Amor Fati: Accepting My Life as Lived!

Amor Fati: Accepting My Life as Lived!

The Life I Have Lived is the Life I Love!

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 58 seconds

A forceful knock on the door reverberated through my ice-cold apartment. Since the break-in the month before, the door had barely closed fully, a constant reminder of the intrusion. As I turned the doorknob, Mark stood in the hallway, flanked by my co-workers who lived in the apartment next door. I had expected them earlier in the evening, and I couldn’t help but wonder why they were all gathered outside my door at this late hour.

“We’re all set to head to the party,” Mark announced without waiting for me to ask why they were there. Glancing at the time, I informed them that it was too late to make it to Inwood. I made a point of reminding them that Sunday marked Earl’s birthday, emphasizing my decision.

As I tried to close the door, a teasing female voice from the hallway tried to coax me out, saying, “Jan personally invited you to her party. Are you afraid you might get lucky tonight?”

A surge of frustration coursed through me, tempting me to shut the door. However, the door’s instability made it difficult to close, so I opted to close it slowly, extending my arm to secure the lock.

As my dedicated readers know, I accompanied them to Jan’s apartment in Inwood on a bone-chilling night. Little did I anticipate that instead of the stroke of luck my neighbor had thought I needed, I stumbled upon the profound experience of true love, and with a single rose, my life was altered.

The trajectory of my life could have diverged drastically had I not embarked on that fateful journey on the L train, ultimately venturing to the northernmost terminus of the A-line. What if I had reconnected with my enigmatic college acquaintance or found myself pursuing academic endeavors in Austin at the esteemed University of Texas? The role of fate in our journey is something worth contemplating.

Life After LifeI recently read Kate Atkinson‘s novel Life After Life, which I highly recommend. The book explores an intriguing premise: What if you could live multiple lives until you found the perfect one?

The main character, Ursula, seeks help from a psychiatrist who encourages her to embrace Amor Fati, which roughly translates to ‘love of one’s fate.’ As the story unfolds, Ursula comes to terms with this concept.

It means acceptance. Whatever happens to you, embrace it, the good and the bad equally. Death is just one more thing to be embraced, I suppose.

I read Ursula’s few sentences repeatedly as they resonated with me. It was fate that I made that trip to Inwood and fell in love with Jan. Other alternatives could have occurred that led to a similar outcome, but I have accepted that this was the one that was best for me. As much as I wish she were still alive, fate gave me a grief journey, which has been a great teacher, and I am confident that the painful path has made me a better person today. I have learned to love again but remain unsure if I am lovable. Yet, I am unwilling to forgo that fate might lead me into another era of bliss. Having embraced life after loss, I have learned to live fully, accepting that this is the life fate chose for me. The challenge that will stay with me for the rest of my days and nights is not how good or bad my life was but what I did to make life better. This acceptance of fate is what reassures me that I am on the right path.

Love is a Magical Force!

Whenever I fall in love, I do so with all my heart and soul, leaving no room for half-steps. My love is unconditional and knows no boundaries. My wife knew and accepted me for who I am. Together, Jan and I created a legacy for ages to come.

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Amor Fati: Accepting My Life as Lived!
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Hey, Zoey

Read: June 2024

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Hey, Zoey: A Novel

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Today, I enjoyed immersing myself in the captivating and thought-provoking world of Sarah Crossan‘s novel ‘Hey, Zoey.’ As Sarah Dunn eloquently puts it, this book is a masterful blend of brilliance and dark humor. The story revolves around Dolores O’Shea, whose life turns surprising when she discovers her husband’s AI sex doll, Zoey, in the garage.

A profound and heartfelt journey of self-discovery unfolds for Dolores as she and ‘Zoey‘ develop an unconventional bond, unearthing deeply buried emotions and memories. Dolores O’Shea, a 43-year-old woman, is a beacon of strength, juggling her job, ailing mother, and social life with remarkable efficiency.

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My Friend, I Care

Read: August 2021

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My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience

by Barbara Karnes RN

My journey from the Island of Grief back to the Land of Love is long and arduous. Friends, especially those who have also lost a loved one, are the guideposts on this journey. One of these friends, Sue Gramacy, sent this book to me during the early phases of my grief journey.

My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience may be one of the shortest books I have ever read, but it is also one that has been most helpful. Barbara Karnes, RN, provides a concise understanding of grief, and she includes a list of dos and don’ts that are very helpful to someone who has recently lost the love of their life.

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The endpoint of my journey is a new and meaningful life. This book has helped remind me that it is an achievable goal.

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Read: July 2024

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The God of the Woods: A Novel

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I started reading “The God of the Woods: A Novel” by Liz Moore today. Several reviews recommended it as a great summer read. The story is set in August 1975, the same month and year my spouse Jan and I married. Liz Moore weaves a multi-threaded story, inviting readers into a rich and gripping dynasty of secrets and second chances.

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God Shot

Read: December 2021

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God Shot by Chelsea Bieker

by Chelsea Bieker

God Shot by Chelsea Bieker, one of NPR’s Books We Love from 2020, is about the town of Peaches, California, where drought has settled in for the long term. The area of the Central Valley where fourteen-year-old Lacey May and her alcoholic mother live was once an agricultural paradise. Now it’s an environmental disaster, a place of cracked earth and barren raisin farms.

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Goodreads provides this overview of the God Shot.

Lacey has no reason to doubt the pastor. But then her life explodes in a single unimaginable act of abandonment: her mother, exiled from the community for her sins, leaves Lacey and runs off with a man she barely knows. Abandoned and distraught, Lacey May moves in with her widowed grandma, Cherry, who is more concerned with her taxidermy mouse collection than her own granddaughter. As Lacey May endures the increasingly appalling acts of men who want to write all the rules and begins to uncover the full extent of Pastor Vern’s shocking plan to bring fertility back to the land, she decides she must go on a quest to find her mother no matter what it takes. With her only guidance coming from the romance novels she reads and the unlikely companionship of the women who knew her mother, she must find her own way through unthinkable circumstances.

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I recommend this novel without reservations!

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Read: July 2022

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She’s Up to No Good

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The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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