Am I a Rock or a Pebble?
Jan's Love Helps Me Be a Rock for Others!
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 4 secondsJan began calling me her “rock” a year after we met. As a romantic, I felt pleased to hear this, as I desired to love and be everything to her. However, when Jan was diagnosed with Lymphoma, I wept and began questioning whether I could be there for her in every way she needed. Jan’s life was once like a beautiful hand-knitted quilt, but it unraveled into countless loose threads after her diagnosis. As her husband, my duty was to be her support system, even though I feared she might not make it.
During the initial stages of Jan’s cancer treatment, we arranged chemotherapy sessions and consultations with the oncologists. We were optimistic that every step we took brought us closer to Jan’s full recovery. However, our belief that battling cancer was just a matter of ticking off a list of treatments fell apart on New Year’s Eve 2019. Jan was rushed to the Emergency Department and spent more than twelve hours there before being admitted to Overlook Hospital, where she stayed for the first ten days of 2020.
When Jan returned home for the last time in April 2021, many of her friends called or visited. Jan’s communication ability faded, so one of her friends asked to talk with me. They told me how much Jan loved and appreciated me. They also said that I would need support from them and everyone else in the future. Their words brought tears to my eyes, and I couldn’t respond.
When Jan passed away, I felt lost and didn’t know how to move on. However, with the help of my family, old friends, new friends, and other widows I met, I slowly regained my strength and confidence. I am now a “rock” for other widows, something I never dreamed possible. Today, my grief is no longer at the forefront of my mind because I have learned that Jan’s love will never die, and her spirit will always be with me.
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