Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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Growing Great Garlic in Jan's Memory

Growing Great Garlic in Jan’s Memory

Jan Lilien Education FundOn Tuesday, September 20th, Hanson Park Conservancy‘s Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsored an event on Growing Great Garlic.

Your tax-deductible donations support these programs! Plans are already being made for events next year.

Garlic is a star ingredient in just about every culture’s cuisine.

The workshop asked an important question, why not grow great garlic?

​Lesley Parness presented information on how to grow your garlic, the various kinds, and which ones are best for your cooking style.

She covered:

  1. soil preparation,
  2. foolproof planting instructions,
  3. winter/spring/summer care,
  4. harvesting tips, curing, and
  5. storage.

A list of garlic vendors was provided, along with information on excellent cultivars to grow.

All participants received a set of 8 cloves (2 cloves each of 4 delicious cultivars).

Lesley Parness, the presenter, retired in 2017 as Superintendent of Horticultural Education at New Jersey’s Morris County Park Commission. She oversaw programming at The Frelinghuysen Arboretum, Willowwood Arboretum, and Bamboo Brook Outdoor Education Center.

Ms. Parness is a member of the Herb Society of America, The Council on Horticultural and Botanical Libraries, and Garden State Gardens.

Lesley’sLesley’s news column, The Garden Historian, is featured bi-monthly in Gardener News Magazine.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s blog.

Jan’s Education Fund Sponsors Soil Health and Composting Event

On Thursday, May 12, at 7:00 PM in the Cranford Community Center, Virginia Lamb will speak about Soil Health and Composting in the first session funded by Hanson Park Conservancy’s Jan Lilien Education Fund. Ms. Lamb will speak about soil health, why it is crucial to a successful garden, and the environmental benefits of composting. […]
Just for Today, Keep it Simple.

Just for Today, Keep it Simple!

Jan and Richard Hugging

Jan and Richard hugging and kissing!

One breath, one step, one day, was all I could manage in the initial weeks after Jan died.

Slowly I have made progress and am optimistic that the new year will be sweet and one of change and growth.

I will never cease to love Jan and be loved by her.

As S.C. Lourie wrote,

Look at your life for all you have gained rather than lost.

Look at your path for everything you have got through rather than
everywhere you think you should be.

Celebrate rather than criticize.

Experience rather than expect.

See how that goes, just for today.

Every day, I promise to remember what I gained from loving Jan, not the misery of the loss.

It seems easy to scribble those words on parchment, but focusing on love instead of loss is not effortless.

Just for today, I will keep it simple and love Jan with all my heart and soul.

Love will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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One Breath at a Time!

When we heard Jan was coming home for hospice, I thought I was living on the edge of a precipice. I thought I was living one moment at a time. But I have learned life’s lesson that it is truly living one breath at a time. I was reminded of this by reading Joyce Carol […]

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Flowers Convert Apartment 3B Into a Home

Flowers Convert 3B Into a Home

Jan with the Peace LilyThanks to my friend Deb, I have made a giant step in making Apartment 3B my home!

I have all of the plants re-potted and back in my tiny dwelling!

Deb, a master gardener and a member of the Hanson Park Conservancy and the Green Thumb Garden Club, helped me select the plants, and she re-potted them.

Deb also recommended self-watering pots, making it easier for me to manage the plants and avoid drowning them.

Deb recommended a Swiss Cheese plant in front of the kitchen sink, which I will purchase shortly. I have a grow light that can assist the flower in flourishing.

I will be forever grateful to Deb for her patience, guidance, support, and friendship.

My goal since moving into Apartment 3B on July 31st was to make it homelike before the new year. Although I have more to do, I believe I have achieved the objective.

I understand that time travel is impossible, unlike in the Sea of Tranquility.

However, I daydream that Jan might travel thru time and space. Now, with the flowers, she would feel comfortable if she made a stopover in Apartment 3B and would be pleased to visit regularly.

If Jan did visit me, I understand I would not know it was her, so she did not alter the time continuum.

But her spirit will always be with me, and I want 3B to be our home, not mine alone.

Love will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Am I Alone in Apartment 3B?

As I unpack in apartment 3B, I am alone, but I know Jan is still with me. I am having trouble finding places for all the remembrances of decades of love. Each item I unwrap opens the floodgates of a lifetime of love. It also reminds me of how fortunate I was and how Jan […]
Remembering Jan at Camp Widow!

Holiday Flowers for Jan

Holiday Flowers for JanOn the second day of Rosh Hashanna, I visited the love of my life at Beth Israel Cemetery.

Jan and I had so many years in which we shared the start of a sweet new year.

Although she is always with me, I took her seasonal flowers and spent time discussing my plans to refocus my life with meaning and purpose in 5783.

Jan’s name is in the Book of Well-Lived Lives.

If I can change my life this year, perhaps I may one day join her as someone who lived well.

When I picked out the flowers, I remembered how Jan told me when I bought her a day-old Rose that no one had ever given her flowers.

Forty-nine years later, I will continue to buy Jan flowers as long as I live.

Love never dies!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

When Richard Met Jan!

We embraced each other tightly, and our lips met in a deep and passionate kiss. It was even more intense than the sweet and lovely kisses we had already shared. I felt like I was flying, and if I hadn't worn my boots, I was sure this kiss would have knocked my socks off. This was the moment that sealed our love forever. I had always dreamed of finding true love, and now I had finally found it. Love is a beautiful thing that lasts forever and never dies.
A Sweet New Year and a Year of Change

A Sweet New Year and a Year of Change

Jan and Richard Walking

Shana Tova! May 5783 not only be a sweet new year but one of change.

Without Jan, my life shattered into a million pieces over the last sixteen months.

I have taken small steps, but those adjustments have been on the margins, not the core of my being.

But the transitions have not assisted me in defining who I am without Jan.

As Ernest Hemingway said,

We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in….

The light has allowed me to see what I need to do to regain my wholeness.

At times, the parameters of what may define me without Jan appear, but the reality is blurred.

Although Jan is still with me in spirit and always will be, I am the one still alive.

A half-century ago, I stood in the smoky, damp remains of 242 Ten Eyck Street, wearing all I had left after the fire.

I rededicated my life to being one with meaning and purpose, and I will work in 5783 to define who I am now.

God, what do you want from me? I am ready, willing, and able to do whatever mitzvot you ask me to complete.

Jan’s name is in the Book of Well-Lived Lives.

If I can change my life this year, perhaps I may one day join her as someone who lived well.

The only constant will be that Jan will be with me as I delineate who I am.

Jan’s life-changing love will never die and will be the guardrail of my year of advancement.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Who Am I Without Jan?

Based on the demographics of life expectancy, I always believed that Jan would outlive me.

Despite the actuarial evidence, I am the one who is still alive.

I have focused the last year on celebrating Jan's life, preserving her memory, and keeping her name mentioned.

In my efforts to define how I will use these years of living alone, I also,

  • I write daily about Jan, my love for her, my grief, my faith, and my life.
  • I take morning walks and evening strolls.
  • I read more than ever.
  • I help other widows, volunteer, and serve on three boards.

Bridges Street to Homes 5K

Bridges Street to Homes 5K

Bridges Street to Homes 5K

L to R, Richard J. Uniacke, President of Bridges, Alison Bryant, Secretary of Bridges, and me.

On the eve of a sweet new year, I walked five kilometers to help Bridges‘ mission of Demanding Change, Ending Homelessness.

I walk for serenity and exercise, but on mornings like today, I walk to help Bridges End Homelessness.

Jan and I were committed to Tikkun Olam to repair and improve the world.

An opportunity to walk with my friends at Bridges in the streets of Summit, NJ, to house the un-housed is a small way to continue to repair the world.

As I prepared for Rosh Hashanah without Jan next to me but with her soul intertwined with mine, it was a joy to take a few strides to assist Bridges in repairing the world.

May we be blessed with a sweet and happy new year, one in which we can End Homelessness.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Sharing Jan’s Love With the Unhoused

Last night I did a shift in Battery Park with Bridges providing food and warm clothes. It was very windy, cold, and unlivable conditions for our neighbors living on the streets. On Thanksgiving, I volunteered with the Bridges street outreach team in Newark.

