The Fragility of Life

The Fragility of Life

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 18 seconds
Our Rabbi Dr. Renee Edelman

Photo Courtesy of Kevin Papa

Life is as fragile as a lake coated with a thin ice sheet. We can vanish beneath the ice in a nanosecond.

I had learned the delicate nature of life before meeting Jan, having survived a fire and an attack by a German Shepard.

Jan’s diagnosis and eventual death from Lymphoma was a harsh reminder of the tenuous nature of our lives.

As Atul Gwande wrote in Being Mortal, far too many believe that we are immune to the “inescapable realities of aging and death.”

With each moment of truth about the fragility of our lives, I could have chosen to live only for myself.

But as Desmond Tutu wrote in The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World.

We are fragile creatures, and it is from this weakness, not despite it, that we discover the possibility of true joy.

When I met Jan, I found true joy, and now that she is gone, I choose a life with meaning and purpose.

One day, I hope to join Jan and have my name written into the Book of Well-Lived Lives.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Being Mortal

Being Mortal

Before departing for Toronto to celebrate our 44th Wedding Anniversary, I went through the e-library. Everything on my list that I wanted to read was not available except for this book. Being Mortal by Atul Gawande is the book that I read on our vacation before my Jan's diagnosis of non-Hodgkins Large B cell Lymphoma.

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Rabbi Dr. Renee Edelman on Sukkot

Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 18 seconds

As Rabbi Dr. Renee Edelman explained,

“Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are about life and death and how we prepare for both. On Sukkot, we notice how fragile our existence is; right after the end of Sukkot, we dance with our Torot.”

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Being Mortal

Read: August 2019

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Being Mortal

by Atul Gawande

Before departing for Toronto to celebrate our 44th Wedding Anniversary, I went through the e-library. Everything on my list that I wanted to read was not available except for this book. Being Mortal by Atul Gawande is the book I read on our vacation before Jan’s diagnosis of non-Hodgkins Large B cell Lymphoma.

Selecting Being Mortal might seem an accidental choice to some, and I believe it was a divine intervention. It prepared me to be a caregiver to my wife over the nineteen months of her fight with cancer. It helped me focus on the good life that my wife lived and not the pain and suffering.

Atul Gawande describes his book as “riveting, honest, and humane, Being Mortal shows that the ultimate goal is not a good death but a good life – all the way to the very end.”

When I read the book, I wondered what I could have done to help my mother in her final years. The book provides an excellent overview of how nursing homes and assisted living have not been able to meet the needs of the residents.

Dr. Gawande provides an extensive overview of the benefits of hospice. Although I knew of this option, reading this book helped me understand that I was ready for hospice when my wife came home for the last time.

He reminds us that “when it comes to the inescapable realities of aging and death, what medicine can do often runs counter to what it should.” As he writes in the book, the current system does not work and, in many cases, actually shortens life.

This book has had a lasting impact on my life. It allowed me to be a loving caregiver to my wife when she needed it more than anything else. I read it when it would be most beneficial to me.

I highly recommend this book.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Fragility of Life
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A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness

Read: April 2023

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A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness

by Jai Chakrabarti

I recently discovered an excellent short story collection called A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness: Stories by Jai Chakrabarti. This author won the National Jewish Book Award for debut fiction with his novel A Play for the End of the World, and it is clear that his talent extends to the short story form as well.

The stories in this collection follow men and women as they navigate transformations and familial bonds across countries and cultures. Each story is unique and captivating, but the one that struck me was the title story about a closeted gay man in 1980s Kolkata who seeks to have a child with his lover’s wife. Chakrabarti’s skill as a storyteller is on full display in this story and throughout the collection.

I highly recommend A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness: Stories if you want a book exploring love and family’s complexities in uncertain times. Each story is a masterful exploration of what it means to cultivate a family across borders, religions, and races. I look forward to reading more by Jai Chakrabarti in the future.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

In the fourteen masterful stories of this collection, Jai Chakrabarti crosses continents and cultures to explore what it means to cultivate a family across borders, religions, and races today.

In the title story, a closeted gay man in 1980s Kolkata seeks to have a child with his lover’s wife. An Indian widow, engaged to a Jewish man, struggles to balance her cultural identity with the rituals and traditions of her newfound family. An American musician travels to see his guru for the final time—and makes a promise he cannot keep. A young woman from an Indian village arrives in Brooklyn to care for the toddler of a biracial couple. And a mystical agent is sent by a mother to solve her son’s domestic problems.

Throughout, the characters’ most vulnerable desires shape life-altering decisions as they seek to balance their needs against those of the people they hold closest.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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The Weddings

Read: February 2023

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The Weddings: Inheritance Collection

by Alexander Chee

Today I read The Weddings by Alexander Chee. It is the fifth and last book in Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones. For Jack Cho, a fortysomething gay man, being able to marry someone he loves is so unfamiliar it’s terrifying. Then a wedding invitation from a college friend brings about a collision with those fears—and his secret history.

I have always enjoyed weddings. I attended the last one when my younger son married in July 2021. Not sure if I will ever participate in another wedding.

I have attended many diverse weddings but never one with as many secret histories. To avoid revealing the secrets, I will state that The Weddings is well written, each moment is precise, and the mysteries are neither shocking nor disruptive to the story.

I highly recommend The Weddings.

Each Inheritance piece can be read or listened to in a single setting. By yourself, behind closed doors, or shared with someone you trust. The Weddings is the fifth one in the series I have read.

