Richard W. shared a stream on May 28, 2022
A Year of Love and Change

A Year of Love and Change

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 53 seconds

Love Never DiesLast night, our family observed Jan’s first Yahrzeit. It is now officially a year since the love of my life died.

Neither the secular nor Hebrew calendars are wrong, but it still seems I was kissing Jan for the last time yesterday.

I am not the same person who met Jan or the one who married her, raised a family, and loved each other forever.

Of course, I am also not the same person who buried her a year ago or even celebrated her life a month ago.

As Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler wrote,

You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.

I have changed in the last year, but my love for Jan has grown.

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Jan's First  Yahrtzeit

Jan’s Yahrtzeit Reminds Me Why Love Never Dies

During my walk, I remembered a passage from Rachel Kodanaz's book "Living with Loss, One Day at a Time" on page 138. The passage poses a thought-provoking question about whether someone would rather have their years shortened or not have any at all.

Reflecting on this question, my answer remains unchanged. Although the thought of Jan's life ending when we first met would have initially caused me great sadness, I would have eventually come to focus on the love we shared rather than the time we lost.

Richard W. Brown May 22, 2022

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Richard W. Brown
A Year of Love and Change

Epitaph: Love Never Dies

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 53 seconds

My daughter-in-laws Karen Tillou and Elyssa Nucero read Epitaph by Merrit Malloy at Celebrate Jan Day, April 24, 2022.

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Last House: A Novel

Read: May 2024

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Last House: A Novel

by Jessica Shattuck

I started reading “Last House: A Novel” by Jessica Shattuck today. She is an esteemed New York Times bestselling author known for her work “The Women in the Castle.” This sweeping narrative, perfect for “The Dutch House” and “Great Circle” fans, explores a nation’s rise to power and a family’s complex ties to the resources that shaped their wealth. It also delves into the events that led to their greatest tragedy, a secret that threatens to tear them apart.

In 1953, a World War II veteran turned company lawyer, Nick Taylor, saw oil as the key to the future. He commutes to the city for work and returns to the peaceful suburbs to be with his wife, Bet, a former codebreaker now a housewife, and their two children, Katherine and Harry. Nick, who comes from humble origins, can provide for his family, including their secluded country escape called Last House, thanks to his work for American Oil. Last House, deep in the Vermont mountains, offers the Taylors a retreat from the stresses of modern life. Bet no longer worries about the Russian H-bombs that haunt her dreams, and the children can roam freely in the woods. Last House is a place that seems capable of surviving the end of the world.

1968, a turning point in American history, where the nation teeters on the brink of transformation. The streets pulsate with protestors challenging everything from the Vietnam War to racism and even the country’s reliance on Big Oil. As Katherine enters adulthood, she finds herself caught in the era’s tide, struggling to reconcile her ideals with the privileged upbringing her parents, part of the Greatest Generation, toiled to provide. But when the Movement takes a secure, more radical turn, each member of the Taylor family must face the repercussions of their choices for the causes they believed in. This rich historical backdrop infuses the Taylor family’s narrative with depth and intrigue, leaving us hungry for more about this transformative era.

“Last House” spans multiple generations and nearly eighty years, telling the story of one American family during a time of grand ideals and significant downfalls. It explores themes of family dynamics, the impact of wealth, and the societal changes that shaped America. Set against the backdrop of our nation’s history, this emotional tour de force delves deeply into questions of inheritance and what we owe each other. It captures the gravity of time, the double edge of progress, and the hubris of empire to stunning effect.

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Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

Read: October 2021

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Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

by Katherine May

Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May is “an intimate, revelatory book exploring the ways we can care for and repair ourselves when life knocks us down.”

Two quotes that resonated with me were:

That’s what grief is – a yearning for that one last moment of contact that would settle everything.

We are in the habit of imagining our lives to be linear, a long march from birth to death in which we mass our powers, only to surrender them again, all the while slowly losing our youthful beauty. This is a brutal untruth. Life meanders through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall upon us, revealing our bare bones. Given time they grow again.

May writes in a clear voice that conveys the importance of accepting the cycles of life instead of fighting them.

Sometimes you slip through the cracks: unforeseen circumstances like an abrupt illness, the death of a loved one, a breakup, or a job loss can derail a life. These periods of dislocation can be lonely and unexpected. For May, her husband fell ill, her son stopped attending school, and her own medical issues led her to leave a demanding job. Wintering explores how she not only endured this painful time but embraced the singular opportunities it offered.

A moving personal narrative shot through with lessons from literature, mythology, and the natural world, May’s story offers instruction on the transformative power of rest and retreat. Illumination emerges from many sources: solstice celebrations and dormice hibernation, C.S. Lewis and Sylvia Plath swimming in icy waters, and sailing arctic seas.

