Birthday Blues

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes, 58 seconds

Thoughts on the Seventy-fifth Orbit of the Sun!

I have always preferred not to celebrate my birthday, as a year is too short to measure any significant change or growth. After I met Jan, whose birthday falls just twenty-five days after mine, I used to joke that we could skip the month of March and celebrate her birthday instead. However, my wife didn’t appreciate my attempts to avoid celebrating my birthday.

Throughout 2021, Jan’s health had been a cause for concern. She had been hospitalized twice, and both times, she had to stay away from home for an extended time, starting from Valentine’s Day. She expressed her desire to return home before my birthday; finally, the day arrived when she could return. I was overjoyed about her return, not because of my birthday, but because I longed to see her and have her back home.

As a family, we decided to have a FaceTime call on my birthday, and I set up the laptop on the side of our dining room. Jan was comfortably seated with the support of the chair’s arms. As I had been playing the role of a caregiver for more than a year, I was grateful to be able to participate in the call, even if only through my voice. It was a bittersweet moment, as I couldn’t be physically present to celebrate my birthday with my family, but I was happy to see Jan’s smiling face and hear the voices of my loved ones.

My Seventy-Fifth Birthday

Yesterday was special for me as I reached three-quarters of one hundred years. It was a milestone for me, similar to completing my 1061st consecutive day of morning walks since burying my wife, and I felt proud of myself for sticking to this healthy habit. While completing the third mile of my walk, I received an unexpected call on my Apple Watch. It was from a dear friend who wanted to wish me a happy birthday. Even though I was wearing gloves, I attempted to answer the call, but unfortunately, I missed it, and it went to voicemail. However, when I listened to the voicemail, it was so heartwarming that I felt a wave of emotions. My friend had sung the “Happy Birthday” song, one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me. It made my morning walk more enjoyable than any walk I’ve taken this year, and I felt grateful for having such a fantastic friend in my life.

After listening to my Apple Watch voicemail, I finished walking to enjoy the beautiful weather, realizing I no longer needed my gloves. As I was crossing the footbridge, I unexpectedly ran into my dear friend Peter. He was out for a long stroll with his beloved English Bulldog, and we happily greeted each other. We stopped to notice the breathtaking lower nearby blooming much earlier than usual. The vibrant colors and sweet fragrance were a true delight to the senses. Despite the ongoing climate emergency, the beauty of nature never fails to amaze us.

As we admired the flowers, I casually told Peter it was my birthday. To my surprise, when I told him, he couldn’t believe my age. “You can’t be 75!” he exclaimed. I thought you were closer to my age of 58!” We both laughed and continued our walk, enjoying each other’s company and the beauty of the natural world around us.

I couldn’t help but feel grateful for having such a close and supportive friend. To express my heartfelt gratitude, I listed out my three birthday blessings, and Peter listened intently, his eyes lighting up with happiness at my words. When I finished, he took a moment to describe how much I had inspired him with my positive outlook on life, and I felt a deep sense of pride and contentment within me. As we were out to say goodbye, Peter immediately looked at me and said, “I love you. May God bless you!” His kind and heartfelt words left me feeling uplifted and renewed, grateful for the precious gift of his friendship.

Over dinner at Ambelis, I thought of a memory from the last time I saw my mom. She was in a nursing home. It was the middle of December 2013, and I spent three days sitting by her bed from early morning until late at night. She was weak and slipped in and out of sleep. At one point, she asked me if God had tested her when she was younger and had numerous bouts of cancer. “I am so much healthier than everyone else here,” she explained. Maybe God tested me, which is why I am healthier.” I thought about an answer and realized she only wanted affirmation. Now that the loss of my wife has tested me, her question haunts me.

I am unsure if I subscribe to the concept of God testing me during my trying times. However, I consider myself immensely fortunate to have received boundless love and support from countless people, six of whom were present with me for my birthday. The grieving process was a formidable challenge, but I am grateful to have emerged on the other side. My experience has been transformational, and its impact on my life will undoubtedly be positive and long-lasting.

Recently, my friend Mark expressed his eagerness to imagine the next twenty-five years of my life. Though I found his comment light-hearted, I reminded him I would be a hundred years old by then. To my surprise, Mark replied that he would be honored to celebrate that milestone with me. The idea intrigued me, and I shared the news with my friend Franco, the owner of Venue 104, who was thrilled and immediately marked the event on his calendar. As I am still deciding if I can attend, I invite you to join me in celebrating my centennial on March 30, 2049!

Pages: 1 2

3 comments add your comment

    • Mark, I want to share something personal with you. Before the tragedy of 9/11, I had a positive outlook on life and was optimistic about reaching the milestone of 100 years old. However, my late wife, Jan, had a different perspective on life and wasn’t sure if she wanted to live that long. After losing her almost three years ago, I have been on a journey to rebuild my self-confidence and find a new sense of purpose.

      Although life is unpredictable and has no guarantees, I have realized that I cherish every moment and want to live life to the fullest for as long as possible. I hope to celebrate a centennial with you someday and spend more quality time together.

