Richard W. shared a stream on September 11, 2023
I'm Content, But Life Feels Empty

I’m Content, But Life Feels Empty

Is it possible to find love after experiencing loss?

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 52 seconds

I'm Content, But Life Feels Empty

Nearly two years and four months after my wife passed away, I have rebuilt my life after the loss, which has given me a renewed sense of purpose and meaning; I sometimes feel like an intangible element is missing. I am actively involved in my faith community, grief support groups, and community activities and constantly strive to live life to the fullest. However, I still find myself searching for something more. Is this feeling a genuine perception, or is it all in my imagination?

Living alone is perfect for me, just like my winter gloves. My apartment is just the right size, making it easy to clean and maintain. I have ample space for all my activities, including reading, writing, working, and relaxing. Although I never had a green thumb, I have a flower garden that has bloomed and filled my home with happiness. Being close to downtown Cranford, I can enjoy dining, shopping, and traveling to Newark, NY, and other places. My faith community is nearby, and I have a friend with whom I can carpool. The location allows me to host my grief support groups and do the part-time work I still do efficiently. I can live here indefinitely and am content with my cozy and comfortable lifestyle.

I am questioning if I am missing something as a widow. Many widows around me have found happiness in re-partnering, but I don’t know if that’s what I need. I have tried to test the waters but found it too overwhelming. Although I am open to finding love again, I know I do not need a partner to live a fulfilling life. Joy is what I am seeking, which is like icing on the cake. Despite the loss, I am determined to live a happy and complete life.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I need to Be as Confident as Wes!

I Need to Be as Confident as Wes!

On Sunday, September 3, 2023, my grandson Wes will turn fourteen months old. This day will also mark twenty-eight months since the passing of my wife. Since Wes was born, I have chosen to celebrate his life instead of focusing on the loss of my wife.

As the double commemoration draws near this Sunday, I am inspired to take risks and embrace the confidence of my grandson, Wes. His fearless crawl through the tunnel, guided by his father’s encouragement and support, has instilled in me a belief in myself. With the unwavering support of my loved ones, including my family, chosen family, friends, and neighbors, I am prepared to seize every opportunity and live life to the fullest. I will honor my wife by living with courage and conviction, just as she would have wanted.

Richard W. Brown August 31, 2023

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Richard W. shared a stream on January 10, 2019

I Choose to Live Fully

Is it possible to find love after experiencing loss?

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 52 seconds
I Choose to Live Fully

I Choose to Live Fully

As I prepare to attend the High Holiday services for the third time since my loved one passed away, I reflect on my choice to live. It is a simple choice but one that carries great significance. I choose life so that future generations may also have the opportunity to live and thrive. I refuse to be consumed by death and negativity. Instead, I strive to make the most of the life I have been given. My mantra is always to be kind, to lend my strength to others, and to never dwell on weakness. I choose, now and daily, to live with purpose and intention.

Richard W. Brown August 14, 2023

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I'm Content, But Life Feels Empty
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Funny Story

Read: November 2024

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Funny Story: A Novel

by Emily Henry

Today, I began reading Emily Henry‘s Funny Story, a delightful new novel about a pair of opposites connected by an unexpected bond. It was featured in The New York Times 100 Notable Books of 2024. The narrator, Daphne, finds herself single after being dumped following her fiancé’s bachelor party, and she ends up moving in with her ex-fiancé’s former boyfriend.

Daphne always enjoyed how her fiancé, Peter, told their love story: they met on a blustery day, fell in love over an errant hat, and moved back to his lakeside hometown to start their life together. He was great at telling their story—until he realized he was in love with his childhood best friend, Petra.

This is where Daphne begins her new chapter: stranded in beautiful Waning Bay, Michigan, without friends or family, but with a dream job as a children’s librarian (which barely pays the bills). She proposes to room with the only person who might understand her situation: Miles Nowak, Petra’s ex.

Miles is scruffy and chaotic, finding comfort in the sounds of heartbreak ballads. He is the opposite of practical, buttoned-up Daphne, whose coworkers know so little about her that they have a running bet whether she is in the FBI or witness protection. The two roommates initially avoid each other, but one day, while mourning their circumstances, they develop a fragile friendship and devise a plan. Their plan includes posting misleading photos of their summer adventures together—who could blame them for wanting to create a better story?

