My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion by Bushra Rehman is a book I encouraged friends to read before I finished reading it. I highly recommend this page-turner novel, which is punctuated by both joy and loss, full of '80s music and beloved books. Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion is a must-read coming-of-age story of Razia Mirza, a girl struggling to reconcile her heritage and faith with her desire to be true to herself.
I achieved the minimum number of exercise minutes in January 2023; the challenge was to exercise at least one hundred thirty-nine (139) minutes daily.
But, like Jan, I did not stop at fourteen days!
I have continued to walk daily for at least that many minutes.
Why, you might ask, have I continued to do this?
I have no rational answer.
The best I can do is say I am doing it because I feel healthier.
Since my love died, I have walked regularly and lost thirty-five pounds.
How long will I continue at this pace?
Perhaps today will be the last time.
But as long as I feel better, I will continue to exercise daily.
Self-care starts with you.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Two Thousand Minutes of Exercise
To begin 2023, the challenge was to exercise at least one hundred thirty-nine (139) minutes daily for fourteen days.
At the beginning of each month, I focus on achieving the goal sequentially instead of, for example, picking fourteen random days out of thirty-one.
With the help of temperatures that have been eleven degrees above "normal," I earned the exercise badge today.
Although the day is not over, my numbers are:
Today, I read The Lion's Den by Anthony Marra. After a four and one-half Zoom meeting, I was looking for a book I could finish tonight, and the third book in the Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones, seemed like the book to read. The Lion's Den is the story of Michael, a son, his father’s transgressions in a tell-all were the ethical, righteous—and profitable—thing to do. What’s left but to slink back home for a humbling face-to-face with the man whose secrets he sold?
Reading When I’m Gone, Look for Me in the East by Quan Barry; I was challenged to think about my grief journey and my ongoing mensh-in-training work.
There are more days than I am willing to admit when I had no hope.
Losing Jan unmoored me, and I have, at times, drifted aimlessly.
Hope is the cornerstone of life and the key to being self-reliant.
Ms. Quan‘s narrator, the young monk Chuluun, says early in the novel,
When the only hope is a boat and there is no boat, I will be the boat.
Many, especially Rabbi Renee, has been the boat for me.
When I did not know what to do or how to remember Jan, my Rabbi and other friends helped me traverse the troubled waters.
At the end of the book, Chuluun is making his final vows and says,
When the only hope is a boat and there is no boat, we will be the boat.
Can I be a boat for others? Am I the boat for my grief groups?
These questions cannot be answered today as I continue my mensh-in-training studies.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
When I'm Gone, Look for Me in the East by Quan Barry is a luminous novel that moves across a windswept Mongolia as a pair of estranged twin brothers make a journey of duty, conflict, and renewed understanding. Since Jan died, I have been sharing her love and not looking for her, so this novel attracted me as it was a counter-narrative. Are our lives our own, or do we belong to something more significant?
Last night I attended a performance of Memorial by the Pan Asian Repertory Company.
I am not, and this is not a review, but in my humble opinion, this is a must-see play.
As director Jeff Liu said during rehearsals, “this play encapsulates the best and worst of this country.”
The play is based on the events surrounding Maya Lin, the design and construction of the Vietnam Memorial.
I was alive and the time and remember the horrible comments made about Ms. Lin and the design. I have also visited and wept at the Memorial.
Angel Lin, whose superb acting as Maya Lin carries the performance, ends the play with a message for our country and me as a widow.
Colonel James Becker, played by James Patrick Nelson, has found the name of a fellow soldier on the wall and asks Maya what does she see?
“I do not see just the soldier you remember; I see all of them.”
The Vietnam Memorial successfully focuses not on statues but on the ordinary service members who lost their lives. As we read the names, we remember them and their lives.
As a widow, I say Jan’s name and have worked to keep it alive with her garden and education fund.
By doing this, I remember Jan’s memory, which is a blessing now and forever!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Yesterday my grandson and I attended Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare at the Shakespeare Theatre of NJ.
It was the end of the season that both of us thoroughly enjoyed.
I often speak about going without Jan to the theatre, dinner, or a holiday party in the next few weeks.
