Half-Birthday Cataclysm

Estimated reading time: 16 minutes, 10 seconds

Inopportune Events Shake the Foundation of My Life

When I walked into my home, I did my usual routine. I asked Siri to play WNYC-FM, pulled The New York Times from its blue bag, and set the table for the second half of my breakfast. Today, marking the final day of September, I couldn’t help but exclaim to the silent room, “Not a bad stroll to commemorate my half-birthday.” As I removed my Ghost Max 2 walking shoes, I detected an unfamiliar discomfort – a blister, a sensation entirely foreign to me despite my daily walks spanning over three years.

Three days before, following my return from Shabbat Services at Temple Sha’arey Shalom, I proudly proclaimed my vigor. I attributed it to my new shoes, boasting of their APMA Seal of Acceptance and their role in extending my walks. At that moment, I felt robust, full of vitality, and assured that my life’s equilibrium would persist until the end of the month. Subsequently, I settled down to savor the remainder of my breakfast.

I sat at my dining table, reading the newspaper in front of me. I reached for my favorite Chobani blueberry yogurt. As I took a spoonful and savored the sweet flavor, I was surprised to feel a crunchy texture, like I had scooped up a bit of granola. However, as I investigated further, I was taken aback to discover a small piece of a tooth on my spoon.

The discovery of the tooth fragment on my spoon was a jolt. I was taken aback, my mind struggling to comprehend what had happened. As I carefully inspected the tooth fragment, a strange sensation in my mouth drew my attention. Running my tongue over my teeth, I realized there was a gap where the tooth had once been. I went to the bathroom with the tooth fragment clutched, studying my reflection in the mirror, trying to understand the enormity of the situation. The gap in my mouth was so large, while the tooth fragment in my hands was so small.

After securing the tooth fragment in a small sandwich bag, I returned to the kitchen and finished my yogurt. However, unease lingered in the air, refusing to be ignored. I tried to distract myself by reading the newspaper, but my efforts were in vain. A sudden ringing in my right ear interrupted my reading. As I reached up to touch my ear, I realized I could only hear from my left ear. It felt as though my day was rapidly unraveling, leaving me feeling bewildered and deeply concerned.

After leaving a message for my dentist and cleaning the breakfast dishes, I focused on my resilience strategies. This was my first step in addressing the worst morning this year. I also contacted my sons, knowing their support would bolster my resilience. My resilience strategies, which I have honed over the years, include staying connected with loved ones, maintaining a positive outlook, and seeking professional help. These strategies will help me navigate this challenging period of unexpected health issues.

I texted my sons.

Today is my half-birthday! It’s usually just another day, but it held significance five years ago when I had to start dipping into my retirement savings. Turning seventy-five and a half feels different. I lost a tooth, have ringing in one ear, and, for the first time in 1249 days of walking, I have developed blisters. These unexpected challenges, for which I needed to prepare, remind me that aging is not always easy and full of surprises.

IT SUCKS!

A Tight Retainer Gives Me a Temporary Tooth

Dr. Payal Bhatnager, my friendly and professional dentist, welcomed me into her office with a warm smile and said, “Please give me a minute.” It had been a whole week since I lost my tooth, and I was eager to pick up where we had left off. As her first client of the day, I couldn’t help but reflect on the past week. Despite attending the High Holidays and being out and about every day, no one had mentioned my missing tooth. It made me wonder if people were being exceptionally kind or if they hadn’t noticed.

Dr. Bhatnager carefully positioned the retainer in my mouth as I settled into the dental chair. She emphasized the importance of the retainer over a flipper tooth and ensured it fit snugly. She gave me a mirror and allowed me to see how it changed my appearance. Despite the initial discomfort and unfamiliar sensation, I acknowledged that it looked acceptable. She then provided detailed instructions on removing and inserting the retainer, emphasizing the complexity of the process. As I rose from the chair, she cautioned me against wearing the retainer while sleeping or eating.

As I sat in the driver’s seat of my Toyota Prius, I gazed at my reflection in the rearview mirror and contemplated the daunting cost of replacing a missing tooth. After carefully reviewing my dental insurance, I discovered I had only $400 remaining. Unfortunately, it did not cover the implant Dr. Bhatnager recommended as the only solution. I double-checked the directions to my upcoming dermatologist appointment and realized I would arrive early.

I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to pull over at a nearby park for a leisurely walk, not solely for exercise but also to gather my thoughts and devise a plan to navigate this challenging situation. With unwavering determination, I reminded myself of Rabbi Uri‘s inspiring sermon about the importance of conscientious resilience.

He discussed resilience as bouncing back from adversity and learning and growing from the experience. Despite the setbacks of a missing tooth, tinnitus, and blisters, I draw strength from my unwavering support network of family and friends and the solace of reading, worship, and walking. These obstacles are no match for my resilience and determination.

