Design for Jan's Memorial Garden

Cleansing Power of Tears of Joy

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 8 seconds

Cleansing Tears of JoyNot all tears are the same.

According to Dr. Orloff, we produce three types of “tears: reflex, continuous, and emotional.”

Reflex and continuous tears protect and cleanse our eyes.

I have cried a lot during my grieving over Jan’s death.

Dr. William Frey at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis discovered that reflex tears are 98% water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying.

But I have also had cleansing tears of joy.

One of those times was when Wes was born.

Yesterday it resulted from hearing that the wind sculpture will be shipped on the 26th and arrive seven to ten days later.

Now, I know the final phase of Jan’s Memorial Garden will commence soon, and her memory will live on for future generations.

Lyman Whitaker Double Spinner - Copper

When the wind whistles thru the wind sculpture, I am confident that Jan’s name will echo across Hanson Park.

The tears of joy cleansed my soul.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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How Long Can You Cry?

While driving there, I listened to an episode of This American Life on WNYC called "Road Trip in a Tuxedo," featuring an interview with the late George Burns conducted by Margy Rochlin.

During the interview portion, I heard George talk about the loss of his wife, Gracie. I was struck by his question about how long someone can cry. Since Jan's death, I've shed many tears, but I know that crying won't bring her back. Jan and I had a wonderful life together, but hers ended too soon.

Now, instead of dwelling on my sadness, I'm trying to reinvent myself. I walk to clear my head and write about Jan to keep her memory alive. I also read a lot, hoping to find guidance for my journey. But I still need to figure out exactly who I will become. All I can do is walk with Jan's spirit beside me and move forward.

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Design for Jan's Memorial Garden

Grief and the Cleansing Power of Tears: Cindy Bultema | GriefShare

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 8 seconds

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Design for Jan's Memorial Garden
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Design for Jan's Memorial Garden
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Piranesi

Read: May 2022

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Piranesi: A Novel by Susanna Clarke

by Susanna Clarke

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke is about a man known as Piranesi who lives in a big house and explores the labyrinth of rooms and hopes of understanding the meaning. Is it any surprise that I would pick this book as my thirtieth of the year? As a widow, I journal and journey in a life I did not expect to live, and I still believe I will find meaning and purpose. 

In addition, a labyrinth is one of the options we have discussed for the next phase of the work in Hanson Park.

Piranesi is a page-turner, but that does not fully describe the beauty of the world that Susanna Clarke created. I highly recommend this book as it is one of my best this year. 

The Goodreads summary provides an overview of Piranesi by Susanna Clarke.

Piranesi’s house is no ordinary building: its rooms are infinite, its corridors endless, its walls are lined with thousands upon thousands of statues, each one different from all the others. Within the labyrinth of halls an ocean is imprisoned; waves thunder up staircases, rooms are flooded in an instant. But Piranesi is not afraid; he understands the tides as he understands the pattern of the labyrinth itself. He lives to explore the house.

There is one other person in the house—a man called The Other, who visits Piranesi twice a week and asks for help with research into A Great and Secret Knowledge. But as Piranesi explores, evidence emerges of another person, and a terrible truth begins to unravel, revealing a world beyond the one Piranesi has always known.

For readers of Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane and fans of Madeline Miller’s Circe, Piranesi introduces an astonishing new world, an infinite labyrinth, full of startling images and surreal beauty, haunted by the tides and the clouds.


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Land of Milk and Honey: A Novel

Read: October 2023

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Land of Milk and Honey: A Novel

by C Pam Zhang

Today, I commenced reading Land of Milk and Honey: A Novel by C Pam Zhang, the award-winning author of How Much of These Hills Is Gold; she returns with a rapturous and revelatory novel about a young chef whose discovery of pleasure alters her life and, indirectly, the world. With the arrival of forest fire smoke in my neighborhood, it seemed a timely book to read.

A smog has spread. Food crops are rapidly disappearing. A chef escapes her dying career in a dreary city to take a job at a decadent mountaintop colony seemingly free of the world’s troubles.

There, the sky is clear again. Rare ingredients abound. Her enigmatic employer and his visionary daughter have built a lush new life for the global eliteZhan, one that reawakens the chef to the pleasures of taste, touch, and her body.

The chef’s boundaries undergo a thrilling erosion in this atmosphere of hidden wonders and cool, seductive violence. Soon, she is pushed to the center of a startling attempt to reshape the world far beyond the plate.

Sensuous and surprising, joyous and bitingly sharp, told in language as alluring as it is original, Land of Milk and Honey provocatively bare the ethics of seeking pleasure in a dying world. It is a daringly imaginative exploration of desire and deception, privilege and faith, and the roles we play to survive. Most of all, it is a love letter to food, wild delight, and the transformative power of a woman embracing her own appetite.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Three Summers

Read: February 2025

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Three Summers: A Novel

by Margarita Liberaki

Today, I began reading Margarita Liberaki‘s Three Summers, translated by Karen Van Dyck. This edition features a detailed introduction by Ms. Van Dyck, in which she shares her experiences meeting Ms. Liberaki and collaborating with her on the translation. The original novel, written in Greek, was titled The Straw Hats, but Ms. Van Dyck felt that this title would not resonate with foreign readers similarly.

Three Summers is the story of three sisters who grew up in the countryside near Athens before the outbreak of the Second World War. The sisters live in a large, old house surrounded by a beautiful garden. The oldest sister, Maria, is adventurous and eager to settle down and start her own family. The middle sister, Infanta, is gorgeous but emotionally distant. Katerina, the narrator, and the youngest sister is dreamy and rebellious.

