Richard W. Brown

Stream of Consciousness!

My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.

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The Metromaniacs Was the Farce I Needed!

The Metromaniacs Was the Farce I Needed!

The Metromaniacs Was the Farce I Needed!Today, I went to the Shakespeare Theatre of NJ to see The Metromaniacs!

As the Star-Ledger‘s Patrick Maley wrote, The Metromaniacs “is a farce for the sake of farce, and where there is a story here, it is only a vehicle for the gags.”

After sixteen months as a widow, I needed a good laugh and a relaxing afternoon.

The Shakespeare Theatre described the play as,

This outrageous and hilarious play from the 1700s gives Molière a run for his money. David Ives’ superb translation and adaptation of Piron’s original will have you grinning with delight over the nimble word play and clever wit that dominates every moment of this wonderful farce.

I went with my friend Arnold and had a wonderful time.

Would I have preferred to have Jan sitting next to me? Yes.

However, in this new phase of my life, I know one self-evident truth, the love Jan and I shared will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Much Ado About Everything

Last night, I enjoyed watching the NJ Shakespeare Theatre‘s outdoor performance of Much Ado About Nothing. The final performance of the season is Sunday, July 31. Nick, my oldest grandson and a friend of his, joined me for a lovely evening. It was the first time I had attended the outdoor stage since Jan died. […]
Wes I Love You!

Wes Jude is Two Months Old!

Wes Jude is Two Months Old!My second grandson, Wes Jude Nucero, is two months old today!

Wes is a bundle of joy, and his smiles, like his grandmother, spread happiness to all who see him.

There are moments when I wish I could see him twenty-four/seven. But then I remember the benefit of grandchildren is not being responsible all the time.

There are two truths he reminds me of when I see him or look at photos.

I know that it will never be possible for Jan to hold him. However, when I do, I kiss him twice, once for me and once for Jan.

As I mentioned in the stream, the day he was born, Jude, the middle name, is in honor of Jan, the love of my life, Mike’s mom, and Wes’s grandmother.

It is also a nod to her love of music, especially The Beatles and their song Hey Jude.

Every time I think of Wes Jude, I start humming Hey Jude!

In this new phase of my life, I know one self-evident truth, the love Jan and I shared will never die!

Wes is One Month Old Today!

Wes Jude Nucero is one month old today! My second grandchild was born on July 3, 2022, and his middle name is in honor of Jan, the love of my life, Mike’s mom, and Wes’s grandmother. It is also a nod to Jan’s love of music, especially The Beatles, and specifically to their song Hey […]

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Dragony Rising: A Frank Nagler Novel

Dragony Rising: A Frank Nagler Novel

Today I started reading Dragony Rising: A Frank Nagler Novel by Michael Stephen Daigle. Detective Frank Nagler has seen his hometown of Ironton, NJ, undergo many changes over the past several years. Lately, scandals abound within the city's government, the stench of its corruption embedded deep, rivaling the dank stagnant stench emanating from the old bog just outside of town.

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Lonely Widowhood

Lonely Widowhood

Jan Lilien

Artwork graciously provided by Emi Sato.

“What worries me if I die is that you would have to live alone the rest of your life,” Jan declared during our last conversation as tears flowed down her face.

I kissed her tear-soaked lips, “I will live alone but not be lonely.”

After almost sixteen months, I still live alone.

There are occasional moments when I am very lonely, but I can keep loneliness at bay most days and nights.

Some of that has to do with my easygoing personality. I am not one to sit and wait for something to do. I walk, read, write, and engage with my community, especially Jan’s Garden.

However, if I had to select a single reason I am not overwhelmed by loneliness, it would be my location.

Living downtown Cranford means almost everything I need is a short walk away. My morning walks and evening strolls keep me in touch with neighbors and friends.

I understand how easy it would be to isolate. Living downtown ensures I will never be lonely.