After a pleasant visit with my dermatologist, I returned home and applied some cream to a small area near my eyebrow, close to the hairline, and on my right hand. Feeling hungry, I went into my bathroom, struggling to remove my retainer. Panic started to set in, and I felt tears welling up in my throat as I worried about not being able to get it out. The thought of not being able to eat or sleep was daunting. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, it loosened enough at the back for me to carefully place it in the box my dentist had provided.

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The Unsettled: A Novel

Read: October 2023

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The Unsettled: A Novel

by Ayana Mathis

I highly recommend reading “The Unsettled: A Novel” by Ayana Mathis. It’s a brilliant, explosive, and vitally crucial new work from one of America’s most fiercely talented storytellers. The story follows Ava Carson and her ten-year-old son, Toussaint, arriving at the Glenn Avenue family shelter in Philadelphia in 1985. From the outset, Ava is already thinking of a way to escape.

She is disgusted by the shelter’s squalid conditions, including a room infested with cockroaches, barely edible food, and an untrustworthy night security guard. She is resolute in her mission to rescue her son from the shelter’s dangers and humiliations and free herself from the complex past that led them there.

Ava and her mother, Dutchess, have been estranged for many years since Ava left her Alabama home as a young woman. Despite the miles between them, mother and daughter are still deeply connected. However, Ava finds it hard to forgive her mother for her sharp tongue, intractability, and bouts of despair that led to neglect and hunger during her childhood.

Ava wants to be a better mother to her son, Toussaint. However, when Toussaint’s father, Cass, suddenly reappears, Ava is drawn to his charisma and radical vision to dismantle systems of racial injustice and establish a new communal living.

Meanwhile, in Alabama, Dutchess is facing a difficult challenge. She is struggling to prevent the sale of Bonaparte to white developers, who are rapidly encroaching on the land. Bonaparte has been a beacon of Black freedom and self-determination, and it is now in the hands of its last five Black residents – families who have lived there for generations. Dutchess is fighting to preserve the venerable history of Bonaparte and the land, which she has worked hard to keep as Ava’s inheritance.

As Ava approaches Cass, Toussaint begins to sense danger around him. He worries about his mother’s erratic behavior and his father’s intense and volatile nature. Toussaint dreams of returning to Bonaparte and Dutchess, where he was born and raised. He hopes to find his way back there soon.


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A Feather in the Water

Read: July 2022

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A Feather on the Water

by Lindsay Jayne Ashford

A Feather on the Water by Lindsay Jayne Ashford is an excellent historical fiction of the post-was era for displaced people. I highly recommend it. The tagline reads, “for three women in postwar Germany, 1945 is a time of hope—lost and found.” I have always enjoyed historical fiction, and A Feather on the Water seemed like a perfect choice.

The opening paragraphs confirmed my decision, as Martha, one of the three women, escapes from her abusive husband in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Martha and the two other characters, Delphine and Kitty, come to life with Ms. Ashford’s gifted pen.

Like a feather in the water, our lives continue despite the trials and tribulations we must confront.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Just weeks after World War II ends, three women from different corners of the world arrive in Germany to run a displaced-persons camp. They long to help rebuild shattered lives—including their own.

For Martha, going to Germany provides an opportunity to escape Brooklyn and a violent marriage. Arriving from England is orphaned Kitty. She hopes working at the camp will bring her closer to her parents, last seen before the war began. For Delphine, Paris has been a city of ghosts after her husband and son died in Dachau. Working at the camp is her chance to find meaning again by helping other victims of Hitler’s regime.

Charged with the care of more than two thousand camp residents, Martha, Delphine, and Kitty draw on each other’s strength to endure and to give hope when all seems lost. Among these strangers and survivors, they might find the love and closure they need to heal their hearts and leave their troubled pasts behind.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Read: September 2023

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A House for Alice: A Novel

by Diana Evans

I just started reading A House for Alice: A Novel by Diana Evans. The story is set against a complicated political backdrop but is filled with hope, humor, and humanity. A House for Alice explores the scars of grief and betrayal across generations and reveals the secrets we keep from our loved ones.

The novel opens with two tragedies that occur in London. The first is the Grenfell Tower fire, which took many lives. The second is the death of Cornelius Winston Pitt, a family patriarch who dies alone. A House for Alice is a beautiful and poignant story about a family of women shaken by loss and searching for closure.

The family matriarch, Alice, has lived in England for fifty years but longs to spend her remaining years in her homeland, Nigeria. Her three daughters are divided on the matter. The youngest daughter, Melissa, is also struggling with the aftermath of her failed relationship. The family’s foundational pillars of trust, love, and cultural identity begin to weaken as they navigate these difficult times.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Weather

Read: March 2022

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Weather: A Novel

by Jenny Offil

Weather: A Novel by Jenny Offil was a book that I was confused and uncertain if I wanted to finish for the first few pages. I am delighted that I did, and I highly recommend this book. Its brief diary-like dispatches about life in our time when we sense that we may all be doomed to a climate catastrophe made this a book I truly enjoyed reading. The subtext of the rise of right-wing strongmen in the USA and abroad adds to the crisis her dispatches describe.

