Love

Richard’s journey of love with Jan and now without her.

I Have Survived Grief,
and I Am OK!

Upon returning to Forsgate Country Club after a five-year absence, I immediately felt a sense of familiarity. As I entered the venue, I noticed two disoriented women standing in the foyer, trying to find their way to the Housing and Community Development Network of NJ‘s 35th-anniversary event. Despite clear signage and staff assistance, the women needed guidance on where to go. I greeted them and offered to lead them to the event. During my previous visit five years ago, I attended the organization’s 30th-anniversary event at the same venue. However, I felt disoriented and neglected at that time.

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From One Rose to a
Home Full of Flowers

My beloved wife, Jan, was arriving home for the last time on April 10, 2021. I asked her how I could make her last trip home more comfortable, and she replied that she wanted to be surrounded by flowers upon her arrival. However, two days before her release from the hospital, Rabbi Renee, my sons, and Dr. Saksena delivered the heartbreaking news that hospice care was the only option left. Dr. Strair, her other oncologist, had explained that they couldn’t effectively treat Jan’s Lymphoma due to COVID-19, and the Lymphoma prevented them from treating COVID-19. He stated that her Lymphoma was very aggressive, and they had tried three treatments, but the efficacy of each new treatment had declined. Dr. Strair said there was little they could do even without COVID-19.

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The 2017 Solar Eclipse Was a Spiritual and Romantic Day

Experiencing a total solar eclipse is an unforgettable event that can make us feel as if we’re in the presence of a divine power or transport us to a different world. I’ve been fortunate enough to witness this incredible phenomenon twice. The second time was with my family in Molalla, Oregon, on August 21, 2017, and it’s a memory I’ll cherish for the rest of my life.

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Knowing What Needs to be Done and Doing It Are Not the Same

I held the cold cup of milkshake from Cranford Vanilla Bean Creamery, looking over at my wife, Jan, who sat beside me in the hospital room. The milkshake tasted terrific, but Jan had already expressed that she couldn’t drink. Trying to conceal my emotions, I observed her closely, knowing what would happen at 3 pm today. We were sitting in the familiar Overlook Hospital, a place I knew so well that I could navigate without asking for directions. Visitors even came to me for help. It was a reality I never imagined that my beloved wife would fall ill and that we would spend so much time in hospitals. Due to the COVID-19 restrictions, I couldn’t leave the room, so I offered to call the nurses’ station. Waiting was the only option, forcing me to chat with Jan as if everything would be OK. Despite the hard truth I knew, she did not.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Let Us Descend: A Novel

Read: November 2023

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Let Us Descend: A Novel

by Jesmyn Ward

Today, I started reading Let Us Descend: A Novel by Jesmyn Ward. She is a two-time National Book Award winner, the youngest winner of the Library of Congress Prize for American Fiction, and a MacArthur Fellow. The book is a haunting masterpiece that is sure to become an instant classic. It tells the story of an enslaved girl in the years before the Civil War.

The book’s title is from Dante Alighieri’s Inferno: “‘Let us descend,’ the poet now began, ‘and enter this blind world.” Let Us Descend is a reimagining of American slavery, beautifully rendered yet heart-wrenching. The novel takes us on a journey from the rice fields of the Carolinas to the slave markets of New Orleans and into the fearsome heart of a Louisiana sugar plantation.

Annis is the reader’s guide through this hellscape, sold south by the white enslaver who fathered her. As Annis struggles through the miles-long march, she turns inward, seeking comfort from memories of her mother and stories of her African warrior grandmother. Throughout the journey, she opens herself to a world beyond this world, one teeming with spirits: of earth and water, of myth and history, spirits who nurture and give, and those who manipulate and take. While Ward leads readers through the descent, this, her fourth novel, is ultimately a story of rebirth and reclamation.

