Birthday Blues

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes, 58 seconds

Thoughts on the Seventy-fifth Orbit of the Sun!

I have always preferred not to celebrate my birthday, as a year is too short to measure any significant change or growth. After I met Jan, whose birthday falls just twenty-five days after mine, I used to joke that we could skip the month of March and celebrate her birthday instead. However, my wife didn’t appreciate my attempts to avoid celebrating my birthday.

Throughout 2021, Jan’s health had been a cause for concern. She had been hospitalized twice, and both times, she had to stay away from home for an extended time, starting from Valentine’s Day. She expressed her desire to return home before my birthday; finally, the day arrived when she could return. I was overjoyed about her return, not because of my birthday, but because I longed to see her and have her back home.

As a family, we decided to have a FaceTime call on my birthday, and I set up the laptop on the side of our dining room. Jan was comfortably seated with the support of the chair’s arms. As I had been playing the role of a caregiver for more than a year, I was grateful to be able to participate in the call, even if only through my voice. It was a bittersweet moment, as I couldn’t be physically present to celebrate my birthday with my family, but I was happy to see Jan’s smiling face and hear the voices of my loved ones.

My Seventy-Fifth Birthday

Yesterday was special for me as I reached three-quarters of one hundred years. It was a milestone for me, similar to completing my 1061st consecutive day of morning walks since burying my wife, and I felt proud of myself for sticking to this healthy habit. While completing the third mile of my walk, I received an unexpected call on my Apple Watch. It was from a dear friend who wanted to wish me a happy birthday. Even though I was wearing gloves, I attempted to answer the call, but unfortunately, I missed it, and it went to voicemail. However, when I listened to the voicemail, it was so heartwarming that I felt a wave of emotions. My friend had sung the “Happy Birthday” song, one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me. It made my morning walk more enjoyable than any walk I’ve taken this year, and I felt grateful for having such a fantastic friend in my life.

After listening to my Apple Watch voicemail, I finished walking to enjoy the beautiful weather, realizing I no longer needed my gloves. As I was crossing the footbridge, I unexpectedly ran into my dear friend Peter. He was out for a long stroll with his beloved English Bulldog, and we happily greeted each other. We stopped to notice the breathtaking lower nearby blooming much earlier than usual. The vibrant colors and sweet fragrance were a true delight to the senses. Despite the ongoing climate emergency, the beauty of nature never fails to amaze us.

As we admired the flowers, I casually told Peter it was my birthday. To my surprise, when I told him, he couldn’t believe my age. “You can’t be 75!” he exclaimed. I thought you were closer to my age of 58!” We both laughed and continued our walk, enjoying each other’s company and the beauty of the natural world around us.

I couldn’t help but feel grateful for having such a close and supportive friend. To express my heartfelt gratitude, I listed out my three birthday blessings, and Peter listened intently, his eyes lighting up with happiness at my words. When I finished, he took a moment to describe how much I had inspired him with my positive outlook on life, and I felt a deep sense of pride and contentment within me. As we were out to say goodbye, Peter immediately looked at me and said, “I love you. May God bless you!” His kind and heartfelt words left me feeling uplifted and renewed, grateful for the precious gift of his friendship.

Over dinner at Ambelis, I thought of a memory from the last time I saw my mom. She was in a nursing home. It was the middle of December 2013, and I spent three days sitting by her bed from early morning until late at night. She was weak and slipped in and out of sleep. At one point, she asked me if God had tested her when she was younger and had numerous bouts of cancer. “I am so much healthier than everyone else here,” she explained. Maybe God tested me, which is why I am healthier.” I thought about an answer and realized she only wanted affirmation. Now that the loss of my wife has tested me, her question haunts me.

I am unsure if I subscribe to the concept of God testing me during my trying times. However, I consider myself immensely fortunate to have received boundless love and support from countless people, six of whom were present with me for my birthday. The grieving process was a formidable challenge, but I am grateful to have emerged on the other side. My experience has been transformational, and its impact on my life will undoubtedly be positive and long-lasting.

Recently, my friend Mark expressed his eagerness to imagine the next twenty-five years of my life. Though I found his comment light-hearted, I reminded him I would be a hundred years old by then. To my surprise, Mark replied that he would be honored to celebrate that milestone with me. The idea intrigued me, and I shared the news with my friend Franco, the owner of Venue 104, who was thrilled and immediately marked the event on his calendar. As I am still deciding if I can attend, I invite you to join me in celebrating my centennial on March 30, 2049!

Pages: 1 2

3 comments add your comment

    • Mark, I want to share something personal with you. Before the tragedy of 9/11, I had a positive outlook on life and was optimistic about reaching the milestone of 100 years old. However, my late wife, Jan, had a different perspective on life and wasn’t sure if she wanted to live that long. After losing her almost three years ago, I have been on a journey to rebuild my self-confidence and find a new sense of purpose.