Like King Solomon, my answer is an equal division between yea and nay.
Of course, if possible, I would prefer to attend with Jan.
Today, I took my first walk in my new walking shoes.
My usual plan is to buy shoes every six months based on the distance and amount of walking I do daily.
My last new pair was almost seven months ago, and the delay took a toll on my feet.
I had a new bounce in my feet this morning!
Despite a cool drizzle, I felt good when I returned from my morning perambulation.
As Thich Nhat Hanh wrote about walking meditation, “It is wonderful enough just to be alive, to breathe in, and to make one step.”
My mind was clear, and I could focus on clarifying my issues.
Jan was with me every step of the way and reminded me to continue my mensch-in-training assignments.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Two Thousand Minutes of Exercise
To begin 2023, the challenge was to exercise at least one hundred thirty-nine (139) minutes daily for fourteen days.
At the beginning of each month, I focus on achieving the goal sequentially instead of, for example, picking fourteen random days out of thirty-one.
With the help of temperatures that have been eleven degrees above "normal," I earned the exercise badge today.
Although the day is not over, my numbers are:
Often, I am thanked for a small act of kindness.
Invariably, I respond by saying there is no reason to thank me.
Some of my friends believe it is a false sense of modesty.
Even Jan, the love of my life, often referred to me that way.
The truth is that helping others is in my DNA.
Do I expect anything in return? No.
Often the act of kindness may not even be one that anyone knows I did.
When I check the mail or return from a walk, I check the mailboxes, and if I see packages for my neighbors, I will bring them up and leave them by their door.
On my walks, I often talk to neighbors and offer my assistance.
As Quan Barry wrote in When I’m Gone, Look for Me in the East,
When the only hope is a boat and there is no boat, I will be the boat.
I am now and forever a mensch-in-training.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
If I do not help, maybe no one else will.
Helping others is part of being a mensch-in-training.
My helping gene also helps me manage my grief.
Love never dies as long as we share our passion and help each other.
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by Bushra Rehman
Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion by Bushra Rehman is a book I encouraged friends to read before I finished reading it. I highly recommend this page-turner novel, which is punctuated by both joy and loss, full of ’80s music and beloved books. Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion is a must-read coming-of-age story of Razia Mirza, a girl struggling to reconcile her heritage and faith with her desire to be true to herself.
Razia Mirza, the protagonist, leaps off the page or screen. Bushra Rehman describes Corona with prose that is vibrant and clear-eyed. When I lived in Brooklyn, I had, on a few occasions, meetings in Corona a decade before the novel’s setting. Reading the book made me remember that time and place and understand intuitively the world that Razia was struggling to reconcile.
Razia’s choice between her heart and her family is one I will not reveal. However, the novel defines the conflicts between the Pakistani-American community and the love that Razia and Anglea experience in clear prose, and the reader can easily accept various resolutions.
The choice that Rasia makes left me desiring to know what happens next. I have added Bushra Rehman to my favorite authors and plan to read more of her novels.
I had this novel on my list for the last month but could not get to it until now. I wish I had read it sooner. It is the eighth book I have read in 2023.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
Razia Mirza grows up amid the wild grape vines and backyard sunflowers of Corona, Queens, with her best friend, Saima, by her side. Razia’s heart is broken when a family rift drives the girls apart. She finds solace in Taslima, a new girl in her close-knit Pakistani-American community. They embark on a series of small rebellions: listening to scandalous music, wearing miniskirts, and cutting school to explore the city.
When Razia is accepted to Stuyvesant, a prestigious high school in Manhattan, the gulf between the person she is and the daughter her parents want her to be, widens. At Stuyvesant, Razia meets Angela and is attracted to her in a way that blossoms into a new understanding. When an Aunty discovers their relationship in the community, Razia must choose between her family and her future.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
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by Anthony Marra
Today, I read The Lion’s Den by Anthony Marra. After a four and one-half Zoom meeting, I was looking for a book I could finish tonight, and the third book in the Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones, seemed like the book to read. The Lion’s Den is the story of Michael, a son, his father’s transgressions in a tell-all were the ethical, righteous—and profitable—thing to do. What’s left but to slink back home for a humbling face-to-face with the man whose secrets he sold?