In this new phase of my life, I know one self-evident truth: the love Jan and I shared will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Our Last Conversation

Her tears flowed as she confided, "What worries me most is leaving you to live the rest of your life alone." I tenderly kissed her tear-stained cheeks and whispered, "My love, I may live alone, but I will never be lonely." Jan's voice quivered as she spoke, "All I want is for you to be happy. You deserve nothing less, my wonderful and loving husband...."

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Climbing the Second Mountain with Jan

Climbing the Second Mountain with Jan

Climbing the Second Mountain with JanWhen I read The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life by David Brooks, it became clear that Jan and I never even attempted to climb the first mountain.

We were constantly climbing the second mountain.

Mr. Brooks “explores the four commitments that define a life of meaning and purpose: to a spouse and family, to a vocation, to a philosophy or faith, and to a community.”

We had chosen to do work that repaired the world; we both had a faith community and lived in a community. All we were missing as far as commitments when we met was each other.

Our love for each other provided the missing link and allowed Jan to climb to the top of the second mountain. I am still climbing the second mountain.

“On the second mountain, life moves from self-centered to other-centered,” wrote Mr. Broks.

As we climbed the second mountain, Jan and I became interdependent, not independent; we lived a life of commitment, not one about us.

In this new phase of my life, I know one self-evident truth, the love Jan and I shared will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life

The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life

When I read The Second Mountain, it became clear that Jan and I never even attempted to climb the first mountain. We were constantly climbing the second mountain. We had chosen to do work that repaired the world; we both had a faith community and lived in a community. All we were missing as far as commitments when we met was each other. Our love for each other provided the missing link and allowed us to climb to the top of the second mountain.

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Who Am I Without Jan?

Who Am I Without Jan?

Jan at Eagle IslandBased on the demographics of life expectancy, I always believed that Jan would outlive me.

Despite the actuarial evidence, I am the one who is still alive.

I have focused the last year on celebrating Jan’s life, preserving her memory, and keeping her name mentioned.

In my efforts to define how I will use these years of living alone, I also,

  • I write daily about Jan, my love for her, my grief, my faith, and my life.
  • I take morning walks and evening strolls.
  • I read more than ever.
  • I help other widows, volunteer, and serve on three boards.

Jan and I were fans of Joan Baez, and I find her quote about the need to decide how to live as a defining coda for me.

You don’t get to choose
how you’re going to die.
Or when.

You can only decide
how you’re going to live.
Now.

In this new phase of my life, I know one self-evident truth, the love Jan and I shared will never die!


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

Writing a New Chapter of My Life

From the day I met Jan, I was sure that the story of my remaining years would be the one she and I wrote together. On the rare occasions when I contemplated how our communal life would end, I presumed that Jan would survive me. Now that I am the one who is still alive, […]

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The Last White Man

The Last White Man

The Last White Man by Mohsin Hamid is a story of love, loss, and rediscovery in a time of unsettling change. One morning, Anders, the novel's protagonist,  wakes to find that his skin has turned dark, his reflection a stranger to him. At first, he tells only Oona, an old friend, newly a lover. Soon, reports of similar occurrences surface across the land.

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The Metromaniacs Was the Farce I Needed!
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Wes I Love You!
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Dragony Rising: A Frank Nagler Novel

Read: September 2022

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Dragony Rising: A Frank Nagler Novel

Dragony Rising: A Frank Nagler Novel by Michael Stephen Daigle is the fifth and best Frank Nagler Novel.

Like many of us living in the Garden State, Detective Frank Nagler has seen his hometown of Ironton, NJ, undergo many changes over the past several years. Although I want to believe the level of scandal in Ironton is more fictional than typical. The author describes the scandals within the city’s government, the stench of its corruption embedded deep, rivaling the dank stagnant stench emanating from the old bog just outside town.

From the opening sentence, Dragony Rising was a page-turner. Every time I thought I could put the book down, it beckoned me to keep reading.

I highly recommend this book, especially if you like mysteries with a unique New Jersey focus. My only recommendation would be for the series to be named the Lauren Fox/Frank Nagler novels. Lauren is as much the brains of the operation as Frank.

