My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
I started reading Blue Skies: A Novel by T. C. Boyle today. The book is an eco-thriller with comedic elements. It explores the relationships between humans and their habitats in a world where natural disasters frequently occur, where "the only truism seems to be that things always get worse."
I started reading a novel called "How to Love Your Daughter," written by Hila Blum and translated by Daniella Zamir today. The book explores a complicated relationship between a mother and her grown daughter. It raises the question of how much harm we can do to our loved ones when love blinds us.
One Day At a Time, I Walk Into the Future
Twenty-seven months after losing my wife, I have finally turned a corner in my life. Grief no longer dominates my days, and I am beginning to feel more like my old self again. While I will always miss Jan, I have grown comfortable with my new reality and am grateful for my connections with people and organizations that support me. If I could go back in time, I would certainly want to change the past, but I now feel confident and engaged in my present.
The NPR podcast “After Losing His Wife, Richard E. Grant Has Found a Daily’ Pocketful of Happiness‘” reminded me of how I endured the searing pain of grief. Grant’s wife, June, did not want anyone to know she had cancer, which was my wife’s initial reaction. Grant reached out to friends and neighbors, and I did the same, and the outpouring of support made a difference, both during the nineteen months Jan battled cancer and the twenty-seven months of widowhood.
Despite Jan’s initial reluctance, she eventually reached out to friends and neighbors for support during her final moments. Like Grant’s spouse, Jan expressed her desire for me to be happy again. This experience has taught me that we are not alone in this world and that the love and support of our loved ones can help us heal. I have learned the valuable lesson of taking each day as it comes.
With the help of my chosen family, I have found solace and joy in life. Their unwavering support has kept me from succumbing to the pain of loss. I am forever grateful for their presence in my life, and my heart is filled with happiness and hope every day because of them.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
I sometimes yearn for more from life than I have, but I also acknowledge that I have more than others. During my last conversation with my wife, she said she did not want me to be alone. "You are a good man and an excellent husband," she said. "You will be happier with someone than alone." Although I resisted, she was persistent. Now that I am alone, will I be content if I never find someone to love? Yes, but I know that Jan was right, and while I can live alone, I will always be less than entirely happy.
Whatever Path I Take, I Will Share My Love
After last weekend’s heavy rain, the wetlands by the frog pond were now dry enough for me to take the path. The water was like a reflective sheet of glass, with some sections opaque and others as clear as a babbling brook. As I walked, my mind wandered freely, and the sound of the frogs croaking guided me through the wilderness. I could see a future without limitations rather than obstacles in my way.
My Apple Watch notified me that I had closed my moving ring, but my body reminded me that I needed to hurry to the restroom. Despite this, I paused as I approached the slabs that allowed me to tiptoe over the waterway. The pond reflected life’s choices more clearly than any self-help guidebook.
The ink-dark portions of the pond were impenetrable and reflected nothing of my world. I feared that if I stepped into that portion, I would disappear. However, the transparent part of the pond reminded me that the water was so shallow it would only reach my mid-calf. Despite being wet, I could walk forward unimpeded and knew I could not drown.
The sound of the frogs wakes me from my rest. The sun’s warmth invites me to venture forth, and I stroll past the pond to the path around the sports field. As a widow, the darkest fears of my life recede as I proceed toward the park’s comfort facilities. I will always confidently move forward, trusting in love to guide me. I aim to share my passion, embrace life’s challenges and joys, and live fully.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
I sometimes yearn for more from life than I have, but I also acknowledge that I have more than others. During my last conversation with my wife, she said she did not want me to be alone. "You are a good man and an excellent husband," she said. "You will be happier with someone than alone." Although I resisted, she was persistent. Now that I am alone, will I be content if I never find someone to love? Yes, but I know that Jan was right, and while I can live alone, I will always be less than entirely happy.
I started reading "Ripe: A Novel" by Sarah Rose Etter today. This book has won awards and is highly praised by Roxane Gay for its uniqueness and brilliance. It tells the story of a woman in Silicon Valley who must choose how much she will sacrifice for success. Fans of "My Year of Rest and Relaxation" and "Her Body and Other Parties" will enjoy this surreal tale.
