneliness, topics that I write about on this blog. I needed to read the book both for my mental health and for the readers of Sharing Jan’s Love.

The protagonist, Michaela, loses her husband while they are on a sabbatical in New Mexico. Her husband, Gerard, writes a book and teaches a class on memories. Jan and I never considered relocating before her illness, but this book convinced me that it would have aggravated my grief journey.

One of the parallels I observed while reading the novel is the similarity between Gerard’s reluctance to let family, friends, and co-workers know of his illness. Jan shared that reluctance in the early days, but I convinced her that the only chance of beating cancer was with the help of family and friends.

This dialogue could easily be one that Jan and I had.

Of course you want to summon his family—his (adult) children—but quickly, he says no.

Still waiting.

But – When?

Just not yet.

He is not an alarmist. (You are the alarmist.)

The novel is written in two parts – The Vigil and the Post-Mortem.

The opening paragraphs set the tone.

A Hand is gripping yours. Warm, dry hand gripping your slippery, humid hand.

Whoever it is urging you – Breathe!

Leaning over you begging you – Breathe!

As one mourning the death of the love of his life, I found several phrases in the book helpful in understanding what I have gone through and will continue to confront.

Among them is grief-vise, which I have written about in this stream.

In the grip of the grief vise, all that you will do, all that you even imagine doing, will require many times more effort.. Hardly daring to breathe for the grief-vise will tighten around your chest, squeezing the very air out of your lungs.

In the early stages of grief, the vise was strangling me. Breathing was impossible, and weeping was constant at times.

Michaela struggles with her grief. Seeing her husband every time she sees a man alone, even if they are older or younger than he was. I know I have felt Jan’s presence and still expect her to walk into our apartment.

Her struggles with a grief counselor and overly helpful friends are an experience I have not had but are familiar to those suffering from losing a loved one.

The last chapters are ones in which time becomes confusing and chaotic. At times, I was uncertain about which were real or imagined. The end, like all good novels, was ambiguous.

These are some of the other phrases I have found useful and will include in posts.

  • If there is no one to love, do we merit existence?
  • Never come to the end of kissing.
  • The first principle of life is; Breathe.
  • Shy in the language of intimacy.
  • As if a life lived with strangers could compensate for the emptiness in your heart.
  • No purpose in your life. No compass.

What you love most, that you will lose. The price of your love is your loss.

I recommend this book to all readers, even those struggling with grief.

Subscribe

Contact Us

When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
Long Bright River

Read: December 2021

Get this book

Long Bright River

by Liz Moore

Long Bright River by Liz Moore was a 2020 NPR Books We Love Selection. It’s a contemporary novel about the opioid epidemic, it’s a novel about sisters and families, it’s a book about the police and how they fall short of the communities they serve, and it’s a well-plotted crime novel. Its main story revolves around Mickey, a patrol officer raising a young son in a working-class neighborhood in Northeast Philadelphia, and her missing sister, who’s addicted to drugs. Both women are the children of addicts, raised by a strict grandmother.

Despite Long Bright River being selected by NPR and others as one of the best books, I was not sure what to expect. My doubts evaporated on page one. Mickey’s narration, including her description of Kensignton, made this a page-turner.

Mickey and Kacey’s lives became so realistic that I could not put the book down. One night, I stayed up to finish reading for the first time in almost a decade.

As much as it focuses on the opioid epidemic and the shortcomings of policing, its proper focus is on sisters and families. My love of family has become more important to me than ever since the loss of Jan, the love of my life.

Ms. Moore brings it all together in the ending but leaves enough doubt as to the future relationship of the sisters that we can feel the harsh reality of life itself. Long Bright River is the first but not the last book by this author that I will read.

Goodreads has an overview if you need more convincing.

In a Philadelphia neighborhood rocked by the opioid crisis, two once-inseparable sisters find themselves at odds. One, Kacey, lives on the streets in the vise of addiction. The other, Mickey, walks those same blocks on her police beat. They don’t speak anymore, but Mickey never stops worrying about her sibling.

Then Kacey disappears suddenly, at the same time that a mysterious string of murders begins in Mickey’s district, and Mickey becomes dangerously obsessed with finding the culprit–and her sister–before it’s too late.

Alternating its present-day mystery with the story of the sisters’ childhood and adolescence, Long Bright River is at once heart-pounding and heart-wrenching: a gripping suspense novel that is also a moving story of sisters, addiction, and the formidable ties that persist between place, family, and fate.

I highly recommend this book.

×
Leadership: In Turbulent Times

Read: January 2019

Get this book

Leadership: In Turbulent Times

by Doris Kearns Goodwin

A Book for Our Turbulent Times

Leadership: In Turbulent Times by Doris Kearns Goodwin, one of America’s best presidential historians, offers an illuminating exploration of the early development, growth and exercise of leadership as demonstrated by Presidents Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, FDR and Johnson.

I received this book for Hanukkah from my granddaughter and son Mike and his girlfriend Elyssa. They know me very well. A book by Ms. Goodwin is always a must read. If you add in Lincoln, the two Roosevelt’s and LBJ, it is a book I cannot put down.

This NPR interview with Ms. Goodwin is worth listening to.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×

Discover more from Sharing Jan’s Love

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading