When No One is Watching by Alyssa Cole, is a novel where the gentrification of a Brooklyn neighborhood takes on a sinister new meaning. Sydney Green is Brooklyn-born and raised, but her beloved neighborhood seems to change every time she blinks. Condos are sprouting like weeds, FOR SALE signs are popping up overnight, and the neighbors she’s known all her life are disappearing.
Stream of Consciousness!
My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
Flowing Waters Soothed Jan’s Soul
Jan always loved to take off her shoes and wade in the water if we were close to a lake, pond, river, or ocean.
We discussed adding a waterfall in our backyard or purchasing a desktop one for her office. For various reasons, we never were able to do either of these.
We are planning to include a water fountain in Jan’s living memorial. Because of space, her fountain will only be three vases. We will have lighting for both daytime and nighttime. It will also operate year-round, providing a frozen water display in the winter.
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Dreamers of the Day and Night
I am a dreamer of the day because I could act on the “dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.”
If I ever dreamed at night, my insomnia eliminated my nighttime imagination. As T.E. Lawrence said,
Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity.
This morning, I was sure that Jan and I were spooning after a night of intimacy; but I was only spooning her pillow when I opened my eyes.
Yes, it was vanity. But also a reminder that our love will never die because Jan is with me now and forever.
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Every Day Same as Yesterday!
I live my life within a routine that repeats itself on an endless loop.
Doing the same every day might be boring to most people, but it was a method that ensured I could complete the tasks I needed to do.
Falling in love with Jan changed my daily patterns. With her, we developed new ones that enriched both of our lives.
Nine months after she died, my daily routines have helped me manage my grief and continue to live.
I wake up to Jan’s face on my Apple Watch, walk, write about her, and celebrate our love!
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Jan is My Guardian Angel
As much as I enjoy walking, if Jan were alive, she would convince me to be more cautious.
This morning was cold, a few degrees below freezing. It seemed like a perfect day to walk.
Light snow started accumulating on the brim of my Peets hat.
The snow was light and fluffy, and I felt no reason not to continue walking alone.
However, as the temperature rose, it turned to freezing rain. Twice my feet slipped in the icy path.
Each time, Jan reassured me that I could finish this walk.
Having a guardian angel walk with me reminds me that our love will never die.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
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A Train to Moscow
A Train to Moscow by Elena Gorokhova is set in post–World War II Russia; a girl, must reconcile a tragic past with her hope for the future in this powerful and poignant novel about family secrets, passion, loss, perseverance, and ambition. In a small, provincial town behind the Iron Curtain, Sasha lives in a house full of secrets, one of which is her dream of becoming an actress. When she leaves for Moscow to audition for drama school, she defies her mother and grandparents and abandons her first love, Andrei.
Where’s Jan?
Can you find Jan in this photo? Unlike Where’s Waldo, where you can find the eponymously named character, you will not see Jan in this photo at the Bryant Park Grill with my new friends who have lost their loved ones.
The image was taken precisely nine months after her funeral, but I know Jan is with me.
Our souls were divided at birth. The portion of her soul that I had is still with me. The piece of my soul that she had remained with her.
We were not destined to meet, but our love was bound together forever the day we met, and it will never die!
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