Walking for 1097 Days

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes, 15 seconds

I Am OK Walking Into the
Unknowable Future

I woke up at 5:30 AM this morning, just like my Apple Watch alarm rings daily. As I left bed, my watch greeted me with a friendly “Good Morning, Richard” message. Since I live alone, I responded to my watch and put on my walking clothes. Even though the sky was dark and dismal, the predicted rain did not arrive, and it was dry outside. I’ve been doing this for three years and never let the weather affect my mood.

I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of orange juice. I took a vitamin pill and selected a banana and yogurt, which I placed on the table. While waiting for the English muffin to toast, I asked Siri for my morning NPR update. Although I listened to the news in the background, I couldn’t help but think that yesterday marked three years since I buried the love of my life, Jan. Her absence is an unfillable void, and every day without her is a reminder of the life we had together.

After finishing the first phase of breakfast with a banana, muffin, and two spoons of Chobani’s Monterrey Strawberry yogurt, I returned the unfinished juice and yogurt to the refrigerator. I put on my Brooks Ghost shoes and made a mental note to order new ones this week, as I have walked in these since November. Then, I put on three layers to be safe if it feels colder than the 50 degrees the weather app claims. I picked up yesterday’s recycling and headed out for my morning walk.

First Step

I have always enjoyed walking, but it wasn’t until the day after my wife Jan’s funeral that I began a consistent, daily walking routine. That day, I was busy talking to mourners and tapping car windows. Looking back, I realize this was the turning point that started my three-year walking journey on May 6, 2021.

I Conquered Twenty-Six Floors for Jan

After completing The Big Climb, my friend Hugo asked me where I found the strength to keep up my daily walks. I told him that I would choose to walk over driving any day. But why do I walk, even on rainy or snowy days? I don’t have an answer. I could make up a story, but the truth is that the reason still eludes me.

Three years ago, I explained to Hugo that I woke up feeling tired and tempted to sleep in until noon. “I’d do the same,” Hugo said. But instead of giving in to that temptation, I went to the bathroom, splashed cold water on my face, and put on my walking shoes. I went for a walk to clear my head. Hugo shook his head, and I knew most people would have chosen to sleep instead of taking an early morning walk.

The following day, I went for another walk. I told Hugo I didn’t plan to walk daily for three years, but it has become essential to my routine. I asked if he knew about the bumpers they install in bowling alleys to keep the ball out of the gutters. He said yes, he knew about the bumpers, but what did that have to do with my walking? It’s a way to ensure that I stay focused on living my best life as a widow. I need to walk; my other habit is to avoid falling into the gutter. With each step, I get closer to achieving physical, mental, and emotional wellness.

“It’s made a difference,” Hugo said. You look great and are a better person and friend.” I laughed. “Hugo, I’m just an ordinary guy who lost his wife and is trying to be the best version of himself,” I explained. I hope that someday I’ll be able to figure out who I am without Jan. But until then, even though I don’t know what the future holds, I’ll keep listening, embracing it, and walking into it with strength and courage.”

Today’s Morning Walk

I set my Apple Watch to track an outdoor walk as I left the room to take out the recycling and garbage. Though the mist was irritating, I was determined to continue. Walking past my old office, now turned gym, I took in my surroundings, feeling the cool air on my skin and a light mist on my face. Memories of my beloved Jan flooded my mind, but I knew she would want me to keep moving forward.

Turning right, I took the alleyway adjacent to my apartment building. As I approached Alden Street, I saw Karyn, the owner of Keating Physical Therapy. We exchanged pleasantries, and her warm smile was a small but significant part of my daily routine, reminding me that I was starting my walk on time. I picked up my NY Times, walked into the lobby, and put the paper in my mailbox for safekeeping. In January, I left it by the couch, and when I returned, it was gone.

Bridges Street to Homes 5K
From left to Right: Richard J. Uniacke, President of Bridges; Alison Bryant, Secretary of Bridges.

Continuing along Alden Street towards Miln, I saw my friends perched on the steps of St. Michael’s Church, patiently waiting for the morning mass. Their presence, even from a distance, was a comfort. I waved at them before moving forward, my steps steady and resolute. Most of my hometown was still asleep, so the world around me remained quiet for the next half hour as I walked.

As my path left downtown and paralleled the Rahway River, I saw more people. When I started my walking routine, I greeted everyone I saw with a hello and a wish for a good day. I extended those hopes for a good day for months, even when I knew I would not have a good day. In three years of walking, I had greeted many people. Some had become friends, but all were people I looked forward to seeing.

As I carefully stepped over puddles, I realized how life always had obstacles and challenges, but with each passing day, I was getting better at overcoming them. Taking a deep breath and holding my head up high, I moved forward into the future with renewed hope and determination. The future was unknown, but it was the only option I had.