      Today, I am grateful to have you by my side as I celebrate my 75th birthday. Thank you for your constant support and for being a true friend.

Share your thoughts and ideas

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Neighbors and Other Stories

Read: February 2024

Get this book

Neighbors and Other Stories

by Diane Oliver

Today, I began reading Diane Oliver‘s Neighbors and Other Stories. It’s a powerful and eerie debut collection of stories that portrays the struggles of different characters as they face the everyday dangers of racism during the Jim Crow era. The book features an introduction by Tayari Jones.

Diane Oliver is an important yet often overlooked figure in African American literature of the 20th century. She was a gifted writer, ahead of her time, whose talent was cut short by her untimely death at 22 in 1966. Nevertheless, she left behind a remarkable collection of crisply written and often chilling tales that delve into race and racism in America during the 1950s and 60s. Oliver’s insightful stories remain relevant today; this is the only existing collection of her works. She has rightfully earned her place in the literary canon as a masterful storyteller.

The passage below describes several short stories with different themes. The first story, “The Closet on the Top Floor,” tells the story of Winifred, the first Black student in a newly integrated college. In this story, Winifred begins to disappear, creating a nightmarish scenario. The second story is titled “Mint Juleps not Served Here.” It’s about a couple who live deep in a forest with their son. They will go to bloody lengths to protect him from any danger. The third story, “Spiders Cry without Tears,” features a couple named Meg and Walt. They must confront prejudices and strains of interracial and extramarital love. Finally, the last story is the titular one, and it’s a high-tension narrative that follows a nervous older sister the night before her younger brother is set to desegregate his school.

These are powerful and personal depictions of African American families everyday struggles and moments of distress, illustrating how they utilize their abilities to overcome challenges. “Neighbors” is an enthralling compilation and a valuable historical and social document, displaying the remarkable literary skills of a previously overlooked author.

×
Anxious People

Read: June 2022

Get this book

Anxious People

by Fredrik Backman

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman, a poignant comedy about a crime that never occurred. A would-be bank robber disappears into thin air, and eight highly anxious strangers find they have more in common than they ever imagined. Anxious People is a novel that Jan and I would have both enjoyed reading. It jumped off the e-book shelf while looking for a new book to read.

Although Anxious People is a humorous comedy, it is really about the enduring power of friendship, forgiveness and hope, which are the key to our survival as individuals, couples and communities. It is the core of what made the love that Jan and I shared special and unique, but it is also what I gain from my participation in my various grief groups as well as Friday night Shabbat services.

I highly recommend this book.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Viewing an apartment usually doesn’t turn into a life-or-death situation. Still, this particular open house becomes just that when a failed bank robber bursts in and takes everyone in the apartment hostage. As the pressure mounts, the eight strangers slowly open up to one another and reveal long-hidden truths.

First is Zara, a wealthy bank director who has been too busy to care about anyone else until tragedy changed her life. Now, she’s obsessed with visiting open houses to see how ordinary people live—perhaps, setting an old wrong to the right. Then there’s Roger and Anna-Lena, an Ikea-addicted retired couple who are on a never-ending hunt for fixer-uppers to hide the fact that they don’t know how to fix their failing marriage. Julia and Ro are a young lesbian couple and soon-to-be parents who are nervous about their chances for a successful life together since they can’t agree on anything. And there’s Estelle, an eighty-year-old woman who has lived long enough to be unimpressed by a masked bank robber waving a gun. And despite the story she tells them all, Estelle hasn’t come to the apartment to view it for her daughter, and her husband isn’t outside parking the car.

As police surround the premises and television channels broadcast the hostage situation live, the tension mounts, and even deeper secrets are slowly revealed. Before long, the robber must decide which is the terrifying prospect: going out to face the police or staying in the apartment with this group of impossible people.

Rich with Fredrik Backman’s “pitch-perfect dialogue and an unparalleled understanding of human nature” (Shelf Awareness), Anxious People’s whimsical plot serves up unforgettable insights into the human condition and a gentle reminder to be compassionate to all the anxious people we encounter every day.


Subscribe

Contact Us

When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
Worry: A Novel

Read: May 2024

Get this book

Worry: A Novel

by Alexandra Tanner

Today, I began reading Alexandra Tanner‘s debut novel, Worry: A Novel. The New Yorker praised it as “dryly witty,” The New York Times Book Review called it “fabulously revealing.” The story follows two siblings-turned-roommates who try to navigate an absurd world on the verge of calamity. It explores existentialism and sisterhood in a Seinfeldian style.

In March 2019, Jules Gold, a 28-year-old woman, felt anxious, frustrated with her art, and addicted to the internet. She lives alone in the apartment she used to share with her ex-fiancé. Her younger sister Poppy unexpectedly comes to stay with her indefinitely. Poppy, who attempted suicide a year and a half ago, is looking for work and purpose in Brooklyn. Meanwhile, Jules spends her days scrolling through the feeds of Mormon mommy bloggers and waiting for something to happen in her life.