I have read several Frank Nagler novels-A Game Called Dead, The Swamps of Jersey-and have been waiting for this one to be published.

The author’s summary provides a good overview.

Detective Frank Nagler is recalled from medical leave to lead an investigation into the bombing.

He finds a shadowy organization called The Dragony, whose roots go back to the early days of Ironton’s manufacturing and mining history, a history involving Nagler’s family in strange ways.

He also finds a decades-old conspiracy designed not just to enrich the Dragony leaders but to threaten the existence of Ironton itself.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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Lonely Widowhood
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The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life

Read: May 2019

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The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life

by David Brooks

The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life by David Brooks is a book I often recommend. Mr. Brooks writes about the first mountain that most people climb. The book challenges the reader to “live for a cause greater than themselves.”

It is about “to be a success, make your mark, experience personal happiness.” Even when they reach the top of the mountain, most people find they are unhappy. The climb to the summit has become unsatisfying.

On the second mountain, life moves from self-centered to other-centered.” Life becomes interdependent, not independent; it becomes a life of commitment, not about us.

Mr. Brooks “explores the four commitments that define a life of meaning and purpose: to a spouse and family, to a vocation, to a philosophy or faith, and to a community.

We live in a society, Brooks argues, that celebrates freedom, that tells us to be true to ourselves, at the expense of surrendering to a cause, rooting ourselves in a neighborhood, binding ourselves to others by social solidarity and love. We have taken individualism to the extreme—and in the process we have torn the social fabric in a thousand different ways.

When I read The Second Mountain, it became clear that Jan and I never even attempted to climb the first mountain. We were constantly climbing the second mountain.

We had chosen to do work that repaired the world; we both had a faith community and lived in a community.

All we were missing as far as commitments when we met was each other. Our love for each other provided the missing link and allowed us to climb to the top of the second mountain.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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Climbing the Second Mountain with Jan
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Who Am I Without Jan?
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The Last White Man

Read: August 2022

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The Last White Man: A Novel

by Mohsin Hamid

The Last White Man by Mohsin Hamid is a story of love, loss, and rediscovery in a time of unsettling change. One morning, Anders, the novel’s protagonist,  wakes to find that his skin has turned dark, his reflection a stranger to him. At first, he tells only Oona, an old friend, newly a lover. Soon, reports of similar occurrences surface across the land.

In Mohsin Hamid’s “lyrical and urgent” prose (O Magazine), The Last White Man powerfully uplifts our capacity for empathy and the transcendence over bigotry, fear, and anger it can achieve.

I highly recommend this book. It was a page-turner that kept me thinking about love, loss, and rediscovery. All three are subjects close to my heart since Jan’s death.

I decided to read the book after hearing an interview with the author on All of It on WNYC.

The Goodreads summary provides a good overview,

One morning, Anders wakes to find that his skin has turned dark, his reflection a stranger to him. At first he tells only Oona, an old friend, newly a lover. Soon, reports of similar occurrences surface across the land. Some see in the transformations the long-dreaded overturning of an established order, to be resisted to a bitter end. In many, like Anders’s father and Oona’s mother, a sense of profound loss wars with profound love. As the bond between Anders and Oona deepens, change takes on a different shading: a chance to see one another, face to face, anew.

Hamid’s The Last White Man invites us to envision a future – our future – that dares to reimagine who we think we are, and how we might yet be together.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

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How Democracies Die

Read: January 2021

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How Democracies Die: What History Reveals About Our Future

by Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt

How Democracies Die: What History Reveals About Our Future by Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt was on my reading list for almost a year. In late December of last year, I started reading it and was in the final chapter on January 6, 2021. Like many of us, I never in my life expected to see a day like that in our country.

This type of event is one the authors talk about in their book.

