My sister, my mom and me May 1949

My Mother’s Loving Legacy

Living in the Present Filled with Memories

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 40 seconds

As I was leaving Apartment 3B for my regular morning walk, I noticed the World Wildlife Fund calendar on the door. The peaceful image of a smiling Giant Panda calmed me as I prepared to head out. I glanced at September 2, 2024, just before turning off the light. This day is unique; it would have been my mother‘s 109th birthday. Balancing my hands full of recyclables, I walked down the hallway, lost in thought. It struck me that my mother had almost reached the remarkable age of 100 – a feat I had once hoped for her and me – ninety-eight years and nearly a half year more make up a rich, meaningful life.

My mother’s teachings have been invaluable, even though I have sometimes forgotten them or not credited her for them at crucial moments. My parents were actively involved in charitable activities, such as delivering food to the Rescue Mission, volunteering for the Council on Aging Meals on Wheels, and supporting the refuge house for abused spouses. Their selfless dedication to these causes left a profound impact on me. I often reflect on their influence, feeling grateful for the values they instilled in me. Unsurprisingly, I have dedicated my career to making the world a better place, a decision that is a testament to their enduring influence on my life.

Meeting Lilah-RaeMy mother endeared herself to friends and family with her gentle and sweet nature, reminiscent of a panda bear, and a charming Southern ladylike demeanor. While I’m not likely to be thought of in the same way, I carry the traits of both my parents within my DNA. I firmly believe in the equality of all individuals and the importance of mutual support. This belief, instilled in me by my mother, has fostered a sense of connection and value for others, making each feel integral and valued in our shared journey.

My mother had four grandsons—Kevin, Steve, Jon, and Mike—and one great-granddaughter, as well as my siblings, David and Becky. I vividly recall a particular moment captured in a photo when my mother, at the age of ninety-five, met Lilah-Rae for the first time. Frozen in Kodachrome, the image perfectly encapsulated the love and warmth that filled the room that day, a testament to the enduring bond of family that we all share and cherish. Unfortunately, neither my mother nor Jan lived to meet Wes and Jack.

Crossword PuzzleAs my mother’s eyes began to weaken with age, my wife, Jon, our oldest son, and I visited her. Occasionally, we would sit together and work on crossword puzzles, providing her with mental stimulation and companionship even when she could not read the clues or see the puzzle. It was a bittersweet reminder that life presents challenges. Still, we must always find ways to adapt and continue living to the fullest, empowering us to be resilient and face life’s challenges head-on.

I have developed a daily routine that involves solving the New York Times mini-crossword before heading out for my walk. This simple act is more than just a mental warm-up; it’s a way for me to connect with my mother’s love for puzzles and to keep her memory alive. It lets me kickstart my brain and prepare for the day ahead. It’s my way of staying mentally sharp and engaged, ensuring I approach each day with vigor and enthusiasm, just as my mother did.

As I ascend the long staircase to the train platform, I ponder my mother’s strength and perseverance. These are attributes I aim to embody, influenced by her example. After my dad‘s passing, my mother lived alone for twenty years and four months. When I last saw her two months before she passed away, she admitted that she thought about him every day. I couldn’t fathom missing someone for such a prolonged duration. Relying on old actuarial tables to predict life expectancy, I was sure Jan would outlive me.

Now, as I approach being a widow for three years, four months, and one day, I still bear the emotional wounds and scars from losing my wife. I wonder if I will find the strength to live alone for the next two decades as my mother did. Yet, each day, I strive to move forward, accepting and embracing the future as best as possible, carrying the hope and optimism that my mother’s example instilled in me, a beacon of light in the face of life’s challenges.

Love is a Magical Force!

Whenever I fall in love, I do so with all my heart and soul, leaving no room for half-steps. My love is unconditional and knows no boundaries. My wife knew and accepted me for who I am. Together, Jan and I created a legacy for ages to come.

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My sister, my mom and me May 1949

Birthdays and Holidays

Living in the Present Filled with Memories

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 40 seconds

Individuals born on specific holidays, such as July 4th or December 25th, often experience a sense of overshadowing, feeling as though the more significant holiday festivities diminish their birthday celebrations. In my early childhood years, I held a different perspective. I perceived my parents’ birthdays, on September 2nd and November 28th, as special holidays dedicated to honoring and celebrating them. I remember feeling a sense of pride and joy, knowing that everyone celebrated their birthdays. It’s fascinating how, during our formative years, dates, times, and calendars carry profound significance and shape our perceptions of events and celebrations.

As a child, my grandmother taught me to associate my parent’s birthdays with the nearest holiday so I would remember their birthdays, and this connection became deeply ingrained in me at a young age, around 6 or 7 years old. In 1957, I vividly remember studying the wall calendars, eagerly checking when significant dates would occur—that year, my birthday coincided with a Saturday. As I flipped through the calendar, I noticed that the red color denoting Labor Day and Thanksgiving matched the hue of my hair at the time. I excitedly informed my teacher that my parents must be so significant that they had national holidays. She explained that Labor Day falls on the first Monday and Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday, with the actual date changing annually. Frustrated and embarrassed, I consulted the calendar, determined to prove my point.

With age, I have come to understand and appreciate the accuracy of my teacher’s perspective. Despite my parents’ birthdays aligning in some years with holidays, it’s clear now that the two hold distinct significance. It’s interesting to note that in 2024, my parents’ birthdays will once again coincide with the holidays. This journey of understanding the evolving importance of dates and holidays has been a reflective one, shaping my perceptions and experiences.

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My sister, my mom and me May 1949
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My sister, my mom and me May 1949
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Fourteen Days: A Collaborative Novel

Read: February 2024

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Fourteen Days: A Collaborative Novel

by Authors Guild

I started reading Fourteen Days: A Collaborative Novel today. It is set in a Lower East Side tenement during the early days of the COVID-19 lockdowns. Fourteen Days is a unique collaborative novel from the Authors Guild with a twist. A different, prominent literary voice has secretly written each character in this diverse cast of New York neighbors. These voices range from Margaret Atwood and Celeste Ng to Tommy Orange and John Grisham.

The novel’s story begins one week into the COVID-19 shutdown, where tenants of a Lower East Side apartment building in Manhattan have gathered on the rooftop to tell stories. As the nights pass, more and more neighbors join in, bringing chairs, milk crates, and overturned pails. Gradually, the tenants, some of whom have barely spoken to each other, become neighbors.

In this Decameron-like serial novel, general editors Margaret Atwood and Douglas Preston and a star-studded list of contributors create a beautiful ode to those trapped when the pandemic hit. Fourteen Days is a dazzling, heartwarming, and ultimately surprising narrative that reveals how some communities managed to become stronger despite the loss and suffering brought about by the pandemic.

Includes writing from: Charlie Jane Anders, Margaret Atwood, Joseph Cassara, Jennine Capó Crucet, Angie Cruz, Pat Cummings, Sylvia Day, Emma Donoghue, Dave Eggers, Diana Gabaldon, Tess Gerritsen, John Grisham, Maria Hinojosa, Mira Jacob, Erica Jong, CJ Lyons, Celeste Ng, Tommy Orange, Mary Pope Osborne, Douglas Preston, Alice Randall, Ishmael Reed, Roxana Robinson, Nelly Rosario, James Shapiro, Hampton Sides, R.L. Stine, Nafissa Thompson-Spires, Monique Truong, Scott Turow, Luis Alberto Urrea, Rachel Vail, Weike Wang, Caroline Randall Williams, De’Shawn Charles Winslow, and Meg Wolitzer!

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The Brighter the Light

Read: June 2022

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The Brighter the Light

by Mary Ellen Taylor

The Brighter the Light by Mary Ellen Taylor was my eighty-ninth book since the beginning of 2019. After reading about Thomas Cromwell, I needed a change of pace. With the start of the Hurricane season, it seemed as good a time as any to read a novel by a fellow Southerner. That the book is also an “evocative dual-timeline novel detailing one woman’s journey to discover the hidden stories of her family’s seaside resort” seemed a perfect match.

I highly recommend this book. As a Southerner, I found the revealing of the hidden secrets accomplished in a style that makes this a page-turner.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

When a shipwreck surfaces, old secrets are sure to follow.

Or so goes the lore in Ivy Neale’s hometown of Nags Head, North Carolina. When Ivy inherits her family’s beachfront cottage upon her grandmother’s death, she knows returning to Nags Head means facing the best friend and the boyfriend who betrayed her years ago.

But then a winter gale uncovers the shipwreck of local legend—and Ivy soon begins to stumble across more skeletons in the closet than just her own. Amid the cottage’s clutter are clues from her grandmother’s past at the enchanting seaside resort her family once owned. One fateful summer in 1950, the arrival of a dazzling singer shook the staff and guests alike—and not everyone made it to fall.

As Ivy contends with broken relationships and a burgeoning romance in the present, the past threatens to sweep her away. But as she uncovers the strength of her grandmother and the women who came before her, she realizes she is like the legendary shipwreck: the sands may shift around her, but she has found her home here by the sea.


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Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

Read: September 2021

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Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz

Living With Loss, One Day at a Time by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz is the book I would recommend for anyone beginning or in the early stages of grief. It should be on the griever’s nightstand so they can start and end their day with reading.

Ms. Kodanaz has presented at my bereavement groups and has been an inspiration. She encouraged me not only to continue writing but also to share my thoughts publicly.

