The Friend: A Novel by Sigrid Nunez is a moving story of love, friendship, grief, healing, and the magical bond between a woman and her dog. When a woman unexpectedly loses her lifelong best friend and mentor, she finds herself burdened with the unwanted dog he has left behind. I understand the positives and negatives of having a dog help with grief, but I cannot have one where I live.
Stream of Consciousness!
My random thoughts on Jan, love, grief, life, and all things considered.
Cleansing Power of Tears of Joy
According to Dr. Orloff, we produce three types of “tears: reflex, continuous, and emotional.”
Reflex and continuous tears protect and cleanse our eyes.
I have cried a lot during my grieving over Jan’s death.
Dr. William Frey at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis discovered that reflex tears are 98% water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying.
But I have also had cleansing tears of joy.
One of those times was when Wes was born.
Yesterday it resulted from hearing that the wind sculpture will be shipped on the 26th and arrive seven to ten days later.
Now, I know the final phase of Jan’s Memorial Garden will commence soon, and her memory will live on for future generations.
When the wind whistles thru the wind sculpture, I am confident that Jan’s name will echo across Hanson Park.
The tears of joy cleansed my soul.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Will I Be the One to Grow From My Grief?
Grief is the most brutal struggle that I have ever experienced.
In the earliest days, I was unable to do anything but weep. Those days are rarer but still occur.
Sixteen months and counting, and despite improvements, the heartache remains ever-present.
I have focused on Dr. Lois Tonkin‘s research that documents that our only option is to grow around grief, so our grief is a smaller portion of us.
I help others, actively participate in two support groups, read, write, walk, and work to ensure that Jan’s love will never die.
The final phase of Jan’s Memorial Garden will commence soon, and her memory will live on for future generations.
When the wind whistles thru the wind sculpture, I am confident that Jan’s name will echo across Hanson Park.
I focus every day on how I can be the one to grow around my grief by sharing Jan’s love, and my suffering will become a smaller portion of me.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
One Soul, One Love Everlasting!
I once heard a beautiful Hasidic story about how God created humans. It said that each person is given one part of one soul in one body, and the rest is placed into another person’s body.
Only a very few are lucky to find their other half.
Finding your other half is rare, but Jan and I were lucky to have found the person with a portion of our soul. We will always appreciate having found each other because we know that living without a piece of you that helps you breathe is incredibly difficult.
This reminds me of something I read in The Zohar, I91a, which says,
A husband and wife are one soul, separated only through their descent to this world. When they are married, they are reunited again.
Our love differed from what many of our friends experienced; some couldn’t understand why it was so strong. But love never dies!
I yearn to awaken next to Jan and greet her with a tender kiss and warm embrace. If only one day we could awaken to her being free from cancer, I would be willing to overcome any obstacle and face any challenge.
One soul, one love, everlasting!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Humble as Apple Pie
With the arrival of fresh apples at Dryer Farms, I thought of humility.
Once as a young teenager, a teacher described me as humble as an apple pie.
At the time, I was not happy with the comparison.
Humility seemed like a not-to-subtle criticism. Was my teacher calling me weak?
But with age comes maturity. Now I see that being humble is one of my hidden strengths.
Humility has helped me during good times and bad times.
Would Jan and I have when if I had not been soft-spoken?
Be humble, and never think that you are better than anyone else. “For dust you are, and unto dust, you shall return.” Genesis 3:19
As a widow, it has given me the confidence to honor, cherish and love Jan even if she is not by my side.
Humility has helped me help others and work to preserve Jan’s memory and have her name spoken with pride.
One day my life will return to dust, but I will forever be grateful to Jan as her love was all I ever needed and transformed me.
I know that the love Jan and I shared is all that matters, and it will never die!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Speaking With Strangers
One of the common recommendations that friends make to me is that I should meet more people.
I miss Jan, but I do not feel lonely.
I talk to many people on my walks as well as when I run errands.
These fluctuate between saying to fellow walkers, “Have a nice day,” to actual conversations while shopping.
Yesterday, I conversed with a woman standing next to me in the deli line. The ordering system setup during COVID was causing long delays.
After the staff asked for our names or identification information, we thought it was moving faster.
When her order was ready, she found one with my name and brought it to me when she did.
I thanked her for helping me and making my day easier.
We are a social and interdependent people. Helping each other helps us.
Perhaps my training as a community organizer has made it easier for me to meet new people.
I always have friends and meet new people, but I will never replace Jan.
Her love was all I ever needed and transformed me.
I know that the love Jan and I shared is all that matters, and it will never die!
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
Sea of Tranquility
Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel has been on my reading list for months. I recommend the book without reservations. Sea of Tranquility is a novel of art, time, love, and plague that takes the reader from Vancouver Island in 1912 to a dark colony on the moon three hundred years later, unfurling a story of humanity across centuries and space. It was a page-turner from page one.