Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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Cranford Radio

Cranford Radio Podcast on Jan’s Garden

The Purple Wind SculptureCranford Radio host Bernie Wagenblast interviewed Ellen McHenry, President of the Hanson Park Conservancy, Rabbi Dr. Renee Edelman of Temple Sha’arey Shalom, and yours truly.

The twenty-three-minute interview focused on The Jan Lilien Memorial Triangle Garden at Hanson Park, including the Wind Sculpture.

As Mr. Wagenblast explained in his introduction,

Jan Lilien’s life touched many. When she died in 2021, her husband Richard Brown wanted to continue her legacy through the creation of the Jan Lilien Education Fund. The fund has worked with the Hanson Park Conservancy to provide educational programs on sustainability and environmental awareness.

Richard also wanted to memorialize Jan with something permanent in Hanson Park which might give comfort to others suffering from grief. That dream became a wind sculpturewhich was installed this month in the park.

TAPintoCranford has also published a story about this podcast.

The lighting has been installed, and Jan’s Wind Sculpture and garden are now lit from dusk to dawn.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Purple Wind Sculpture!

The Purple Wind Sculpture!

Jan LilienThe outdoor lighting for the Wind Sculpture in Jan’s Memorial Triangle Garden in Hanson Park has been installed.

Purple was one of Jan’s favorite colors and is also the color of domestic violence prevention.

We have done as much work as possible before the winter. Other plants and a drip irrigation system will be installed next spring.

Carolle Huber Landscape Architecture’s re-imagination of the Hanson Park Triangle has proven to be a design that will bring decades of pleasure to the greater Cranford community.

Jan was and still is the love of my life.

Together we choose to light one candle. Like love, the candle never died and still guides me on my grief journey.

The lyrics for the opening stanza of Light One Candle by Peter, Paul, and Mary.

Light one candle for the Maccabee children
With thanks that their light didn’t die
Light one candle for the pain they endured
When their right to exist was denied
Light one candle for the terrible sacrifice
Justice and freedom demand
But light one candle for the wisdom to know
When the peacemaker’s time is at hand

Jan is still with me, and I know she is happy with the garden, the wind sculpture, and the benches. Our love will never die!

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Jan’s Memorial Garden

Working with the Hanson Park Conservancy, we have taken significant steps in building Jan's Memorial Triangle Garden at Hanson Park including installing the Wind Sculpture.

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The Hero of This Book: A Novel

The Hero of This Book: A Novel

The Hero of This Book: A Novel by Elizabeth McCracken is a searing examination of grief and renewal, and of a deeply felt relationship between a child and her parents. It is not a memoir but it is a rememberance of those we have lost. Ten months after her mother's death, the narrator of The Hero of This Book takes a trip to London. The city was a favorite of her mother's, and as the narrator wanders the streets, she reflects on her mother's life and their relationship.

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Jan's Love is All I Need!

Jan’s Love is All I Need!

Jan and RichardAs children of the sixties, Jan and I listened to The Beatles and learned the axiom; all you need is love!

Love’s meaning has been diminished by overuse.

We love our morning coffee, clothes, dinner, TV shows, and many items that are not true love.

The truth is that love, as Viktor Frankl wrote,

For the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth – that love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.

Until I met Jan, I honestly never understood love. She transformed my life, and my love for her will never die.

Approaching the second winter without Jan, I know that I still love her and that as long as I share her love, our love will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Love Your Neighbor

Yesterday, JoAnn invited me to her Church, as she was preaching in place of her pastor, who was on vacation.

Her message was "Love Your Neighbor, Faith in Action."

JoAnn delivered an important message about how we are all children of God and deserve to be accepted as we are and to love and be loved.

On my grief journey, the love of family and friends, especially new widows, has made it possible for me to not only live without Jan by my side.