It was the perfect novel to read this evening. In the opening paragraph, when Michael’s father describes the automated customer service computer voice.” Siri’s dimwitted stepsister,” I knew I could enjoy this book.
Michael’s last-minute invitation to be the Ethics Symposium speaker at his parochial school was written in a way that was both bluntly honest and humorous.
Michael’s visits with his father to the lion’s den at the National Zoo were profoundly moving, and when the wheelchair was left there after his father’s death brought tears to my eyes.
I highly recommend The Lion’s Den, part of Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones. Each Inheritance piece can be read or listened to in a single setting. By yourself, behind closed doors, or shared with someone you trust. This is the third one in the series I have read. The previous two were Everything My Mother Taught Me and Can You Feel This?
I have enjoyed all three and look forward to reading the final two.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
Exposing his father’s transgressions in a tell-all was the ethical, righteous—and profitable—thing to do. What’s left but to slink back home for a humbling face-to-face with the man whose secrets he sold?
He was a notorious government whistle-blower. Depending on whom you ask, he’s a treasonous felon, a folk hero, a validated patriot, or a national disgrace. To his son, Michael, he’s the father who threw his family into upheaval. Now, having moved back home at thirty-four, Michael is getting to know him as a man and getting nearer to understanding his motivations that have remained a mystery in this darkly humorous short story of sacrifice and betrayal by New York Times bestselling author Anthony Marra.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Quan Barry
When I’m Gone, Look for Me in the East by Quan Barry is a luminous novel that moves across a windswept Mongolia as a pair of estranged twin brothers make a journey of duty, conflict, and renewed understanding. Since Jan died, I have been sharing her love and not looking for her, so this novel attracted me as it was a counter-narrative. Are our lives our own, or do we belong to something more significant?
When I’m Gone, Look for Me in the East is a stunningly far-flung examination of our struggle to retain our convictions and discover meaning in a fast-changing world, as well as a meditation on accepting what is.
Although I know only a limited amount about Buddhism and even less about Mongolia, I found When I’m Gone, Look for Me in the East a fascinating page-turner of a novel.
Coincidently, while en route to see Memorial, we stopped to eat at a Mexican-Peruvian restaurant on Tenth Avenue in NYC. On the television was a continuous loop of a travelogue on Mongolia.
I found several quotes that I have used in other posts already.
I plan to use others in future posts.
Love never dies, and this quote echoed my belief.
“Love is neither created nor destroyed. It exists at all times and in all dimensions. Love is not something we create—it is something that wells up in us, like sap in a tree. It is an element in the fabric of the universe. Even on that distant day when sentient beings no longer exist, Love carries on. Perhaps our personal relationship to Love is impermanent, but Love itself is not.”
I highly recommend When I’m Gone, Look for Me in the East.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
Tasked with finding the reincarnation of a great lama somewhere in the vast Mongolian landscape, the young monk Chuluun seeks the help of his identical twin, Mun, who was recognized as a reincarnation himself as a child but has since renounced their once shared monastic life.
Harking back to her vivid and magical first novel set in Vietnam, Quan Barry carries us across a landscape as unforgiving as it is beautiful and culturally varied, from the stark Gobi Desert to the ancient capital of Chinggis Khan. As their country stretches before them, questions of the immortal soul, along with more earthly matters of love, sex, and brotherhood, haunt the twins, who can hear each other’s thoughts.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Amy Jo Burns
Shiner: A Novel by Amy Jo Burns was my twenty-second of the year, and I achieved my Goodreads 2022 Reading Challenge. An hour from the closest West Virginia mining town, fifteen-year-old Wren Bird lives in a secluded mountain cabin with her parents. They have no car, mailbox, or visitors- except for her mother’s lifelong best friend.
Wren’s narration of her discoveries of the secrets of the past over one summer drives the novel and makes it a page-turner. Her mother, Ruby, and her best friend, Ivy, are two strong women who dreamed of escaping the West Virginia mountains. The male characters play secondary roles in the novel, as they should. Shiner is a feminist book about how women can and must take back their stories and lives from men whose power is an illusion.
I highly recommend this novel and look forward to reading other books by Amy Jo Burns. It was the perfect book to finish my reading challenge. As I continue to read this year, I hope to find another of her books on my shelf.
Goodreads provides an overview.
Every Sunday, Wren’s father delivers winding sermons in an abandoned gas station. He takes up serpents and praises the Lord for his blighted white eye, proof of his divinity and key to his hold over the community, Wren, and her mother.
But over the course of one summer, a miracle performed by Wren’s father quickly turns to tragedy. As the order of her world begins to shatter, Wren must uncover the truth of her father’s mysterious legend and her mother’s harrowing history and complex bond with her best friend. And with that newfound knowledge, Wren can imagine a different future for herself than she has been told to expect.
Rich with epic love and epic loss, and diving deep into a world that is often forgotten but still part of America, Shiner reveals the hidden story behind two generations’ worth of Appalachian heartbreak and resolve. Amy Jo Burns brings us a smoldering, taut debut novel about modern female myth-making in a land of men-and one young girl who must ultimately open her eyes.
When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Read: August 2022
by Marie NDiaye
Three Strong Women by Marie NDiaye is a novel that focuses on three women who say no. Winner of the coveted Prix Goncourt, the first by a black woman, Marie NDiaye, creates a luminous narrative triptych as harrowing as beautiful. With lyrical intensity, Marie NDiaye masterfully evokes the relentless denial of dignity, to say nothing of happiness, in these lives caught between Africa and Europe. I highly recommend this novel.
John Fletcher translated the Kindle version.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
This is the story of three women who say no: Norah, a French-born lawyer who finds herself in Senegal, summoned by her estranged, tyrannical father to save another victim of his paternity; Fanta, who leaves a modest but contented life as a teacher in Dakar to follow her white boyfriend back to France, where his delusional depression and sense of failure poison everything; and Khady, an impoverished widow put out by her husband’s family with nothing but the name of a distant cousin (the Fanta above) who lives in France, a place Khady can scarcely conceive of but toward which she must now take desperate flight.
With lyrical intensity, Marie NDiaye masterfully evokes the relentless denial of dignity, to say nothing of happiness, in these lives caught between Africa and Europe. We see with stunning emotional exactitude how ordinary women discover unimagined reserves of strength, even as their humanity is chipped away. Three Strong Women admits to an immigrant experience rarely, if ever, examined in fiction, but even more into the depths of the suffering heart.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month are matched dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Jennifer Haigh
Tonight I read Zenith Man by Jennifer Haigh. A 911 call begins the story. A man reports his wife had died, but no one knew he had a wife. For thirty-two years, they had been married, and only one person had seen her, but only for a minute when she said: “supper was ready.” I read the first page and immediately found myself with a short page-turner that I could not stop reading. I recommend Zenith Man.
Actual events inspired this story. For many decades, many acquaintances of Jan and mine had no idea we were married. Once they found out, the response was, “we should have known as the two of you are perfect for each other.” But they knew we were married and had met both of us.
Being a widow, I found this phrase in the story emotional and very moving.
“She was a good woman,” Harold told Cob Krug. “I was lucky to have her. I promised to keep her in sickness and in health, and that’s what I did.”
Is there anything more that can summarize the love between two people?
I highly recommend Zenith Man, part of Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones. Each Inheritance piece can be read or listened to in a single setting. By yourself, behind closed doors, or shared with someone you trust. Zenith Man is the fourth one in the series I have read. The previous three were Everything My Mother Taught Me, Can You Feel This?, and The Lion’s Den.
I have enjoyed all four and look forward to reading the final one.
Now that I have read Ms. Haigh’s short story, I have added her newest novel, Mercy Street, to my queue.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
Whatever had been going on inside the shuttered old house, the couple who lived there kept it to themselves. Among the locals, there’s only chilling speculation.
