Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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Embracing the Future Without Fear!

Jans Love is as Free as the Birds in Hanson Park

Embracing the Future Without Fear!

Embracing the Future Without Fear!

During the last leg of my morning walk, I spotted my friends Paul and June sitting on the bench by the river. As I approached them, I exclaimed, “What a wonderful surprise!”

“We love your wife’s bench.” Paul responded.

I received a reminder from my Apple Watch to take a break, which prompted me to chat with June and Paul. During our conversation, I learned that June was reading “The Little Prince” for her Spanish class. As I said goodbye, Paul and June expressed their appreciation for my efforts in enhancing the park.

I declined their compliment and responded with a quote from The Little Prince.

The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched; they are felt with the heart.

I shared with them that love is the most potent force in the universe, even if we cannot see or touch it. After my wife passed away, I felt compelled to share her love with others. I knew it did not belong to me, and I could not bottle it up. I recited a stanza from Merrit Malloy’s Epitaph, struggling to recall it from my fading memory.

And if you need to cry,
Cry for your brother
Walking the street beside you.
And when you need me,
Put your arms
Around anyone
And give them
What you need to give to me.

As I strolled by the Wind Sculpture, I realized Jan’s affection was as unbounded as the birds soaring above Hanson Park. I hold dear the memories of the past but do not fixate on them, and I am unafraid of what the future holds. I embrace the present and relish a life overflowing with love!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Sharing Jan’s Love Allows Me to Live Fully!

In hindsight, embracing adaptability as a core value has helped me cope with the challenges of being a widow. Instead of clinging to the love I shared with my late spouse, Jan, I freely shared her love with everyone I encountered. If I had kept Jan's love to myself, it would have sealed her spirit into a time capsule, ending her life and legacy. But by sharing her love, Jan's spirit inspires and motivates us to improve the world. Her love is now as free as the birds in Hanson Park. It's incredible how sharing love causes it to return to me, more vibrant than ever.

Jan's unwavering love has been a source of strength and direction for me through life's challenges. Thanks to her support, I can now live with an open heart, embracing the beauty of love in all its forms.

Ron and Deborah

Sharing Jan’s Love Allows Me to Live Fully!

Jans Love is as Free as the Birds in Hanson Park

Ron and Deborah

Ron, Me, and Deborah

On Monday, I visited Jan’s Memorial Garden in Hanson Park with my friends Ron and Deborah. We caught up on how I’ve been doing in the two-plus years since her death. Whenever I’m in the park, I feel closer to Jan than on the thousands of days or nights we spent together. I always enjoy showing my friends the Wind Sculpture, benches, and other park activities.

Sharing ideas on the benefits of gardening and how it can help build community, I felt that the blood, sweat, and tears I spent on building Jan’s Memorial Garden were worthwhile. Over lunch at IL Gabbiano Italian Bistro, I remembered Ron had called me the day Jan died. After expressing his condolences, he said I was a resilient individual and that this trait would assist me in moving forward without Jan. When he spoke, I was uncertain how or if resilience could help me manage the loss of the love of my life.

In hindsight, embracing adaptability as a core value has helped me cope with the challenges of being a widow. Instead of clinging to the love I shared with my late spouse, Jan, I freely shared her love with everyone I encountered. If I had kept Jan’s love to myself, it would have sealed her spirit into a time capsule, ending her life and legacy. But by sharing her love, Jan’s spirit inspires and motivates us to improve the world. Her love is now as free as the birds in Hanson Park. It’s incredible how sharing love causes it to return to me, more vibrant than ever.

Jan’s unwavering love has been a source of strength and direction for me through life’s challenges. Thanks to her support, I can now live with an open heart, embracing the beauty of love in all its forms.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



Is Resilience My Hidden Power?

Adaptability has been explored in depth in the context of prevention strategies, with "The Art of Being Adaptable" in Prevention offering valuable insights into the subject matter. This work posits that adaptability is crucial in any successful prevention strategy and provides potential solutions for cultivating and maintaining this trait. Focusing on the importance of flexibility, resilience, and open-mindedness, this work offers practical advice on adapting to changing circumstances. Ultimately, by embracing adaptability as a core value, individuals and organizations can better prepare themselves for challenges.

Jan's love has been my guiding light, even in the darkest times. Her unwavering devotion has given me the strength to persevere through life's obstacles.

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The Heat Will Kill You First

The Heat Will Kill You First

I recently started reading "The Heat Will Kill You First" by Jeff Goodell, which delves into the extreme ways our planet is already changing. The book explores how spring is arriving earlier and fall is arriving later and how this will impact our food supply and disease outbreaks. As I have stated in my Action Alert: EPA’s Carbon Rule, the time to act is now.

Read book review Get this book All books

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Jan, the love of my life

Love is Mysterious and Powerful

If Love Never Dies, Can You Love Again?

Jan, the love of my life

Jan, the love of my life

It has been twenty-seven months since I became a widow, and I have realized that my love for my late wife, Jan, has only grown stronger. Merrit Malloy’s poem, Epitaph, comes to mind:

Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Give me away.

I have dedicated myself to sharing Jan’s love with others. When she passed away, my world fell apart, and I wasn’t sure if I had the strength or motivation to keep going. With the guidance of Rabbi Renee, I learned the importance of giving her love away so that I could carry her spirit with me into the unfamiliar world I found myself in.

Over time, I worked with my loved ones to create a beautiful garden commemorating Jan. The garden boasts a wind sculpture and benches and will soon be home to a thriving butterfly. Additionally, I joined several virtual grief support groups as a participant. Although they were helpful, I was starting to feel like they had done all they could for me and considered leaving. However, when one of the groups was about to disband, I was asked to lead it. Despite having no experience in that role, I accepted the challenge. Almost two years later, the group continues to meet, and it has become an essential part of my journey through grief.

Life can be full of surprises when it comes to love. Sometimes, we may think we’ll be alone forever, but love can come unexpectedly. Recently, I discovered I had romantic feelings for someone I’ve known for almost two years. Surprisingly, she has romantic feelings for me too! It’s still too early to know the future, but this experience has reminded me that love can exist in any situation. As Lorrie Moore once said, love is a feeling that can thrive in any circumstance, from hospitals to prisons and even in times of war.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.




The Awesome Power of Love

Sharing Jan's love through the garden and the people whose lives she touched has been incredibly fulfilling and has helped me manage my grief.

I've also been inspired by Viktor E. Frankl's observation that "love is the ultimate goal in life." Jan's love will continue to live on through the garden and in my heart, inspiring me daily.

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Rabbi Renee and Me

Rabbi Renee’s First Shabbat in Tinton Falls

Discovering Life's Timeless Realities

Rabbi Renee and Me

Rabbi Renee and Me at Her First Shabbat at Monmouth Reform Temple

I was honored when Rabbi Renee invited me to her inaugural Shabbat services at the Monmouth Reform Temple (MRT) in Tinton Falls on July 7th. With over one hundred and ninety congregants expected, she requested my presence to offer a calming influence from the front pew. Her generous offer included a seat with her family, treating me like one of their own. Despite my reservations about my ability to offer comfort, I accepted the invitation, even with the potential traffic issues on a summer Friday evening near the shore.

Surprisingly, there was less traffic than anticipated, and I arrived early on Friday night. As I entered the MRT, I immediately noticed a banner welcoming Rabbi Renee Edelman and heard her voice. As I made my way down the hallway, Cantor Gabrielle Clissold hugged me and remembered me from the second night of Passover Seder. Every person I encountered, whether we had met before or not, was friendly and welcoming throughout the evening. Rabbi Renee even introduced me to her MRT family, which made me feel included and grateful that I had attended the Shabbat services.

Rabbi Renee has been an incredible source of strength and comfort for my wife, Jan, and me. Her unwavering support throughout Jan’s battle with lymphoma was truly invaluable. Even after Jan’s passing, Rabbi Renee continued to show love and compassion, providing hope.

With Rabbi Renee’s guidance, I discovered solace and comfort in Merrit Malloy’s Epitaph. This newfound understanding of life’s eternal truth has allowed me to navigate my grief and fully embrace Jan’s spirit. I am forever grateful for the unwavering love and support of my family, friends, and fellow widows. Thanks to Rabbi Renee, I can live life to the fullest.

Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Give me away.

Rabbi Dr. Renee Goldberg Edelman speaks about Jan and how much she misses her at Celebrate Jan Day.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



Love Generates Quasi-buried Treasures

During my morning walk, I reflected on the intensity of my dream and how our love deepened over time. Lorrie Moore's quote, "Love was its little generator of quasi-buried treasure," filled me with happiness. I felt like expressing my love for you loudly and publicly, like shouting it from the rooftops!

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Time to Take Action Against Climate Change

Action Alert: EPA’s Carbon Rule

Hottest Month in History Spurs Climate Action

Time to Take Action Against Climate Change

I recently attended the Power for Purpose Climate Justice event hosted by Temple Sharey Tefilo-Israel and would like to share the materials and action steps. Recent reports indicate that our planet is rapidly changing, and July 3rd marked the hottest day ever recorded on Earth. I feel a sense of urgency to encourage others to take action with me.

Please join me in submitting comments to the EPA about our concerns regarding pollution levels in our air, water, and soil. 

You can even personalize your message by sharing a personal story that can help show the White House why firm limits on climate pollution are necessary. Everyone can participate, including businesses, public leaders, community organizations, and students. 

Please submit your comments today, and we also encourage you to share this valuable information with others and urge them to do the same

The climate and ecological crisis cannot be fixed later. It cannot be left for anyone else to sort out. It has to be us and has to be now.” These words from Greta Thunberg inspire us to take action and work together towards a better future. Let’s make a positive impact today.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



Day of Action On Climate Crisis

I recently attended the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism's Day of Action on the Washington climate emergency as a Temple Sha'arey Shalom representative. This was my first advocacy trip in almost five years, during which I advocated for funding for affordable housing for people with disabilities and people experiencing homelessness. This time, I was advocating for climate action as part of the Power for Purpose campaign of the Reform Movement. I had the opportunity to meet with staff from Senator Cory Booker and Congressman Chris Smith and later with Congressmen Donald Payne, Jr. via Zoom.

During the event, two speakers challenged us to think differently about the work we need to do. LaTosha Brown, Co-founder of the Black Voters Matter Fund and the Black Voters Capacity Building Institute encouraged us to levitate above public conversations that do not focus on solving problems and see the big picture. Reverend Senator Raphael Warnock from Georgia challenged us to view our work as an effort to redeem the soul of America, which the rise of antisemitism, racism, sexism, and other forms of hatred has damaged.

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Jan Lilien and Richard W. Brown

I Choose to Face the Future, Not the Past

The Past Remains With Me, Now and Forever

Jan Lilien and Richard W. Brown

Jan Lilien and Richard W. Brown.

Growing up in the South, I often heard William Faulkner’s quote from Requiem for a Nun – “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.” Initially, as a young man, I thought the quote was clever, but I questioned its accuracy. I believed that only the present and future mattered and that my past experiences were insignificant.

However, as I have grown older, I have realized that the past is essential. We can learn from our successes and mistakes when we reflect on them. Sometimes, the past can feel like a weight on our chests, leaving an impression of the good, bad, and ugly in our souls.

When my spouse, Jan, passed away, I was anxious and unsure if I could not continue without her. At first, memories of the past were comforting and reminded me of our love, which had been the foundation of my writing. But I have since shifted my focus to the present and the future, recognizing that life is about embracing each day while facing an uncertain future.

Our choices determine the direction of our lives, and we must decide whether to dwell in the past or look ahead to the future. Although the past was beautiful, I have learned to let it go and concentrate on the present. As a widow navigating a world of uncertainty, I am eager to embrace the unknown, buoyed by the spirit of my beloved Jan. Together, we will use the power of our love to create a brighter tomorrow for generations to come. I honor the past by managing my grief while remaining open to new possibilities and building a better future.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



Growing Around Grief to Live Fully!

Today marks my grandson Wes's first birthday, and seeing him smile fills me with immense joy. His smile reminds me of his grandma Jan, whose smile always delighted me like a kaleidoscope of new images. It's heartwarming to see that Wes has inherited the same gift from Jan - their smiles are a constant reminder of the love and happiness within our family.

Reflecting on the past can be challenging but can also serve as a reminder of what truly matters. On this particular day, as Wes celebrates his first birthday, I am reminded that it has been 26 months since Jan's passing. Though the pain of loss remains, our love endures. Each day, I strive to embody the best version of myself - a kind and compassionate grandparent, a helpful neighbor, and a trustworthy friend. I am committed to honoring Jan's wishes by living this way.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Embracing the Future Without Fear!
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Ron and Deborah
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The Heat Will Kill You First

Read: July 2023

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The Heat Will Kill You First

by Jeff Goodell

I recently started reading “The Heat Will Kill You First” by Jeff Goodell, which delves into the extreme ways our planet is already changing. The book explores how spring is arriving earlier and fall is arriving later and how this will impact our food supply and disease outbreaks. As I have stated in my Action Alert: EPA’s Carbon Rule, the time to act is now.