Poppy’s hives, which she has had since childhood, flare up again. Jules has health problems with her uterus. Poppy adopts a poorly behaved-rescue dog named Amy Klobuchar. Poppy’s mother, who recently became a devout Messianic Jew, starts believing in the same deep-state conspiracy theories as Jules’ online mommies. Jules half-heartedly tries to find the source of her ennui and cruelly blames Poppy for not being a good enough friend, writer, or sister. As the year progresses and a new decade approaches, a disastrous trip back to Florida forces Jules and Poppy to question their futures and whether they want to spend them together or apart.

Worry is a darkly funny and deadpan portrayal of two sisters struggling through anxiety and uncertainty in America. A bold new voice in contemporary fiction writes it.

×
The Vanishing Half

Read: September 2021

Get this book

The Vanishing Half

by Brit Bennett

The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett was a true page-turner, and I did not want to stop reading it even when I got to the last page. I am not a fan of sequels, but if I was ever going to change my mind, this is the book I would want to read a sequel.

Ms. Bennett focuses on two twins who run away from home at age 16. They have grown up in Mallard, a fictional town in Louisiana. “In Mallard, nobody married dark,” Bennett writes starkly. Over time, its prejudices deepened as its population became lighter and lighter, “like a cup of coffee steadily diluted with cream.” The twins, with their “creamy skin, hazel eyes, wavy hair,” would have delighted the town’s founder. One of the women chooses to pass as white while the other does not.

The Vignes twin sisters will always be identical. But after growing up together in a small, southern black community and running away at age sixteen, it’s not just the shape of their daily lives that is different as adults, it’s everything: their families, their communities, their racial identities. Many years later, one sister lives with her black daughter in the same southern town she once tried to escape. The other passes for white, and her white husband knows nothing of her past. Still, even separated by so many miles and just as many lies, the fates of the twins remain intertwined. What will happen to the next generation, when their own daughters’ storylines intersect?

Weaving together multiple strands and generations of this family, from the Deep South to California, from the 1950s to the 1990s, Brit Bennett produces a story that is at once a riveting, emotional family story and a brilliant exploration of the American history of passing. Looking well beyond issues of race, The Vanishing Half considers the lasting influence of the past as it shapes a person’s decisions, desires, and expectations, and explores some of the multiple reasons and realms in which people sometimes feel pulled to live as something other than their origins.

The question of why people choose to live differently than their origins is one that I often ponder. Growing up in a small town and living in a metropolis raises questions for me as to what my life is now and what was once.

I strongly recommend this book.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
Year of Wonders: A Novel

Read: November 2024

Get this book

Year of Wonders: A Novel

by Geraldine Brooks

I started reading Year of Wonders: A Novel” by Geraldine Brooks today. It is a compelling story set in 17th-century England about a village that quarantines itself to stop the spread of the plague. The book is written by the author of “The Secret Chord” and “March,” both of which won the Pulitzer Prize. Inspired by the events in Eyam, a village in the rugged hill country of England, “Year of Wonders” offers a richly detailed portrayal of a significant historical moment.

The plot begins when an infected bolt of cloth arrives from London, bringing the plague to an isolated village. A housemaid named Anna Frith emerges as an unlikely heroine and healer. Through Anna’s perspective, we experience the fateful year of 1666 as she and her fellow villagers confront the outbreak of disease and the rise of superstition. As death visits each household and villagers turn from prayer to fear-driven witch-hunting, Anna must find the strength to face the breakdown of her community and the temptations of forbidden love. Her struggle for survival and growth transforms a disastrous year into an extraordinary “year of wonders.

Written with remarkable emotional depth, the novel introduces, according to The Wall Street Journal, “an inspiring heroine” and skillfully weaves themes of love and learning, loss and renewal into a captivating and unforgettable narrative.

×
Never Let Me Go

Read: August 2024

Get this book

Never Let Me Go

by Kazuo Ishiguro

I started reading “Never Let Me Go” by Nobel Prize winner Kazuo Ishiguro today. This novel, listed among The New York Times 100 Best Books of the Century, has also received critical acclaim for its unique narrative and thought-provoking themes. Written by the acclaimed and bestselling author of “The Remains of the Day,” it’s described as “a Gothic tour de force” with an extraordinary twist—a moving, suspenseful, beautifully atmospheric modern classic.

The story unfolds at Hailsham, an enigmatic and exclusive boarding school in the English countryside. The central characters, Kathy, Ruth, and Tommy navigate through mercurial cliques and mysterious rules. Teachers constantly remind the students of their specialness, adding an element of suspense and intrigue to the narrative.

As young adults, Kathy, Ruth, and Tommy reunite, prompting Kathy to reflect on their shared past and understand what makes them unique. The novel explores themes of identity and humanity, delving into the emotional depth of their lives, making it a genuinely thought-provoking journey that readers can deeply connect with.

×

Discover more from Sharing Jan’s Love

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading