Grief’s Lesson: Serving and Blessing the Living!

Estimated reading time: 13 minutes, 10 seconds

Can I, An Ordinary Man,
Serve and Bless?

During the last Friday night service in May, when we commemorated Jan’s Yarhzeit, Rav Uri shared a passage about the valuable lessons that grief can teach us. It wasn’t the first time I had heard the passage, and I’ve used it in a post or stream before. He spoke about how grief can be a great teacher, leading us to serve and bless the living, offer counsel and comfort to the grieving, know when to keep silent, and offer words of love and concern. As many of my friends and readers know, I find comfort in reading, writing, walking, and worshiping, seeking to absorb as much wisdom as possible.

For the past three years and almost three months since Jan’s passing, I’ve been on a journey of personal growth, determined not to be overwhelmed by grief. This transformative path, shaped by the profound lessons of mourning, has led me to where I am today: feeling hopeful and inspired five years into retirement and three years since Jan’s passing. In April, my friend Danny made an observation that sparked a new perspective.

You are an incredible person! You are a new person! A better person! Jan, although not here physically, has done so much for you!

During my morning walks, I pondered Danny’s comment and the passage about grief being a great teacher. The idea of serving the living and blessing them has been weighing on my mind. I extend a heartfelt invitation to you, my dear friends and readers, to join me in this contemplation. Your insights and perspectives are not just welcome; they are crucial as we embark on this journey of reflection and growth together. The passage Rav Uri read resonates with me as I walk around Cranford, reminding me of the strength we find in our shared experiences and the support of our community.

Grief is a great teacher when it sends us back to serve and bless the living. We learn how to counsel and comfort those who, like ourselves, are burdened with sorrow. We learn when to keep silent in their presence and when a word will assure them of our love and concern.

I understand that the passage tells us to comfort those who, like ourselves, are burdened with sorrow. However, I have adapted it to include family, friends, and the community, not just those who have suffered a loss. I explained this to Tom, a friend who worships at St. Michael’s Catholic Church in Cranford. That is your ministry, and you are doing that the same way you have approached every other task in your life,” he said.

What lessons has grief taught me, an ordinary, flawed person? Although I live solely in the present, I have noticed various changes taking place within me. In each instance, the impetus for change began when I listened with my ears, embraced with my arms, and walked into the future with my feet. Many changes are still underway, and I welcome support and encouragement as change is challenging without the help of family, friends, and neighbors. This ongoing journey of personal growth, sparked by the transformative power of grief, is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the potential for positive change.

Family First

I strolled into the serene atmosphere of the Glen Ridge Country Club and quickly realized that I had arrived before Mike, Elyssa, and Nick to the gathering. A wave of thirst washed over me, prompting me to order a refreshing ginger ale. Unfortunately, in my haste, I forgot to request no straw with my drink. As I gracefully meandered across the deck that offered a breathtaking view of the immaculate golf course, onlookers couldn’t help but mistake my beverage for a cocktail due to the presence of a straw. Taking in the stunning vista of Manhattan’s skyline against the backdrop of the luscious, green landscape, I savored each sip of my drink. Amidst this tranquil setting, I found myself pondering how time had flown by so quickly, leading to the realization that my oldest grandchild is a thirteen-year-old middle school graduate.

Eighth Grade Graduation

As I turned toward the interior of the building, my eyes fell upon a poignant scene. Mike was carrying Wes, followed by Elyssa and Nick. I couldn’t help but remind myself that after tonight, Nick would embrace her birth name, Liliah-Rae. Despite having grown accustomed to calling her Nick for over two years, I wondered how long it would take me to adjust to using her original name.

The veranda felt incredibly spacious, almost like a sprawling racecourse. It was quite a sight to behold Mike running after Wes, evoking memories of Mike’s younger days in contrast to his current middle-aged self. Nick and her classmates seemed to be dressed beyond their years, appearing older than their teenage selves. Most of the twenty-two students were female and looked mature for their age. As they sat on the dais, I observed the audience, trying to gauge how many people, apart from a few teachers, were around my age.

