Dating in the Nineties

Dating in the Nineties

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 25 seconds

Honey, I will answer the phone,” I stated as Jan, whose job required her to be on call, had recently fallen asleep while I was reading Rising Tide.

“Is this Joe,” the female voice inquired.

I responded negatively and said she must have the wrong number.

“Rats, I knew he would not give me his correct number!”

“Have a good evening.”

I leaned over her to return the phone to the charger when it rang again.

“I spoke to you a minute ago. You have a nice voice. Are you married?

I answered affirmatively.

“Twice in one night…”

I hope the rest of your night goes better.

I hung up the phone and decided to stop reading and sleep.

The phone rang again. I started to say Jan should answer it this time in case it was the same woman. Fortunately, it only rang once.

I spooned Jan, who was sleeping on her left side.

“Who called?”

It was two wrong numbers,” I whispered as I kissed her neck.

“I love more than you will ever know, and I am so happy you love me.”

I am glad not to be dating now, I said quietly.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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All I Ever Needed Was Jan’s Love!

All You Need is Love by The Beatles.

Of course, all I ever needed was Jan's love.

In the 1960s, Jan and I would sing the chorus with the Beatles,

All you need is love. All you need is love. All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.
Until I met Jan, I honestly never understood love. She transformed my life, and my love for her will never die.

Humming the song today, I made a minor adjustment. Now and forever! All I need is Jan's Love

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Dating in the Nineties

Scammers Beware!

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 25 seconds

Dating in the Nineties is a memory I have shared verbally on numerous occasions.

While reading the NYTimes before leaving for my morning walk, I found this article, “Retirees Are Losing Their Life Savings to Romance Scams. Here’s What to Know.”

I do not worry about being scammed, but I do know that it is always possible.

I plan to calendar this post, so I can be reminded at least monthly of how much I loved Jan and was so happy she loved me.

Hopefully, it will strengthen me if my mental capacity fades and a scammer approaches me.

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Four Spirits

Read: July 2021

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Four Spirits

by Sena Jeter Naslund

Four Spirits by Sena Jeter Naslund is a book that I could not put down. It is a page-turner. The title is from the four girls killed at Sunday School in Birmingham. When that happened in 1963, I was only a few years older and the impact brought home to me that we lived in a broken world that required repair. Like Stella Silver in the novel, my life changed as a result of the bombing. 

As my reading list may indicate, I have always preferred non-fiction with a preference for history. Picking this novel up combined my prior reading habits with my desire to read books that my wife, Jan, recommended.

Weaving together the lives of blacks and whites, racists and civil rights advocates, and the events of peaceful protest and violent repression, Sena Jeter Naslund creates a tapestry of American social transformation at once intimate and epic.

In Birmingham, Alabama, twenty-year-old Stella Silver, an idealistic white college student, is sent reeling off her measured path by the events of 1963. Combining political activism with single parenting and night-school teaching, African American Christine Taylor discovers she must heal her own bruised heart to actualize meaningful social change. Inspired by the courage and commitment of the civil rights movement, the child Edmund Powers embodies hope for future change. In this novel of maturation and growth, Naslund makes vital the intersection of spiritual, political, and moral forces that have redefined America.

Stella’s idealism reminded me of how I became the person I am. Change is not easy but, it takes all of us to risk our lives to repair the world so, it works for all of us.

The book’s critical focus on the “intersection of spiritual, political, and moral forces that have redefined America” makes this a must-read. The redefinition has made America a better country but, we may be retreating from that ideal.

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Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

Read: October 2021

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Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

by Katherine May

Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May is “an intimate, revelatory book exploring the ways we can care for and repair ourselves when life knocks us down.”

Two quotes that resonated with me were:

That’s what grief is – a yearning for that one last moment of contact that would settle everything.

We are in the habit of imagining our lives to be linear, a long march from birth to death in which we mass our powers, only to surrender them again, all the while slowly losing our youthful beauty. This is a brutal untruth. Life meanders through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall upon us, revealing our bare bones. Given time they grow again.

May writes in a clear voice that conveys the importance of accepting the cycles of life instead of fighting them.

Sometimes you slip through the cracks: unforeseen circumstances like an abrupt illness, the death of a loved one, a breakup, or a job loss can derail a life. These periods of dislocation can be lonely and unexpected. For May, her husband fell ill, her son stopped attending school, and her own medical issues led her to leave a demanding job. Wintering explores how she not only endured this painful time but embraced the singular opportunities it offered.

A moving personal narrative shot through with lessons from literature, mythology, and the natural world, May’s story offers instruction on the transformative power of rest and retreat. Illumination emerges from many sources: solstice celebrations and dormice hibernation, C.S. Lewis and Sylvia Plath swimming in icy waters, and sailing arctic seas.

Ultimately Wintering invites us to change how we relate to our own fallow times. May models an active acceptance of sadness and finds nourishment in deep retreat, joy in the serene beauty of winter, and encouragement in understanding life as cyclical, not linear. A secular mystic, May forms a guiding philosophy for transforming the hardships that arise before the ushering in of a new season.

I recommend this book without reservation.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Commitment: A novel

Read: April 2023

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Commitment: A Novel

by Mona Simpson

The novel Commitment by Mona Simpson delves into the complexities of family and duty when a parent falls ill. It sheds light on the significant impact of untreated mental health crises and highlights the under-appreciated role of friends in shaping the lives of children left to their own devices.

A hardworking single mother, Diane Aziz falls into a deep depression after dropping off her oldest son, Walter, at college. Despite her struggles, her closest friend is vital in keeping the family together and their mother’s dreams alive.

This is a story of one family’s struggle to navigate the crisis of their lives, a struggle that may resonate with many readers. Walter discovers a newfound passion for architecture, but financial struggles threaten his academic pursuits. Meanwhile, Lina fights to attend an Ivy League school, and Donny, the youngest sibling, battles a dangerous drug addiction.

As someone with different personal experiences, I still found Commitment to affirm the importance of biological and chosen families.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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In Five Years

Read: September 2021

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In Five Years

by Rebecca Serle

In Five Years by Rebecca Serle is a good, quick read. It is an “unforgettable love story that reminds us of the power of loyalty, friendship, and the unpredictable nature of destiny.”

The protagonist Dannie Kohan is a Type A lawyer who has her life planned out by the numbers. Everything she believes will happen according to her plan. But life sometimes throws us a curveball.

She applies for the job she has always wanted, and her boyfriend proposes to her. Everything is going according to her plan. She returns home believing that life is going as planned and falls asleep.

But when she wakes up, she’s suddenly in a different apartment, with a different ring on her finger, and beside a very different man. The television news is on in the background, and she can make out the scrolling date. It’s the same night—December 15—but 2025, five years in the future.

There are twists and turns, including her best friend introducing her new boyfriend, who happens to be the man she was with briefly in 2025. Her friends’ struggle with and eventual death from Ovarian cancer forces Dannie to confront life as is. Her friend reminds her that she has never truly experienced love and needs to stop controlling her life and those around her.

In five years is a question I am asking myself. Where will I be five years after Jan’s death?

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Clean: A Novel

Read: October 2024

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Clean: A Novel

by Alia Trabucco Zerán

Today, I delved into the unique narrative of ‘Clean: A Novel‘ by Alia Trabucco Zerán, translated by Sophie Hughes. This compelling novel, shortlisted for the Femina Etranger and Medicis Etranger Prizes, unfolds the story of a maid who has witnessed a lot and a family on the brink of collapse. The narrative is centered around a young girl’s death, with the family’s maid being the critical witness under interrogation, tasked with recounting the events leading up to the tragedy.

Estela’s journey from the countryside, leaving her mother behind, to work for the señor and señora when their only child was born is poignant. Their ad for a housemaid: ‘Smart appearance, full-time,’ was her ticket to earning enough to support her mother and return home. Estela cleaned their laundry, wiped their floors, and made their meals for seven years, but she also became privy to their secrets, witnessed their conflicts, and raised their daughter. She heard the rats in the ceiling, saw the looks the señor gave the señora, and knew about the poison in the cabinet, the gun, the daughter’s rebellion, the mother’s coldness, and the father’s distance. She experienced it all.

After a series of shocking betrayals and revelations, Estela’s silence becomes her shield, broken only now to reveal how it all unraveled. Is this a tale of vengeance or a confession? A clash of classes or a lesson in caution? With each page turn, ‘Clean: A Novel‘ builds tension, offering a gripping, incisive exploration of power, domesticity, and betrayal from an international star at the peak of her storytelling prowess.

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The Extinction of Irena Rey

Read: April 2024

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The Extinction of Irena Rey

by Jennifer Croft

I began reading “The Extinction of Irena Rey” by Jennifer Croft today. The novel is about eight translators searching for a world-famous author, Irena Rey, who has gone missing in a primeval Polish forest. The translators have come from eight different countries and share a deep admiration for Irena Rey. Their mission is to translate her masterpiece, “Gray Eminence,” but their task takes an unexpected turn when Irena disappears within days of their arrival.

The translators begin to investigate where Irena may have gone while continuing to work on her book. They explore the ancient wooded refuge, with its intoxicating slime molds and lichens, and study Irena’s exotic belongings and layered texts for clues. However, their search reveals secrets and deceptions that they are unprepared for. As they grow increasingly paranoid in this isolated and obsessive fever dream, the translators are forced to confront their differences, and their rivalries and desires threaten not only their work but also the fate of Irena Rey herself.

This debut novel is a brilliant exploration of art, celebrity, the natural world, and the power of language. It is a thought-provoking narrative blends humor and adventure, taking readers on an unforgettable journey with a small yet diverse cast of characters. These characters, shaken by the shocks of love, destruction, and creation, find themselves in one of Europe’s last great wildernesses, where the fate of their beloved author hangs in the balance.

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