Ultimately Wintering invites us to change how we relate to our own fallow times. May models an active acceptance of sadness and finds nourishment in deep retreat, joy in the serene beauty of winter, and encouragement in understanding life as cyclical, not linear. A secular mystic, May forms a guiding philosophy for transforming the hardships that arise before the ushering in of a new season.

I recommend this book without reservation.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Kairos

Read: June 2023

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Kairos by Jenny Erpenbeck

by Jenny Erpenbeck

I’ve recently delved into the captivating novel Kairos by Jenny Erpenbeck, which has left a lasting impression on me. The book tells the story of a young woman named Katharina who falls in love with a married writer named Hans, whom she met in East Berlin during the late 1980s. The historical context of Germany’s reunification is already an intriguing topic, but the addition of a love story made this book a must-read.

As their intense and complicated relationship plays out against the backdrop of a declining GDR, the novel offers a unique perspective on the tumultuous period following the country’s dissolution in 1989. Erpenbeck’s writing style is unmistakable, and her sweeping portrayal of the two lovers’ journey is truly remarkable. We witness Katharina’s growth as she tries to reconcile the reality of her lousy romance with the disappearance of an entire world and its ideologies.

The Times Literary Supplement has praised Erpenbeck’s ability to capture the weight of history and the influence of cultural and subjective memory on individual identity. Her work acknowledges the complexity of the human experience and the nuances of historical events.

Jenny Erpenbeck is an epic storyteller and a highly respected voice in contemporary German literature. Her translator, Michael Hofmann, has described Kairos as a great post-Unification novel, and his translation has been praised for being both faithful to the original text and beautifully written. I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking a thought-provoking and engaging read.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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Keepers of the House

Read: May 2021

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The Keepers of the House

by Shirley Ann Grau

The Keepers of the House by Shirley Ann Grau is a book that I read a portion of for a college class, but for reasons that I cannot now remember never got around to reading it from cover to cover. In the early stages of grief, I found a copy in our bookshelf and said, let me read it now. It was a decision that I did not regret.

Having grown up in the American South, the book resonated with me, as did the sections I read fifty years ago. It’s a many-layered indictment of racism and rage that is as terrifying as it is wise.

As someone who likes history and values the importance of place, the book’s focus on the continued ownership of the same land since the early 1800s by the Howland’s provided a broad historical perspective. Abigail Howland has learned many important family legacies, but not all.

However, when William’s, her grandfather, relationship with Margaret Carmichael, a black housekeeper, is revealed to the community, the racism and fury boil over. Abigail chooses to get even with the town her family built by punishing them.

The Keepers of the House is a book that I wish I had read in its entirety half a century ago. Having read it now, I recommend it to all who care about life and community.

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Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

Read: September 2021

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Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz

Living With Loss, One Day at a Time by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz is the book I would recommend for anyone beginning or in the early stages of grief. It should be on the griever’s nightstand so they can start and end their day with reading.

Ms. Kodanaz has presented at my bereavement groups and has been an inspiration. She encouraged me not only to continue writing but also to share my thoughts publicly.

Usually, I only write a review once I have finished the book. However, this is a collection of thoughts for each day of the journey. Over the first weekend, I read up to the number of days since my wife died. Now I will read the daily message each day. When I get to the end of the year, I will start over.

There are many essential gems in the daily readings. The one for Day 9, Love Never Dies, jumped off the page due to my writings on the same theme.

Love Never Dies. Your loved one has passed away, but the love you shared has not died. The memories you created, the connection you built together, and your affection toward one another will live forever.

Embrace the love and cherish the memories, as they will always be a part of you remain in your heart.

There are at least a dozen others that I have earmarked for future streams or even the basis of future posts.

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Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel

Read: October 2023

Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel

by Jonathan Lethem

I recently recommended reading “Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel” by Jonathan Lethem. The story is set in 1970s Brooklyn, where a daily ritual occurs on the streets. This ritual involves exchanging money, surrendering belongings, and asserting power. Violence is promised everywhere and becomes a currency itself.

Regardless of race, the street is like a stage in the shadows for the children. In the background, other players hide, including parents, cops, renovators, landlords, those who write the headlines, histories, and laws, and those who award this neighborhood its name.

Although the rules seem apparent initially, in memory’s prism, the roles of criminals and victims may appear to trade places. The voices of the past rise and gather as if in harmony, then war with one another. A street may seem to crack open and reveal what lies behind its shimmering facade. None who lived through it are ever permitted to forget.

Jonathan Lethem has written this story with kaleidoscopic verve and delirious wit, making it a breathtaking tour de force by a writer at the top of his powers. He has crafted an epic interrogation of how we fashion stories to contain the uncontainable: our remorse at the world we’ve made. He is known as “one of America’s greatest storytellers” by the Washington Post.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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