When Jan and I met in 1973, it was a revolutionary time with movements encouraging communes and returning to the farm. Neither Jan nor I were interested in living in a commune. Reading this book helped reassure me that we made the correct choice.
Stream of Consciousness!
My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
Jan on Halloween
As we aged, Jan continued to love dressing up for Halloween long after I decided not to wear a costume. The photo shows one of her favorite costumes. The blue jacket is mine; I wore it the day we met, and we still have it. The buttons were primarily from a collection of historic presidential campaign buttons I had. The wig is one Jan purchased. Of course, the smile is all Jan.
Greater Resilience and New Possibilities
Today feels like the beginning of a new era, filled with strength, exciting prospects, and a heightened consciousness. This transformation is directly linked to the update of the blog title. The latest title is Sharing Jan’s Love!
Autumn’s Reflections
Walking in the morning twilight can be calming and liberating. Stepping from the darkness into the light reassures me that despite losing Jan, life is worth living. Today’s walk took me by the Rahway River, where a recent storm had toppled a tree into the water. The reflections in the water reminded me that sometimes what is up can, at other times, be down.
Bad Days and Wednesdays
Have I lost one day a week? At least one day a week has become a day when it feels as if I am dragging my body across hot coals. Losing a full 24-hour day may seem manageable, but it diminishes by one-seventh the time I have to sail to the Community of Love.
I Miss Jan More Every Day!
Today, I’m missing Jan! I have mastered the activities of daily living alone (ADLA), but that does not replace her. She was and is the love of my life, and I need her in so many ways.
Life must go on, but without her, my heart has shattered into a million pieces. As I sail back to the Community of Love, I delicately pick up the pieces and try to glue them back together.
Every day, I build a life that includes her but allows me to manage without her.