As we gathered around the table with full plates of delicious food from the buffet, I thanked Mike and Elyssa for including me in the celebration. Mike warmly embraced me and said, “I’m so happy you’re here to celebrate the graduation and this special occasion with us. We’re all family, and it’s important to celebrate together.” I thanked them again and inquired why they had four seats. We had to get one for Wes,” Elyssa explained. Wes, of course, was sitting on his dad’s lap during the event.

The newly graduated students were so happy and excited that they began to dance and leap around while cheering spontaneously. My son Mike mentioned it was time to take Elyssa and Wes home because it was late. I couldn’t help but wonder when the tables would turn, and I’d go to bed earlier than Wes. Elyssa made a playful request for us to save dessert for their seats, teasing that Mike would probably devour all the sweets if given the chance. As the wait staff brought out our food, I reminded her that my family of three would be returning soon and would want dessert.

As the evening’s activities gradually came to a close, I found myself immersed in deep contemplation. I vividly recalled the moment I cradled Lilah-Rae in my arms when she was born. Little did I know then that I would one day commemorate my eldest grandchild’s graduation from middle school. Amidst the unpredictability of life and the world, it was a profound realization to acknowledge that I was present in this moment. When Mike returned, I expressed my gratitude once more and shared my hope of being there in four years for a high school graduation and in ten years for Wes’s middle school graduation. It will be twelve years for Wes,” he gently reminded me. I was caught off guard, hurriedly reaching for a napkin to conceal my surprise.

In four years, I will be seventy-nine, and I am hopeful that I will be able to witness Liliah-Rae’s high school graduation. Looking further into the future, I am still determined to be there for another four years, but I am determined to be present for Wes’s graduation in twelve years and his little brother’s in fourteen years. As I drove home, sadness engulfed me like a fog rolling across a quiet golf course. Taking the Cranford exit off the Parkway, I came to terms with the unpredictable nature of life. Whether I partake in these future celebrations, I can only cherish my time and shower them with love and blessings, one day at a time.

Pages: 1 2 3

9 comments add your comment

Share your thoughts and ideas

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous Post:

Next Post:

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Blue Skies: A Novel

Read: August 2023

Get this book

Blue Skies: A Novel

by T. C. Boyle

I started reading Blue Skies: A Novel by T. C. Boyle today. The book is an eco-thriller with comedic elements. It explores the relationships between humans and their habitats in a world where natural disasters frequently occur, where “the only truism seems to be that things always get worse.”

Denied a dog, a baby, and even a faithful fiancé, Cat suddenly craves a snake: a glistening, writhing creature that can be worn like “jewelry, living jewelry” to match her black jeans. But when the budding social media star promptly loses the young “Burmie” she buys from a local pet store, she inadvertently sets a chain of increasingly dire and outrageous events threatening her survival.

Blue Skies follows the tradition of T. C. Boyle’s finest novels, combining high-octane plotting with biting wit and intelligent social commentary. Here Boyle, one of the most inventive voices in contemporary fiction, transports us to water-logged and heat-ravaged coastal America, where Cat and her hapless, nature-loving family—including her eco-warrior parents, Ottilie and Frank; her brother, Cooper, an entomologist; and her frat-boy-turned-husband, Todd—are struggling to adapt to the “new normal,” in which once-in-a-lifetime natural disasters happen once a week and drinking seems to be the only way to cope.