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Sharing the Light With Those in the Dark!

Sharing the Light With Those in the Dark!

Introducing Rabbi Dr. Edelman

Photo Courtesy of Kevin Papa

Some days the road that we travel is so dark that we can barely see the yellow line, much less determine if we are going in the correct direction.

Jan’s love and her effervescent smile helped guide me by lighting the path we traveled.

My love helped brighten the road for Jan, even on the darkest nights.

Together we shared the light for those who thought there was no hope.

I continue doing that in my grief support groups, writing, walking, and reading.

Rabbi Renee responded to my request if I was helping others.

You are sharing Jan’s light and your own to help others find the light they thought was dimmed. You make a difference!!! Every day you make a difference.

May I be blessed to continue to help others by sharing Jan’s light and mine with all living in a dark world?

The love Jan and I shared will never die as long we share the love and the light with others.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Jan’s Smile is Still With Me!

Jan and I always believed that smiling is essential, even in the darkest moments. I have seen thousands of Jan's smiles, but I remember one more than others. Six months before her lymphoma diagnosis, I was ending my full-time work career. I always introduced Jan and thanked her for her love and support.

If you are honoring me, I only deserve it because of the love and support of my wife, Jan!

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Growing Great Garlic in Jan's Memory
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Just for Today, Keep it Simple.
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Flowers Convert Apartment 3B Into a Home
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Remembering Jan at Camp Widow!
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A Sweet New Year and a Year of Change
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Bridges Street to Homes 5K
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Sharing the Light With Those in the Dark!
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How the Word is Passed

Read: December 2021

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How the Word Is Passed: A Reckoning with the History of Slavery Across America

by Clint Smith

How the Word Is Passed: A Reckoning with the History of Slavery Across America by Clint Smith. This book was a gift from my son Jon. The New York Times selected How the Word is Passed as one of the best books published this year. Beginning in his hometown of New Orleans, Clint Smith leads the reader on an unforgettable tour of monuments and landmarks—those that are honest about the past and those that are not—that offer an intergenerational story of how slavery has been central in shaping our nation’s collective history, and ourselves.

How the Word is Passed is one of the best books I have read in 2021. I had read an excerpt in The Atlantic on the Whitney Plantation, one of the only former plantations devoted to preserving the experience of the enslaved people whose lives and work sustained it. Like most of us, I had placed the book on my to-read list, where it remained lost in the cobwebs. Fortunately, my son Jon purchased the book for me.

Secondly, the book rekindled my long-lost dream of being an American Studies professor. As soon as Jan and I met, I dropped plans to leave Brooklyn and start graduate school in the fall of 1974. I made that decision primarily because of how much I loved Jan. But it was also partly that I did not have a clear vision of what my life would be like as a professor. The book provided clear examples of people like Yvonne Holden at The Whitney Plantation redefining history to be more accurate and inclusive. I probably could not have done as well as she did, but I can now see that it might have resulted in a career for me that could have been impactful.

Goodreads provides this overview for those who still need to be convinced to read this book.

It is the story of the Monticello Plantation in Virginia, the estate where Thomas Jefferson wrote letters espousing the urgent need for liberty while enslaving over 400 people on the premises. It is the story of the Whitney Plantation, one of the only former plantations devoted to preserving the experience of the enslaved people whose lives and work sustained it. It is the story of Angola Prison in Louisiana, a former plantation named for the country from which most of its enslaved people arrived and which has since become one of the most gruesome maximum-security prisons in the world. And it is the story of Blandford Cemetery, the final resting place of tens of thousands of Confederate soldiers.

In a deeply researched and transporting exploration of the legacy of slavery and its imprint on centuries of American history, How the Word Is Passed illustrates how some of our country’s most essential stories are hidden in plain view-whether in places we might drive by on our way to work, holidays such as Juneteenth, or entire neighborhoods—like downtown Manhattan—on which the brutal history of the trade in enslaved men, women and children has been deeply imprinted.

Informed by scholarship and brought alive by the story of people living today, Clint Smith’s debut work of nonfiction is a landmark work of reflection and insight that offers a new understanding of the hopeful role that memory and history can play in understanding our country.

How the Word is Passed is one of the best books I have read this year and many prior ones. I encourage you to read it and share your comments.

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The Swimmers: A Novel

Read: October 2022

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The Swimmers: A Novel

by Julie Otsuka

The Swimmers: A Novel by Julie Otsuka is a novel about what happens to a group of obsessed recreational swimmers when a crack appears at the bottom of their local pool. This searing, intimate story of mothers and daughters—and the sorrows of implacable loss—is the most commanding and unforgettable work yet from a modern master. I highly recommend The Swimmers: A Novel by Julie Otsuka.

The novel was a page-turner from the first to the last page. It had been on my to-read list for months, and I am happy to start reading The Swimmers: A Novel by Julie Otsuka

Memory loss is a frightening situation for anyone. Ms. Otuska writes powerfully and eloquently about Alice’s loss of her memory. I felt as if it was one of my loved ones.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

The swimmers are unknown to one another except through their private routines (slow lane, medium lane, fast lane) and the solace each takes in their morning or afternoon laps. But when a crack appears at the bottom of the pool, they are cast out into an unforgiving world without comfort or relief.

One of these swimmers is Alice, who is slowly losing her memory. The pool was a final stand against the darkness of her encroaching dementia for Alice. Without the fellowship of other swimmers and the routine of her daily laps, she is plunged into dislocation and chaos, swept into memories of her childhood and the Japanese American incarceration camp where she spent the war. Alice’s estranged daughter, reentering her mother’s life too late, witnesses her stark and devastating decline.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’sJan’s Love blog.

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Conjure Women

Read: November 2021

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Conjure Women: A Novel

by Afia Atakora

Conjure Women by Afia Atakora is about a mother and her daughter with a shared talent for healing—and for the conjuring of curses — at the heart of this dazzling first novel. Conjure Women takes place before, during, and after the Civil War. The book is structured around three-time frames; Slaverytime, Freddomtime, and Wartime.

Having grown up in the South and heard far too many stories about the Lost Cause, it was a joy to read a book narrated by two African-American women. The third leading character is the daughter o the owner of the plantation. At the end of the war, she was hidden away for six years and was unaware the South had surrendered.

Conjure Women is a sweeping story that brings the world of the South before and after the Civil War vividly to life. Spanning eras and generations, it tells of the lives of three unforgettable women: Miss May Belle, a wise healing woman; her precocious and observant daughter Rue, who is reluctant to follow in her mother’s footsteps as a midwife; and their master’s daughter Varina. The secrets and bonds among these women and their community come to a head at the beginning of a war and at the birth of an accursed child, who sets the townspeople alight with fear and a spreading superstition that threatens their newly won, tenuous freedom.

Magnificently written, brilliantly researched, and richly imagined, Conjure Women moves back and forth in time to tell the haunting story of Rue, Varina, and May Belle, their passions and friendships, and the lengths they will go to save themselves and those they love.

Since Jan died, I have read many books that I know she enjoyed. We both enjoyed Call the Midwife, and this book focused on birthing and mothering. Although conjuring was their medical care and not the type practiced in poplar by the Midwives, we would both have enjoyed the book.

Conjure Women also raises questions about the meaning of freedom. For example, Rue chooses not to leave the former plantation after the Klan attacks despite being free.

I recommend this book and look forward to reading more from Afia Atakora.

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Birnam Wood: A Novel

Read: March 2023

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Birnam Wood: A Novel

by Eleanor Catton

Birnam Wood: A Novel by Eleanor Catton is a gripping psychological thriller from the Booker Prize-winning author of The Luminaries. Birnam Wood is Shakespearean in its wit, drama, and immersion in character. A brilliantly constructed consideration of intentions, actions, and consequences is an unflinching examination of the human impulse to ensure our survival. I highly recommend this novel.

The review in The New Yorker and a personal recommendation made this novel my next read.

