Please, Stay With Me!

Estimated reading time: 14 minutes, 57 seconds

Monarch Farewell Dinner March 21, 2019

Is your speech ready for tonight?” she asked as she entered our home. Her expression showed annoyance as she looked at my untidy appearance and nervous state. I felt my heart rate increase as I stuttered out a response. “Not really,” I admitted, feeling a tight knot in my stomach. But we can still make it work, right?” Jan offered a reassuring smile and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Of course we can,” she said. “We’ll review what you want to say on the way to the Forsgate County Club. You’ll do great.”

I had stopped working at the beginning of the year, but Monarch Housing Associates had organized a farewell dinner in my honor this evening. The event would also celebrate the passing of Monarch’s leadership to Taiisa Kelly and Asish Patel. It was a critical moment, and I was grateful to have Jan by my side.

As I drove to the event, I felt excitement and nervousness. Jan, my companion for the evening, had been kind enough to accompany me and offer her support. During the thirty-minute drive, we talked about what I should say in my speech, and Jan was an accommodating listener. However, when she referred to the event as my “retirement dinner,” I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of unease. I expressed this to her, and she understood my discomfort with the “R” word. Nonetheless, Jan reminded me that this was an opportunity to thank all the wonderful people I had worked with over the years and to celebrate my achievements. As we pulled into the parking lot, I leaned over to kiss her, grateful for her presence and encouragement. You will do fine!” she reassured me with a smile.

As Jan and I walked into the room, I felt a relief wave like the sun breaking through a cloudy sky. After months of unemployment, seeing so many familiar faces was welcome. As I walked through the crowd, former colleagues greeted me with warm hugs and excited chatter. I was surprised at how many people had shown up to welcome me back, and it was a comforting feeling to know that I was valued and appreciated. It was as if I had never left, and I felt a sense of belonging that had been absent for far too long.

My wife Jan felt uneasy during the reception, even though she knew some guests. Wanting to make Jan as comfortable as possible, I introduced her to as many new faces as possible, hoping to make her feel more relaxed. Hey, this is Steve, one of the top architects, and Joe is a developer for LIHTC.” They warmly welcomed Jan and started a conversation. As they continued to chat, someone asked Jan, “So, how is it having Richard at home all the time? Does he cook for you?” Jan laughed and replied, “I thought I had taught him, but he still needs training. He’s a work in progress, but I’ll keep him around.

As the program began, a sudden announcement filled the room. My wife Jan had already eaten, but I had not eaten. I grabbed a plate of pasta, and we made our way to a table on the right side of the stage. The event hosts, Bob Kley and Taissa Kelly, greeted everyone with warmth and positivity, taking a moment to acknowledge my contributions during my tenure. Just as I was about to take a bite, they called me up to the stage, leaving me surprised and curious. With a plaque in their hands, they gave me a quote from Dr. King that emphasized the importance of standing firm during times of challenge and controversy. It was a touching moment that left me humbled and grateful for the recognition.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

As I took my place on the stage, clutching the microphone in my hand, I felt a sense of nervous anticipation wash over me. I was ready to begin my speech, but Taissa’s announcement that there would be a musical interlude before I started caught me off guard. I hope you’re not asking me to sing,” I joked, trying to ease my nerves. Despite my best efforts, my anxiety was starting to bubble up again.

Then, a board member and close friend, Laverne Williams, stepped forward. “Don’t worry, the Gospel choir from my church, Union Baptist, will take care of the music,” she reassured me. As the choir took to the stage, their voices filled the room with a powerful energy and passion that left me in awe.

Yet, as the minutes ticked by and the choir continued to sing, my confidence began to waver. I was still standing on the stage, waiting for my speech. Though the choir’s performance was nothing short of remarkable, the anxiety that had been building inside me threatened to overwhelm me once again.

As soon as the choir’s music died down, I took a moment to express my gratitude and began my speech by admitting that I had not prepared anything ahead of time. As many of you know, I’m not one to write a speech, but I always manage to find something to say when I have a microphone in my hand,” I joked, eliciting laughter from the audience. 

I then took a deep breath before continuing and turned my head to the right to find my wife, whom I wanted to introduce to the audience. However, to my surprise, she was not there. I scanned the room in a slightly panicked state until I finally spotted her on the left side of the room. I quickly corrected my mistake and asked her to stand up. 

With all eyes on her, I began to express my gratitude for everything she had done for me. “If I have accomplished anything meaningful in my life, it’s because of the love and support of this incredible woman. She has made me a better person and has given me the strength and resilience to do my best every day.” As the audience rose to give her a standing ovation, I whispered the three most important words I knew, “I love you,” while gazing deeply into her eyes. It was a moment I will never forget.

After the event, Jan and I left the building, arm in arm, feeling grateful for the support we had received. As we drove home, we talked about the evening. Everyone said it was the best speech they had ever heard at an event like this,” Jan said discreetly, not mentioning the “R” word. I felt renewed purpose and determination, ready to face whatever challenges.