But there’s more than meets the eye to this compulsive family drama. Lurking beneath the bland façade of twenty-first-century Californians and Floridians attempting to preserve normalcy in the face of violent weather perturbations is a caricature of materialist American society that doubles as a prophetic warning about our planet’s future. Blue Skies deftly explores the often volatile relationships between humans and their habitats, from pet bees and cricket-dependent diets to massive species die-offs and pummeling hurricanes, in which “the only truism seems to be that things always get worse.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
All the Sinners Bleed- A Novel

Read: June 2023

Get this book

All the Sinners Bleed: A Novel

by S. A. Cosby

Today, I delved into the gripping pages of “All the Sinners Bleed” by S. A. Cosby. This enthralling novel centers around Titus Crown, the first African American sheriff in Charon County, Virginia. Despite the county’s reputation for traditional customs such as moonshine, cornbread, and honeysuckle, Titus, with his FBI expertise, knows that the peace won’t last forever.

On the first anniversary of Titus’s election, a schoolteacher is murdered by an ex-student, and Titus’s deputies take down the perpetrator. As Titus delves deeper into the case, he uncovers a web of horrendous crimes and finds a serial killer lurking in plain sight, haunting Charon’s dirt roads and woodland clearings.

Titus is determined to solve the case, even though it is linked to a nearby church, and he harbors a personal secret that plagues him. However, he faces opposition from a far-right group who want to hold a parade to honor the town’s Confederate past while he tries to solve the issue.

Despite the challenges, Titus remains resolute in his love for Charon and his commitment to finding justice. The collision of religion and hatred cannot deter him from his duty.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness

Read: April 2023

Get this book

A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness

by Jai Chakrabarti

I recently discovered an excellent short story collection called A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness: Stories by Jai Chakrabarti. This author won the National Jewish Book Award for debut fiction with his novel A Play for the End of the World, and it is clear that his talent extends to the short story form as well.

The stories in this collection follow men and women as they navigate transformations and familial bonds across countries and cultures. Each story is unique and captivating, but the one that struck me was the title story about a closeted gay man in 1980s Kolkata who seeks to have a child with his lover’s wife. Chakrabarti’s skill as a storyteller is on full display in this story and throughout the collection.

I highly recommend A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness: Stories if you want a book exploring love and family’s complexities in uncertain times. Each story is a masterful exploration of what it means to cultivate a family across borders, religions, and races. I look forward to reading more by Jai Chakrabarti in the future.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

In the fourteen masterful stories of this collection, Jai Chakrabarti crosses continents and cultures to explore what it means to cultivate a family across borders, religions, and races today.

In the title story, a closeted gay man in 1980s Kolkata seeks to have a child with his lover’s wife. An Indian widow, engaged to a Jewish man, struggles to balance her cultural identity with the rituals and traditions of her newfound family. An American musician travels to see his guru for the final time—and makes a promise he cannot keep. A young woman from an Indian village arrives in Brooklyn to care for the toddler of a biracial couple. And a mystical agent is sent by a mother to solve her son’s domestic problems.

Throughout, the characters’ most vulnerable desires shape life-altering decisions as they seek to balance their needs against those of the people they hold closest.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
Wild Dark Shore

Read: March 2025

Get this book

Wild Dark Shore

by Charlotte McConaghy

Today, I dove into “Wild Dark Shore” by Charlotte McConaghy, a captivating novel that The New York Times hailed as one of the must-reads for this spring. The story unfolds on a remote island, where a family’s tranquil life changes with the arrival of a mysterious woman who washes ashore just as a tempest brews on the horizon. With secrets and storms looming, I can already feel the tension building—this promises to be a thrilling read!

Dominic Salt and his three children are caretakers of Shearwater, a tiny island not far from Antarctica. Home to the world’s largest seed bank, Shearwater was once full of researchers, but with sea levels rising, the Salts are now its final inhabitants. Until, during the worst storm the island has ever seen, a woman mysteriously washes ashore.

Isolation has taken its toll on the Salts, but as they nurse the woman, Rowan, back to strength, it begins to feel like she might just be what they need. Long accustomed to protecting herself, Rowan starts imagining a future where she could belong to someone again.

But Rowan isn’t telling the truth about why she set out for Shearwater. And when she discovers sabotaged radios and a freshly dug grave, she realizes Dominic is keeping his secrets. As the storms on Shearwater gather force, they all must decide if they can trust each other enough to protect the precious seeds in their care before it’s too late—and if they can finally put the tragedies of the past behind them to create something new together.

Wild Dark Shore is a novel of breathtaking twists, dizzying beauty, and ferocious love about the impossible choices we make to protect the people we love, even as the world disappears.


Charlotte McConaghy is a New York Times bestselling author of the novels Wild Dark Shore, Once There Were Wolves, and Migrations, which have been translated into over twenty languages. She is currently based in Sydney, Australia.



When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!


×
Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea

Read: October 2023

Get this book

Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea

by Hannah Stowe

I recently started reading a book called “Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea” by Hannah Stowe. It’s a captivating book that immerses you in a world of water, whales, storms, and starlight, allowing you to experience what it’s like to sail for weeks and live life to a new rhythm.

Hannah Stowe, a marine biologist and sailor in her mid-twenties, grew up on the Pembrokeshire coast of Wales, where she fell asleep to the sound of the lighthouse beam. Drawing upon her experiences sailing tens of thousands of miles in various seas, including the North Sea, North Atlantic, Mediterranean, Celtic Sea, and the Caribbean, she explores the human connection to the wild waters. Stowe ponders why she and others are drawn to life at sea and what we can learn from the water around us.

Stowe intertwines her narrative and illustrations with stories of six keystone marine creatures: the fire crow, sperm whale, wandering albatross, humpback whale, shearwater, and barnacle. Through these stories, she invites readers to fall in love with the sea and its inhabitants and to discover the majesty, wonder, and fragility of the underwater world.

If you enjoy the works of Rachel Carson and Annie Dillard, then “Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea” is a must-read. It’s an inspiring and heartfelt tribute to the sea, a testimony to pursuing and achieving a dream, and an unforgettable introduction to a talented new nature writer.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
The Unsettled: A Novel

Read: October 2023

Get this book

The Unsettled: A Novel

by Ayana Mathis

I highly recommend reading “The Unsettled: A Novel” by Ayana Mathis. It’s a brilliant, explosive, and vitally crucial new work from one of America’s most fiercely talented storytellers. The story follows Ava Carson and her ten-year-old son, Toussaint, arriving at the Glenn Avenue family shelter in Philadelphia in 1985. From the outset, Ava is already thinking of a way to escape.

She is disgusted by the shelter’s squalid conditions, including a room infested with cockroaches, barely edible food, and an untrustworthy night security guard. She is resolute in her mission to rescue her son from the shelter’s dangers and humiliations and free herself from the complex past that led them there.

Ava and her mother, Dutchess, have been estranged for many years since Ava left her Alabama home as a young woman. Despite the miles between them, mother and daughter are still deeply connected. However, Ava finds it hard to forgive her mother for her sharp tongue, intractability, and bouts of despair that led to neglect and hunger during her childhood.

Ava wants to be a better mother to her son, Toussaint. However, when Toussaint’s father, Cass, suddenly reappears, Ava is drawn to his charisma and radical vision to dismantle systems of racial injustice and establish a new communal living.

Meanwhile, in Alabama, Dutchess is facing a difficult challenge. She is struggling to prevent the sale of Bonaparte to white developers, who are rapidly encroaching on the land. Bonaparte has been a beacon of Black freedom and self-determination, and it is now in the hands of its last five Black residents – families who have lived there for generations. Dutchess is fighting to preserve the venerable history of Bonaparte and the land, which she has worked hard to keep as Ava’s inheritance.

As Ava approaches Cass, Toussaint begins to sense danger around him. He worries about his mother’s erratic behavior and his father’s intense and volatile nature. Toussaint dreams of returning to Bonaparte and Dutchess, where he was born and raised. He hopes to find his way back there soon.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×

Discover more from Sharing Jan’s Love

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading