Richard W. shared a stream on June 13, 2023
Grateful for Jan's Love

Am I a Rock or a Pebble?

Jan's Love Helps Me Be a Rock for Others!

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 4 seconds
Grateful for Jan's Love

Grateful for Jan’s Love

Jan began calling me her “rock” a year after we met. As a romantic, I felt pleased to hear this, as I desired to love and be everything to her. However, when Jan was diagnosed with Lymphoma, I wept and began questioning whether I could be there for her in every way she needed. Jan’s life was once like a beautiful hand-knitted quilt, but it unraveled into countless loose threads after her diagnosis. As her husband, my duty was to be her support system, even though I feared she might not make it.

During the initial stages of Jan’s cancer treatment, we arranged chemotherapy sessions and consultations with the oncologists. We were optimistic that every step we took brought us closer to Jan’s full recovery. However, our belief that battling cancer was just a matter of ticking off a list of treatments fell apart on New Year’s Eve 2019. Jan was rushed to the Emergency Department and spent more than twelve hours there before being admitted to Overlook Hospital, where she stayed for the first ten days of 2020.

When Jan returned home for the last time in April 2021, many of her friends called or visited. Jan’s communication ability faded, so one of her friends asked to talk with me. They told me how much Jan loved and appreciated me. They also said that I would need support from them and everyone else in the future. Their words brought tears to my eyes, and I couldn’t respond.

When Jan passed away, I felt lost and didn’t know how to move on. However, with the help of my family, old friends, new friends, and other widows I met, I slowly regained my strength and confidence. I am now a “rock” for other widows, something I never dreamed possible. Today, my grief is no longer at the forefront of my mind because I have learned that Jan’s love will never die, and her spirit will always be with me.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Awesome Power of Love

The Awesome Power of Love

Sharing Jan's love through the garden and the people whose lives she touched has been incredibly fulfilling and has helped me manage my grief.

I've also been inspired by Viktor E. Frankl's observation that "love is the ultimate goal in life." Jan's love will continue to live on through the garden and in my heart, inspiring me daily.

Richard W. Brown April 30, 2023

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The Human Stain: A Novel

Read: September 2024

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The Human Stain: A Novel

by Philip Roth

Today, I started reading The Human Stain: A Novel by Philip Roth. This book is considered a masterpiece and has earned its place among The New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. The story takes place in 1998, a significant year marked by a presidential impeachment that affected the entire nation. In a peaceful New England town, the respected classics professor Coleman Silk is forced into retirement due to false accusations of racism by his colleagues.

This accusation triggers a series of events that bring to light shocking revelations about Coleman, revelations that carry a profound societal significance. Coleman Silk harbors a secret, a secret that is not about his affair with Faunia Farley, a woman half his age with a troubled past, or the alleged racism that led to his downfall at the college where he was once a respected dean. It’s not even about misogyny, despite Professor Delphine Roux’s attempts to portray him as such. Coleman’s true secret, a secret he has guarded for fifty years from everyone in his life, including his wife, children, colleagues, and friends, is a defining aspect of his character and his relationships.

The Human Stain is a compelling portrayal of 1990s America, a time of clashing moralities and ideological divisions. Through public denunciations and rituals of purification, it delves into how the nation’s destiny and the ‘human stain’ that marks human nature shape the lives of postwar Americans. This potent and captivating novel is a fitting continuation of Philip Roth‘s earlier works, each set in a distinct historical period.

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Commitment: A novel

Read: April 2023

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Commitment: A Novel

by Mona Simpson

The novel Commitment by Mona Simpson delves into the complexities of family and duty when a parent falls ill. It sheds light on the significant impact of untreated mental health crises and highlights the under-appreciated role of friends in shaping the lives of children left to their own devices.

A hardworking single mother, Diane Aziz falls into a deep depression after dropping off her oldest son, Walter, at college. Despite her struggles, her closest friend is vital in keeping the family together and their mother’s dreams alive.

This is a story of one family’s struggle to navigate the crisis of their lives, a struggle that may resonate with many readers. Walter discovers a newfound passion for architecture, but financial struggles threaten his academic pursuits. Meanwhile, Lina fights to attend an Ivy League school, and Donny, the youngest sibling, battles a dangerous drug addiction.

As someone with different personal experiences, I still found Commitment to affirm the importance of biological and chosen families.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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Hello Beautiful

Read: March 2023

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Hello Beautiful

by Ann Napolitano

Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano is a gorgeous, profoundly moving portrait of what’s possible when we choose to love someone, not despite who they are but because of it. Although several sources recommended Hello Beautiful, I chose the novel based on the title as it is how I always greeted Jan. I highly recommend this book as it is one of the best I have ever read.

Hello Beautiful is an exquisite homage to Louisa May Alcott’s timeless classic, Little Women. Knowing it was not him, William Waters’s experience growing up as an only child was an engaging character in the early portion of the novel. However, my hero was Sylvie, the dreamer who pursued true love and found it in a place one would less expect to find it. The consequences of her love reverberate over decades in their families. 

The following passage is one example of a well-written book.

We’re separated from the world by our own edges,” Charlie Padavano says to Sylvie in “Hello Beautiful.” He continues, “We’re all interconnected, and when you see that, you see how beautiful life is.

The interconnections of the characters make this novel one of the best I have read. If only more of us could learn the lessons that Charlie Padavano shared with Sylvie.

As a man on a lifetime grief journey, this exchange echoes my experience.

When an old person dies,” Kent said, “even if that person is wonderful, he or she is still somewhat ready, and so are the people who loved them. They’re like old trees, whose roots have loosened in the ground. They fall gently. But when someone like your aunt Sylvie dies—before her time—her roots get pulled out and the ground is ripped up. Everyone nearby is in danger of being knocked over.”

Grief is love.” Now Alice thought: Forgiveness is too.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

William Waters grew up in a house silenced by tragedy, where his parents could hardly bear to look at him, much less love him. So it’s a relief when his skill on the basketball court earns him a scholarship to college, far away from his childhood home. He soon meets Julia Padavano, a spirited and ambitious young woman who surprises William with her appreciation of his quiet steadiness. With Julia comes her family; she is inseparable from her three younger sisters: Sylvie, the dreamer, is happiest with her nose in a book and imagines a future different from the expected path of wife and mother; Cecelia, the family’s artist; and Emeline, who patiently takes care of all of them. Happily, the Padavanos fold Julia’s new boyfriend into their loving, chaotic household.

But then darkness from William’s past surfaces, jeopardizing not only Julia’s carefully orchestrated plans for their future, but the sisters’ unshakeable loyalty to one another. The result is a catastrophic family rift that changes their lives for generations. Will the loyalty that once rooted them be strong enough to draw them back together when it matters most?

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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Creation Lake: A Novel

Read: November 2024

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Creation Lake: A Novel

by Rachel Kushner

Today, I started reading Creation Lake: A Novel by Rachel Kushner, a two-time finalist for the Booker Prize and the National Book Award. This novel follows a seductive and cunning American woman who infiltrates an anarchist collective in France. It is a gripping page-turner filled with dark humor. Creation Lake is Kushner‘s finest achievement—a work of high art, comedy, and unforgettable pleasure.

The story revolves around a secret agent, a thirty-four-year-old American woman who employs ruthless tactics and possesses striking beauty. She is sent to carry out covert operations in France. The narrator introduces herself as “Sadie Smith” when she arrives at a rural commune of French subversives, whom she is secretly monitoring, and to her lover, Lucien, a young and well-to-do Parisian whom she meets by so-called “cold bump”—making him believe their encounter was accidental. Like everyone else she targets, Lucien is helpful to her and ultimately manipulated by her. Sadie operates with strategy and deception, following instructions from her “contacts”—shadowy figures in business and government. Initially, these contacts want her to provoke reactions. As the story progresses, their demands become more complex.

In this region filled with ancient farms and prehistoric caves, Sadie becomes captivated by a mysterious figure named Bruno Lacombe. Bruno mentors young activists who believe that the path to emancipation lies not in revolt but in a return to the ancient past. Just as Sadie thinks she is the seductress and puppet master of those she surveils, Bruno enchants her with his ingenious counter-histories, poignant laments, and tragic narrative.

In brief, striking sections, Rachel Kushner‘s interpretation of “noir” is taut and dazzling.

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Ghostroots: Stories

Read: October 2024

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Ghostroots: Stories

by ’Pemi Aguda

Today, I started reading Ghostroots: Stories by ’Pemi Aguda, a finalist for the 2024 National Book Award for Fiction. This collection features twelve imaginative stories set in Lagos, Nigeria, in which ’Pemi Aguda explores the tension between our desire to be individuals and the influence of our past. One of the stories, “Breastmilk,” was shortlisted for the 2024 Caine Prize for African Writing.

The story “Manifest” depicts a woman who sees the ghost of her abusive mother in her daughter’s face, which leads to her daughter exhibiting destructive behavior. In “Breastmilk,” a wife forgives her husband for infidelity. Still, she later struggles with producing milk for her newborn, feeling like she’s failed to uphold her mother’s feminist values and doubts her ability as a mother. Things Boys Do” follows a trio of fathers who sense something unnatural about their infant sons, leading to their lives falling apart as they fear their sons are the cause of their troubles. Lastly, “24, Alhaji Williams Street” tells the story of a teenage boy living in the shadow of a mysterious disease that’s killing the boys on his street.

These stories in “Ghostroots” delve into the emotional and physical worlds, unveiling the profound impact of family, myth, tradition, gender, and modernity in Nigerian society. Pemi Aguda’s storytelling, infused with empathy and humor, showcases her as a significant new literary talent. Her deep understanding of human emotions and her thorough exploration of these societal influences will leave you feeling enlightened and informed, eager to explore more of her work.

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The Sorrow Apartments

Read: June 2024

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The Sorrow Apartments

by Andrea Cohen

Today, I explored “The Sorrow Apartments,” the eighth collection of poems by poet Andrea Cohen. Renowned poet Christian Wiman accurately describes Cohen’s work as a “cumulative force,” showcasing her deep attention, genuine intelligence, and soul. Cohen’s distinctive talents are featured in this collection, complemented by her characteristic sly humor, unwavering conciseness, and surprising moments of profound wisdom.

It’s astonishing how swiftly Cohen transports us:

Bunker

What would I
think, coming

up after
my world

had evaporated?
I’d wish

I were water.

The Sorrow Apartments house a collection of sparse and haunting poetry, each piece a captivating narrative of mystery, grief, and awe. These poems transport us not just across time but also through a spectrum of emotions. Cohen’s unique approach to illumination is evident in “Acapulco,” where an unanticipated companion muses, “as men tend to, / the stars comprising Orion’s belt — / as if it were the lustrous sparks and not / the leveling dark that connects us.” For a poet often deemed unfashionable, Cohen’s work proves that unfashionable can be beautiful.

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