Pages: 1 2 3

12 comments add your comment

Share your thoughts and ideas

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous Post:

Next Post:

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

A Good Neighborhood

Read: September 2021

Get this book

A Good Neighborhood

by Therese Anne Fowler

A Good Neighborhood by Therese Anne Fowler is a book that was difficult to put down once I started it. A Good Neighborhood is a “gripping contemporary novel that examines the American dream through the lens of two families living side by side in an idyllic neighborhood, throughout one summer that changes their lives irrevocably.”

I selected the book as it focuses, among other issues, on gentrification and environmental degradation. But to say that is what it is about would be a disservice. It also includes a full range of the social issues of our time.

But with little in common except a property line, these two very different families quickly find themselves at odds: first, over an historic oak tree in Valerie’s yard, and soon after, the blossoming romance between their two teenagers. Told from multiple points of view, A Good Neighborhood asks big questions about life in America today ― what does it mean to be a good neighbor? How do we live alongside each other when we don’t see eye to eye? ― as it explores the effects of class, race, and heartrending star-crossed love in a story that’s as provocative as it is powerful.

Ms. Fowler narrates the book. Greek Chorus. By doing this, she ensures that we are part of the story as much as readers.

We need to find answers to the big questions if we are to be good neighbors.

  • What does it mean to be a good neighbor?
  • How do we live alongside each other when we don’t see eye to eye?

The effects of class, race, and heartrending star-crossed love make this a must-read book.

I recommend the book to all readers.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
My Friend, I Care

Read: August 2021

Get this book

My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience

by Barbara Karnes RN

My journey from the Island of Grief back to the Land of Love is long and arduous. Friends, especially those who have also lost a loved one, are the guideposts on this journey. One of these friends, Sue Gramacy, sent this book to me during the early phases of my grief journey.

My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience may be one of the shortest books I have ever read, but it is also one that has been most helpful. Barbara Karnes, RN, provides a concise understanding of grief, and she includes a list of dos and don’ts that are very helpful to someone who has recently lost the love of their life.

She provides a compelling explanation of the new life that we all must strive to achieve.

Our inability to further enjoy life does not measure our loss. The quality of our relationship with the person who has died is found in our strength, our resilience and our ability to create a new and meaningful life.

The endpoint of my journey is a new and meaningful life. This book has helped remind me that it is an achievable goal.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
The Girl in His Shadow

Read: July 2022

Get this book

The Girl in His Shadow

by Audrey Blake

I completed the Big Library Read of 2022, The Girl in His Shadow, by Audrey Blake. I highly recommend it. The Girl in His Shadow is historical fiction about one woman who believed in scientific medicine before the world believed in her. Ms. Blake has a split personality— because she is the creative alter ego of writing duo Jaima Fixsen and Regina Sirois, two authors who met as finalists of a writing contest and have been writing together happily ever since.

The pen name – Audrey Blake – was in response to the publishers recommending a more straightforward author’s name. Regina’s daughter is named Audrey, and Jaima’s son is Blake.

I cannot praise this book enough. It was well written, and the characters, especially Nora Beady, jumped off the page. I recommend The Girl in His Shadow by Audrey Blake and encourage you to read the book and share your thoughts.

For more information and to start reading The Girl in His Shadow by Audrey Blake, visit: Big Library Read.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Raised by the eccentric surgeon Dr. Horace Croft after losing her parents to a deadly pandemic, the orphan Nora Beady knows little about conventional life. While other young ladies were raised to busy themselves with needlework and watercolors, Nora was trained to perfect her suturing and anatomical illustrations of dissections.

Women face dire consequences if caught practicing medicine, but in Croft’s private clinic Nora is his most trusted–and secret–assistant. That is until the new surgical resident Dr. Daniel Gibson arrives. Dr. Gibson has no idea that Horace’s bright and quiet young ward is a surgeon more qualified and ingenuitive than even himself. In order to protect Dr. Croft and his practice from scandal and collapse Nora must learn to play a new and uncomfortable role–that of a proper young lady.

But pretense has its limits. Nora cannot turn away and ignore the suffering of patients even if it means giving Gibson the power to ruin everything she’s worked for. And when she makes a discovery that could change the field forever, Nora faces an impossible choice. Remain invisible and let the men around her take credit for her work, or let the world see her for what she is–even if it means being destroyed by her own legacy.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
Ahab's Wife: Or, The Star-gazer: A Novel

Read: August 2021

Get this book

Ahab’s Wife: Or, The Star-gazer

by Sena Jeter Naslund

Ahab’s Wife: Or, The Star-gazer by Sena Jeter Naslund is a book I could not put down once I finished the first chapter. “Captain Ahab was neither my first husband nor my last.” is one of the most-recognized first sentences in literature–along with “Call me Ishmael.”

Sena Jeter Naslund has created a transcendent heroine – Una Spenser – who is as memorable as Ahab. Una’s universe spans a time that begins to redefine both women and men.

After a spellbinding opening scene, the tale flashes back to Una’s childhood in Kentucky; her idyllic adolescence with her aunt and uncle’s family at a lighthouse near New Bedford; her adventures disguised as a cabin boy on a whaling ship; her first marriage to a fellow survivor who descends into violent madness; courtship and marriage to Ahab; life as mother and a rich captain’s wife in Nantucket; involvement with Frederick Douglass; and a man who is in Nantucket researching his novel about his adventures on her ex-husband’s ship.