Let Us Descend is a magnificent novel that inscribes Black American grief and joy in the very land of the American South. Ward’s writing takes you through the rich but unforgiving forests, swamps, and rivers of the South, making this novel a masterwork for the ages.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Impossible to Forget

Read: January 2022

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Impossible to Forget

by Imogen Clark

Impossible to Forget by Imogen Clark is a poignant novel from the bestselling author of Where the Story Starts, an extraordinary final wish that brings five lives together forever.

Just turned eighteen, Romany is on the cusp of taking her first steps into adulthood when tragedy strikes, and she finds herself suddenly alone without her mother, Angie, the only parent she has ever known. In her final letter, Angie has charged her four closest friends with guiding Romany through her last year of school—but is there an ulterior motive to her unusual dying wish?

When I started reading the book’s initial chapters on Amazon, I found myself in an unexpected page-turner. I had been looking for a relaxing read and instead found a novel that is truly impossible to forget.

The book’s premise that a mother would assign her four closest friends to shared guardianship of her daughter is an unusual answer to a question that Jan and I often debated. Who would we designate to raise our children if something had happened to us? If only we could have had the imagination of Angie and her belief that this strange arrangement would be the answer.

Three of the friends were ones that Angie met at University.

  • Maggie, an attorney, is designated to focus on the tasks that need order.
  • Leon is given the culture assignment, although he has denied his talents.
  • Tiger, a nomad, is in charge of travel.

The fourth guardian, Hope, a former model, is in charge of relationships. But none of the others know her or why Angie would assign her that portfolio.

I very much enjoyed reading this novel. However, despite knowing it is about Angie’s death, I did not expect to find myself weeping uncontrollably in the closing chapters as Romany grapples with the beneficial outcomes of her mum’s plans.

Goodreads provides this overview.

As the guardians reflect on their friendship with Angie, it becomes apparent that this unusual arrangement is as much about them as it is about Romany. Navigating their grief individually and as a group, what will all five of them learn about themselves, their pasts—and the woman who’s brought them all together?

I recommend this book without reservation.

Impossible to Forget is the second time I have gotten a book from Amazon First Reads. Impossible to Forget is not scheduled to be published until February 1, 2022.

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At the Villa Rose

Read: August 2022

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At the Villa Rose

by Major Alfred Edward Woodley Mason

At the Villa Rose by Major Alfred Edward Woodley Mason, initially published in 1910, is a mystery novel in which Major Mason introduced his French detective, Inspector Hanaud, who was an early template for Agatha Christie’s famous Hercule Poirot. Missing jewels, high adventure some one hundred and fifty kilometers from Geneva, a casino, and blind love are all factors in a complex case for Hanaud, which ultimately involves a gang of frightened murderers. If you enjoy deductive mysteries like me, I highly recommend At the Villa Rose.

The Goodreads summary,

In Aix les Bains during the early 20th century, Celia Harland, a beautiful (of course) young English girl down on her luck, is befriended by a wealthy widow, Madame Dauvray, an addict of “spiritualism,” and stages seances for her benefactrix, while knowing full well that the supposed manifestations from the spirit world are entirely bogus. This set-up supplies the opportunity for a criminal gang master-minded by Madame Dauvray’s maid, with their eyes on the widow’s jewelry collection, to engineer an introduction for one of their numbers, Adele Tacé (“Rossignol”), whose taunts of disbelief goad the old lady into allowing a seance to be held which, unsuspected by either Celia or her patron, will be the cover for murder and robbery.

The crux of the plot is that as a medium, Celia will be made their innocent victim, on whom suspicion is to be planted.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Heat Will Kill You First

Read: July 2023

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The Heat Will Kill You First

by Jeff Goodell

I recently started reading “The Heat Will Kill You First” by Jeff Goodell, which delves into the extreme ways our planet is already changing. The book explores how spring is arriving earlier and fall is arriving later and how this will impact our food supply and disease outbreaks. As I have stated in my Action Alert: EPA’s Carbon Rule, the time to act is now.