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The Wind Sculpture

Sharing Jan’s Love November Issue

Jan the GardenerThe November issue includes articles on:

  1. Jan’s Memorial Garden – Working with the Hanson Park Conservancy, we have taken significant steps in building Jan’s Memorial Triangle Garden at Hanson Park, including a video of the installation of the Wind Sculpture, and
  2. The Promised Land – “What is my sweetheart thinking about,” I asked as I kissed Jan’s cheek. “I am happy to be with my husband in the promised land.”

Both are stories about our love, faith, and the family’s journey.

Short stream posts on:

I have reviewed recent books:

  1. The Rabbit Hutch by Tess Gunty
  2. The Outrun: A Memoir by Amy Liptrot
  3. The Book of Goose by Yiyun Li
  4. The Furrows by Namwali Serpell.

Please consider making a Donation to The Jan Lilien Education Fund! Donations made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Sharing Jan’s Love October Newsletter

The October Newsletter includes articles on:

  1. Honeymoon Day Two - "Richard, you did what was best for us. I love you! Now and forever." and
  2. Perplexed But Devoted! -"I love you! There is no way I could fight cancer without your love and support as my husband."
Upside Down Days

Upside Down Days

Jan with a Therapy DogDays can become weeks, and our lives may change only incrementally.

We may not notice that we have grown or our lives are not what we once dreamed they would be.

But then we have days when everything changes in the blink of an eye.

I am not sure what happened last night, but I woke up in the wee hours of the night, and my leg was like molten rubber.

My legs swayed like I was on the Titanic after the iceberg.

Either I was dreaming, or I had a Dickensian visitor predicting my future.

Part of me believes I slept on the bathroom floor while, in my mind’s eye, I was in bed.

Whichever occurred, it was a night of little sleep, and the morning was off kelter.

I need to renew my vows to love Jan forever and let her spirit lead me forward one step at a time.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Life is Good Despite a Few Bad Days

Some days, it isn't easy to see the beauty in life.

I try to remind myself to breathe, take a step back, and remember the wonderful life Jan and I shared.

As Viktor Frankl observed, "Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire."

Investing Jan's Love in My Future

Investing Jan’s Love in My Future

Investing Jan's Love in My Future

Photo of Jan’s Wind Sculpture, Courtesy of Lex Ottati

As much as I miss Jan, continuing to live is the only choice I have ever had.

Like George Burns, I could not cry forever.

One day at a time, I stepped into an unknown future with Jan’s love and spirit next to me.

Within days of burying the love of my life, I tied my walking shoes and embarked on a journey to define the boundaries of my new life.

I have read sixty-four books this year, eaten better despite fast eating, and written daily about my love for Jan.

The Jan Lilien Memorial Triangle Garden and Wind Sculpture at Hanson Park and the Jan Lilien Education Fund will keep Jan’s name and memory alive.

Investing in our future and working on the memorial has helped me grow around my grief.

As the axiom says,

Invest in yourself. Eat healthy food. Meditate. Read. Drink water. Move your body. Spend time in nature. Rest up. You are worthy.

Jan will be in my heart as long as I live, and I will share our love!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Walking Into My Future!

I have always walked and will continue to do so as long as I live.

Each step that I take keeps me moving forward.

Being a widow is not easy.

Grief can grab me at any moment and pull me back into despair even when I believe I am doing OK.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Cranford Radio
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The Purple Wind Sculpture!
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The Hero of This Book: A Novel

Read: November 2022

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The Hero of This Book: A Novel

by Elizabeth McCracken

The Hero of This Book: A Novel by Elizabeth McCracken is a searing examination of grief and renewal and a deeply felt relationship between a child and her parents. It is not a memoir but a remembrance of those we have lost. Ten months after her mother’s death, the narrator of The Hero of This Book takes a trip to London. The city was a favorite of her mother’s, and as the narrator wanders the streets, she reflects on her mother’s life and their relationship.

Thoughts of the past meld with questions of the future: Back in New England, the family home is now up for sale, its considerable contents already winnowed.

The following quote resonated with me.

I’ve always hated the notion, in life or in fiction, that the human personality is a puzzle to be solved, that we are a single flashback away from understanding why this person is cruel to her children, why that man has a dreamy, downcast look. A human being is not a lock and the past is not a key.

I highly recommend this book.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

The woman, a writer, recalls all that made her complicated mother extraordinary–her brilliant wit, her generosity, her unbelievable obstinacy, her sheer will to seize life despite physical difficulties–and finds herself wondering how her mother had endured. Even though she wants to respect her mother’s nearly pathological sense of privacy, the woman must come to terms with whether making a chronicle of this remarkable life constitutes an act of love or betrayal.

The Hero of This Book is a searing examination of grief and renewal and a deeply felt relationship between a child and her parents. What begins as a question of filial devotion ultimately becomes a lesson in what it means to write. At once comic and heartbreaking, with prose that delights at every turn, this is a novel of such piercing love and tenderness that we are reminded that art is what remains when all else falls away.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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Jan's Love is All I Need!
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The Wind Sculpture
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Upside Down Days
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Investing Jan's Love in My Future
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In Praise of Walking

Read: April 2023

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In Praise of Walking

by Shane O'Mara

I recently received a book from my family that combines two interests: walking and reading. The book, “In Praise of Walking” by Shane O’Mara, celebrates the joys, health benefits, and mechanics of walking. It emphasizes the importance of getting out of our chairs and discovering a happier, healthier, more creative self.

One of the most important insights I gained from this book is that walking can lead to mind wandering, focusing on autobiographical memory rather than the immediate environment. This realization helped me accept and appreciate Jan’s love and move forward with her passion.

The book also explores the significance of walking to our human identity. Walking upright has given us many advantages, including the freedom of our hands and minds. Walking has enabled us to spread worldwide and has many benefits for our bodies and minds, such as protecting and repairing organs, aiding digestion, and sharpening our thinking.

Overall, “In Praise of Walking” inspires us to start walking again and recognize its many benefits to our lives and societies.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Kairos

Read: June 2023

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Kairos by Jenny Erpenbeck

by Jenny Erpenbeck

I’ve recently delved into the captivating novel Kairos by Jenny Erpenbeck, which has left a lasting impression on me. The book tells the story of a young woman named Katharina who falls in love with a married writer named Hans, whom she met in East Berlin during the late 1980s. The historical context of Germany’s reunification is already an intriguing topic, but the addition of a love story made this book a must-read.

As their intense and complicated relationship plays out against the backdrop of a declining GDR, the novel offers a unique perspective on the tumultuous period following the country’s dissolution in 1989. Erpenbeck’s writing style is unmistakable, and her sweeping portrayal of the two lovers’ journey is truly remarkable. We witness Katharina’s growth as she tries to reconcile the reality of her lousy romance with the disappearance of an entire world and its ideologies.

The Times Literary Supplement has praised Erpenbeck’s ability to capture the weight of history and the influence of cultural and subjective memory on individual identity. Her work acknowledges the complexity of the human experience and the nuances of historical events.

Jenny Erpenbeck is an epic storyteller and a highly respected voice in contemporary German literature. Her translator, Michael Hofmann, has described Kairos as a great post-Unification novel, and his translation has been praised for being both faithful to the original text and beautifully written. I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking a thought-provoking and engaging read.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue

Read: May 2022

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The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue

by V.E. Schwab

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab is a page-turner, and one of the rare books I have read that I wish had not ended. On the last page, I wanted the story of Addie to continue now that she had modified her deal with the dark side to save Henry Strauss. It was not that I wished Addie and Henry to reunite; it was to see how Addie’s life with Luc would continue. I recommend this book without any reservations!

Both Jan and I have always enjoyed books and movies about time travel. One of the first books I read after Jan died was The Time Travelers Wife, and now I am reading another book about time travel. If I could travel back in time, I would love to spend tens of thousands of days with her again.

But time travel is not possible. Or is it? Her spirit returns to me whenever I am paralyzed, encouraging me to dust myself off and keep going. Maybe one day we will travel together!

The Goodreads summary includes an overview.

France, 1714: in a moment of desperation, a young woman makes a Faustian bargain to live forever and is cursed to be forgotten by everyone she meets.

Thus begins the extraordinary life of Addie LaRue and a dazzling adventure that will play out across centuries and continents, across history and art, as a young woman learns how far she will go to leave her mark on the world.

But everything changes when, after nearly 300 years, Addie stumbles across a young man in a hidden bookstore, and he remembers her name.


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The Annual Banquet of the Gravediggers' Guild

Read: January 2024

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The Annual Banquet of the Gravediggers’ Guild

by Mathias Énard

Today, I started reading “The Annual Banquet of the Gravediggers’ Guild” by Mathias Énard. The book has been translated into English by Frank Wynne. This novel is full of Mathias Énard‘s characteristic humor and extensive knowledge. It is a lively book where the boundaries between past and present are constantly blurred, set against a backdrop of excess reminiscent of Rabelais’ writing.

David Mazon, an anthropology student, moves from Paris to La Pierre-Saint-Christophe, a village in the marshlands of western France, to research his thesis on contemporary agrarian life. He is determined to understand the essence of the local culture and spends his time scurrying around on his moped to interview the residents.

David must be made aware of the extraordinary events in an ordinary location. This place, where wars and revolutions once occurred, is now a dancefloor for Death. When something dies, its soul is recycled by the Wheel of Life and thrown back into the world as a microbe, human, or wild animal – sometimes in the past and sometimes in the future. Once a year, Death and the living agree to a temporary truce, during which gravediggers indulge in a three-day feast filled with food, drink, and conversation.

Mathias Énard’s novel, The Annual Banquet of the Gravediggers’ Guild, is a riotous and exciting comic masterpiece that won the prestigious Prix Goncourt award. The novel is set in the French countryside and is filled with Énard’s characteristic wit and encyclopedic brilliance. Against a backdrop of excess, the story blurs the lines between past and present, creating a Rabelaisian world of chaos and humor.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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The Bee Sting: A Novel

Read: December 2023

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The Bee Sting: A Novel

by Paul Murray

I began reading “The Bee Sting: A Novel” by Paul Murray today, the seventy-fifth book I have read this year, one more than last year. This exuberantly entertaining novel is a tour de force that portrays post-crash Ireland, a tragicomic family saga, and a dazzling story about the struggle to be good at the end of the world.

The Barnes family is in trouble, with Dickie’s once-lucrative car business going under. However, Dickie is spending his days in the woods, building an apocalypse-proof bunker with a renegade handyperson. His wife, Imelda, sells off her jewelry on eBay while trying to avoid the attention of fast-talking cattle farmer Big Mike. Meanwhile, their teenage daughter, Cass, formerly top of her class, seems determined to binge drink through her final exams. As for twelve-year-old PJ, he’s on the brink of running away.

If you were to change this story, how far back would you have to go? To the infamous bee sting that ruined Imelda’s wedding day? To the car crash one year before Cass was born? Or back to Dickie at ten years old, standing in the summer garden with his father, learning how to be a real man?


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

Read: September 2021

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Living With Loss, One Day at a Time

by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz

Living With Loss, One Day at a Time by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz is the book I would recommend for anyone beginning or in the early stages of grief. It should be on the griever’s nightstand so they can start and end their day with reading.

Ms. Kodanaz has presented at my bereavement groups and has been an inspiration. She encouraged me not only to continue writing but also to share my thoughts publicly.

Usually, I only write a review once I have finished the book. However, this is a collection of thoughts for each day of the journey. Over the first weekend, I read up to the number of days since my wife died. Now I will read the daily message each day. When I get to the end of the year, I will start over.

There are many essential gems in the daily readings. The one for Day 9, Love Never Dies, jumped off the page due to my writings on the same theme.

Love Never Dies. Your loved one has passed away, but the love you shared has not died. The memories you created, the connection you built together, and your affection toward one another will live forever.

Embrace the love and cherish the memories, as they will always be a part of you remain in your heart.

There are at least a dozen others that I have earmarked for future streams or even the basis of future posts.

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