According to the overview in GoodReads,

Donald Trump’s presidency has raised a question that many of us never thought we’d be asking: Is our democracy in danger? Harvard professors Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt have spent more than twenty years studying the breakdown of democracies in Europe and Latin America, and they believe the answer is yes. Democracy no longer ends with a bang–in a revolution or military coup–but with a whimper: the slow, steady weakening of critical institutions, such as the judiciary and the press, and the gradual erosion of long-standing political norms. The good news is that there are several exit ramps on the road to authoritarianism. The bad news is that, by electing Trump, we have already passed the first one.

Drawing on decades of research and a wide range of historical and global examples, from 1930s Europe to contemporary Hungary, Turkey, and Venezuela, to the American South during Jim Crow, Levitsky and Ziblatt show how democracies die–and how ours can be saved.

Our democracy is too valuable for us to have it die. We all need to work to preserve and strengthen it. How Democracies Die is a book that everyone needs to read!

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The Time Traveler's Wife

Read: May 2021

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The Time Traveler’s Wife

by Audrey Niffenegger

My wife had asked me to read – The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger – on several occasions. When we first met, we both liked to read fiction and non-fiction. As we aged, I focused almost exclusively on non-fiction, and she focused on fiction. Since her passing, I have started reading more of both genres. We could now have a book club!

Both Jan and I have always enjoyed books and movies about time travel. If I could travel back in time, there are tens of thousands of days I would love to spend with her again. But time travel is not possible. Or is it? Her spirit returns to me whenever I am paralyzed and encourages me to dust myself off and keep going. Maybe one day we will time travel together!

I enjoyed reading this book, even if it was difficult to keep track of the periods. It is very much the type of time-traveling book that both of us would have liked to read, and it has helped me to imagine a world in which Jan and I will meet again.

But what if it is not time travel as imagined by H. G. Wells. As the Hasidic story foretold, God split our souls at birth and placed one part of my soul in her body and placed the rest into my body. Very few people are lucky enough to find the person who has the other half of their soul, and Jan and I did.

When my life ends, what if God takes a portion of our two souls and places them into new bodies. Each of their souls would include a part of each of us. Those two new people would have to find each other in the future to connect as we did. They might not see each other and forever hunger for true love. Whatever happened, they would not know that they once were very much in love.

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Nobody Gets Out Alive- Stories

Read: February 2023

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Nobody Gets Out Alive: Stories

by Leigh Newman

Nobody Gets Out Alive: Stories by Leigh Newman, set in Newman’s home state of Alaska and an exciting virtuosic story collection about women navigating the wilds of a male-dominated society. Nobody Gets Out Alive is a collection of dazzling, courageous stories about women struggling to survive, not just grizzly bears and charging moose but the raw, exhausting legacy of their marriages and families.

There are moments when characters in a story leap off the page and become, for a few moments, our soul mates. Ms. Newman, in each of these memorable stories, engages so fully that each character becomes so alive that I wanted to know more about their lives.

The stores span both the recent past and the founding of Anchorage. I found all of them to be stories I would happily read again. The recent stories highlight the common desire for a freer, more inclusive world for women. A woman forced to sell her home or a new bride testing limits on her return home resonates as themes of the modern world.

The final story is set in 1915 in a railroad camp. The story highlights the founding of Anchorage. As one who likes historical fiction, I was so engaged that I could not take a break. I was not expecting the outspoken heiress would stage an elaborate theatrical to seduce the wife of her husband’s employer.

I may never visit Alaska at my age, but I now know enough to feel I have lived in Seward’s Folly.

I decided to read this book after reading Ms. Newman wrote a review of The Faraway World. Ms. Newman is a skilled writer, and I highly recommend this collection and look forward to reading more of her stories in the future.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

In “Howl Palace”—winner of The Paris Review’s Terry Southern Prize, a Best American Short Story, and Pushcart Prize selection—an aging widow struggles with a rogue hunting dog and the memories of her five ex-husbands while selling her house after bankruptcy. In the title story, “Nobody Gets Out Alive,” newly married Katrina visits her hometown of Anchorage. She blows up her wedding reception by flirting with the host and running off with an enormous mastodon tusk.

