The Fire and the Ore by Olivia Hawker is a novel set in 1856 when three women—once strangers—come together in unpredictable Utah Territory. Hopeful, desperate, and willful, they'll allow nothing on earth or Heaven to stand in their way. I have always enjoyed the history of the movement of people across the plains. Tamar, Jane, and Tabitha, along with their shared husband, Thomas Ricks, were real people, and Olivia Hawker compellingly describes them as people living in difficult times.
Stream of Consciousness!
My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
You Can’t Hurry Grief
Grief’s hold on each of us is how we remember the pain of mourning.
It has been sixteen and one-half months since Jan died.
I wake up every morning alone.
I miss Jan more than ever.
Today I am getting my Flu shot and my third COVID booster.
If only they could create a vaccination for grief.
But as Sigrid Nunez writes in The Friend: A Novel,
You can’t hurry, love, as the song goes. You can’t hurry, grief, either.
As painful as my grief journey has been, it reminds me of how much Jan and I loved each other.
Just as Jan and I did not rush our love, I will not rush my grief!
She is still with me, and our love will never die.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Jan Loved Therapy Dogs
Often I would joke with Jan that if I died first, she would replace me with a dog.
We both loved Oscar until he became confused and thought the middle of the night was playtime.
During Chemotherapy, she looked forward to visits from the therapy dogs.
I never will know if Jan would have replaced me with a dog if I had died first.
I do know that I have not even the slightest interest in re-partnering.
Of course, I also know that you cannot rule out anything as the world changes faster than the glaciers melt.
Re-partnering is not of interest to me, not because I am not lonely or sad. I miss Jan, but she is still with me, and neither a therapy dog nor another life partner can replace her.
Jan’s love transformed me and will never die.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Sharing Jan’s Love Newsletter September Issue is Online!
The September issue includes articles on:
- Honeymoon Camping – “I am just looking for America while my wonderful husband drives us on our honeymoon.” Jan began singing America as I smiled at my beautiful wife.”, and
- I See a Ghost! – “Saved by Love, I now have a second chance to live a responsible and meaningful life.”
Both are stories about our love, faith, and family journey.
Short stream posts on:
- Wes in Two-Months-Old,
- My Guardian Angel,
- One Soul, One Love
- One Breath at a Time!
- The Second Mountain
- Who Am I Without Jan?
- And more.
I have reviewed recent books:
- The Last White Man by Mohsin Hamid
- Thrust by Lidia Yuknavitch
- Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel
- Dragony Rising by Michael Stephen Daigle.
Please consider making a Donation to The Jan Lilien Education Fund! Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar.
Enjoy this issue and share it with anyone who might be interested.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
The First Mile is the Most Difficult!
I am and, God willing, will always be a walker.
I have never been a competitive walker.
However, since Jan died and I purchased my Apple Watch, I have done whatever I can to fulfill the monthly challenges.
This month the challenge was to walk two hundred forty-five and one-tenth miles (245.1).
This morning, I walked one hundred eighty-seven miles (187).
Although I am reasonably confident that I will complete the miles needed to meet the challenge, I wake up every morning focused on how many steps I need to take to achieve the goal.
When I get close, I do mental math to measure the miles needed to meet the goal.
Today, when I passed 61, 60, and 59 miles, I thought of Maris, Ruth, and Judge.
Once upon a time, it was the last mile that I felt the pain and had doubts about being able to continue.
Since Jan died, the first mile has been the most difficult.
When she was alive, the first mile was one we walked together.
Now it is the most difficult.
When my eyes open and I stop the alarm on my Apple Watch, I doubt whether I can walk.
But then I hear Jan whispering in my ear.
Richard, you are capable and strong, and I believe in you.
With Jan’s love, support and encouragement, I walk whispering back to her, one soul, one love everlasting!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
The Widows Dilemma
George Bernard Shaw‘s The Doctor’s Dilemma is a play about the moral dilemmas created by limited medical resources and the conflicts between the demands of private medicine as a business and a vocation.
When I first read the play in college, it resonated with me about the choices and options we face at times of crisis.
As widows, we face a dilemma as soon as our loved one dies.
The choice is as stark as those in The Doctor’s Dilemma.
Is there death as traumatic as the lives we must live without them?
How long can we cry?
Do we mourn forever or continue to live?
While she was home for hospice, I accepted that I would need to continue to live. The option of grieving uncontrollably was never an option.
By choosing life, I have been able to help others, both widows and non-widows. I read, write, walk and share Jan’s love every day.
I will always miss Jan, and I know she will be with me now and forever, but her death is far more consequential than my life as a widow.
Our love will never die.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
My Guardian Angel
Life can be dangerous, as I have written recently about the fire at the VISTA House and earlier about being attacked by the German Shepard.
I believe that each time my Guardian Angel protected me.
I not only survived to live a life of meaning and purpose.
After the fire in the VISTA House, I knew I had to find meaning and purpose, not live a life only for myself.
As Viktor E. Frankl wrote,
Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life, he can only respond by being responsible.
When I met Jan, I learned the most crucial lesson from Frankl,
The truth – that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire.
Jan’s Love transformed my life. The Love we shared will never die!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.