Our Salvation is Through Love, and in Love!

Our Salvation is Through Love!

No Doorbusters Can Equal the Priceless Value of Love!

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 42 seconds

Our Salvation is Through Love, and in Love!

We’re constantly being bombarded with advertisements for doorbusters that we’re told we must have. However, we need life’s most valuable treasures during these challenging times. In his book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Viktor Frankl discussed what may be impossible for many of us to obtain. The following quote has been edited to make it more universal. Changes are indicated in italics.

The truth – that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which humanity can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of humanity is through Love and in Love.

During most of my grief journey, I have had the benefit of friendships that have helped me manage the perilous waters after a devasting loss. As C.S. Lewis wrote in “The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume II” (2004), “Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods.” I will always be grateful for my friends, some who have been with me for years and others whom I have met recently who helped me in the darkest hours of my life.

As I approach thirty-one months since my wife died, I have learned to love again and be loved. I never thought I could be loved again or have the strength to love someone. No doorbusters could be as valuable as friends or the ability to love again. Love serves as my salvation and a means of attaining humanity’s redemption. Love transcends ourselves and connects with others on a deeper level, leading to a more compassionate and harmonious world.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Sunday in the Park with Patty and Jan

Sometimes, days can be dull and unmemorable, but every once in a while, life surprises us with a day we will never forget. Last Sunday, Patty and Jan, two friends from my Saturday Chosen Family Grief Group, visited me, even though the NJ Transit bus driver was lost and needed directions. They joined other passengers on the journey singing, "Did they ever return? No, they never returned, and their fate is still unknown.." But they persisted and made it to Cranford!

Although we had many visitors when we celebrated Jan's life, the number of widows who have come to Cranford since that event is minimal. Spending Sunday in the park with Patty and Jan was a fantastic day filled with memories I will always treasure. As much as I love reminiscing about old times, I also want and need more opportunities to share my piece of ground with my friends.

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My Friends Validate My Progress

No Doorbusters Can Equal the Priceless Value of Love!

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 42 seconds

My Friends Validate My Progress

Sitting on the rocks in the amphitheater, my companions asked about my well-being and how I had been dealing with Jan's passing two years ago. I shared with them how I've kept Jan's memory alive and talked about the supportive communities I've found. I even mentioned how I felt Jan's presence in her garden as if she was still with me and made a lighthearted joke about her watching us from behind a tree. My friends acknowledged my progress and reassured me that I was doing physically and mentally well. After not seeing them since the pandemic, receiving their kind words was comforting and unexpected.

Although I lost my beloved, I found a way to keep her memory alive. My guests complimented me on the beautiful living memorial I had created for Jan and told me I had inspired them. I felt flattered, but I knew my words were genuine and not self-interest-motivated.

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Our Salvation is Through Love, and in Love!
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Crow Lake

Read: January 2022

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Crow Lake

by Mary Lawson

Crow Lake by Mary Lawson is set in northern Ontario’s rural “badlands.” The badlands are where heartbreak and hardship are mirrored in the landscape of the farming Pye family. Crow Lake is that rare find, a first novel so quietly assured, so emotionally pitch-perfect, you know from the opening page that this is the real thing – a literary experience in which to lose yourself, by an author of immense talent.

Crow Lake was a page-turner for me once I read the prologue.

Two families dominate the story.

On the one hand, it is the Greek tragedy of the Pye family. On their farm, “the sins of the fathers are visited on the sons, and terrible events occur—offstage.”

Kate Morrison has left her two brothers and sister at the lake to become a zoologist. The four siblings lost their parents and struggled to remain together. Their “tragedy looks more immediate if less brutal, but is, in reality, insidious and divisive.”

As Goodreads describes the novel,

In this universal drama of family love and misunderstandings, of resentments harbored and driven underground, Lawson ratchets up the tension with heartbreaking humor and consummate control, continually overturning one’s expectations right to the very end. Tragic, funny, unforgettable, this deceptively simple masterpiece about the perils of hero worship leaped to the top of the bestseller lists only days after being released in Canada and earned glowing reviews in The New York Times and The Globe and Mail, to name a few.

I highly recommend this novel and am looking forward to reading more from Mary Lawson.

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A Game Called Dead

Read: November 2021

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A Game Called Dead

by Michael Stephen Daigle

A Game Called Dead by Michael Stephen Daigle is the sequel to “The Swamps of Jersey,” the first Frank Nagler Mystery. Having read the fourth one – The Red Hand, I recently read the first one and thought this was an excellent time to read the second in this impressive deceptive series.

Reading the Frank Nagler Mysteries is rare when this reviewer knows the author. Mr. Daigle wrote this is the overview of A Game Called Dead.

Nagler is called to investigate the brutal attack on two women at the local college. It begins a tale of urban terror, which seems to be directed at Nagler and his associates.

The story introduces the mysterious terrorist #ARMEGEDDON, who taunted the police from cyberspace.

The story also digs deeper into Nagler’s past, especially the old Charlie Adams serial-killer case, and his relationship with Lauren Fox, who played a crucial role in exposing the political corruption in “Swamps.” She is back and steps into the front of Nagler’s life.

The story also introduced Harriet Waddley-Jones, a college dean, Nagler’s nemesis, and later ally.

Each book is a challenge to write a “better” book. In this case, I wanted tighter, faster action to develop a theme and flow to help carry the story. Sound and the description of sound are keys.

I also wanted Nagler to confront aspects of his past. Can he reconcile them, or will they always haunt him?

This reviewer’s opinion was a more substantial plot than the first book in the Frank Nagler Mysteries. Like all good mysteries, the suspense built page by page, and I figured out who the villain was late in the novel.