The book also predicts the consequences of summer days in cities like Chicago and Boston, reaching temperatures as high as 110°F. Goodell explains that heat waves are used only to affect the most vulnerable people, but as they become more intense and familiar, they will affect everyone.

It is becoming increasingly clear that the world is facing a new reality. In California, wildfires are now seasonal, while the Northeast is experiencing less and less snow each winter. Meanwhile, the Arctic and Antarctic ice sheets are melting alarmingly. Heat is the primary threat that is driving all other impacts of the climate crisis. As temperatures rise, it exposes weaknesses in our governments, politics, economy, and values.

The basic science is straightforward: If we stop burning fossil fuels tomorrow, the global temperature will also stop rising. However, if we wait for 50 years to stop burning them, the temperature will continue to rise, making parts of our planet uninhabitable. The responsibility to act is in our hands. The hotter it gets, the more our underlying issues will surface and expand.

Jeff Goodell has been an award-winning journalist in the field of environmental reporting for several decades. His latest book explains how extreme heat will cause significant changes in the world. The book is an excellent blend of scientific insights and on-the-ground storytelling, and Goodell explores some of the most significant questions surrounding the topic. He reveals that extreme heat is a force we have yet to comprehend fully.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Jan, the love of my life
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Rabbi Renee and Me
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Time to Take Action Against Climate Change
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Jan Lilien and Richard W. Brown
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We the Animals

Read: July 2024

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We the Animals

by Justin Torres

Today, I embarked on the literary journey of We the Animals by Justin Torres. This novel, listed among the New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the Century, is a groundbreaking work of art. The author of Blackouts immerses us in the tumultuous heart of a family, the intense bonds of three brothers, and the mythic impact of this fierce love on the individuals we are destined to become.

The narrative unfolds as three brothers navigate their way through childhood, a journey filled with emotional highs and lows, from playful acts like smashing tomatoes on each other to finding solace in each other’s company during their parents’ conflicts and even tiptoeing around the house as their mother rests after her graveyard shift. Paps and Ma, hailing from Brooklyn—he’s Puerto Rican, she’s white—share a profound and challenging love, shaping and reshaping the family numerous times. Life in this family is intense and all-consuming, filled with disorder, heartache, and the ecstasy of belonging to each other.

From the intense familial unity, a child feels to the profound alienation he endures as he begins to see the world, this beautiful novel doesn’t just tell a coming-of-age story; it reinvents it in a sly and punch-in-the-stomach powerful way. It delves into themes such as love, the meaning of family, and heartache, adding another layer of depth and complexity to the story.

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The Anniversary

Read: July 2023

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The Anniversary

by Stephanie Bishop

I began reading Stephanie Bishop‘s novel, The Anniversary, today. The Anniversary is a brilliantly written novel with a gripping and fast-paced storyline. It poses some interesting questions: how blurred is the boundary between reality and fiction in a writer’s thoughts? How can we reject those we yearn for? And what are the consequences for ourselves, others, and our creativity if we don’t?

J.B. Blackwood, a novelist, is on a cruise with her husband, Patrick, to celebrate their wedding anniversary. Her husband is much older than her and was her former professor, film director, and cult figure. When they first met, he appeared ageless, like a god in the eyes of those who worship them. However, his success is dwindling, while J.B. is on the verge of winning a major literary prize. Previously, her husband always oversaw her art, but now it may overshadow him.

As they sail in the sun for days, with only dark water surrounding them, a storm unexpectedly strikes, and Patrick falls from the ship. J.B. is left alone, and the search for the truth about their marriage and what happened to Patrick begins.

The Anniversary is highly recommended for readers who enjoy Lisa Halliday and Susan Choi’s works. The story revolves around a talented writer who has to confront the unresolved death of her spouse and find the courage to stand on her own. It is a captivating page-turner that will keep you hooked till the end.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Borscht Belt Boy: Recollections of a Hotel Brat

Read: January 2024

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Borscht Belt Boy

by Mark Kramer

I started reading Borscht Belt Boy: Recollections of a Hotel Brat by Mark Kramer today. The book is the story of a young man who grew up in the heyday of the Borscht Belt. The author sent me a copy when I shared my 2023 reading accomplishments. I found joy in reading his memoir as the author, and I are almost the same age.