Usually, I only write a review once I have finished the book. However, this is a collection of thoughts for each day of the journey. Over the first weekend, I read up to the number of days since my wife died. Now I will read the daily message each day. When I get to the end of the year, I will start over.

There are many essential gems in the daily readings. The one for Day 9, Love Never Dies, jumped off the page due to my writings on the same theme.

Love Never Dies. Your loved one has passed away, but the love you shared has not died. The memories you created, the connection you built together, and your affection toward one another will live forever.

Embrace the love and cherish the memories, as they will always be a part of you remain in your heart.

There are at least a dozen others that I have earmarked for future streams or even the basis of future posts.

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In Five Years

Read: September 2021

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In Five Years

by Rebecca Serle

In Five Years by Rebecca Serle is a good, quick read. It is an “unforgettable love story that reminds us of the power of loyalty, friendship, and the unpredictable nature of destiny.”

The protagonist Dannie Kohan is a Type A lawyer who has her life planned out by the numbers. Everything she believes will happen according to her plan. But life sometimes throws us a curveball.

She applies for the job she has always wanted, and her boyfriend proposes to her. Everything is going according to her plan. She returns home believing that life is going as planned and falls asleep.

But when she wakes up, she’s suddenly in a different apartment, with a different ring on her finger, and beside a very different man. The television news is on in the background, and she can make out the scrolling date. It’s the same night—December 15—but 2025, five years in the future.

There are twists and turns, including her best friend introducing her new boyfriend, who happens to be the man she was with briefly in 2025. Her friends’ struggle with and eventual death from Ovarian cancer forces Dannie to confront life as is. Her friend reminds her that she has never truly experienced love and needs to stop controlling her life and those around her.

In five years is a question I am asking myself. Where will I be five years after Jan’s death?

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The Sunset Years of Agnes Sharp

Read: August 2023

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The Sunset Years of Agnes Sharp

by Leonie Swann

I began reading The Sunset Years of Agnes Sharp by Leonie Swann, translated by Amy Bojang. The book follows a unique group of senior citizens as they try to solve one murder while hiding another, all with the assistance of an innovative tortoise. The mystery is full of twists and turns and is cleverly written by the same author who wrote Three Bags Full, adding a darkly humorous touch to the plot.

It has been an eventful morning for Agnes Sharp and the other inhabitants of Sunset Hall, a house shared by the old and unruly in the sleepy English countryside. Although they have had some issues (misplaced reading glasses, conflicting culinary tastes, decreasing mobility, and gluttonous grandsons), nothing prepares them for an unexpected visit from a police officer with some shocking news. A body has been discovered next door. Everyone puts on a long face for show, but they are secretly relieved the body in question is not the one they’re currently hiding in the shed (sorry, Lillith).

The answer to their little problem with Lillith may have fallen right into their laps. All they have to do is find out who murdered their neighbor so they can pin Lillith’s death on them, thus killing two (old) birds with one stone (cold killer).

Agnes and her group of elderly friends are eager to begin their plan. They believe that creating a mystery will divert suspicion away from themselves. To investigate, they will venture out of their comfort zone and into the less-than-ideal village of Duck End. Along the way, they will encounter suspicious bakers, malfunctioning stairlifts, incompetent criminals, the local authorities, and their hidden secrets.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Self-Portrait with Ghost: Short Stories

Read: December 2022

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Self-Portrait with Ghost: Short Stories

by Meng Jin

Self-Portrait with Ghost: Short Stories by Meng Jin was written during the turbulent years of the Trump administration and the first year of the pandemic, these stories explore intimacy and isolation, coming of age, and coming to terms with the repercussions of past mistakes, fraying relationships, and surprising moments of connection. I highly recommend Self-Portrait with Ghost: Short Stories!

Each story speaks so clearly to the loneliness epidemic that confronts our world. I would read one short story and promise to stop and wait until another day to read the next one. Instead

One phrase that will always remain with me is: “The hallucinatory quality of grief.” As a widow, the phrase struck a chord that will forever resonate in my soul.

This is the seventy-third book I have read this year.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Meng Jin’s critically acclaimed debut novel, Little Gods, was praised as “spectacular and emotionally polyphonic (Omar El-Akkad, BookPage), “powerful” (Washington Post), and “meticulously observed, daringly imagined” (Claire Messud). Jin turns her considerable talents into short fiction in ten thematically linked stories.

Moving between San Francisco and China, and from unsparing realism to genre-bending delight, Self-Portrait with Ghost considers what it means to live in an age of heightened self-consciousness, seemingly unlimited access to knowledge, and little actual power.

Page-turning, thought-provoking, and wholly unique, Self-Portrait with Ghost further establishes Meng Jin as a writer who “reminds us that possible explanations in our universe are as varied as the beings who populate it” (Paris Review).


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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