I did something I had not done in decades. After finishing the Big Library Read of 2022, The Girl in His Shadow, by Audrey Blake, I immediately started reading the sequel, The Surgeon's Daughter. The protagonist, Nora Beady, was such a strong female lead that I could not wait to find out what happened next. In the sequel, Nora Beady, the only female student at a prestigious medical school in Bologna, is a rarity. Nora's tenacity and passion reminded me of Jan, the love of my life.

Finding Who I Am After Jan
Like all of my widow friends, I am trying to determine who I am in this new world.
With my soulmate Jan, I knew who I was, and as we grew older, we grew closer.
Now on my own, I made a classic mistake in the first few months.
As David Brooks of the NY Times wrote about his dynamic in “How to Find Out Who You Are,” (PDF), I looked inside myself as if I was “an onion, with layers of social selves to peel off to get closer and closer to the inner core, the true self. ”
Brooks stresses it is not looking inward but being like an artist that we find ourselves.
Brooks writes that one needs to be like an “artist who reaches back and seizes upon what he or she can find useful from the earlier artists. It is the later artist taking the initiative, grabbing, incorporating something to use in his or her own expression.”
He quotes Miles Davis,
Sometimes you have to play a long time to be able to play like yourself.
I am bringing Jan with me as I seek to define the new me.
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