The author, the son of a Catskills Mountain resort hotel owner, describes his experiences growing up when hotels, bungalow colonies, and sleep-away camps were booming. Learn about the characters that populated this world, from the kids who worked in the dining rooms, the handymen recruited from the Bowery, to the chefs and maitre d’s.

Enjoy the author’s humorous description of the different kinds of people who summered in the mountains. Read fascinating tales of entertainers, including Buddy Hackett and Lenny Bruce’s experiences at the family hotel. There is a brief history of Catskills’ institutions, how the influx of Jews changed the landscape, and how the resort trade influenced race, religion, and class.

This lighthearted memoir will return fond memories to those who visited the Borscht Belt in their youth and enlighten those not lucky enough to have shared this particular time and place in history.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Hey, Zoey

Read: June 2024

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Hey, Zoey: A Novel

by Sarah Crossan

Today, I enjoyed immersing myself in the captivating and thought-provoking world of Sarah Crossan‘s novel ‘Hey, Zoey.’ As Sarah Dunn eloquently puts it, this book is a masterful blend of brilliance and dark humor. The story revolves around Dolores O’Shea, whose life turns surprising when she discovers her husband’s AI sex doll, Zoey, in the garage.

A profound and heartfelt journey of self-discovery unfolds for Dolores as she and ‘Zoey‘ develop an unconventional bond, unearthing deeply buried emotions and memories. Dolores O’Shea, a 43-year-old woman, is a beacon of strength, juggling her job, ailing mother, and social life with remarkable efficiency.

Her marriage with an anesthesiologist, David, is in turmoil, but she’s determined to confront the issues. Her world is completely upended when she uncovers Zoey, the $8,000 AI sex doll that David had been concealing in the garage. At first, Dolores’ response to Zoey is a whirlwind of anger and confusion, throwing her meticulously organized life into chaos.

As the narrative unfolds, Dolores and Zoey embark on a series of conversations that unearth unexpected emotions and memories, profoundly influencing all of Dolores’ relationships, particularly her relationship with herself. Dolores’ journey is a rollercoaster of events and emotions that resonates with us all. ‘Hey, Zoey‘ is a novel that enthralls and challenges our perception of modern-day connections and the diverse forms that love can assume in a lifetime.

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The Hunter: A Novel

Read: March 2024

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The Hunter: A Novel

by Tana French

Today, I began reading “The Hunter: A Novel” by Tana French, often called the Queen of Irish crime fiction. The story takes place in a small village in the West of Ireland during a hot summer. Two men arrive, one returning home and the other seeking riches. However, one of them is also seeking death.

Cal Hooper is a retired Chicago police officer who moved to rural Ireland for a peaceful life. He has built a relationship with a local woman named Lena and has been mentoring Trey Reddy, a troubled teenager on a better path. But when Trey’s long-lost father returns, accompanied by an English millionaire and a plan to find gold in the townland, everything they have built is threatened. Cal and Lena are willing to do whatever it takes to protect Trey, but Trey is not interested in protection. What she wants is revenge.

This novel, written by the acclaimed author described by The New York Times as “in a class by herself,” tells a nuanced and atmospheric tale about what we are willing to do for our loved ones, what we will do for revenge, and what we may have to sacrifice when the two collide.

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Great Expectations: A Novel

Read: March 2024

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Great Expectations: A Novel

by Vinson Cunningham

Today, I began reading “Great Expectations: A Novel” by Vinson Cunningham, a staff writer and theatre critic at The New Yorker. David, the protagonist, had seen the Senator speak a few times before my life got caught up, however distantly, with his. Still, the first time I can remember paying real attention was when he delivered the speech announcing his run for the Presidency.

Upon hearing the Senator from Illinois speak, David experiences conflicting emotions. He is fascinated by the Senator’s idealistic language yet ponders the balance between maintaining solid beliefs and making the necessary compromises to become America’s first Black president.

The book Great Expectations narrates David’s experience working for eighteen months on a Senator’s presidential campaign. During his journey, David encounters diverse individuals who raise questions about history, art, race, religion, and fatherhood. These inquiries prompt David to introspect his life and identity as a young Black man and father living in America.

Meditating on politics, religion, family, and coming-of-age, Great Expectations is a novel of ideas and emotional resonance, introducing a prominent new writer.

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