      Although life is unpredictable and has no guarantees, I have realized that I cherish every moment and want to live life to the fullest for as long as possible. I hope to celebrate a centennial with you someday and spend more quality time together.

      Today, I am grateful to have you by my side as I celebrate my 75th birthday. Thank you for your constant support and for being a true friend.

Share your thoughts and ideas

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Luky Us

Read: March 2022

Get this book

Lucky Us: A Novel

by Amy Bloom

Having surpassed my Goodreads 2022 reading goal, I wanted a lite, historical fiction book and found this one in the e-libraryLucky Us by Amy Bloom is a book that hooked me on the opening line – “My father’s wife died. My mother said we should drive down to his place and see what might be in it for us.” I enjoyed reading it and highly recommend it.

The first section in Hollywood was the one I found less appealing. Partly that is because I identified with Eva, and she does not fulfill her leading role until the last two sections. Its depiction of how people survived the way years by sometimes is a reminder of our inner resilience.

Goodreads provides the following summary.

So begins this remarkable novel by Amy Bloom, whose critically acclaimed Away was called “a literary triumph” (The New York Times). Lucky Us is a brilliantly written, deeply moving, fantastically funny novel of love, heartbreak, and luck.

Disappointed by their families, Iris, the hopeful star and Eva the sidekick, journey through 1940s America in search of fame and fortune. Iris’s ambitions take the pair across the America of Reinvention in a stolen station wagon, from small-town Ohio to an unexpected and sensuous Hollywood, and to the jazz clubs and golden mansions of Long Island.

With their friends in high and low places, Iris and Eva stumble and shine through a landscape of big dreams, scandals, betrayals, and war. Filled with gorgeous writing, memorable characters, and surprising events, Lucky Us is a thrilling and resonant novel about success and failure, good luck and bad, the creation of a family, and the pleasures and inevitable perils of family life, conventional and otherwise. From Brooklyn’s beauty parlors to London’s West End, a group of unforgettable people love, lie, cheat, and survive in this story of our fragile, absurd, heroic species.

Register to Attend Celebrate Jan Day

Subscribe

Contact Us

When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
Tenth of December: Stories

Read: July 2024

Get this book

Tenth of December: Stories

by George Saunders

One of the most important and blazingly original writers of his generation, George Saunders, is an undisputed master of the short story. The Tenth of December is his most honest, accessible, and moving collection yet. It is one of the New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the Century. The book is structured as a collection of short stories, each offering a unique and compelling narrative.

In the taut opener, “Victory Lap,” a boy witnesses the attempted abduction of the girl next door and is faced with a harrowing choice: Does he ignore what he sees or override years of smothering advice from his parents and act?

In “Home,” a combat-damaged soldier moves back in with his mother and struggles to reconcile the world he left with the one to which he has returned.

In the title story, a stunning meditation on imagination, memory, and loss, a middle-aged cancer patient walks into the woods to commit suicide, only to encounter a troubled young boy who, throughout a fateful morning, gives the dying man a final chance to recall who he is.

An unfortunate, deluded owner of an antique store; two mothers struggling to do the right thing; a teenage girl whose idealism is challenged by a brutal brush with reality; a man tormented by a series of pharmaceutical experiments that force him to lust, to love, to kill—the unforgettable characters that populate the pages of Tenth of December are vividly and lovingly infused with Saunders’s signature blend of exuberant prose, deep humanity, and stylistic innovation.

Writing brilliantly and profoundly about class, sex, love, loss, work, despair, and war, Saunders cuts to the core of the contemporary experience. These stories take on the big questions and explore the fault lines of our morality, delving into what makes us suitable and what makes us human. They are not just stories but profound explorations that will stimulate your intellect and make you ponder.

Unsettling, insightful, and hilarious, the stories in Tenth of December—through their manic energy, their focus on what is redeemable in human beings, and their generosity of spirit—not only entertain and delight but also fulfill Chekhov’s dictum that art should “prepare us for tenderness.” The humor in these stories will keep you entertained and laughing, even as they delve into profound themes.

×
Playground: A Novel

Read: December 2024

Get this book

Playground: A Novel

by Richard Powers

I started reading “Playground: A Novel” by Richard Powers today. This remarkable new novel comes from the Pulitzer Prize-winning and New York Times best-selling author of “The Overstory” and “Bewilderment.” Even more astonishing is that this marks my three hundredth book since I embarked on this reading journey on January 1, 2019! I’m also enjoying “Judaism Is About Love,” which means “Playground” will be my 98th or 99th book in 2024.

In this sweeping, panoramic novel, four lives intertwine, showcasing Richard Powers at the height of his skills. Twelve-year-old Evie Beaulieu finds herself at the bottom of a swimming pool in Montreal, strapped to one of the world’s first aqua lungs. Ina Aroita grows up on naval bases across the Pacific, finding solace in art as her only home. At an elite high school in Chicago, two polar opposites bond over a three-thousand-year-old board game: Rafi Young gets lost in literature, while Todd Keane’s work leads to a startling breakthrough in artificial intelligence.