But it’s all just for show, of course, because there’s no way Daphne would start this new chapter by falling in love with her ex-fiancé’s new fiancée’s ex… right?

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The Sorrow Apartments

Read: June 2024

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The Sorrow Apartments

by Andrea Cohen

Today, I explored “The Sorrow Apartments,” the eighth collection of poems by poet Andrea Cohen. Renowned poet Christian Wiman accurately describes Cohen’s work as a “cumulative force,” showcasing her deep attention, genuine intelligence, and soul. Cohen’s distinctive talents are featured in this collection, complemented by her characteristic sly humor, unwavering conciseness, and surprising moments of profound wisdom.

It’s astonishing how swiftly Cohen transports us:

Bunker

What would I
think, coming

up after
my world

had evaporated?
I’d wish

I were water.

The Sorrow Apartments house a collection of sparse and haunting poetry, each piece a captivating narrative of mystery, grief, and awe. These poems transport us not just across time but also through a spectrum of emotions. Cohen’s unique approach to illumination is evident in “Acapulco,” where an unanticipated companion muses, “as men tend to, / the stars comprising Orion’s belt — / as if it were the lustrous sparks and not / the leveling dark that connects us.” For a poet often deemed unfashionable, Cohen’s work proves that unfashionable can be beautiful.

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The Peacekeeper

Read: May 2022

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The Peacekeeper: A Novel

by B.L. Blanchard

The Peacekeeper: A Novel by B.L. Blanchard is about North America, where The United States and Canada do not exist. After reading about Ethiopia during the ill-fated Italian invasion, I looked for an alternative history of my continent. An independent Ojibwe nation surrounding the Great Lakes is the change in venue that I was seeking.

Although crime mysteries are not my preferred genre, I found The Peacekeeper: A Novel by B.L. Blanchard a pageturner and a highly recommended book. Chibenashi’s works resolve a second murder twenty years after his mothers. The victim is his mother’s best friend. The search for truth will change his life and those close to him.

The Goodreads summary:

Against the backdrop of a never-colonized North America, a broken Ojibwe detective embarks on an emotional and twisting journey toward solving two murders, rediscovering family, and finding himself.

In the village of Baawitigong, a Peacekeeper confronts his devastating past.

Twenty years ago, Chibenashi’s mother was murdered, and his father confessed. Ever since caring for his still-traumatized younger sister has been Chibenashi’s privilege and penance. Now, another woman is slain on the same night of the Manoomin harvest—his mother’s best friend. The murder leads to a seemingly impossible connection that takes Chibenashi far from the only world he’s ever known.

The central city of Shikaakwa is home to the victim’s cruelly estranged family—and to two people Chibenashi never wanted to see again: his imprisoned father and the lover who broke his heart. As the questions mount, the answers will change his and his sister’s lives forever because Chibenashi is about to discover that everything about those lives has been a lie.

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The Outrun: A Memoir

Read: October 2022

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The Outrun: A Memoir

by Amy Liptrot

The Outrun: A Memoir by Amy Liptrot is about her return to Orkney after more than a decade; she visits the Outrun on the sheep farm where she grew up. Approaching the land that was once home, memories of her childhood merge with the recent events that have set her on this journey. My current grief journey is not like Amy Liptrot‘s, but I learned from her struggles as we all need the support of family and friends.

Amy’s long walks, detailed description of bird watching, and life on a small island were very moving. I might have moved from one apartment to the adjacent one, but I learned from Amy’s journey and feel more confident facing life’s uncertainties.

I highly recommend this memoir.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Amy was shaped by the cycle of the seasons, birth and death on the farm, and her father’s mental illness, which was as much a part of her childhood as the wild, carefree existence on Orkney. But as she grew up, she longed to leave this remote life. She moved to London and found herself in a hedonistic cycle. Unable to control her drinking, alcohol gradually took over. Now thirty, she finds herself washed up back home on Orkney, standing unstable at the cliff edge, trying to come to terms with what happened to her in London.

Spending early mornings swimming in the bracingly cold sea, the days tracking Orkney’s wildlife—puffins nesting on sea stacks, arctic terns swooping close enough to feel their wings—and nights searching the sky for the Merry Dancers, Amy slowly makes the journey toward recovery from addiction.