The previous four were:

I have enjoyed all five books.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Jack and his new boyfriend, Caleb, are attending the wedding of Jack’s estranged straight friend Scott. No sooner do the guests start to mingle than questions arise about relationships, tradition, Jack’s feelings for the groom, and what’s at stake as he navigates daunting territory, both new and old. In this wry and surprising short story, award-winning author Alexander Chee extends an invitation to the party—and awakening—of a lifetime.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



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Absolution: A Novel

Read: November 2023

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Absolution: A Novel

by Alice McDermott

I started reading “Absolution: A Novel” by Alice McDermott today. The opening line immediately grabbed my attention: “You have no idea what it was like. For us. The women, I mean.” In most literature about the Vietnam War, American women, particularly wives, have been minor characters. However, in “Absolution,” they take center stage.

The book follows the story of two women, Tricia, a shy newlywed, and Charlene, a practiced corporate spouse and mother of three. They both found themselves in Saigon in 1963, forming a wary alliance. They balance the era’s mandate to be “helpmeets” to their ambitious husbands with their inchoate impulse to “do good” for the people of Vietnam.

Sixty years later, Charlene’s daughter reaches out to Tricia after encountering an aging Vietnam vet. Together, they look back at their time in Saigon, carefully considering that pivotal year and Charlene’s altruistic machinations. They discover how their lives as women on the periphery have been shaped and burdened by the same unintended consequences that followed America’s tragic interference in Southeast Asia.

This virtuosic new novel from Alice McDermott, one of our most observant and affecting writers, explores themes of folly and grace, obligation, sacrifice, and, finally, the quest for absolution in a broken world.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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When We Cease to Understand the World

Read: September 2024

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When We Cease to Understand the World

by Benjamín Labatut

Today, I began reading When We Cease to Understand the World by Benjamín Labatut, translated by Adrian Nathan West. This book, listed on The New York Times 100 Best Books of the 21st Century, promises to be thought-provoking as it delves into the intricate connections between scientific and mathematical discovery, madness, and destruction.

In a world where scientific advancements often involve ethical dilemmas and societal implications, this book offers a unique perspective on the lives of scientists who have shaped our understanding of the world. Fritz Haber, Alexander Grothendieck, Werner Heisenberg, and Erwin Schrödinger are some of the luminaries whose troubled lives Benjamín Labatut deeply explores in his fictional examination. Labatut shows how these scientists and thinkers grappled with profound questions of existence, experiencing strokes of unparalleled genius, alienating friends and lovers, and descending into isolation and insanity. Their discoveries, some of which significantly improved human life, while others led to chaos and unimaginable suffering, continue to shape our world.

With a breakneck pace and a wealth of disturbing detail, Labatut uses fiction’s imaginative resources to tell the stories of the scientists and mathematicians who expanded our notions of the possible.

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Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel

Read: October 2023

Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel

by Jonathan Lethem

I recently recommended reading “Brooklyn Crime Novel: A Novel” by Jonathan Lethem. The story is set in 1970s Brooklyn, where a daily ritual occurs on the streets. This ritual involves exchanging money, surrendering belongings, and asserting power. Violence is promised everywhere and becomes a currency itself.

Regardless of race, the street is like a stage in the shadows for the children. In the background, other players hide, including parents, cops, renovators, landlords, those who write the headlines, histories, and laws, and those who award this neighborhood its name.

Although the rules seem apparent initially, in memory’s prism, the roles of criminals and victims may appear to trade places. The voices of the past rise and gather as if in harmony, then war with one another. A street may seem to crack open and reveal what lies behind its shimmering facade. None who lived through it are ever permitted to forget.

Jonathan Lethem has written this story with kaleidoscopic verve and delirious wit, making it a breathtaking tour de force by a writer at the top of his powers. He has crafted an epic interrogation of how we fashion stories to contain the uncontainable: our remorse at the world we’ve made. He is known as “one of America’s greatest storytellers” by the Washington Post.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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We Do Not Part

Read: March 2025

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We Do Not Part: A Novel

by Han Kang

Today, I explored “We Do Not Part,” the latest novel by Han Kang, the 2024 Nobel Prize in Literature laureate. Translated by the talented e. yaewon and Paige Aniyah Morris, this book offers a remarkable journey. The New York Times has called it Kang’s most revealing work since her acclaimed novel, “The Vegetarian.” What captivates me the most is how it intricately weaves the story of two women’s friendship while shedding light on a hidden chapter of Korean history.

One winter morning, Kyungha receives an urgent message from her friend Inseon, asking her to visit a hospital in Seoul. Inseon has injured herself in an accident and begs Kyungha to return to Jeju Island, where she lives, to save her beloved pet—a white bird named Ama. A snowstorm hits the island when Kyungha arrives. At all costs, she must reach Inseon’s house, but the icy wind and blizzards slow her down as night falls. She wonders if she will arrive in time to save the animal—or even survive the terrible cold that envelops her with every step. Lost in a world of snow, she does not yet suspect the vertiginous plunge into darkness that awaits her at her friend’s house.

Blurring the boundaries between dream and reality, “We Do Not Part” powerfully illuminates a forgotten chapter of Korean history buried for decades, bringing to light the lost voices of the past to prevent them from fading into oblivion. It is both a tribute to enduring friendship and a plea for remembrance. The novel tells a story of profound love in the face of unspeakable violence and celebrates life, however fragile.


Han Kang was born in 1970 in South Korea. She is the author of The Vegetarian, which I have read, and winner of the International Booker Prize,  Human ActsThe White BookGreek Lessons, and We Do Not Part. In 2024, she received the Nobel Prize in Literature.

e. yaewon is based in Korea and translates from and into Korean, including titles by Hwang Jungeun, Deborah Levy, and Samuel Beckett.

Paige Aniyah Morris divides her time between the United States and Korea. Recent translations include works by Pak Kyongni, Ji-min Lee, and Chang Kang-myoung.



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