The Time to Take Action is Now!
I tied my walking shoes and felt the warmth outside my window. Although the extreme weather forecast wasn’t due for another five hours, the heat was already seeping through the glass. Despite the temptation to skip my walk, I grabbed my Shakespeare Theater Hat and headed out the door.
The first half mile felt warmer than usual, but it wasn’t unbearable. The hot, damp breeze was always in front of me, no matter which way I turned. Though, I knew the air would feel like a sauna if I walked all day. However, at 6 am, it was too early for that kind of heat.
When my Apple Watch announced that I had reached halfway to my minimum distance goal of four miles, I accepted that completing my rings would be the only achievement of the day. “Have a nice day, and stay cool,” I said with enough force to cut through the thick air.
As I finished the final ring, I made a mental note to take the quickest path back home. It wasn’t until then that I realized my thighs were throbbing with pain. I never had any muscle soreness after my regular walks, so I was perplexed. It suddenly dawned on me that I had been walking against a strong tide in an estuary, requiring extra effort to keep myself from being carried out to sea.
Standing in the shower, with cold water flushing away the sweat, I remembered a heatwave in 1980. I worked at St. Ignatius Loyola Church in Brooklyn, across from Medgar Evers College. One day, while crossing a street where the asphalt was beginning to melt, I asked Fr. Nick, a retired Jesuit priest, what he thought of the heat. Instead of our usual lighthearted conversation, he responded, “What do you expect? It’s summer.”
We live in the summer of global boiling! It is a pivotal time for our planet. The extreme heat waves indicate the urgent need for action against human-induced climate change. With over 2,000 high-temperature records shattered in just a month, July is on track to become the hottest month ever recorded. We must come together and take action now. The EPA is accepting feedback on its regulation to limit carbon pollution. Let us unite and make our voices heard by submitting comments to the EPA about the pollution levels in our air, water, and soil. Our collective efforts can make a significant impact on our planet’s future.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Action Alert: EPA’s Carbon Rule
I recently attended the Power for Purpose Climate Justice event hosted by Temple Sharey Tefilo-Israel and would like to share the materials and action steps. Recent reports indicate that our planet is rapidly changing, and July 3rd marked the hottest day ever recorded on Earth. I feel a sense of urgency to encourage others to take action with me. Please join me in submitting comments to the EPA about our concerns regarding pollution levels in our air, water, and soil.
Living Alone and Dreaming of More!
As I walked through the memorial garden, a cocker spaniel jumped over the plants and rubbed its wet fur onto my sweatpants. My neighbor Chris attempted to calm his dog down, but I reassured him it was no problem. We quickly caught up, as we hadn’t seen each other on our morning walks for weeks. As Chris departed, he asked if I still walked every day. I replied that I did, as life is too short to miss even one-morning walk.
As I completed my short lap around Hanson Park, I pondered how brief life is for all of us, particularly for me in my mid-seventies. Although I have lived alone since my wife’s passing two years ago, I cherish life and the people who make it enjoyable. Am I happy? Yes, I am. Do I smile enough? I believe I do.
I follow the fundamental principles we should have learned in kindergarten.
Is it sufficient? No, I sometimes yearn for more from life than I have, but I also acknowledge that I have more than others. During my last conversation with my wife, she said she did not want me to be alone. “You are a good man and an excellent husband,” she said. You will be happier with someone than alone.” Although I resisted, she was persistent. Now that I am alone, will I be content if I never find someone to love? Yes, but I know that Jan was right, and while I can live alone, I will always be less than entirely happy.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
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by T. C. Boyle
I started reading Blue Skies: A Novel by T. C. Boyle today. The book is an eco-thriller with comedic elements. It explores the relationships between humans and their habitats in a world where natural disasters frequently occur, where “the only truism seems to be that things always get worse.”
