Is the Goal of Life to be Good or to Feel Good?

The Meaning of the Pursuit of Happiness

A sinking feeling hit me as I glanced at my watch—I had missed the 4:38 train from Penn Station to Cranford. In hindsight, I should have bolted right after the inspiring Black History Month event at the Newark Public Library wrapped up. But I got caught up in conversation and even made a pit stop at the restroom before heading out. Standing in the center of Military Park, I felt hunger rumbling and thought, why not treat myself to an early dinner? I made my way to The Yard, a fantastic black-owned restaurant I love. It felt like the perfect way to savor the moment.

As I entered the restaurant, the friendly waitress greeted me warmly and led me to a cozy table by the window at the far end. “Have you been here before?” she inquired. With a smile, I responded that I had visited several times, including a lively birthday celebration two weeks ago.

After a quick look at the menu, I ordered the Beyond Combo. It features a 6-ounce Beyond Meat patty grilled to perfection. The burger includes arugula, tomato, dill pickles, and raw red onions on a toasted cornbread bun, all topped with our Yaya Sauce.

A question popped inside me just as she was about to leave my table. I couldn’t help but ask her whether the true aim of life was to be good or to feel good. When the words slipped from my lips, I realized I needed to add some context. Looking up at her, I explained that I had recently read Jeffrey Rosen‘s fascinating book, “The Pursuit of Happiness.” It dives into the profound meaning behind that famous phrase as interpreted by our Founding Fathers. I suddenly felt concerned that I might have overwhelmed her with more information than she sought.

I could barely contain my excitement as she brought my mouth-watering burger to the table. All I managed to say was a simple “thank you.” But as I dug in, she caught me off guard with her remark: “I’ve been thinking about your question.”

After a moment of quick calculations, I realized she was a third my age, which made her insight even more surprising. “You know,” she continued thoughtfully, “being good is better than feeling good.”

We fell into a captivating conversation, exploring the idea that true happiness isn’t just about chasing fleeting pleasures. Instead, it’s about striving for virtue and meaning in our lives. It was a refreshing perspective, and in that moment, our connection deepened—a shared understanding that the pursuit of happiness runs much deeper than momentary gratification.

A sense of urgency washed over me as I enjoyed the last bite of my meal. The clock was ticking, and I needed to catch the 5:38 train. I hurried to the counter and tapped my phone against the card reader using Apple Pay to pay for my dinner. Just as I finished, my waitress approached, and we both said, “Thank you” in unison.

With a smile, I glanced at The Yard’s iPad, considering the tip options. It was a moment of generosity, and I opted for the highest amount, making it one of the most significant tips, if not the largest, of my life. It felt like a good decision, a tiny act of kindness that might brighten someone’s day.

Stepping out of the restaurant, the vibrant energy of Downtown Newark unfolded before me. As I crossed McCarter Highway, I reflected on my solitary dining experiences. Dining alone had become a comforting routine, but tonight felt uniquely special. I walked away with a full stomach and a memorable conversation that would resonate long after my train departed.

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