Western Lane: A Novel by Chetna Maroo is a taut, enthralling first novel about grief, sisterhood, and a young athlete's struggle to transcend herself. Western Lane is about three sisters who have lost their mother. Their father is encouraged to provide structure in raising his daughters. Gopi, the narrator, is a squash player, and her father imposes a brutal training regimen. I highly recommend this novel!
Stream of Consciousness!
My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
Honey, I Have Shrunk!
My Shrinking Waistline
“Richard, we both know you are not good at shopping.”
“I am sure I am not as good as you are, but I think I can buy blue jeans.”
Twenty-two months since Jan died, I can hear her voice as clearly as I did the first time she spoke to me.
Two weeks after she died, I did go solo shopping and purchased two pairs of blue jeans.
They had a waist measurement of 38 and felt comfortable.
By the fall, they were too loose not to wear without a belt.
After a year, they looked like Jan was correct that I could not shop. The jeans hung loose and baggy.
Today, I purchased two new pairs of blue jeans on my own. This time my waist was 34!
They fit as if my body was poured into them. I can wear them without a belt!
By walking every day, I am aware I am approximately thirty-five pounds lighter, but I never knew my waist had shrunk from 38 to 34!
Would Jan recognize me today? I am confident she would because Jan’s spirit is still with me, as our love will never die!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Filing Status Single?
“I am preparing my taxes this month. After I file, we should discuss next year and how to manage my charity donations.”
My financial planner nodded as she took a moment longer than I expected to respond.
“Richard, that sounds good. Are you filing as widowed again this year?”
“No, TurboTax recommended my only option was to file as single. They asked when Jan died, but single was the only option.”
We discussed how the IRS allowed widows two years to file with that status.
I said I would double-check with TurborTax, and she responded, “I will check with our tax experts.”
Today, I filed my federal and state returns as a single person.
In an age of gender fluidity, it seems odd that someone like me, who still believes he is married, has to file as single.
For the record, I am not asking for an extra deduction, albeit I am sure many widows could be crucial to their financial health.
Checking the filing status box as a single person in the second year after Jan died is like having a heavy door slammed in your face.
Medical visits are also awkward when they ask me to update my records.
But filing taxes as a single person for the first time since 1974, the year before Jan and I married, was a harsh reminder of widowhood in the second year.
Has my life been so drained by Jan’s death that I am now only a checkbox on a form?
No, I am more than a widow; I am a husband, father, grandfather, advocate, good neighbor, friend, and Jew, among many attributes that define me.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Life and Love Are About Giving!
I walked at a sluggish pace in the morning slush
Snowblowers were far, and few between as the removal was primarily scrapping the remnants of our first snowfall to the curb.
Passing a man my age diligently sweeping his driveway of snow, I stopped to chat with him.
“I thought we would have snow earlier this season.”
“It could have been worse,” I responded.
“I hope it is the first and last storm, as tomorrow is March.”
It was beautiful watching it fall. Each snowflake is unique and complex, but together, the flakes can cover the ground and, when it melts, provide water for our gardens.“
Wishing my neighbor a good day, I continued my perambulation.
As I entered Hanson Park, I had an epiphany as I looked at the snow-covered wind sculpture.
Jan told me numerous times, “Life and love aren’t about what you gain but what you give.
By sharing Jan’s love, I can help my neighbors; what they gain will improve our community forever.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
We Are All At Risk of Falling
I was on the second landing of the stairs to the Raritan Valley Train Station in Cranford.
Ahead of me was a younger woman with a large bag on her left shoulder and a smaller purse on her right.
Sans bags, I was moving faster and moved to the center of the stairwell.
A few steps behind her, I could see she had reached into her purse, and her body was leaning backward.
With only moments to react, I moved behind her and placed my arm on her upper back.
It felt as if we both might lose our balance for a moment.
Regaining our footing, we made it to the platform.
“Thank you so much. I should have waited to answer my phone.”
“I am glad I could help.”
She began running to catch her train.
“Have a nice day,” I called out to her.
Slowing her pace as she approached the open door, she responded, “That is so nice!”
On my recent morning walks, I have made a detour to prepare for the Big Climb and used the three-level set of stairs to the train station.
Most days, I climb the stairs to the train to Raritan as the platform is emptier. Today, I went up to the platform for the train to Newark.
My neighbor might have been able to regain her balance, but life is fragile, and she might have fallen down the stairs. Or we might have both lost our balance.
Fortunately, we lived to tell the tale.
Life is short, and we have to help each other.
On April 22nd, I will climb twenty-six stories for Jan, as I’m stepping up to take cancer down, and you can help me ensure that one day, no one will have to die from leukemia and lymphoma!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
I Have Some Questions for You
I Have Some Questions for You by Rebecca Makkai is a book that, from page one, pulled me into the story and made me believe I was embedded with Bodie Kane as she returned to her boarding school and worked with students to review the murder of her roommate twenty-three years ago. I Have Some Questions for You was more than a page-turner as I was an unnamed participant. I highly recommend this book and, as Ms. Makkai does, buy it at an independent bookstore.
Let Go and Let Live!
Don't Hide It, Flaunt It
“Music makes me proud as I share it and bring joy to others,” the student cantor said in answer to the proud portion of the Peacock exercise.
“I am proud of my daughter-in-law,” answered the presenter’s mother, a Temple Sha’arey Shalom member.
Taking the exercise seriously, I responded, “Faith, love, and commitment to repairing the world.”
“Are you a Beatles fan? It sounds like all you need is love,” was the response.
“Maybe I should have said Imagine?”
The Peacock exercise was a part of Meg Zucker’s presentation for Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance, and Inclusion Month at Congregation Beth Israel in Scotch Plains.
Meg is an attorney and president of Don’t Hide It, Flaunt It, a non-profit.
Her presentation was powerful and inspiring.
Meg made several key points.
- We thwart kindness by complaining about those who offer help if we do not need or want it.
- What you think of me is none of your business. We must achieve unconditional self-love and focus on becoming the best person we can be.
- We need to find people who are not like us but feel like us because of their version of what makes them who they are.
I might be a widow, Meg may have been born with the ectrodactyly, but we are all the same in the dark.
I left the event more assertive and committed to helping to build an inclusive world.
I have added her book Born Extraordinary: Empowering Children with Differences and Disabilities to my to-read list. It will be released on March 7, 2023.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
We Are All the Same in the Dark
We Are All the Same in the Dark by Julia Heaberlin is a novel I highly recommend and wish I had read earlier. The title summarizes the reality of all humans, that in the dark we are all the same. Disabilities do not define us, just as being a widow does not define who I am. In this twisty psychological thriller, Julia Heaberlin paints two unforgettable portraits of a woman and a girl who redefine perceptions of physical beauty and strength. Her novel has helped me redefine my grief.