Denied a dog, a baby, and even a faithful fiancé, Cat suddenly craves a snake: a glistening, writhing creature that can be worn like “jewelry, living jewelry” to match her black jeans. But when the budding social media star promptly loses the young “Burmie” she buys from a local pet store, she inadvertently sets a chain of increasingly dire and outrageous events threatening her survival.
Blue Skies follows the tradition of T. C. Boyle’s finest novels, combining high-octane plotting with biting wit and intelligent social commentary. Here Boyle, one of the most inventive voices in contemporary fiction, transports us to water-logged and heat-ravaged coastal America, where Cat and her hapless, nature-loving family—including her eco-warrior parents, Ottilie and Frank; her brother, Cooper, an entomologist; and her frat-boy-turned-husband, Todd—are struggling to adapt to the “new normal,” in which once-in-a-lifetime natural disasters happen once a week and drinking seems to be the only way to cope.
But there’s more than meets the eye to this compulsive family drama. Lurking beneath the bland façade of twenty-first-century Californians and Floridians attempting to preserve normalcy in the face of violent weather perturbations is a caricature of materialist American society that doubles as a prophetic warning about our planet’s future. Blue Skies deftly explores the often volatile relationships between humans and their habitats, from pet bees and cricket-dependent diets to massive species die-offs and pummeling hurricanes, in which “the only truism seems to be that things always get worse.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Hila Blum
I started reading a novel called “How to Love Your Daughter,” written by Hila Blum and translated by Daniella Zamir today. The book explores a complicated relationship between a mother and her grown daughter. It raises the question of how much harm we can do to our loved ones when love blinds us.
The story takes place thousands of miles away from home, where a woman finds herself peeking through well-lit windows at her two granddaughters. She has never met them before, as they are the daughters of her estranged daughter, whom she hasn’t seen in years.
The book’s central theme revolves around the woman’s attempt to understand how a once-loving relationship between her and her daughter ended up in such a distant and unfathomable state. The story shifts past and present as the woman unravels her memories and long-buried emotions. She tries to make sense of the seemingly insignificant moments of parental care that, combined, may have undermined what she valued most.
The author, Blum, skillfully delves into the complexities of family life, where a parent can easily cross the line between protectiveness and possession without even realizing it. The story leaves us wondering whether it’s possible ever to find our way back from such a point.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
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by Sarah Rose Etter
I started reading “Ripe: A Novel” by Sarah Rose Etter today. This book has won awards and is highly praised by Roxane Gay for its uniqueness and brilliance. It tells the story of a woman in Silicon Valley who must choose how much she will sacrifice for success. Fans of “My Year of Rest and Relaxation” and “Her Body and Other Parties” will enjoy this surreal tale.
Cassie has worked at a Silicon Valley start-up for a year but feels stuck in a corporate nightmare. The long hours, toxic bosses, and unethical projects are taking a toll on her. She has a hard time reconciling the stark contrast between the abundance of wealth and the poverty and suffering that exist side by side in the city. Cassie observes Ivy League graduates complaining about snack options in a conference room overlooking unhoused people bathing in the bay. She’s witnessed start-up burnouts who throw themselves in front of commuter trains and men who light themselves on fire in the streets.
Even though Cassie is often by herself, she never feels entirely alone. Since she can remember, she has had a tiny black hole that is always with her. This black hole feeds off her feelings of sadness and worry, getting bigger or smaller depending on how much she struggles. While it watches her, it also waits patiently. Its powerful force keeps pulling Cassie closer as everything in her life seems to fall apart.
Cassie finds herself pregnant unexpectedly while dealing with her CEO’s illegal demands. She must weigh the benefits of Silicon Valley against the risks. Ripe follows the journey of one millennial woman through the absurdities of modern life, offering a sharp yet vulnerable, unsettling yet darkly comic commentary on our late-capitalist hellscape.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by A.M. Homes
The Unfolding by A.M. Homes is a darkly comic political parable braided with a Bildungsroman that takes us inside the heart of a divided country. The Unfolding is an alternative history that is terrifyingly prescient, profoundly tender, and devastatingly funny. Will this novel help me to understand how we became a nation that no longer shares the same definitions of truth, freedom, and democracy, much less a shared vision of the future?