The book also predicts the consequences of summer days in cities like Chicago and Boston, reaching temperatures as high as 110°F. Goodell explains that heat waves are used only to affect the most vulnerable people, but as they become more intense and familiar, they will affect everyone.

It is becoming increasingly clear that the world is facing a new reality. In California, wildfires are now seasonal, while the Northeast is experiencing less and less snow each winter. Meanwhile, the Arctic and Antarctic ice sheets are melting alarmingly. Heat is the primary threat that is driving all other impacts of the climate crisis. As temperatures rise, it exposes weaknesses in our governments, politics, economy, and values.

The basic science is straightforward: If we stop burning fossil fuels tomorrow, the global temperature will also stop rising. However, if we wait for 50 years to stop burning them, the temperature will continue to rise, making parts of our planet uninhabitable. The responsibility to act is in our hands. The hotter it gets, the more our underlying issues will surface and expand.

Jeff Goodell has been an award-winning journalist in the field of environmental reporting for several decades. His latest book explains how extreme heat will cause significant changes in the world. The book is an excellent blend of scientific insights and on-the-ground storytelling, and Goodell explores some of the most significant questions surrounding the topic. He reveals that extreme heat is a force we have yet to comprehend fully.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Piranesi

Read: May 2022

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Piranesi: A Novel by Susanna Clarke

by Susanna Clarke

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke is about a man known as Piranesi who lives in a big house and explores the labyrinth of rooms and hopes of understanding the meaning. Is it any surprise that I would pick this book as my thirtieth of the year? As a widow, I journal and journey in a life I did not expect to live, and I still believe I will find meaning and purpose. 

In addition, a labyrinth is one of the options we have discussed for the next phase of the work in Hanson Park.

Piranesi is a page-turner, but that does not fully describe the beauty of the world that Susanna Clarke created. I highly recommend this book as it is one of my best this year. 

The Goodreads summary provides an overview of Piranesi by Susanna Clarke.

Piranesi’s house is no ordinary building: its rooms are infinite, its corridors endless, its walls are lined with thousands upon thousands of statues, each one different from all the others. Within the labyrinth of halls an ocean is imprisoned; waves thunder up staircases, rooms are flooded in an instant. But Piranesi is not afraid; he understands the tides as he understands the pattern of the labyrinth itself. He lives to explore the house.

There is one other person in the house—a man called The Other, who visits Piranesi twice a week and asks for help with research into A Great and Secret Knowledge. But as Piranesi explores, evidence emerges of another person, and a terrible truth begins to unravel, revealing a world beyond the one Piranesi has always known.

For readers of Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane and fans of Madeline Miller’s Circe, Piranesi introduces an astonishing new world, an infinite labyrinth, full of startling images and surreal beauty, haunted by the tides and the clouds.


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Black River

Read: November 2024

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Black River: A Novel

by Nilanjana S. Roy

Today, I dove into the captivating pages of “Black River” by Nilanjana S. Roy, a standout selection from The New York Times’ 100 Notable Books of 2024. This compelling debut novel unfolds against contemporary India, a country grappling with rising religious intolerance. Roy’s storytelling is nothing short of mesmerizing, intricately weaving a narrative that vividly reflects the nation’s complexities and contradictions.

Teetapur, an unassuming village just a few hours outside bustling Delhi, is known for nothing—until the discovery of an 8-year-old girl named Munia, found dead and hanging from the branch of a Jamun tree. In this predominantly Hindu village, suspicion quickly falls on Mansoor, an itinerant Muslim man. The tension ignites like wildfire, intensified by the underlying religious discord.

The responsibility for uncovering the elusive truth—and preventing the lynching of the prime suspect—falls on the weary shoulders of Sub-Inspector Ombir Singh. With only one other officer under his command and a single working revolver between them, can he bring justice to a grieving father and an angry village? Or will Teetapur demand vengeance instead?

Black River” offers readers a gripping mystery and a sweeping analysis of the nation’s state, serving as a searing critique of modern India.



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