Their paths converge on the history-laden island of Makatea in French Polynesia, once known for its phosphorus deposits that helped sustain the world. This tiny atoll has been chosen for a groundbreaking venture: a plan to create floating, autonomous cities to venture out onto the open sea. However, the island’s residents must vote to approve the project or turn the seasteaders away.

Set against the world’s most enormous ocean backdrop, this awe-inspiring book delves into the last wild place we have yet to colonize, exploring a still-unfolding oceanic narrative. It beautifully weaves rich characters, profound themes of technology and the environment, and a deep examination of our shared humanity—and exploration that only Richard Powers can deliver.

×
Salvage the Bones: A Novel

Read: September 2024

Get this book

Salvage the Bones: A Novel

by Jesmyn Ward

I’ve started reading “Salvage the Bones: A Novel” by Jesmyn Ward, a two-time National Book Award winner and author of “Sing, Unburied, Sing.” The book delivers a gritty yet tender story about family and poverty in the days leading up to Hurricane Katrina. Hurricane Helene’s devastation makes it the perfect time to read this book. The novel is among The New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the 21st Century.

The story is set in Bois Sauvage, Mississippi, where a hurricane is building over the Gulf of Mexico, threatening the city. Esch’s father is growing concerned, although he is often absent and a heavy drinker. Esch and her three brothers are stocking food, but there is little to save. Esch, who is fourteen, is pregnant and struggling to keep down the little food she gets. Her brother Skeetah is trying to care for his pit bull’s new litter, which is dying one by one. Meanwhile, brothers Randall and Junior struggle with family dynamics and lack parental guidance.

As the twelve days that make up the novel’s framework yield their dramatic conclusion, this unforgettable family – motherless children sacrificing for one another, protecting and nurturing where love is scarce – pulls itself up to face another day. The novel is a big-hearted story about familial love and community against all odds, offering a wrenching look at the lonesome, brutal, and restrictive realities of rural poverty. “Salvage the Bones” is a revelatory, honest, and poignant exploration of social issues, filled with poetry and emotional depth.

×
Such a Fun Age

Read: October 2021

Get this book

Such a Fun Age

by Kiley Reid

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid. Although many reviewers highly rated this book, I was unsure it was the book for me. However, once I started reading, I could not stop. It is “a striking and surprising debut novel from a compelling new voice. Such a Fun Age is a big-hearted story about race and privilege, set around a young Black babysitter, her well-intentioned employer, and a surprising connection that threatens to undo them both.

Alix Chamberlain is a woman who gets what she wants and has made a living with her confidence-driven brand, showing other women how to do the same. So she is shocked when her babysitter, Emira Tucker, is confronted while watching the Chamberlains’ toddler one night, walking the aisles of their local high-end supermarket. The store’s security guard, seeing a young Black woman out late with a White child, accuses Emira of kidnapping two-year-old Briar. A small crowd gathers, a bystander films everything, and Emira is furious and humiliated. Alix resolves to make things right.

But Emira herself is aimless, broke, and wary of Alix’s desire to help. At 25, she is about to lose her health insurance and has no idea what to do with her life. When the video of Emira unearths someone from Alix’s past, both women find themselves on a crash course that will upend everything they think they know about themselves and each other.

With empathy and piercing social commentary, Such a Fun Ageexplores the stickiness of transactional relationships, what it means to make someone “family”, and the complicated reality of being a grown-up. It is a searing debut for our times.

When race and privilege are paramount issues, this book is a first step to understanding the intersectionality of the issues and addressing them. I recommend this book with our reservation.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
The City We Became

Read: October 2021

Get this book

The City We Became: A Novel

by N. K. Jemisin

The City We Became: A Novel by N. K. Jemisin is my first science fiction and urban fantasy novel in quite some time. It is a story of culture, identity, magic, and myths in contemporary New York City. Jan and I had lived in New York City, and the book brought back fond memories.

Every great city has a soul. Some are ancient as myths, and others are as new and destructive as children.

But every City also has a dark side. A roiling, ancient evil stirs beneath the earth, threatening to destroy the City and her five protectors unless they can come together and stop it once and for all.

As Jemisin writes:

A city is never alone, not really — and this city seems less solitary than most. More like a family: many parts, frequently squabbling … but in the end, against enemies, they come together to protect one another. They must, or die.

The challenge is when evil forces threaten the City; the entire community needs to unite, and the City’s avatars for each of the five boroughs.

Initially, this is supposed to be one for each borough and one for the entire City. In the end, one of the avatars for the five boroughs chooses not to unite with the others. Without all six, they stand no chance to defeat the forces of evil.

How do they solve this? By adding the sixth borough – Jersey City.

I recommend this book without reservation.

When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×

Discover more from Sharing Jan’s Love

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading