I'm Content, But Life Feels Empty

I’m Content, But Life Feels Empty

Is it possible to find love after experiencing loss?

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 52 seconds

I'm Content, But Life Feels Empty

Nearly two years and four months after my wife passed away, I have rebuilt my life after the loss, which has given me a renewed sense of purpose and meaning; I sometimes feel like an intangible element is missing. I am actively involved in my faith community, grief support groups, and community activities and constantly strive to live life to the fullest. However, I still find myself searching for something more. Is this feeling a genuine perception, or is it all in my imagination?

Living alone is perfect for me, just like my winter gloves. My apartment is just the right size, making it easy to clean and maintain. I have ample space for all my activities, including reading, writing, working, and relaxing. Although I never had a green thumb, I have a flower garden that has bloomed and filled my home with happiness. Being close to downtown Cranford, I can enjoy dining, shopping, and traveling to Newark, NY, and other places. My faith community is nearby, and I have a friend with whom I can carpool. The location allows me to host my grief support groups and do the part-time work I still do efficiently. I can live here indefinitely and am content with my cozy and comfortable lifestyle.

I am questioning if I am missing something as a widow. Many widows around me have found happiness in re-partnering, but I don’t know if that’s what I need. I have tried to test the waters but found it too overwhelming. Although I am open to finding love again, I know I do not need a partner to live a fulfilling life. Joy is what I am seeking, which is like icing on the cake. Despite the loss, I am determined to live a happy and complete life.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I Need to Be as Confident as Wes!

On Sunday, September 3, 2023, my grandson Wes will turn fourteen months old. This day will also mark twenty-eight months since the passing of my wife. Since Wes was born, I have chosen to celebrate his life instead of focusing on the loss of my wife.

As the double commemoration draws near this Sunday, I am inspired to take risks and embrace the confidence of my grandson, Wes. His fearless crawl through the tunnel, guided by his father’s encouragement and support, has instilled in me a belief in myself. With the unwavering support of my loved ones, including my family, chosen family, friends, and neighbors, I am prepared to seize every opportunity and live life to the fullest. I will honor my wife by living with courage and conviction, just as she would have wanted.

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I Choose to Live Fully

Is it possible to find love after experiencing loss?

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 52 seconds

I Choose to Live Fully

As I prepare to attend the High Holiday services for the third time since my loved one passed away, I reflect on my choice to live. It is a simple choice but one that carries great significance. I choose life so that future generations may also have the opportunity to live and thrive. I refuse to be consumed by death and negativity. Instead, I strive to make the most of the life I have been given. My mantra is always to be kind, to lend my strength to others, and to never dwell on weakness. I choose, now and daily, to live with purpose and intention.

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I'm Content, But Life Feels Empty
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Great Expectations: A Novel

Read: March 2024

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Great Expectations: A Novel

by Vinson Cunningham

Today, I began reading “Great Expectations: A Novel” by Vinson Cunningham, a staff writer and theatre critic at The New Yorker. David, the protagonist, had seen the Senator speak a few times before my life got caught up, however distantly, with his. Still, the first time I can remember paying real attention was when he delivered the speech announcing his run for the Presidency.

Upon hearing the Senator from Illinois speak, David experiences conflicting emotions. He is fascinated by the Senator’s idealistic language yet ponders the balance between maintaining solid beliefs and making the necessary compromises to become America’s first Black president.

The book Great Expectations narrates David’s experience working for eighteen months on a Senator’s presidential campaign. During his journey, David encounters diverse individuals who raise questions about history, art, race, religion, and fatherhood. These inquiries prompt David to introspect his life and identity as a young Black man and father living in America.

Meditating on politics, religion, family, and coming-of-age, Great Expectations is a novel of ideas and emotional resonance, introducing a prominent new writer.

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Orbital

Read: December 2023

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Orbital: A Novel

by Samantha Harvey

Today, I started reading “Orbital” by Samantha Harvey. “Orbital” is a slender novel with epic power that captures a single day in the lives of six women and men hurtling through space. The author’s prose is poetic and impossible to put aside. Watching the Earth through the eyes of space travelers is refreshing. If I finish reading it by Sunday, it will be the 78th book I’ve read this year or the first one of 2024.

They are not going towards the moon or the vast unknown but are orbiting our planet. These astronauts and cosmonauts come from various countries, including America, Russia, Italy, Britain, and Japan. They are selected for one of the last space station missions before the program is dismantled. They have left their lives behind to travel over seventeen thousand miles an hour as the earth reels below.

Throughout the book, we catch glimpses of their earthly lives through brief communications with their families, photos, and talismans. We watch them whip up dehydrated meals, float in gravity-free sleep, and exercise in regimented routines to prevent their muscles from atrophying. We also witness them form bonds that will stand between them and utter solitude. Most importantly, we are with them as they behold and record their silent blue planet. Their experiences of sixteen sunrises and sunsets and the bright, blinking constellations of the galaxy are breathtakingly beautiful and surprisingly intimate. Additionally, we get to see the marks of civilization far below, encrusted on the planet on which we live.

It is a profound, contemplative, and gorgeous book that eloquently meditates on space. Moreover, it is a moving elegy reflecting our humanity, environment, and planet.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. For gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Neverhome: A Novel

Read: November 2024

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Neverhome: A Novel

by Laird Hunt

Today, I began reading “Neverhome: A Novel” by Laird Hunt, a critically acclaimed work that has garnered praise for its unique storytelling. The protagonist introduces herself as Ash, which is not her real name. She is the devoted wife of a farmer, yet she has left her husband to enlist as a Union soldier during the Civil War. “Neverhome” narrates Ash Thompson’s harrowing journey as she faces the chaos of battle in the South.

Amidst scenes of bloodshed, hysteria, and heartbreak, Ash undergoes a profound transformation. She evolves from a devoted wife to a hero, a folk legend, a madwoman, and, to some, a traitor to the American cause. This complex journey of self-discovery adds depth to her character and makes her story all the more compelling.

Laird Hunt‘s captivating novel illuminates the adventurous women who chose to fight rather than remain behind. It also presents a compelling mystery: Why did Ash leave while her husband stayed? This enigma, shrouded in the fog of war, keeps us intrigued and eager to uncover the truth. What challenges must she overcome to return to her husband?

In beautifully crafted prose, Hunt‘s rebellious young heroine battles her way through history. Her emotional journey, filled with longing, fear, and determination, resonates with us as she strives to return to her husband and captures our hearts.

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The Heat Will Kill You First

Read: July 2023

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The Heat Will Kill You First

by Jeff Goodell

I recently started reading “The Heat Will Kill You First” by Jeff Goodell, which delves into the extreme ways our planet is already changing. The book explores how spring is arriving earlier and fall is arriving later and how this will impact our food supply and disease outbreaks. As I have stated in my Action Alert: EPA’s Carbon Rule, the time to act is now.

The book also predicts the consequences of summer days in cities like Chicago and Boston, reaching temperatures as high as 110°F. Goodell explains that heat waves are used only to affect the most vulnerable people, but as they become more intense and familiar, they will affect everyone.

It is becoming increasingly clear that the world is facing a new reality. In California, wildfires are now seasonal, while the Northeast is experiencing less and less snow each winter. Meanwhile, the Arctic and Antarctic ice sheets are melting alarmingly. Heat is the primary threat that is driving all other impacts of the climate crisis. As temperatures rise, it exposes weaknesses in our governments, politics, economy, and values.

The basic science is straightforward: If we stop burning fossil fuels tomorrow, the global temperature will also stop rising. However, if we wait for 50 years to stop burning them, the temperature will continue to rise, making parts of our planet uninhabitable. The responsibility to act is in our hands. The hotter it gets, the more our underlying issues will surface and expand.

Jeff Goodell has been an award-winning journalist in the field of environmental reporting for several decades. His latest book explains how extreme heat will cause significant changes in the world. The book is an excellent blend of scientific insights and on-the-ground storytelling, and Goodell explores some of the most significant questions surrounding the topic. He reveals that extreme heat is a force we have yet to comprehend fully.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Come and Get It

Read: February 2024

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Come and Get It

by Kiley Reid

I recently started reading “Come and Get It” by Kiley Reid, a celebrated New York Times bestselling author known for her book Such a Fun Age. The novel is about a senior resident assistant named Millie Cousins, who, in 2017, attended the University of Arkansas. Millie aspires to graduate, get a job, and buy a house.

She is offered an unusual opportunity by Agatha Paul, a visiting professor and writer, which she accepts. Unfortunately, Strange new friends, dorm pranks, and illicit behavior undermine Millie’s ambition.

Overall, “Come and Get It” is a gripping story about desire, consumption, and recklessness. It explores themes of money, indiscretion, and bad behavior through Millie’s eyes. The novel is highly anticipated, given that Kiley Reid is an acclaimed and award-winning author.

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Absolution: A Novel

Read: November 2023

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Absolution: A Novel

by Alice McDermott

I started reading “Absolution: A Novel” by Alice McDermott today. The opening line immediately grabbed my attention: “You have no idea what it was like. For us. The women, I mean.” In most literature about the Vietnam War, American women, particularly wives, have been minor characters. However, in “Absolution,” they take center stage.

The book follows the story of two women, Tricia, a shy newlywed, and Charlene, a practiced corporate spouse and mother of three. They both found themselves in Saigon in 1963, forming a wary alliance. They balance the era’s mandate to be “helpmeets” to their ambitious husbands with their inchoate impulse to “do good” for the people of Vietnam.

Sixty years later, Charlene’s daughter reaches out to Tricia after encountering an aging Vietnam vet. Together, they look back at their time in Saigon, carefully considering that pivotal year and Charlene’s altruistic machinations. They discover how their lives as women on the periphery have been shaped and burdened by the same unintended consequences that followed America’s tragic interference in Southeast Asia.

This virtuosic new novel from Alice McDermott, one of our most observant and affecting writers, explores themes of folly and grace, obligation, sacrifice, and, finally, the quest for absolution in a broken world.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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