Alongside stories set in today’s Last Frontier—rife with suburban sprawl, global warming, and opioid addiction—Newman delves into the remote wilderness of the 1970s and 80s, bringing to life young girls and single moms in search of a wilder, more accessible, more adventurous America. The final story takes place in a railroad camp in 1915, where an outspoken heiress stages an elaborate theatrical to seduce the wife of her husband’s employer, revealing how this masterful storyteller is “not only writing unforgettable, brilliantly complex characters, she’s somehow inventing souls” (Kimberly King Parsons, author of Black Light).


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Leadership: In Turbulent Times

Read: January 2019

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Leadership: In Turbulent Times

by Doris Kearns Goodwin

A Book for Our Turbulent Times

Leadership: In Turbulent Times by Doris Kearns Goodwin, one of America’s best presidential historians, offers an illuminating exploration of the early development, growth and exercise of leadership as demonstrated by Presidents Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, FDR and Johnson.

I received this book for Hanukkah from my granddaughter and son Mike and his girlfriend Elyssa. They know me very well. A book by Ms. Goodwin is always a must read. If you add in Lincoln, the two Roosevelt’s and LBJ, it is a book I cannot put down.

This NPR interview with Ms. Goodwin is worth listening to.

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Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea

Read: October 2023

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Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea

by Hannah Stowe

I recently started reading a book called “Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea” by Hannah Stowe. It’s a captivating book that immerses you in a world of water, whales, storms, and starlight, allowing you to experience what it’s like to sail for weeks and live life to a new rhythm.

Hannah Stowe, a marine biologist and sailor in her mid-twenties, grew up on the Pembrokeshire coast of Wales, where she fell asleep to the sound of the lighthouse beam. Drawing upon her experiences sailing tens of thousands of miles in various seas, including the North Sea, North Atlantic, Mediterranean, Celtic Sea, and the Caribbean, she explores the human connection to the wild waters. Stowe ponders why she and others are drawn to life at sea and what we can learn from the water around us.

Stowe intertwines her narrative and illustrations with stories of six keystone marine creatures: the fire crow, sperm whale, wandering albatross, humpback whale, shearwater, and barnacle. Through these stories, she invites readers to fall in love with the sea and its inhabitants and to discover the majesty, wonder, and fragility of the underwater world.

If you enjoy the works of Rachel Carson and Annie Dillard, then “Move Like Water: My Story of the Sea” is a must-read. It’s an inspiring and heartfelt tribute to the sea, a testimony to pursuing and achieving a dream, and an unforgettable introduction to a talented new nature writer.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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The Once and Future Witches

Read: March 2022

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The Once and Future Witches

by Alix E. Harrow

The Once and Future Witches by Alix E. Harrow was on hold at my library for several weeks. It arrived today, and I could not imagine a better book to read for Women’s History Month. An homage to women’s invincible power and persistence, The Once and Future Witches reimagines stories of revolution, motherhood, and women’s suffrage—the lost ways are calling.

Although I found the book at times a slow read, I enjoyed it very much and highly recommend it. My only regret is that it had less to do with the suffrage movement than expected. In the late 1800s, three sisters used witchcraft to change the course of history in this powerful novel of magic, family, and the suffragette movement.

Goodreads summary provides an overview.

In 1893, there was no such thing as witches. There used to be, in the wild, dark days before the burnings began, but now witching is nothing but tidy charms and nursery rhymes. If the modern woman wants any measure of power, she must find it at the ballot box.

But when the Eastwood sisters―James Juniper, Agnes Amaranth, and Beatrice Belladonna―join the suffragists of New Salem, they begin to pursue the forgotten words and ways that might turn the women’s movement into the witch’s movement. Stalked by shadows and sickness, hunted by forces who will not suffer a witch to vote―and perhaps not even to live―the sisters will need to delve into the oldest magics, draw new alliances, and heal the bond between them if they want to survive.

There’s no such thing as witches. But there will be.

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