At first, the conflict between the guerrilla gardening group and a wealthy American billionaire seemed like a story that had been told too many times. However, Ms. Catton has created a page-turner that is a must-read during our current climate emergency and the growing income gap. Although the end is foretold, it may surprise the reader while confirming the conviction that we must find an alternate way forward.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Five years ago, Mira Bunting founded a guerrilla gardening group: Birnam Wood. An undeclared, unregulated, sometimes-criminal, sometimes-philanthropic gathering of friends, this activist collective plants crops wherever no one will notice: on the sides of roads, in forgotten parks, and in neglected backyards. For years, the group has struggled to break even. Then Mira stumbles on an answer, a way to finally set the group up for the long term: a landslide has closed the Korowai Pass, cutting off the town of Thorndike. A natural disaster has created an opportunity, a sizable farm seemingly abandoned.

But Mira is not the only one interested in Thorndike. Robert Lemoine, the enigmatic American billionaire, has snatched it up to build his end-times bunker–or so he tells Mira when he catches her on the property. Intrigued by Mira, Birnam Wood, and their entrepreneurial spirit, he suggests they work this land. But can they trust him? And, as their ideals and ideologies are tested, can they trust each other?


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Tenth of December: Stories

Read: July 2024

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Tenth of December: Stories

by George Saunders

One of the most important and blazingly original writers of his generation, George Saunders, is an undisputed master of the short story. Tenth of December is his most honest, accessible, and moving collection yet. It is one of the New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the Century. The book is structured as a collection of short stories, each offering a unique and compelling narrative.

In the taut opener, “Victory Lap,” a boy witnesses the attempted abduction of the girl next door and is faced with a harrowing choice: Does he ignore what he sees or override years of smothering advice from his parents and act?

In “Home,” a combat-damaged soldier moves back in with his mother and struggles to reconcile the world he left with the one to which he has returned.

In the title story, a stunning meditation on imagination, memory, and loss, a middle-aged cancer patient walks into the woods to commit suicide, only to encounter a troubled young boy who, throughout a fateful morning, gives the dying man a final chance to recall who he is.

An unfortunate, deluded owner of an antique store; two mothers struggling to do the right thing; a teenage girl whose idealism is challenged by a brutal brush with reality; a man tormented by a series of pharmaceutical experiments that force him to lust, to love, to kill—the unforgettable characters that populate the pages of Tenth of December are vividly and lovingly infused with Saunders’s signature blend of exuberant prose, deep humanity, and stylistic innovation.

Writing brilliantly and profoundly about class, sex, love, loss, work, despair, and war, Saunders cuts to the core of the contemporary experience. These stories take on the big questions and explore the fault lines of our morality, delving into what makes us suitable and what makes us human. They are not just stories but profound explorations that will stimulate your intellect and make you ponder.

Unsettling, insightful, and hilarious, the stories in Tenth of December—through their manic energy, their focus on what is redeemable in human beings, and their generosity of spirit—not only entertain and delight but also fulfill Chekhov’s dictum that art should “prepare us for tenderness.” The humor in these stories will keep you entertained and laughing, even as they delve into profound themes.

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All the Sinners Bleed- A Novel

Read: June 2023

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All the Sinners Bleed: A Novel

by S. A. Cosby

Today, I delved into the gripping pages of “All the Sinners Bleed” by S. A. Cosby. This enthralling novel centers around Titus Crown, the first African American sheriff in Charon County, Virginia. Despite the county’s reputation for traditional customs such as moonshine, cornbread, and honeysuckle, Titus, with his FBI expertise, knows that the peace won’t last forever.

On the first anniversary of Titus’s election, a schoolteacher is murdered by an ex-student, and Titus’s deputies take down the perpetrator. As Titus delves deeper into the case, he uncovers a web of horrendous crimes and finds a serial killer lurking in plain sight, haunting Charon’s dirt roads and woodland clearings.

Titus is determined to solve the case, even though it is linked to a nearby church, and he harbors a personal secret that plagues him. However, he faces opposition from a far-right group who want to hold a parade to honor the town’s Confederate past while he tries to solve the issue.

Despite the challenges, Titus remains resolute in his love for Charon and his commitment to finding justice. The collision of religion and hatred cannot deter him from his duty.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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