Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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My Guardian Angel

My Guardian Angel

TogetherLife can be dangerous, as I have written recently about the fire at the VISTA House and earlier about being attacked by the German Shepard.

I believe that each time my Guardian Angel protected me.

I not only survived to live a life of meaning and purpose.

After the fire in the VISTA House, I knew I had to find meaning and purpose, not live a life only for myself.

As Viktor E. Frankl wrote,

Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life, he can only respond by being responsible.

When I met Jan, I learned the most crucial lesson from Frankl,

The truth – that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire.

Jan’s Love transformed my life. The Love we shared will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I See a Ghost!

Saved by Love, I now have a second chance to live a responsible and meaningful life

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The Friend: A Novel

The Friend: A Novel

The Friend: A Novel by Sigrid Nunez is a moving story of love, friendship, grief, healing, and the magical bond between a woman and her dog. When a woman unexpectedly loses her lifelong best friend and mentor, she finds herself burdened with the unwanted dog he has left behind. I understand the positives and negatives of having a dog help with grief, but I cannot have one where I live.

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Design for Jan's Memorial Garden

Cleansing Power of Tears of Joy

Cleansing Tears of JoyNot all tears are the same.

According to Dr. Orloff, we produce three types of “tears: reflex, continuous, and emotional.”

Reflex and continuous tears protect and cleanse our eyes.

I have cried a lot during my grieving over Jan’s death.

Dr. William Frey at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis discovered that reflex tears are 98% water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying.

But I have also had cleansing tears of joy.

One of those times was when Wes was born.

Yesterday it resulted from hearing that the wind sculpture will be shipped on the 26th and arrive seven to ten days later.

Now, I know the final phase of Jan’s Memorial Garden will commence soon, and her memory will live on for future generations.

Lyman Whitaker Double Spinner - Copper

When the wind whistles thru the wind sculpture, I am confident that Jan’s name will echo across Hanson Park.

The tears of joy cleansed my soul.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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How Long Can You Cry?

While driving there, I listened to an episode of This American Life on WNYC called "Road Trip in a Tuxedo," featuring an interview with the late George Burns conducted by Margy Rochlin.

During the interview portion, I heard George talk about the loss of his wife, Gracie. I was struck by his question about how long someone can cry. Since Jan's death, I've shed many tears, but I know that crying won't bring her back. Jan and I had a wonderful life together, but hers ended too soon.

Now, instead of dwelling on my sadness, I'm trying to reinvent myself. I walk to clear my head and write about Jan to keep her memory alive. I also read a lot, hoping to find guidance for my journey. But I still need to figure out exactly who I will become. All I can do is walk with Jan's spirit beside me and move forward.

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Can I Be the One Grow From My Grief?

Will I Be the One to Grow From My Grief?

Jan LilienGrief is the most brutal struggle that I have ever experienced.

In the earliest days, I was unable to do anything but weep. Those days are rarer but still occur.

Sixteen months and counting, and despite improvements, the heartache remains ever-present.

I have focused on Dr. Lois Tonkin‘s research that documents that our only option is to grow around grief, so our grief is a smaller portion of us.

I help others, actively participate in two support groups, read, write, walk, and work to ensure that Jan’s love will never die.

The final phase of Jan’s Memorial Garden will commence soon, and her memory will live on for future generations.

When the wind whistles thru the wind sculpture, I am confident that Jan’s name will echo across Hanson Park.

Lyman Whitaker Double Spinner - Copper

I focus every day on how I can be the one to grow around my grief by sharing Jan’s love, and my suffering will become a smaller portion of me.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Growing Around My Grief

As Dr. Lois Tonkin's research documents, we need to grow around grief, so our grief is a smaller portion of us. I will grow around my grief by sharing Jan's love, and my suffering will become a smaller portion of me.

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One Soul, One Love

One Soul, One Love Everlasting!

Jan Lilien and Richard W. BrownI once heard a beautiful Hasidic story about how God created humans. It said that each person is given one part of one soul in one body, and the rest is placed into another person’s body.

Only a very few are lucky to find their other half.

Finding your other half is rare, but Jan and I were lucky to have found the person with a portion of our soul. We will always appreciate having found each other because we know that living without a piece of you that helps you breathe is incredibly difficult.

This reminds me of something I read in The Zohar, I91a, which says,

A husband and wife are one soul, separated only through their descent to this world. When they are married, they are reunited again.

Our love differed from what many of our friends experienced; some couldn’t understand why it was so strong. But love never dies!

I yearn to awaken next to Jan and greet her with a tender kiss and warm embrace. If only one day we could awaken to her being free from cancer, I would be willing to overcome any obstacle and face any challenge.

One soul, one love, everlasting!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Jan’s Love Was Transformative

While I still feel the pain of her absence, I can share her love with others and positively impact their lives.

The love Jan and I shared will always be a part of me and will never die.

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Humble as Apple Pie

Humble as Apple Pie

Remembering Jan at Camp Widow!With the arrival of fresh apples at Dryer Farms, I thought of humility.

Once as a young teenager, a teacher described me as humble as an apple pie.

At the time, I was not happy with the comparison.

Humility seemed like a not-to-subtle criticism. Was my teacher calling me weak?

But with age comes maturity. Now I see that being humble is one of my hidden strengths.

Humility has helped me during good times and bad times.

Would Jan and I have when if I had not been soft-spoken?

Be humble, and never think that you are better than anyone else. “For dust you are, and unto dust, you shall return.” Genesis 3:19

As a widow, it has given me the confidence to honor, cherish and love Jan even if she is not by my side.

Humility has helped me help others and work to preserve Jan’s memory and have her name spoken with pride.

One day my life will return to dust, but I will forever be grateful to Jan as her love was all I ever needed and transformed me.

I know that the love Jan and I shared is all that matters, and it will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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Speaking With Strangers

Speaking With Strangers

Introducing my Friends to JanOne of the common recommendations that friends make to me is that I should meet more people.

I miss Jan, but I do not feel lonely.

I talk to many people on my walks as well as when I run errands.

These fluctuate between saying to fellow walkers, “Have a nice day,” to actual conversations while shopping.

Yesterday, I conversed with a woman standing next to me in the deli line. The ordering system setup during COVID was causing long delays.

After the staff asked for our names or identification information, we thought it was moving faster.

When her order was ready, she found one with my name and brought it to me when she did.

I thanked her for helping me and making my day easier.

We are a social and interdependent people. Helping each other helps us.

Perhaps my training as a community organizer has made it easier for me to meet new people.

I always have friends and meet new people, but I will never replace Jan.

Her love was all I ever needed and transformed me.

I know that the love Jan and I shared is all that matters, and it will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

My Guardian Angel
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The Friend: A Novel

Read: September 2022

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The Friend: A Novel

by Sigrid Nunez

The Friend: A Novel by Sigrid Nunez is a moving story of love, friendship, grief, healing, and the magical bond between a woman and her dog. When a woman unexpectedly loses her lifelong best friend and mentor, she finds herself burdened with the unwanted dog he has left behind. I understand the positives and negatives of having a dog help with grief, but I cannot have one where I live.

One line that resonated with me was,

You can’t hurry, love, as the song goes. You can’t hurry, grief, either.

Far too often, widows are in a hurry, not unlike young lovers. We need to learn patience and remind ourselves that the more we love, the more we will grieve.

I often said that Jan would replace me with a dog if she survived me.

I recommend this book.

The Goodreads summary provides a concise overview,

The woman’s own battle against grief is intensified by the mute suffering of the dog, a huge Great Dane traumatized by the inexplicable disappearance of its master, and by the threat of eviction: dogs are prohibited in her apartment building.

While others worry that grief has made her a victim of magical thinking, the woman refuses to be separated from the dog except for brief periods of time. Isolated from the rest of the world, increasingly obsessed with the dog’s care, determined to read its mind and fathom its heart, she comes dangerously close to unraveling. But while troubles abound, rich and surprising rewards lie in store for both of them.

Elegiac and searching, The Friend is both a meditation on loss and a celebration of human-canine devotion.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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Design for Jan's Memorial Garden
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Can I Be the One Grow From My Grief?
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One Soul, One Love
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Humble as Apple Pie
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Speaking With Strangers
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Wolf Hall: A Novel

Read: May 2022

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Wolf Hall: A Novel

by Hilary Mantel

Wolf Hall: A Novel by Hilary Mantel is the first book in a three-part series on Thomas Cromwell. I am an amateur historian, and one of the characters I have always wanted to know more about was Cromwell. Although I might have achieved that by reading actual history textbooks, this three-part series seemed like the perfect next book for me to read. With a vast array of characters overflowing with incidents, the novel re-creates an era when the personal and political were separated by a hairbreadth, where success brings unlimited power, but a single failure means death.

At least this time, I am reading book one first instead of last. I highly recommend this book.

The Goodreads overview provides more details.

In the ruthless arena of King Henry VIII’s court, only one man dares to gamble his life to win the king’s favor and ascend to the heights of political power.

England in the 1520s is a heartbeat from disaster. Henry VIII wants to annul his marriage of twenty years and marry Anne Boleyn. The pope and most of Europe oppose him. The quest for the king’s freedom destroys his adviser, the brilliant Cardinal Wolsey, and leaves a power vacuum. Civil war could destroy the country if the king died without a male heir.

Into this impasse steps Thomas Cromwell. Cromwell is a wholly original man, a charmer, and a bully, both idealist and opportunist, astute in reading people, and a demon of energy: he is also a consummate politician, hardened by his losses, implacable in his ambition. But Henry is volatile: one day tender, one day murderous. Cromwell helps him break the opposition, but what will be the price of his triumph?

In inimitable style, Hilary Mantel presents a picture of a half-made society on the cusp of change, where individuals fight or embrace their fate with passion and courage. With a vast array of characters overflowing with incidents, the novel re-creates an era when the personal and political were separated by a hairbreadth, where success brings unlimited power, but a single failure means death.


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Fire Exit: A Novel

Read: June 2024

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Fire Exit: A Novel

by Morgan Talty

Today, I started reading the novel “Fire Exit” by Morgan Talty. The book is the debut novel of the award-winning author of “Night of the Living Rez,” Morgan Talty. “Fire Exit” is a compelling story that explores the themes of family, legacy, culture, and our complex obligations toward one another. These are themes that I have focused on after losing my wife.

The protagonist, Charles Lamosway, lives by a river near Maine’s Penobscot Reservation. He watches his neighbor Elizabeth grow up, from her early days to her twenties, but he holds a secret: Elizabeth is his daughter, a truth he can no longer conceal.

Charles becomes anxious when he hasn’t seen Elizabeth for weeks. As he tries to hold on to his home, look after his friend Bobby and his mother Louise, and grapple with his past, Charles is forced to confront painful memories and ask himself difficult questions. Is it his place to share the secret about Elizabeth, and would she want to know the truth even if it means losing everything she has ever known?

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The Rabbit Hutch

Read: October 2022

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The Rabbit Hutch

by Tess Gunty

My sixtieth book this year, The Rabbit Hutch, was a page-turner that I highly recommend. The Rabbit Hutch by Tess Gunty is a debut novel that won the 2022 National Book Award for fiction. It is a novel about four teenagers—recently aged out of the state foster-care system—living together in an apartment building in the post-industrial Midwest, exploring the quest for transcendence and the desire for love.

As Viktor Frankl wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning, “love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.”

Ms. Gunty’s book focuses on that ultimate and higher goal. If you can read only one book this year, I recommend The Rabbit Hutch!

“This week is the ceremony for the National Book Award, and one of the finalists is Tess Gunty, whose debut novel, The Rabbit Hutch, is a finalist in the fiction category,” said Kerry Nolan as she spoke with Ms. Gunty.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

The automobile industry has abandoned Vacca Vale, Indiana, leaving the residents behind, too. In a run-down apartment building on the edge of town, commonly known as the Rabbit Hutch, several people now reside quietly, looking for ways to live in a dying city. Apartment C2 is lonely and detached. C6 is aging and stuck. C8 harbors a great fear. But C4 is of particular interest.

Here live four teenagers who have recently aged out of the state foster-care system: three boys and one girl, Blandine, who The Rabbit Hutch centers around. Hauntingly beautiful and unnervingly bright, Blandine is plagued by the structures, people, and places that not only failed her but actively harmed her. Now all Blandine wants is an escape, a true bodily escape like the mystics describe in the books she reads.

Set across one week and culminating in a shocking act of violence, The Rabbit Hutch chronicles a town on the brink, desperate for rebirth. How far will its residents—especially Blandine—go to achieve it? Does one person’s gain always come at another’s expense? Tess Gunty’s The Rabbit Hutch is a gorgeous and provocative tale of loneliness and community, entrapment and freedom. It announces a major new voice in American fiction, one bristling with intelligence and vulnerability.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love.

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Everything's Fine

Read: June 2023

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Everything’s Fine

by Cecilia Rabess

I started reading Everything’s Fine by Cecilia Rabess today, a stunning debut introducing a talented new author. However, I found it easier to decide to read it after reading in the New York Times that some reviewers on Goodreads criticized the book’s premise without reading it. It’s unfair to criticize something after experiencing it first-hand.

On Jess’s first day at Goldman Sachs, she’s disappointed to learn that she’ll be working with Josh, a white conservative she used to argue with in college. Josh enjoys playing devil’s advocate and can be challenging to deal with.

But when Jess realizes she’s the only Black woman on the team and is being overlooked, Josh offers his support in imperfect but meaningful ways. As they develop an unlikely friendship with undeniable chemistry, it eventually becomes an electrifying romance that shocks them both.

Despite their differences, their attraction brings them together, and Jess starts to question whether happiness is more important than being right. However, as the cultural and political landscape shifts in 2016, Jess, who is just discovering herself, must decide what she’s willing to compromise for love and if everything is excellent. This poignant and sharp novel by Cecilia Rabess asks if they will and if they should.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Beautyland: A Novel

Read: June 2024

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Beautyland: A Novel

by Marie-Helene Bertino

I started reading “Beautyland: A Novel” by Marie-Helene Bertino today. The novel is about the fragility and resilience of life on Earth and in our universe. It tells the story of a baby born with extraordinary perception to a single mother in Philadelphia when Voyager 1 embarks on its interstellar journey. As we follow Adina Giorno’s growth, we witness her awakening to her exceptional nature—a profound understanding of a distant planet.

With the introduction of a fax machine, she established a unique form of communication with her extraterrestrial kin, who dispatched her to observe and document the peculiarities of Earthlings. As Adina navigates the complexities of the human world, she not only shares her observations on the joys and terrors of existence but also grapples with her identity and the connections she forms. At a pivotal moment, a trusted friend encourages her to share her transmissions with the world, leading her to question if she is alone in her experiences.

Beautyland‘ is a wise, tender novel about a woman who doesn’t feel at home on Earth, penned by the highly acclaimed Marie-Helene Bertino, the author of ‘Parakeet.’ With her proven ability to craft compelling narratives, Bertino’s ‘Beautyland’ is a surefire way to captivate readers interested in contemporary fiction, themes of identity, and human connection.

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Tom Lake

Read: August 2023

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Tom Lake: A Novel

by Ann Patchett

Today, I began reading Tom Lake by Ann Patchett. The novel beautifully explores family, love, and growing up. Patchett once again proves herself as one of America’s finest writers. Both hopeful and mournful, it explores happiness even when the world falls apart.

The story follows Lara’s three daughters, who return to the family’s orchard in Northern Michigan in the spring of 2020. While picking cherries, they ask their mother about Peter Duke, a famous actor with whom she had a romance years before at a theater company called Tom Lake.

As Lara reminisces, her daughters are confronted with their own lives and relationships with their mothers, leading them to reevaluate everything they thought they knew. With its hopeful and mournful tone, the novel is a testament to the transformative power of understanding what happiness truly means, even amid chaos. Patchett’s compelling narrative artistry and profound insights into family dynamics weave a rich and luminous story, showcasing why she is one of our time’s most revered and acclaimed literary talents.

I have also read Patchett’s Bel Canto, a compelling tale that explores themes of strength, vulnerability, love, and confinement. It ultimately tells an inspiring story of transcendent romance.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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