Neighbors are shocked when Harold Pardee reports his wife dead. No one even knew the eccentric TV repairman was married. Within hours, horrible rumors spread about what that poor woman must have endured for thirty years. Until the Pardees’ carefully guarded world is exposed. New York Times bestselling author Jennifer Haigh delivers an endearing short story about our misguided perception of strangers, the nature of love, and the need for secrets.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Jai Chakrabarti
I recently discovered an excellent short story collection called A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness: Stories by Jai Chakrabarti. This author won the National Jewish Book Award for debut fiction with his novel A Play for the End of the World, and it is clear that his talent extends to the short story form as well.
The stories in this collection follow men and women as they navigate transformations and familial bonds across countries and cultures. Each story is unique and captivating, but the one that struck me was the title story about a closeted gay man in 1980s Kolkata who seeks to have a child with his lover’s wife. Chakrabarti’s skill as a storyteller is on full display in this story and throughout the collection.
I highly recommend A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness: Stories if you want a book exploring love and family’s complexities in uncertain times. Each story is a masterful exploration of what it means to cultivate a family across borders, religions, and races. I look forward to reading more by Jai Chakrabarti in the future.
The Goodreads summary provides an overview,
In the fourteen masterful stories of this collection, Jai Chakrabarti crosses continents and cultures to explore what it means to cultivate a family across borders, religions, and races today.
In the title story, a closeted gay man in 1980s Kolkata seeks to have a child with his lover’s wife. An Indian widow, engaged to a Jewish man, struggles to balance her cultural identity with the rituals and traditions of her newfound family. An American musician travels to see his guru for the final time—and makes a promise he cannot keep. A young woman from an Indian village arrives in Brooklyn to care for the toddler of a biracial couple. And a mystical agent is sent by a mother to solve her son’s domestic problems.
Throughout, the characters’ most vulnerable desires shape life-altering decisions as they seek to balance their needs against those of the people they hold closest.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Various Writers Under 40
The New Yorker’s collection of short stories – 20 Under 40 – is a collection of twenty writers “whose work will help define the future of American letters.”
Some of these I had read in The New Yorker and others I had missed. Either way, they were a pleasure to read.
As The New Yorker wrote,
The range of voices is extraordinary. There is the lyrical realism of Nell Freudenberger, Philipp Meyer, C. E. Morgan, and Salvatore Scibona; the satirical comedy of Joshua Ferris and Gary Shteyngart; and the genre-bending tales of Jonathan Safran Foer, Nicole Krauss, and Téa Obreht. David Bezmozgis and Dinaw Mengestu offer clear-eyed portraits of immigration and identity; Sarah Shun-lien Bynum, ZZ Packer, and Wells Tower offer voice-driven, idiosyncratic narratives. Then there are the haunting sociopolitical stories of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Daniel Alarcón, and Yiyun Li, and the metaphysical fantasies of Chris Adrian, Rivka Galchen, and Karen Russell.
Each of these writers reminds us why we read. And each is aiming for greatness: fighting to get and to hold our attention in a culture that is flooded with words, sounds, and pictures; fighting to surprise, to entertain, to teach, and to move not only us but generations of readers to come. A landmark collection, 20 Under 40 stands as a testament to the vitality of fiction today.
I recommend this collection of short stories.
by Elena Ferrante
I’ve just started reading The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante after finishing My Brilliant Friend. This book is among the New York Times’s 100 Best Books of the 21st Century. I chose to read it after watching An Undoing, a documentary about healing from an abusive 20-year marriage using unstitching wedding garments, one stitch at a time.
The film was part of the first night of the International Women’s Film Festival in Cranford. Although, except for one brief moment, I have never been in the same situation as the woman in the short video or Olga, the protagonist in the novel, I choose this as my next book to read. Of course, Ferrante’s writing is known for rich character development and powerful prose.
The Days of Abandonment follows the gripping story of an Italian woman named Olga, whose husband suddenly leaves after fifteen years of marriage. With two young children to care for, Olga finds it increasingly difficult to maintain her previous lifestyle of keeping a spotless house, cooking creative meals, and controlling her temper. After encountering her husband with his much younger lover in public, she even resorts to physically assaulting him.
In a “raging, torrential voice,” according to The New York Times, Olga describes her journey from denial to devastating emptiness. Trapped within the four walls of their high-rise apartment, she confronts her ghosts, the potential loss of her identity, and the possibility that life may never return to normal.