Although I understand more clearly the crisis facing the US, I highly recommend this novel.
Ms. Homes has written a must-read book that compliments the January 6th Committee report and should make us all more vigilant.
The characters are so well defined that at the end of the novel, I wanted to continue to read about them, especially Meghan.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
The Big Guy loves his family, money, and country. Undone by the 2008 presidential election results, he taps a group of like-minded men to reclaim their version of the American Dream. As they build a scheme to disturb and disrupt, the Big Guy also faces turbulence within his family. His wife, Charlotte, grieves a life not lived, while his 18-year-old daughter, Meghan, realizes that her favorite subject–history–is not exactly what her father taught her.
In a story that is as much about the dynamics within a family as it is about the desire for those in power to remain in force, Homes presciently unpacks a dangerous rift in American identity, prompting a reconsideration of the definition of truth, freedom, and democracy–and exploring the explosive consequences of what happens when the exact words mean such different things to people living together under one roof.
In her first novel since the Women’s Prize award-winning May We Be Forgiven, A.M. Homes delivers us back to ourselves in this stunning alternative history that is both terrifyingly prescient, deeply tender, and devastatingly funny.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love.
by David Mitchell
Today, I started reading Cloud Atlas: A Novel by David Mitchell, one of The New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. Cloud Atlas begins in 1850 with Adam Ewing, an American notary, voyaging from the Chatham Isles to his home in California. Ewing is befriended by a physician, Dr. Goose, who begins treating him for a rare species of brain parasite.
The novel careens, with dazzling virtuosity, to Belgium in 1931, the West Coast in the 1970s, an inglorious present-day England, a Korean superstate of the near future where neo-capitalism has run amok, and, finally, a postapocalyptic Iron Age Hawaii in the last days of history. But the story doesn’t end even there. What sets Cloud Atlas apart is its unique narrative structure, which boomerangs back through centuries and space, returning by the same route, in reverse, to its starting point. This journey reveals how the disparate characters connect, how their fates intertwine, and how their souls drift across time like clouds across the sky.
As wild as a video game, as mysterious as a Zen koan, Cloud Atlas is an unforgettable tour de force that, like its incomparable author, has transcended its cult classic status to become a worldwide phenomenon. The novel’s diverse settings and cultures, from 1850 Chatham Isles to a postapocalyptic Iron Age Hawaii, appeal to readers across the globe, offering a rich and varied reading experience.
by Andrea Cohen
Today, I explored “The Sorrow Apartments,” the eighth collection of poems by poet Andrea Cohen. Renowned poet Christian Wiman accurately describes Cohen’s work as a “cumulative force,” showcasing her deep attention, genuine intelligence, and soul. Cohen’s distinctive talents are featured in this collection, complemented by her characteristic sly humor, unwavering conciseness, and surprising moments of profound wisdom.
It’s astonishing how swiftly Cohen transports us:
Bunker
What would I
think, coming
up after
my world
had evaporated?
I’d wish
I were water.
The Sorrow Apartments house a collection of sparse and haunting poetry, each piece a captivating narrative of mystery, grief, and awe. These poems transport us not just across time but also through a spectrum of emotions. Cohen’s unique approach to illumination is evident in “Acapulco,” where an unanticipated companion muses, “as men tend to, / the stars comprising Orion’s belt — / as if it were the lustrous sparks and not / the leveling dark that connects us.” For a poet often deemed unfashionable, Cohen’s work proves that unfashionable can be beautiful.
by Authors Guild
I started reading Fourteen Days: A Collaborative Novel today. It is set in a Lower East Side tenement during the early days of the COVID-19 lockdowns. Fourteen Days is a unique collaborative novel from the Authors Guild with a twist. A different, prominent literary voice has secretly written each character in this diverse cast of New York neighbors. These voices range from Margaret Atwood and Celeste Ng to Tommy Orange and John Grisham.
The novel’s story begins one week into the COVID-19 shutdown, where tenants of a Lower East Side apartment building in Manhattan have gathered on the rooftop to tell stories. As the nights pass, more and more neighbors join in, bringing chairs, milk crates, and overturned pails. Gradually, the tenants, some of whom have barely spoken to each other, become neighbors.
In this Decameron-like serial novel, general editors Margaret Atwood and Douglas Preston and a star-studded list of contributors create a beautiful ode to those trapped when the pandemic hit. Fourteen Days is a dazzling, heartwarming, and ultimately surprising narrative that reveals how some communities managed to become stronger despite the loss and suffering brought about by the pandemic.
Includes writing from: Charlie Jane Anders, Margaret Atwood, Joseph Cassara, Jennine Capó Crucet, Angie Cruz, Pat Cummings, Sylvia Day, Emma Donoghue, Dave Eggers, Diana Gabaldon, Tess Gerritsen, John Grisham, Maria Hinojosa, Mira Jacob, Erica Jong, CJ Lyons, Celeste Ng, Tommy Orange, Mary Pope Osborne, Douglas Preston, Alice Randall, Ishmael Reed, Roxana Robinson, Nelly Rosario, James Shapiro, Hampton Sides, R.L. Stine, Nafissa Thompson-Spires, Monique Truong, Scott Turow, Luis Alberto Urrea, Rachel Vail, Weike Wang, Caroline Randall Williams, De’Shawn Charles Winslow, and Meg Wolitzer!
by Emma Cline
The Guest by Emma Cline is a highly recommended book, recognized as one of the top releases for May by The New York Times. At first, I assumed it was just another typical summer romance novel I usually don’t enjoy. However, I was surprised that it was unlike any other beach read I had encountered.
The protagonist, Alex, finds herself in a difficult situation after making a mistake at a dinner party in the East End of Long Island towards the end of summer. The man she’s been staying with dismisses her and sends her back to the city. With limited resources and a waterlogged phone, Alex decides to stay on Long Island and explore her surroundings. She wanders through exclusive neighborhoods and beaches, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.
According to The New York Times, Alex’s days and nights waiting for Labor Day might be “an entertaining series of misguided shenanigans interrupting the upper class’s summer vacation. However, under Cline’s command, every sentence is as sharp as a scalpel, portraying a woman who toes the line between welcome and unwelcome guest and becomes a fully destabilizing force for her hosts and the novel itself.
Although the book has no experience with themes, such as using sex to secure what she desires, as soon as I started reading it, I could not stop. Regardless of my unfamiliarity with the topics, I highly recommend The Guest.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Meng Jin
Self-Portrait with Ghost: Short Stories by Meng Jin was written during the turbulent years of the Trump administration and the first year of the pandemic, these stories explore intimacy and isolation, coming of age, and coming to terms with the repercussions of past mistakes, fraying relationships, and surprising moments of connection. I highly recommend Self-Portrait with Ghost: Short Stories!
Each story speaks so clearly to the loneliness epidemic that confronts our world. I would read one short story and promise to stop and wait until another day to read the next one. Instead
One phrase that will always remain with me is: “The hallucinatory quality of grief.” As a widow, the phrase struck a chord that will forever resonate in my soul.
This is the seventy-third book I have read this year.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
Meng Jin’s critically acclaimed debut novel, Little Gods, was praised as “spectacular and emotionally polyphonic (Omar El-Akkad, BookPage), “powerful” (Washington Post), and “meticulously observed, daringly imagined” (Claire Messud). Jin turns her considerable talents into short fiction in ten thematically linked stories.
Moving between San Francisco and China, and from unsparing realism to genre-bending delight, Self-Portrait with Ghost considers what it means to live in an age of heightened self-consciousness, seemingly unlimited access to knowledge, and little actual power.
Page-turning, thought-provoking, and wholly unique, Self-Portrait with Ghost further establishes Meng Jin as a writer who “reminds us that possible explanations in our universe are as varied as the beings who populate it” (Paris Review).
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