Pages: 1 2 3

5 comments add your comment

Share your thoughts and ideas

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Great Expectations: A Novel

Read: March 2024

Get this book

Great Expectations: A Novel

by Vinson Cunningham

Today, I began reading “Great Expectations: A Novel” by Vinson Cunningham, a staff writer and theatre critic at The New Yorker. David, the protagonist, had seen the Senator speak a few times before my life got caught up, however distantly, with his. Still, the first time I can remember paying real attention was when he delivered the speech announcing his run for the Presidency.

Upon hearing the Senator from Illinois speak, David experiences conflicting emotions. He is fascinated by the Senator’s idealistic language yet ponders the balance between maintaining solid beliefs and making the necessary compromises to become America’s first Black president.

The book Great Expectations narrates David’s experience working for eighteen months on a Senator’s presidential campaign. During his journey, David encounters diverse individuals who raise questions about history, art, race, religion, and fatherhood. These inquiries prompt David to introspect his life and identity as a young Black man and father living in America.

Meditating on politics, religion, family, and coming-of-age, Great Expectations is a novel of ideas and emotional resonance, introducing a prominent new writer.

×
The Last White Man

Read: August 2022

Get this book

The Last White Man: A Novel

by Mohsin Hamid

The Last White Man by Mohsin Hamid is a story of love, loss, and rediscovery in a time of unsettling change. One morning, Anders, the novel’s protagonist,  wakes to find that his skin has turned dark, his reflection a stranger to him. At first, he tells only Oona, an old friend, newly a lover. Soon, reports of similar occurrences surface across the land.

In Mohsin Hamid’s “lyrical and urgent” prose (O Magazine), The Last White Man powerfully uplifts our capacity for empathy and the transcendence over bigotry, fear, and anger it can achieve.

I highly recommend this book. It was a page-turner that kept me thinking about love, loss, and rediscovery. All three are subjects close to my heart since Jan’s death.

I decided to read the book after hearing an interview with the author on All of It on WNYC.

The Goodreads summary provides a good overview,

One morning, Anders wakes to find that his skin has turned dark, his reflection a stranger to him. At first he tells only Oona, an old friend, newly a lover. Soon, reports of similar occurrences surface across the land. Some see in the transformations the long-dreaded overturning of an established order, to be resisted to a bitter end. In many, like Anders’s father and Oona’s mother, a sense of profound loss wars with profound love. As the bond between Anders and Oona deepens, change takes on a different shading: a chance to see one another, face to face, anew.

Hamid’s The Last White Man invites us to envision a future – our future – that dares to reimagine who we think we are, and how we might yet be together.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
The Book of Goose

Read: October 2022

Get this book

The Book of Goose: A Novel

by Yiyun Li

The Book of Goose: A Novel by Yiyun Liis a gripping, heartbreaking new novel about female friendship, art, and memory by the award-winning author of Where Reasons End. The Book of Goose: A Novel is a story of disturbing intimacy, obsession, exploitation, and strength of will. I highly recommend this book as it was not only a page-turner but a novel that helped me on my grief journey

The novel focuses on many issues that interest me and intrigue me during my grief journey. Jan was anxious that she was not as successful in her work or personal life. I always reassured her not to be concerned. 

After Jan died, I had similar feelings. Over time, I have heard words of wisdom and regained my self-confidence.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Fabienne is dead. Her childhood best friend, Agnès, receives the news in America, far from the French countryside where the two girls were raised–the place that Fabienne helped Agnès escape ten years ago. Now, Agnès is free to tell her story.

As children in a war-ravaged, backwater town, they’d built a private world, invisible to everyone but themselves–until Fabienne hatched the plan that would change everything, launching Agnès on an epic trajectory through fame, fortune, and terrible loss.

A magnificent, beguiling tale winding from the postwar rural provinces to Paris, from an English boarding school to the quiet Pennsylvania home where Agnès can live without her past, The Book of Goose is a haunting story of friendship, art, exploitation, and memory by the celebrated author Yiyun Li.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
The Houseboat

Read: February 2023

Get this book

The Houseboat: A Novel

by Dane Bahr

The Houseboat: A Novel by Dane Bahr was one of 6 New Paperbacks to Read This Week in The New York Times. Miguel Salazar of the Times described it as “A girl claims her boyfriend has been murdered outside a small town in Iowa, and although no body is found, collective suspicion lands on a loner who lives in a rotting houseboat along the Mississippi River. Through chapters that shift in perspective and move through time, Bahr builds to a nail-biting denouement.”

Edward Nese, the regional marshall from Minnesota, was a character that I could identify with, as he was widowed but still married. Of course, in the early 1960s, I was still a middle school student and would probably have been freighted by The Houseboat

I recommend this true crime novel. Until the last page, you will be unsure how it will end.