The one part that was difficult for me to read was the ending and the potential reigniting of the relationship with Lauren Fox. Having lost Jan, my wife, this year, I am aware of Frank Nagler’s pain in the first book about losing his wife. Ms. Fox only appeared in The Swamps of Jersey as a lost friend. I understand that some widows need to find love again to feel happy, which is not what I need or am seeking. The next book may provide some difficult moments on this topic, but I look forward to reading the next Frank Nagler Mystery.

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Ripe: A Novel

Read: July 2023

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Ripe: A Novel by Sarah Rose Etter

by Sarah Rose Etter

I started reading “Ripe: A Novel” by Sarah Rose Etter today. This book has won awards and is highly praised by Roxane Gay for its uniqueness and brilliance. It tells the story of a woman in Silicon Valley who must choose how much she will sacrifice for success. Fans of “My Year of Rest and Relaxation” and “Her Body and Other Parties” will enjoy this surreal tale.

Cassie has worked at a Silicon Valley start-up for a year but feels stuck in a corporate nightmare. The long hours, toxic bosses, and unethical projects are taking a toll on her. She has a hard time reconciling the stark contrast between the abundance of wealth and the poverty and suffering that exist side by side in the city. Cassie observes Ivy League graduates complaining about snack options in a conference room overlooking unhoused people bathing in the bay. She’s witnessed start-up burnouts who throw themselves in front of commuter trains and men who light themselves on fire in the streets.

Even though Cassie is often by herself, she never feels entirely alone. Since she can remember, she has had a tiny black hole that is always with her. This black hole feeds off her feelings of sadness and worry, getting bigger or smaller depending on how much she struggles. While it watches her, it also waits patiently. Its powerful force keeps pulling Cassie closer as everything in her life seems to fall apart.

Cassie finds herself pregnant unexpectedly while dealing with her CEO’s illegal demands. She must weigh the benefits of Silicon Valley against the risks. Ripe follows the journey of one millennial woman through the absurdities of modern life, offering a sharp yet vulnerable, unsettling yet darkly comic commentary on our late-capitalist hellscape.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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How to Love Your Daughter

Read: August 2023

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How to Love Your Daughter

by Hila Blum

I started reading a novel called “How to Love Your Daughter,” written by Hila Blum and translated by Daniella Zamir today. The book explores a complicated relationship between a mother and her grown daughter. It raises the question of how much harm we can do to our loved ones when love blinds us.

The story takes place thousands of miles away from home, where a woman finds herself peeking through well-lit windows at her two granddaughters. She has never met them before, as they are the daughters of her estranged daughter, whom she hasn’t seen in years.

The book’s central theme revolves around the woman’s attempt to understand how a once-loving relationship between her and her daughter ended up in such a distant and unfathomable state. The story shifts past and present as the woman unravels her memories and long-buried emotions. She tries to make sense of the seemingly insignificant moments of parental care that, combined, may have undermined what she valued most.

The author, Blum, skillfully delves into the complexities of family life, where a parent can easily cross the line between protectiveness and possession without even realizing it. The story leaves us wondering whether it’s possible ever to find our way back from such a point.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Bodily Harm

Read: June 2021

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Bodily Harm

by Margaret Atwood

Bodily Harm by Margaret Atwood is one of the books I picked up from our bookshelf in the first few months after Jan’s death. Being someone who has always fantasized about being a journalist, I found it very interesting.

A powerfully and brilliantly crafted novel, Bodily Harm is the story of Rennie Wilford, a young journalist whose life has begun to shatter around the edges.  Rennie flies to the Caribbean to recuperate, and on the tiny island of St. Antoine she is confronted by a world where her rules for survival no longer apply.  By turns comic, satiric, relentless, and terrifying, Margaret Atwood’s Bodily Harm is ultimately an exploration of the lust for power, both sexual and political, and the need for compassion that goes beyond what we ordinarily mean by love.

Bodily Harm may be the bleakest book that Ms. Atwood has written. One of her common themes is “the violence that human beings inflict on one another and their isolation in an uncaring world. It holds out some hope in the form of compassion to be shared by those who are victims of bodily harm in any form. The novel suggests that every person falls into this category. All are victims. There is no exemption, no escape for anyone.”

I recommend this book.

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Stony The Road

Read: October 2019

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Stony the Road

by Henry Louis Gates Jr

Stony the Road: Reconstruction, White Supremacy, and the Rise of Jim Crow by Henry Louis Gates Jr. is a must-read book, especially with white nationalism on the rise.

I read this book when Jan began her chemotherapy. Although the book’s subject – the retreat from reconstruction – was one I studied in college, at times, I found it hard to focus on the material and my wife’s health at the same time. I stayed on the stony road as it is a subject we need to understand if we are going to correct the past failures.

As The New York Times wrote,

Henry Louis Gates Jr.’s “Stony the Road: Reconstruction, White Supremacy, and the Rise of Jim Crow,” an indispensable guide to the making of our times, addresses 2017’s mystifications. The book sets the Obama era beside Reconstruction and the Trump era beside the white supremacist terrorism of Redemption, the period beginning in 1877 during which Reconstruction’s nascent, biracial democracy was largely dismantled. Gates juxtaposes the optimism of Reconstruction, the despair of Redemption, and the promise of the New Negro movement — the effort by black Americans, starting around the turn of the 20th century, to craft a counternarrative to white supremacy. In doing so, “Stony the Road” presents a bracing alternative to Trump-era white nationalism.

Growing up in the Jim Crow south, I was well aware of white nationalism. This book is an essential read if we are going to make America a multi-racial democracy.

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