Her Obligatory Note of Hope challenges all of us to engage in solutions instead of accepting doom.

How can we contribute to the common good? There are people all over the world trying to answer these questions. In big ways but also in small ways. In grand leaps but also in fits and starts.

I always thought it was ridiculous to try and fight for social change when I couldn’t even get my own house in order. How could a meat-eating, plane-flying, march-hating person like me ever find a place in the climate justice movement? But then I started to read about all the different ways ordinary people were refusing to give into fatalism and were exploring the possibilities of what they could do, what they might fight for in this half-ruined world of ours.

There were saints among these accidental activists, but also stone-cold hypocrites like me. Slowly, I began to see collective action as the antidote to my dithering and despair.

There’s a way in for everyone. Aren’t you tired of all this fear and dread?

Goodreads provides an overview of the book if you are not yet convinced to read it.

 Lizzie Benson is a very relatable woman who slid into her job as a librarian without a traditional degree. But this gives her a vantage point from which to practice her other calling: a fake shrink. She has tended to her God-haunted mother and her recovering addict brother for years. They have both stabilized for the moment, but Lizzie has little chance to spend her new free time with her husband and son before her old mentor, Sylvia Liller, proposes. She wants to hire Lizzie to answer the mail she receives: left-wingers worried about climate change and right-wingers concerned about the decline of western civilization. Sylvia has become famous for her prescient podcast, Hell and High Water, and wants to hire Lizzie to answer the mail she receives: from left-wingers worried about climate change and right wingers worried about the decline of western civilization.

As Lizzie dives into this polarized world, she begins to wonder what it means to keep tending your own garden once you’ve seen the flames beyond its walls. When her brother becomes a father and Sylvia a recluse, Lizzie is forced to address the limits of her own experience. But she still tries to save everyone, using everything she’s learned about empathy and despair, conscience and collusion, floundering the library stacks her years of wa.. And all the while the voices of the city keep floating in—funny, disturbing, and increasingly mad.

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The Garden of Letters

Read: June 2021

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The Garden of Letters

by son Richman

The Garden of Letters by Alyson Richman was one of the first books I read after Jan died. It was the perfect love story to read after the loss of the love of my life. The love Jan and I shared was because we shared a portion of the soul of the other, and thus we were meant for each other from day one. 

The two primary characters – Elodie Bertolotti and Angelo Rosselli – resonated with me as they were also people who shared souls. The book “captures the hope, suspense, and romance of an uncertain era, in an epic intertwining story of first love, great tragedy, and spectacular bravery.

As I turned every page, the story filled my heart with love and happiness as it reminded me of the love that Jan and I shared.

Portofino, Italy, 1943. A young woman steps off a boat in a scenic coastal village. Although she knows how to disappear in a crowd, Elodie is too terrified to slip by the German officers while carrying her poorly forged identity papers. She is frozen until a man she’s never met before claims to know her. In desperate need of shelter, Elodie follows him back to his home on the cliffs of Portofino.

Only months before, Elodie Bertolotti was a cello prodigy in Verona, unconcerned with world events. But when Mussolini’s Fascist regime strikes her family, Elodie is drawn into the burgeoning resistance movement by Luca, a young and passionate bookseller. As the occupation looms, she discovers that her unique musical talents, and her courage, have the power to save lives.

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I not only recommend this book, but I am also looking forward to reading more of her novels.

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The Weddings

Read: February 2023

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The Weddings: Inheritance Collection

by Alexander Chee

Today I read The Weddings by Alexander Chee. It is the fifth and last book in Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones. For Jack Cho, a fortysomething gay man, being able to marry someone he loves is so unfamiliar it’s terrifying. Then a wedding invitation from a college friend brings about a collision with those fears—and his secret history.

I have always enjoyed weddings. I attended the last one when my younger son married in July 2021. Not sure if I will ever participate in another wedding.

I have attended many diverse weddings but never one with as many secret histories. To avoid revealing the secrets, I will state that The Weddings is well written, each moment is precise, and the mysteries are neither shocking nor disruptive to the story.

I highly recommend The Weddings.

Each Inheritance piece can be read or listened to in a single setting. By yourself, behind closed doors, or shared with someone you trust. The Weddings is the fifth one in the series I have read.

The previous four were:

I have enjoyed all five books.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Jack and his new boyfriend, Caleb, are attending the wedding of Jack’s estranged straight friend Scott. No sooner do the guests start to mingle than questions arise about relationships, tradition, Jack’s feelings for the groom, and what’s at stake as he navigates daunting territory, both new and old. In this wry and surprising short story, award-winning author Alexander Chee extends an invitation to the party—and awakening—of a lifetime.


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