After reading non-fiction history about the assassination of President Garfield, I needed a change of genre.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

James Sallis meets Mindhunter in this stylish and atmospheric noir set in a small town in Iowa in the 1960s, a midcentury heartland gothic with plentiful twists and a feverish conclusion.

Local outcast Rigby Sellers lives in squalor on a dilapidated houseboat on the Mississippi River. With only stolen manikins and the river to keep him company, Rigby spirals from the bizarre to the threatening. As a year of drought gives way to a season of storms, a girl is found trembling on the side of the road, claiming her boyfriend was murdered. The nearby town of Oscar turns its suspicions toward Sellers.

Town sheriff Amos Fielding knows this crime is more than he can handle alone. He calls on the regional marshall in Minnesota, and detective Edward Ness arrives in Oscar to help him investigate the homicide and defuse the growing unrest. Ness, suffering from his demons, is determined to put his past behind him and solve the case. But soon, more bodies are found. As Ness and Fielding uncover disturbing facts about Sellers, and a great storm floods the Mississippi, threatening the town, Oscar is pushed to a breaking point even Ness may not be able to prevent.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion

Read: January 2023

Get this book

Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion

by Bushra Rehman

Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion by Bushra Rehman is a book I encouraged friends to read before I finished reading it. I highly recommend this page-turner novel, which is punctuated by both joy and loss, full of ’80s music and beloved books. Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion is a must-read coming-of-age story of Razia Mirza, a girl struggling to reconcile her heritage and faith with her desire to be true to herself.

Razia Mirza, the protagonist, leaps off the page or screen. Bushra Rehman describes Corona with prose that is vibrant and clear-eyed. When I lived in Brooklyn, I had, on a few occasions, meetings in Corona a decade before the novel’s setting. Reading the book made me remember that time and place and understand intuitively the world that Razia was struggling to reconcile.

Razia’s choice between her heart and her family is one I will not reveal. However, the novel defines the conflicts between the Pakistani-American community and the love that Razia and Anglea experience in clear prose, and the reader can easily accept various resolutions.

The choice that Rasia makes left me desiring to know what happens next. I have added Bushra Rehman to my favorite authors and plan to read more of her novels.

I had this novel on my list for the last month but could not get to it until now. I wish I had read it sooner. It is the eighth book I have read in 2023.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Razia Mirza grows up amid the wild grape vines and backyard sunflowers of Corona, Queens, with her best friend, Saima, by her side. Razia’s heart is broken when a family rift drives the girls apart. She finds solace in Taslima, a new girl in her close-knit Pakistani-American community. They embark on a series of small rebellions: listening to scandalous music, wearing miniskirts, and cutting school to explore the city.

When Razia is accepted to Stuyvesant, a prestigious high school in Manhattan, the gulf between the person she is and the daughter her parents want her to be, widens. At Stuyvesant, Razia meets Angela and is attracted to her in a way that blossoms into a new understanding. When an Aunty discovers their relationship in the community, Razia must choose between her family and her future.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
Shiner: A Novel

Read: March 2022

Get this book

Shiner: A Novel

by Amy Jo Burns

Shiner: A Novel by Amy Jo Burns was my twenty-second of the year, and I achieved my Goodreads 2022 Reading Challenge. An hour from the closest West Virginia mining town, fifteen-year-old Wren Bird lives in a secluded mountain cabin with her parents. They have no car, mailbox, or visitors- except for her mother’s lifelong best friend.

Wren’s narration of her discoveries of the secrets of the past over one summer drives the novel and makes it a page-turner. Her mother, Ruby, and her best friend, Ivy, are two strong women who dreamed of escaping the West Virginia mountains. The male characters play secondary roles in the novel, as they should. Shiner is a feminist book about how women can and must take back their stories and lives from men whose power is an illusion.

I highly recommend this novel and look forward to reading other books by Amy Jo Burns. It was the perfect book to finish my reading challenge. As I continue to read this year, I hope to find another of her books on my shelf.

Goodreads provides an overview.

Every Sunday, Wren’s father delivers winding sermons in an abandoned gas station. He takes up serpents and praises the Lord for his blighted white eye, proof of his divinity and key to his hold over the community, Wren, and her mother.

But over the course of one summer, a miracle performed by Wren’s father quickly turns to tragedy. As the order of her world begins to shatter, Wren must uncover the truth of her father’s mysterious legend and her mother’s harrowing history and complex bond with her best friend. And with that newfound knowledge, Wren can imagine a different future for herself than she has been told to expect.

Rich with epic love and epic loss, and diving deep into a world that is often forgotten but still part of America, Shiner reveals the hidden story behind two generations’ worth of Appalachian heartbreak and resolve. Amy Jo Burns brings us a smoldering, taut debut novel about modern female myth-making in a land of men-and one young girl who must ultimately open her eyes.

Register to Attend Celebrate Jan Day

Subscribe

Contact Us

When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×

Discover more from Sharing Jan’s Love

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading