Birthday Blues

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes, 58 seconds

Thoughts on the Seventy-fifth Orbit of the Sun!

I have always preferred not to celebrate my birthday, as a year is too short to measure any significant change or growth. After I met Jan, whose birthday falls just twenty-five days after mine, I used to joke that we could skip the month of March and celebrate her birthday instead. However, my wife didn’t appreciate my attempts to avoid celebrating my birthday.

Throughout 2021, Jan’s health had been a cause for concern. She had been hospitalized twice, and both times, she had to stay away from home for an extended time, starting from Valentine’s Day. She expressed her desire to return home before my birthday; finally, the day arrived when she could return. I was overjoyed about her return, not because of my birthday, but because I longed to see her and have her back home.

As a family, we decided to have a FaceTime call on my birthday, and I set up the laptop on the side of our dining room. Jan was comfortably seated with the support of the chair’s arms. As I had been playing the role of a caregiver for more than a year, I was grateful to be able to participate in the call, even if only through my voice. It was a bittersweet moment, as I couldn’t be physically present to celebrate my birthday with my family, but I was happy to see Jan’s smiling face and hear the voices of my loved ones.

My Seventy-Fifth Birthday

Yesterday was special for me as I reached three-quarters of one hundred years. It was a milestone for me, similar to completing my 1061st consecutive day of morning walks since burying my wife, and I felt proud of myself for sticking to this healthy habit. While completing the third mile of my walk, I received an unexpected call on my Apple Watch. It was from a dear friend who wanted to wish me a happy birthday. Even though I was wearing gloves, I attempted to answer the call, but unfortunately, I missed it, and it went to voicemail. However, when I listened to the voicemail, it was so heartwarming that I felt a wave of emotions. My friend had sung the “Happy Birthday” song, one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me. It made my morning walk more enjoyable than any walk I’ve taken this year, and I felt grateful for having such a fantastic friend in my life.

After listening to my Apple Watch voicemail, I finished walking to enjoy the beautiful weather, realizing I no longer needed my gloves. As I was crossing the footbridge, I unexpectedly ran into my dear friend Peter. He was out for a long stroll with his beloved English Bulldog, and we happily greeted each other. We stopped to notice the breathtaking lower nearby blooming much earlier than usual. The vibrant colors and sweet fragrance were a true delight to the senses. Despite the ongoing climate emergency, the beauty of nature never fails to amaze us.

As we admired the flowers, I casually told Peter it was my birthday. To my surprise, when I told him, he couldn’t believe my age. “You can’t be 75!” he exclaimed. I thought you were closer to my age of 58!” We both laughed and continued our walk, enjoying each other’s company and the beauty of the natural world around us.

I couldn’t help but feel grateful for having such a close and supportive friend. To express my heartfelt gratitude, I listed out my three birthday blessings, and Peter listened intently, his eyes lighting up with happiness at my words. When I finished, he took a moment to describe how much I had inspired him with my positive outlook on life, and I felt a deep sense of pride and contentment within me. As we were out to say goodbye, Peter immediately looked at me and said, “I love you. May God bless you!” His kind and heartfelt words left me feeling uplifted and renewed, grateful for the precious gift of his friendship.

Over dinner at Ambelis, I thought of a memory from the last time I saw my mom. She was in a nursing home. It was the middle of December 2013, and I spent three days sitting by her bed from early morning until late at night. She was weak and slipped in and out of sleep. At one point, she asked me if God had tested her when she was younger and had numerous bouts of cancer. “I am so much healthier than everyone else here,” she explained. Maybe God tested me, which is why I am healthier.” I thought about an answer and realized she only wanted affirmation. Now that the loss of my wife has tested me, her question haunts me.

I am unsure if I subscribe to the concept of God testing me during my trying times. However, I consider myself immensely fortunate to have received boundless love and support from countless people, six of whom were present with me for my birthday. The grieving process was a formidable challenge, but I am grateful to have emerged on the other side. My experience has been transformational, and its impact on my life will undoubtedly be positive and long-lasting.

Recently, my friend Mark expressed his eagerness to imagine the next twenty-five years of my life. Though I found his comment light-hearted, I reminded him I would be a hundred years old by then. To my surprise, Mark replied that he would be honored to celebrate that milestone with me. The idea intrigued me, and I shared the news with my friend Franco, the owner of Venue 104, who was thrilled and immediately marked the event on his calendar. As I am still deciding if I can attend, I invite you to join me in celebrating my centennial on March 30, 2049!

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3 comments add your comment

    • Mark, I want to share something personal with you. Before the tragedy of 9/11, I had a positive outlook on life and was optimistic about reaching the milestone of 100 years old. However, my late wife, Jan, had a different perspective on life and wasn’t sure if she wanted to live that long. After losing her almost three years ago, I have been on a journey to rebuild my self-confidence and find a new sense of purpose.

      Although life is unpredictable and has no guarantees, I have realized that I cherish every moment and want to live life to the fullest for as long as possible. I hope to celebrate a centennial with you someday and spend more quality time together.

      Today, I am grateful to have you by my side as I celebrate my 75th birthday. Thank you for your constant support and for being a true friend.

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Anxious People

Read: June 2022

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Anxious People

by Fredrik Backman

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman, a poignant comedy about a crime that never occurred. A would-be bank robber disappears into thin air, and eight highly anxious strangers find they have more in common than they ever imagined. Anxious People is a novel that Jan and I would have both enjoyed reading. It jumped off the e-book shelf while looking for a new book to read.

Although Anxious People is a humorous comedy, it is really about the enduring power of friendship, forgiveness and hope, which are the key to our survival as individuals, couples and communities. It is the core of what made the love that Jan and I shared special and unique, but it is also what I gain from my participation in my various grief groups as well as Friday night Shabbat services.

I highly recommend this book.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Viewing an apartment usually doesn’t turn into a life-or-death situation. Still, this particular open house becomes just that when a failed bank robber bursts in and takes everyone in the apartment hostage. As the pressure mounts, the eight strangers slowly open up to one another and reveal long-hidden truths.

First is Zara, a wealthy bank director who has been too busy to care about anyone else until tragedy changed her life. Now, she’s obsessed with visiting open houses to see how ordinary people live—perhaps, setting an old wrong to the right. Then there’s Roger and Anna-Lena, an Ikea-addicted retired couple who are on a never-ending hunt for fixer-uppers to hide the fact that they don’t know how to fix their failing marriage. Julia and Ro are a young lesbian couple and soon-to-be parents who are nervous about their chances for a successful life together since they can’t agree on anything. And there’s Estelle, an eighty-year-old woman who has lived long enough to be unimpressed by a masked bank robber waving a gun. And despite the story she tells them all, Estelle hasn’t come to the apartment to view it for her daughter, and her husband isn’t outside parking the car.

As police surround the premises and television channels broadcast the hostage situation live, the tension mounts, and even deeper secrets are slowly revealed. Before long, the robber must decide which is the terrifying prospect: going out to face the police or staying in the apartment with this group of impossible people.

Rich with Fredrik Backman’s “pitch-perfect dialogue and an unparalleled understanding of human nature” (Shelf Awareness), Anxious People’s whimsical plot serves up unforgettable insights into the human condition and a gentle reminder to be compassionate to all the anxious people we encounter every day.


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Weather

Read: March 2022

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Weather: A Novel

by Jenny Offil

Weather: A Novel by Jenny Offil was a book that I was confused and uncertain if I wanted to finish for the first few pages. I am delighted that I did, and I highly recommend this book. Its brief diary-like dispatches about life in our time when we sense that we may all be doomed to a climate catastrophe made this a book I truly enjoyed reading. The subtext of the rise of right-wing strongmen in the USA and abroad adds to the crisis her dispatches describe.

Her Obligatory Note of Hope challenges all of us to engage in solutions instead of accepting doom.

How can we contribute to the common good? There are people all over the world trying to answer these questions. In big ways but also in small ways. In grand leaps but also in fits and starts.

I always thought it was ridiculous to try and fight for social change when I couldn’t even get my own house in order. How could a meat-eating, plane-flying, march-hating person like me ever find a place in the climate justice movement? But then I started to read about all the different ways ordinary people were refusing to give into fatalism and were exploring the possibilities of what they could do, what they might fight for in this half-ruined world of ours.

There were saints among these accidental activists, but also stone-cold hypocrites like me. Slowly, I began to see collective action as the antidote to my dithering and despair.

There’s a way in for everyone. Aren’t you tired of all this fear and dread?

Goodreads provides an overview of the book if you are not yet convinced to read it.

 Lizzie Benson is a very relatable woman who slid into her job as a librarian without a traditional degree. But this gives her a vantage point from which to practice her other calling: a fake shrink. She has tended to her God-haunted mother and her recovering addict brother for years. They have both stabilized for the moment, but Lizzie has little chance to spend her new free time with her husband and son before her old mentor, Sylvia Liller, proposes. She wants to hire Lizzie to answer the mail she receives: left-wingers worried about climate change and right-wingers concerned about the decline of western civilization. Sylvia has become famous for her prescient podcast, Hell and High Water, and wants to hire Lizzie to answer the mail she receives: from left-wingers worried about climate change and right wingers worried about the decline of western civilization.

As Lizzie dives into this polarized world, she begins to wonder what it means to keep tending your own garden once you’ve seen the flames beyond its walls. When her brother becomes a father and Sylvia a recluse, Lizzie is forced to address the limits of her own experience. But she still tries to save everyone, using everything she’s learned about empathy and despair, conscience and collusion, floundering the library stacks her years of wa.. And all the while the voices of the city keep floating in—funny, disturbing, and increasingly mad.

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Never Let Me Go

Read: August 2024

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Never Let Me Go

by Kazuo Ishiguro

I started reading “Never Let Me Go” by Nobel Prize winner Kazuo Ishiguro today. This novel, listed among The New York Times 100 Best Books of the Century, has also received critical acclaim for its unique narrative and thought-provoking themes. Written by the acclaimed and bestselling author of “The Remains of the Day,” it’s described as “a Gothic tour de force” with an extraordinary twist—a moving, suspenseful, beautifully atmospheric modern classic.

The story unfolds at Hailsham, an enigmatic and exclusive boarding school in the English countryside. The central characters, Kathy, Ruth, and Tommy navigate through mercurial cliques and mysterious rules. Teachers constantly remind the students of their specialness, adding an element of suspense and intrigue to the narrative.

As young adults, Kathy, Ruth, and Tommy reunite, prompting Kathy to reflect on their shared past and understand what makes them unique. The novel explores themes of identity and humanity, delving into the emotional depth of their lives, making it a genuinely thought-provoking journey that readers can deeply connect with.

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A Harvest of Secrets- A Novel

Read: August 2022

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A Harvest of Secrets: A Novel

by Roland Merullo

After reading Aftermirth, I wanted a book I could enjoy without raising questions I was not ready to answer. A Harvest of Secrets by Roland Merullo was set in Italy in 1943. The terror seeds planted by Hitler brought Allied forces to Italian soil. Young lovers separated by war—one near a Tuscan hill town, the other a soldier on the Sicilian front—will meet any challenge to reunite. Historical fiction is a genre I enjoy. Will this book fulfill my needs? The answer is yes.

The web of secrets that are harvested kept me on my toes. Usually, the surprises of a novel are ones that I know even before finishing the book. At least one of the secrets did surprise me.

I also found the background of the war and loyalty to Il Duce a reminder that blind loyalty to a leader can destroy a nation.

I recommend this book.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Vittoria SanAntonio, the daughter of a prosperous vineyard owner, is caught in a web of family secrets. Defying her domineering father, she has fallen for humble vineyard keeper Carlo Conte. When Carlo is conscripted into Mussolini’s army, it sets a fire in Vittoria, and she joins the resistance. As the Nazi war machine encroaches, Vittoria is drawn into dangers as unknowable as those faced by the man she loves.

Badly wounded on the first day of the invasion, Carlo regains consciousness on a farm in Sicily. Nursed back to health by a kind family there, he embarks on an arduous journey north through his ravaged homeland. For Carlo and Vittoria, as wartime threats mount and their paths diverge, what lies ahead will test their courage as never before.


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Black Sun

Read: November 2021

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Black Sun – Between the Earth and Sky

by Rebecca Roanhorse

Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse.  Black Sun is the first book in the Between Earth and Sky trilogy, inspired by the civilizations of the Pre-Columbian Americas and woven into a tale of celestial prophecies, political intrigue, and forbidden magic.

I have always enjoyed fantasy novels like Black Sun, and this is the first one set in the Pre-Columbian Americas.

A god will return
When the earth and sky converge
Under the black sun

In the holy city of Tova, the winter solstice is usually a time for celebration and renewal, but this year, it coincides with a solar eclipse, a rare celestial event proscribed by the Sun Priest as an unbalancing of the world.

Meanwhile, a ship launches from a distant city bound for Tova and set to arrive on the solstice. The captain of the ship, Xiala, is a disgraced Teek whose song can calm the waters around her as quickly as it can warp a man’s mind. Her ship carries one passenger. Described as harmless, the passenger, Serapio, is a young man, blind, scarred, and cloaked in destiny. As Xiala well knows, when a man is described as harmless, he usually ends up being a villain.

Will Serapio be harmless or a villain? The answer, my friend, will be known when you read this book or perhaps the second one in the trilogy.

Before meeting and falling forever in love with Jan, I had dreamed of the life of an American Studies professor. Thousands of students are relieved to know I did not pursue that life. If I had opened that door, an area of focus would have been on Pre-Columbian Americas.

I recommend this book and will read the next two in the Between Earth and Sky trilogy.

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Long Island

Read: May 2024

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Long Island – Eilis Lacey Series

by Colm Tóibín

Today, I embarked on a literary journey into the distinct world of Long Island, a novel by the acclaimed author Colm Toibin. This captivating narrative continues the life of Eilis Lacey, a beloved character from Toibin’s celebrated work Brooklyn, but two decades have passed. Eilis, now in her forties, is married to Tony Fiorello, an Italian-American plumber, and they are raising two teenagers.

The novel offers a fresh perspective on Eilis’s life, struggles, and journey of self-discovery. She lives with Tony’s large and loving extended family on a cul-de-sac in Lindenhurst, Long Island, which plays a significant role in the story. Though Eilis feels connected to her Irish roots, she has yet to return to Ireland in many years.

One fateful day, a visitor arrives unannounced at Eilis’s doorstep, bringing with him a life-altering revelation. He reveals that his wife is carrying Tony’s child and plans to leave the baby with Eilis once it’s born. This unexpected twist throws Eilis into a maelstrom of emotions and a labyrinthine decision-making process. As the emotional core of Toibin’s narrative, this journey of self-discovery and emotional upheaval is sure to hold readers spellbound.

Long Island‘ is a poignant exploration of unfulfilled desires and the enigmatic secrets that shape our lives. Eilis’s reticence speaks volumes, and Toibin masterfully gives voice to her concealed yearnings and profound connections. For instance, Eilis often finds herself lost in memories of her life in Ireland, particularly her relationship with her mother. Though unspoken, these recollections lay bare her profound yearning for her homeland and family. This evocative tale of love, longing, and the quest for self-discovery is bound to enthrall readers.

NPR’s Mary Louise Kelly speaks with author Colm Toibin about his new novel Long Island.



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