Ahab’s Wife is a breathtaking, magnificent, and uplifting story of one woman’s spiritual journey, informed by the spirit of the greatest American novel, but taking it beyond tragedy to redemptive triumph.

Having read this book, I can easily understand why my wife loved the book and encouraged me to read it. Her life story was much like Una’s, an uplifting story of her spiritual journey and her quest to repair the world.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
An Assassin in Utopia: The True Story of a Nineteenth-Century Sex Cult and a President's Murder

Read: February 2023

Get this book

An Assassin in Utopia

by Susan Wels

An Assassin in Utopia: The True Story of a Nineteenth-Century Sex Cult and a President’s Murder by Susan Wels is a true crime odyssey that explores a forgotten, astonishing chapter of American history, leading the reader from a free-love community in upstate New York to the shocking assassination of President James Garfield. I had read about this historical period in several other books, most recently Civil War by Other Means.

Susan Wels has written an excellent historical overview of a period we often overlook. I highly recommend An Assassin in Utopia: The True Story of a Nineteenth-Century Sex Cult and a President’s Murder.

The Oneida Community, even though it was the most successful utopian community, is often overlooked. Ms. Wels connects the dots and places the experiment in the center of a transitional period. It is not merely the connection between Charles Julius Guitea and his assassination of President James Garfield, albeit a brutal crime, that shook America to its core, but all of the other linkages. These include “John Humphrey Noyes; his idol, the eccentric newspaper publisher Horace Greeley (founder of the New Yorker and the New York Tribune).”

She also resurrects the importance of the Wormely Compromise and the African-American family that was an instrumental part of public society.

I have found fiction to be something I enjoy, but I knew it was time for a non-fiction book to balance my reading. The New York Times and other publications highly rated An Assassin in Utopia.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

It was heaven on earth—and, some whispered, the devil’s garden.

Thousands came by trains and carriages to see this new Eden, carved from hundreds of acres of wild woodland. They marveled at orchards bursting with fruit, thick herds of Ayrshire cattle and Cotswold sheep, and whizzing mills. They gaped at the people who lived in this place—especially the women, with their queer cropped hair and shamelessly short skirts. The men and women of this strange outpost worked and slept together—without sin, they claimed.

From 1848 to 1881, a small utopian colony in upstate New York—the Oneida Community—was known for its shocking sexual practices, from open marriage and free love to the sexual training of young boys by older women. And in 1881, a one-time member of the Oneida Community—Charles Julius Guiteau—assassinated President James Garfield in a brutal crime that shook America to its core.

An Assassin in Utopia is the first book that weaves together these explosive stories in a tale of utopian experiments, political machinations, and murder. This deeply researched narrative—by bestselling author Susan Wels—tells the true, interlocking stories of the Oneida Community and its radical founder, John Humphrey Noyes; his idol, the eccentric newspaper publisher Horace Greeley (founder of the New Yorker and the New York Tribune); and the gloomy, indecisive President James Garfield—who was assassinated after his first six months in office.

Juxtaposed to their stories is the odd tale of Garfield’s assassin, the demented Charles Julius Guiteau, who was connected to all of them in extraordinary, surprising ways.

Against a vivid backdrop of ambition, hucksterism, epidemics, and spectacle, the book’s interwoven stories fuse together in the climactic murder of President Garfield in 1881—at the same time as the Oneida Community collapsed.

Colorful and compelling, An Assassin in Utopia is a page-turning odyssey through America’s nineteenth-century cultural and political landscape.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
The Ferryman: A Novel

Read: May 2023

Get this book

The Ferryman: A Novel

by Justin Cronin

The novel, “The Ferryman,” by Justin Cronin, is set in the beautiful archipelago of Prospera. People lead long and fulfilling lives in this society until their forearm monitors drop below 10%. Then, they retire to the Nursery. Their memories are wiped clean, and they start a new life as sixteen-year-olds.

Although the book was recently published, I hesitated to read it due to the unsettling notion of having my memories wiped clean. However, my curiosity got the best of me, and I’m glad it did. Proctor Bennett, the protagonist, works as a ferryman, assisting people through retirement. But things worsen when Proctor starts dreaming, which is impossible in Prospera, and his monitor percentage rapidly decreases. Are these dreams fragments of a past that they cannot recall?

Amidst all this, rumors about the Arrivalists, who oppose the societal structure, and even the Support Staff, who keep Prospera functioning, are questioning their roles. Proctor finds himself caught up in a more significant cause than expected and sets out to uncover the truth.

Without giving away too much, things are not always what they seem in Prospera.

As a widow, I found this line particularly poignant: “That loss was love’s accounting, its unit of measure, as a foot was made of inches, a yard was made of feet.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book; it kept me engaged and excited, and my Kindle was my go-to device for reading it. I highly recommend this novel.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×

Discover more from Sharing Jan’s Love

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading