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Grief’s Lesson: Serving and Blessing the Living!

Estimated reading time: 13 minutes, 10 seconds
Congressman Rob Menendez visited the Bridges Project Connect office in Newark

Together, we can and will end homelessness!

Where Am I Today?

Despite my imperfections, I have become a more devoted father and grandfather. I understand my children and their children hold the key to the future, and I am committed to focusing on them rather than fixating on me or the past.

Following the passing of my wife, I have deepened my relationships by providing care, compassion, and understanding to those in my circle.

I have prioritized embodying humility and contributing to my community through active involvement in Hanson Park and Bridges.

Even in the face of unreciprocated love, I continue loving someone without expecting her feelings to change. My focus is on embracing life and actively seeking meaningful connections despite many being only one way.

Danny’s comment about me being incredible or a new person may be a testament to the profound impact of grief. Despite feeling as imperfect and shattered as a broken mirror, I hold onto the hope that I can become a better version of myself. Only time will reveal whether I have indeed grown from my experience with grief or only survived the pain and turmoil. I sincerely appreciate the honest, thoughtful feedback I’ve received and look forward to more. Your perspectives will help shape the days and nights ahead, guiding me to become the best version of myself to serve better and bring blessings to the living.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Such a Fun Age

Read: October 2021

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Such a Fun Age

by Kiley Reid

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid. Although many reviewers highly rated this book, I was unsure it was the book for me. However, once I started reading, I could not stop. It is “a striking and surprising debut novel from a compelling new voice. Such a Fun Age is a big-hearted story about race and privilege, set around a young Black babysitter, her well-intentioned employer, and a surprising connection that threatens to undo them both.

Alix Chamberlain is a woman who gets what she wants and has made a living with her confidence-driven brand, showing other women how to do the same. So she is shocked when her babysitter, Emira Tucker, is confronted while watching the Chamberlains’ toddler one night, walking the aisles of their local high-end supermarket. The store’s security guard, seeing a young Black woman out late with a White child, accuses Emira of kidnapping two-year-old Briar. A small crowd gathers, a bystander films everything, and Emira is furious and humiliated. Alix resolves to make things right.

But Emira herself is aimless, broke, and wary of Alix’s desire to help. At 25, she is about to lose her health insurance and has no idea what to do with her life. When the video of Emira unearths someone from Alix’s past, both women find themselves on a crash course that will upend everything they think they know about themselves and each other.

With empathy and piercing social commentary, Such a Fun Ageexplores the stickiness of transactional relationships, what it means to make someone “family”, and the complicated reality of being a grown-up. It is a searing debut for our times.

When race and privilege are paramount issues, this book is a first step to understanding the intersectionality of the issues and addressing them. I recommend this book with our reservation.

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The Vegetarian: A Novel

Read: October 2024

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The Vegetarian: A Novel

by Han Kang

Today, I started reading The Vegetarian: A Novel by Han Kang, Winner of the 2024 Nobel Prize in Literature. The novel also won The International Booker Prize and is one of The New York Times’s 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. Celebrated by critics worldwide, The Vegetarian is a darkly allegorical, Kafka-esque tale of power, obsession, and one woman’s struggle to break free from the violence both without and within her.

Before the nightmares began, Yeong-hye and her husband lived an ordinary, controlled life. But the dreams—invasive images of blood and brutality—torture her, driving Yeong-hye to purge her mind and renounce eating meat altogether. It’s a small act of independence, but it interrupts her marriage and sets into motion an increasingly grotesque chain of events at home.

As her husband, her brother-in-law, and her sister each fight to reassert their control, Yeong-hye obsessively defends the choice that’s become sacred to her. Soon, their attempts turn desperate, subjecting first her mind and then her body to ever more intrusive and perverse violations, sending Yeong-hye spiraling into a dangerous, bizarre estrangement, not only from those closest to her but also from herself.

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Yellowface

Read: June 2023

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Yellowface: A Novel

by R.F. Kuang

I began reading Yellowface, a novel by R.F. Kuang, today. The storyline has been captivating as I scroll through the pages on my Kindle App. The book explores important themes such as cultural diversity, racism, the negative impact of cultural appropriation, and the alienation caused by social media. I find the protagonist, June Hayward, relatable and enjoyable to read about while experiencing Yellowface on my Kindle App.

June and Athena were both talented writers, but Athena’s success overshadowed June’s. After Athena’s sudden death, June rashly steals her completed manuscript, a groundbreaking novel about the Chinese laborers who contributed to World War I. June edits the book and takes credit for it, even going so far as to change her name and ethnicity for marketing purposes. She believes the story deserves to be told, regardless of who tells it.

As June’s book becomes a bestseller, she is haunted by the guilt of stealing Athena’s work. Her secret becomes harder to keep as evidence of her theft surfaces. June must confront her actions and decide how far she will go to protect her newfound success.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Rest Is Memory: A Novel

Read: January 2025

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The Rest Is Memory: A Novel

Today, I dove into “The Rest Is Memory: A Novel” by Lily Tuck, and it’s already leaving a powerful impression. This poignant tale follows a young Catholic girl’s harrowing journey to Auschwitz, woven in a captivating Rashomon-style narrative showcasing Tuck’s brilliance as a storyteller. Esquire has rightly placed it on their list of Best Books for Fall 2024, and I can see why.

In Tuck‘s skilled hands, “The Rest Is Memory” transforms into an unforgettable piece of historical reclamation, breathing life into an innocent soul who has long been remembered only through a haunting triptych of photographs. It’s a journey that promises to linger in my thoughts long after I’ve turned the last page.

In this mesmerizing novel by Lily Tuck, we first glimpse fourteen-year-old Czeslawa riding on the back of a boy’s motorcycle. Tuck imagines Czeslawa’s upbringing in a small Polish village before her world imploded in late 1942. Stripped of her modest belongings, she arrives at Auschwitz shorn and bearing the tattoo number 26947. Shortly after, she is photographed. Three months later, she is dead.

How did this happen to an ordinary Polish citizen? This is the question Tuck grapples with in this haunting narrative, which frames Czeslawa’s story within the tragic context of the six million Poles who perished during the German occupation. A decade before writing The Rest Is Memory“, Tuck read an obituary of the photographer Wilhelm Brasse, who took over 40,000 pictures of Auschwitz prisoners—including three of Czeslawa Kwoka, a Catholic girl from rural southeastern Poland. Tuck cut out these photos and kept them, determined to learn more about Czeslawa. However, she could only gather the barest facts: the village she came from, the transport she was on, that she was accompanied by her mother and neighbors, her tattoo number, and the date of her death. Tuck crafts a remarkable kaleidoscope of imagination from this scant evidence, something only our greatest novelists can achieve.

Susanna Moore described the novel as “Beautifully written, all the while instilling a sense of horror.” Tuck’s language swirls around the reader, yet no word is out of place. The subtly rotating images tumble forth, accelerating as we learn about Czeslawa’s tragic time in Auschwitz, as well as the lives of real individuals, including the brutal Commandant Rudolf Höss, his unconscionable wife Hedwig, psychiatrist and child rescuer Janusz Korczak, and the sharp Polish short story writer Tadeusz Borowski. Although we know Czeslawa’s fate, we must keep turning the pages, thoroughly captivated by Tuck’s nearly otherworldly prose.

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Life After Life

Read: August 2024

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Life After Life

by Kate Atkinson

Today, I embarked on the journey of Kate Atkinson‘s ‘Life After Life,’ a novel that has secured its place among The New York Times 100 Best Books of the Century. The book presents a unique and thought-provoking premise: What if you could live multiple lives until you found the perfect one? With its darkly comic, startlingly poignant, and utterly original narrative, it’s a testament to Kate Atkinson‘s unparalleled storytelling prowess.

The story unfolds in a unique narrative structure, beginning on a cold and snowy night in 1910 when Ursula Todd is born to an English banker and his wife. She dies before drawing her first breath. However, on that same night, Ursula Todd is born again, lets out a loud cry, and starts a life that will be pretty unusual. As she grows up, she also dies repeatedly in various ways while the young century moves inexorably toward its second cataclysmic world war.

Could Ursula’s seemingly endless life be the key to altering the world’s inevitable destiny? The prospect is both thrilling and hopeful. Yet, the question lingers – if she possesses this power, will she choose to wield it?

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How Democracies Die

Read: January 2021

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How Democracies Die: What History Reveals About Our Future

by Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt

How Democracies Die: What History Reveals About Our Future by Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt was on my reading list for almost a year. In late December of last year, I started reading it and was in the final chapter on January 6, 2021. Like many of us, I never in my life expected to see a day like that in our country.

This type of event is one the authors talk about in their book.

According to the overview in GoodReads,

Donald Trump’s presidency has raised a question that many of us never thought we’d be asking: Is our democracy in danger? Harvard professors Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt have spent more than twenty years studying the breakdown of democracies in Europe and Latin America, and they believe the answer is yes. Democracy no longer ends with a bang–in a revolution or military coup–but with a whimper: the slow, steady weakening of critical institutions, such as the judiciary and the press, and the gradual erosion of long-standing political norms. The good news is that there are several exit ramps on the road to authoritarianism. The bad news is that, by electing Trump, we have already passed the first one.

Drawing on decades of research and a wide range of historical and global examples, from 1930s Europe to contemporary Hungary, Turkey, and Venezuela, to the American South during Jim Crow, Levitsky and Ziblatt show how democracies die–and how ours can be saved.

Our democracy is too valuable for us to have it die. We all need to work to preserve and strengthen it. How Democracies Die is a book that everyone needs to read!

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