Throughout three summers, the sisters share and keep secrets, fall in and out of love, and try to understand their parents and other adult figures. They also observe the peculiar behaviors of friends and neighbors while worrying about and discovering their identities. Karen Van Dyck’s translation beautifully captures the light and warmth of this modern Greek classic.

Margarita Liberaki (1919-2001) was born in Athens and raised by her grandparents, who owned the Fexis bookstore and publishing house. In addition to her novel Three Summers, she authored The Other Alexander (1950) and The Mystery (1976). She also wrote several plays, including Candaules’ Wife (1955) and The Danaïds (1956), part of a cycle she called Mythical Theater. Furthermore, she contributed screenplays, such as Jules Dassin’s Phaedra (1962) and Diaspora (1999), which focused on Greek intellectuals in exile in Paris during the junta. Her novel Three Summers is now a standard part of public education in Greece and Cyprus and was adapted into a television miniseries in 1995.

Karen Van Dyck is the Kimon A. Doukas Professor of Modern Greek Literature at Columbia University. Her research focuses on modern Greek literature, diaspora literature, gender studies, and translation. She has edited or co-edited several poetry anthologies, including A Century of Greek Poetry (2004), The Greek Poets: Homer to the Present (2010), and Austerity Measures: The New Greek Poetry (2017) for NYRB Poets. Additionally, her translations have appeared in Brooklyn Rail, Asymptote, and The Baffler.



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Mercury: A Novel

Read: January 2024

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Mercury: A Novel

by Amy Jo Burns

Today, I started reading Mercury: A Novel about a roofing family. The family’s bond of loyalty is tested when they uncover a long-hidden secret at the heart of their blue-collar town. The book is written by Amy Jo Burns, the author of the critically acclaimed novel Shiner, which I read and enjoyed in 2022. I highly recommend it.

The story is set in 1990, and it follows the journey of a seventeen-year-old girl named Marley West, who arrives in the river valley town of Mercury, Pennsylvania. She is a loner who is looking for a place to belong. The first thing she sees when she gets to town is three men standing on a rooftop, and they soon become her whole world.

Marley becomes a young wife to one of the Joseph brothers, The One Who Got Away to another, and an adopted mother to all of them. Marley guides these unruly men as their mother fades away and their roofing business crumbles under the weight of their unwieldy father’s inflated ego. Years later, an eerie discovery in the church attic causes old wounds to resurface, and suddenly, the family’s survival hangs in the balance.

With Marley as their guide, the Joseph brothers must decide whether they can save the family they’ve always known or build something more substantial in its place.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Neighbors and Other Stories

Read: February 2024

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Neighbors and Other Stories

by Diane Oliver

Today, I began reading Diane Oliver‘s Neighbors and Other Stories. It’s a powerful and eerie debut collection of stories that portrays the struggles of different characters as they face the everyday dangers of racism during the Jim Crow era. The book features an introduction by Tayari Jones.

Diane Oliver is an important yet often overlooked figure in African American literature of the 20th century. She was a gifted writer, ahead of her time, whose talent was cut short by her untimely death at 22 in 1966. Nevertheless, she left behind a remarkable collection of crisply written and often chilling tales that delve into race and racism in America during the 1950s and 60s. Oliver’s insightful stories remain relevant today; this is the only existing collection of her works. She has rightfully earned her place in the literary canon as a masterful storyteller.

The passage below describes several short stories with different themes. The first story, “The Closet on the Top Floor,” tells the story of Winifred, the first Black student in a newly integrated college. In this story, Winifred begins to disappear, creating a nightmarish scenario. The second story is titled “Mint Juleps not Served Here.” It’s about a couple who live deep in a forest with their son. They will go to bloody lengths to protect him from any danger. The third story, “Spiders Cry without Tears,” features a couple named Meg and Walt. They must confront prejudices and strains of interracial and extramarital love. Finally, the last story is the titular one, and it’s a high-tension narrative that follows a nervous older sister the night before her younger brother is set to desegregate his school.

These are powerful and personal depictions of African American families everyday struggles and moments of distress, illustrating how they utilize their abilities to overcome challenges. “Neighbors” is an enthralling compilation and a valuable historical and social document, displaying the remarkable literary skills of a previously overlooked author.

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The Book of Goose

Read: October 2022

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The Book of Goose: A Novel

by Yiyun Li

The Book of Goose: A Novel by Yiyun Liis a gripping, heartbreaking new novel about female friendship, art, and memory by the award-winning author of Where Reasons End. The Book of Goose: A Novel is a story of disturbing intimacy, obsession, exploitation, and strength of will. I highly recommend this book as it was not only a page-turner but a novel that helped me on my grief journey

The novel focuses on many issues that interest me and intrigue me during my grief journey. Jan was anxious that she was not as successful in her work or personal life. I always reassured her not to be concerned. 

After Jan died, I had similar feelings. Over time, I have heard words of wisdom and regained my self-confidence.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Fabienne is dead. Her childhood best friend, Agnès, receives the news in America, far from the French countryside where the two girls were raised–the place that Fabienne helped Agnès escape ten years ago. Now, Agnès is free to tell her story.

As children in a war-ravaged, backwater town, they’d built a private world, invisible to everyone but themselves–until Fabienne hatched the plan that would change everything, launching Agnès on an epic trajectory through fame, fortune, and terrible loss.

A magnificent, beguiling tale winding from the postwar rural provinces to Paris, from an English boarding school to the quiet Pennsylvania home where Agnès can live without her past, The Book of Goose is a haunting story of friendship, art, exploitation, and memory by the celebrated author Yiyun Li.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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