The Outrun is a beautiful, inspiring book about living on the edge, about the pull between island and city, and about the ability of the sea, the land, the wind, and the moon to restore life and renew hope.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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Shred Sisters

Read: January 2025

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Shred Sisters: A Novel

by Betsy Lerner

Today, I dove into Betsy Lerner‘s debut novel, “Shred Sisters.” Lerner is also known for her acclaimed work, “The Bridge Ladies.” This gripping story beautifully unravels the intricate tapestry of family bonds, mental illness, and the tumultuous relationship between two sisters. It’s compelling enough to have earned a spot on the longlist for the Center for Fiction First Novel Prize.

The tagline resonates deeply: “No one will love or hurt you more than a sister.” When one family member is unstable, the entire family feels the impact. Enter the Shreds. Olivia, the sister in the spotlight, finds her once-stunning confidence becoming erratic and unpredictable, causing chaos in her wake. Her younger sister, Amy, is cautious and studious, believing in facts, proof, and empirical evidence. Yet none of that can explain what’s happening to Ollie, whose physical beauty and charisma hide the mental illness that will ultimately disrupt Amy’s carefully constructed life.

As Amy ages, she strives to find her place—first in academics, then in New York publishing, and through a series of troubled relationships. With every step she takes, she encounters Ollie, who unpredictably slips in and out of the Shred family’s life. Despite the challenges threatening their sibling bond, Amy and Ollie cannot escape or deny the unbreakable sisterly connection that ties them together.

“Shred Sisters” is an intimate and bittersweet story that explores the complexities of sisterhood, mental health, loss, and love over two decades. In the end, Amy learns a valuable lesson on her journey to self-acceptance: no one will love or hurt you more than a sister. I can’t wait to see where this emotional journey takes me!

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The Rest Is Memory: A Novel

Read: January 2025

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The Rest Is Memory: A Novel

Today, I dove into “The Rest Is Memory: A Novel” by Lily Tuck, and it’s already leaving a powerful impression. This poignant tale follows a young Catholic girl’s harrowing journey to Auschwitz, woven in a captivating Rashomon-style narrative showcasing Tuck’s brilliance as a storyteller. Esquire has rightly placed it on their list of Best Books for Fall 2024, and I can see why.

In Tuck‘s skilled hands, “The Rest Is Memory” transforms into an unforgettable piece of historical reclamation, breathing life into an innocent soul who has long been remembered only through a haunting triptych of photographs. It’s a journey that promises to linger in my thoughts long after I’ve turned the last page.

In this mesmerizing novel by Lily Tuck, we first glimpse fourteen-year-old Czeslawa riding on the back of a boy’s motorcycle. Tuck imagines Czeslawa’s upbringing in a small Polish village before her world imploded in late 1942. Stripped of her modest belongings, she arrives at Auschwitz shorn and bearing the tattoo number 26947. Shortly after, she is photographed. Three months later, she is dead.

How did this happen to an ordinary Polish citizen? This is the question Tuck grapples with in this haunting narrative, which frames Czeslawa’s story within the tragic context of the six million Poles who perished during the German occupation. A decade before writing The Rest Is Memory“, Tuck read an obituary of the photographer Wilhelm Brasse, who took over 40,000 pictures of Auschwitz prisoners—including three of Czeslawa Kwoka, a Catholic girl from rural southeastern Poland. Tuck cut out these photos and kept them, determined to learn more about Czeslawa. However, she could only gather the barest facts: the village she came from, the transport she was on, that she was accompanied by her mother and neighbors, her tattoo number, and the date of her death. Tuck crafts a remarkable kaleidoscope of imagination from this scant evidence, something only our greatest novelists can achieve.

Susanna Moore described the novel as “Beautifully written, all the while instilling a sense of horror.” Tuck’s language swirls around the reader, yet no word is out of place. The subtly rotating images tumble forth, accelerating as we learn about Czeslawa’s tragic time in Auschwitz, as well as the lives of real individuals, including the brutal Commandant Rudolf Höss, his unconscionable wife Hedwig, psychiatrist and child rescuer Janusz Korczak, and the sharp Polish short story writer Tadeusz Borowski. Although we know Czeslawa’s fate, we must keep turning the pages, thoroughly captivated by Tuck’s nearly otherworldly prose.

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