Thriving By Changing

Thriving By Changing

Evolving One Day at a Time to Be a Better Person

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 6 seconds

“A self that continues to evolve continues to thrive,” Virginia Woolf stated. This quote has been a guiding principle in my journey of personal growth. The ability to change is crucial, and it involves the uncomfortable but essential act of changing one’s mind – refusing to become fixed in one’s ways, being brave enough to evolve one’s perspectives, and continuously reassessing one’s priorities. Change, whether in your thoughts or your life, is also challenging because it involves letting go of something—a way of thinking, a way of living—to make room for something new to grow along the path of a fully experienced life, ultimately leading to a complete version of oneself.

I read an article by Maria Popova in The Marginalian titled ‘Middle Age and the Art of Self-Renewal: An Extraordinary Letter from Pioneering Education Reformer Elizabeth Peabody.’ This article sparked a profound reflection on how different my life is now compared to three or even twenty years ago. Until half a decade ago, I focused on nurturing my relationship with my wife and our goal of improving the world. Like most long-married couples, we had fallen into certain routines where specific responsibilities belonged to each of us. My wife enjoyed gardening and caring for the houseplants, and while I helped as much as possible, I knew that was her area of expertise.

As my wife’s primary caregiver, our once solid foundation began to crumble. I shouldered all responsibilities, a stark contrast to our previous dynamic. After following her instructions to prepare dinner one evening, I cleared the table and washed the dishes. She questioned if I thought she was inadequate because she used to leave the dishes until late at night. As I loaded the last dish into the dishwasher, I glanced at the loveseat where I had helped her lie down. I reassured her, explaining that I wanted to spend more time with her. As I kissed her, I realized how disorienting her new role as an observer must be, no longer an active participant in her life.

Steve ClaytonOver the past three years, I’ve adapted and thrived in my new roles. While my culinary expertise could improve, I prepare three meals daily, ensuring that dinner is always hot. Surprisingly, despite my lack of gardening skills, my house plants are flourishing. Additionally, I’ve expanded my circle of friends and actively participate in neighborhood activities such as Bridges and Hanson Park.

I’ve undergone a transformative journey, evolving into a more capable version of myself. I’ve learned to navigate life’s challenges with confidence. For instance, I could easily let the dishes pile up in the sink for days, but I’ve developed a habit of cleaning up right after each meal. Despite my lack of gardening skills, my houseplants are thriving under my care. I’ve even started to develop a green thumb. Yet, despite all this growth, I can’t shake the feeling that something is missing. I examine myself and see my whole physical form, but I sense I need something different, even without fully understanding it.

The Vaster Wilds: A NovelI enjoy the little things that bring me joy throughout my daily routine. But sometimes, I feel a deep, profound longing for companionship, as reminded by a quote from “The Vaster Wilds: A Novel” by Lauren Groff – “To be alone and surviving is not the same as being alive.” Although loneliness can sometimes be overwhelming, I remind myself that I am the only one who can create happiness for me. Despite finding renewed purpose and fulfillment in my activities, I cannot help but yearn for the warmth and tenderness of a partner’s love. To experience love once again would be a blessing, allowing me to feel truly alive in a way that nothing else can.

My Apolytus Moment

Despite the deep and abiding pain of missing my beloved wife daily, I have come to understand that it is essential that I continue living and finding joy in the present moment.

Show thread (1)

Meliorism: Small Steps Change the World!

Evolving One Day at a Time to Be a Better Person

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 6 seconds

Meliorism: Small Steps Change the World!

As a meliorist, I believe in our ability to contribute to positive change and improve the world through acts of love, creativity, compassion, and kindness. We thrive and achieve more when we unite to support one another. Jan's Memorial Garden has brought immense value to the Cranford community, inspiring the Hanson Park Conservancy and the Jan Lilien Education Fund to engage more individuals in the park, leaving a lasting impression. It's a testament to the power of small steps and collaborative efforts, showing that working together can build something extraordinary and enchanting for present and future generations.

24 comments add your comment

Share your thoughts and ideas

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Thriving By Changing
×
Light to the Hills

Read: January 2023

Get this book

Light to the Hills: A Novel

by Bonnie Blaylock

Light to the Hills: A Novel by Bonnie Blaylock is about Amanda Rye, a young widowed mother and traveling packhorse librarian who comes through a mountain community struck by the nation’s economic collapse in the 1930s. I recommend this page-turner as it highlights the importance of family and community. From this foundation, truth lights a path toward survival, mountain justice, forgiveness, and hope.

The novel was recommended by Olivia Hawker, bestselling author of The Fire and the Ore, who said, “Light to the Hills is a touching meditation on motherhood and the importance of community, especially during difficult times.”

Last year I read a modern tale about Appalachia, Demon Copperhead. Both are good novels but very different.

Light to the Hills was a feel-good read despite the problems faced by Ms. Rye and the MacInteer family. It was precisely the book I needed to read this week.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

The folks in the Kentucky Appalachians are scraping by. Coal mining and hardscrabble know-how are a way of life for these isolated people. But when Amanda Rye, a young widowed mother and traveling packhorse librarian, comes through a mountain community walloped by the nation’s economic collapse, she brings with her hope, courage, and apple pie. Along the way, Amanda takes a shine to the MacInteer family, especially to the gentle Rai, her quick-study daughter, Sass, and Finn, the eldest son who’s easy to warm to. They remind Amanda of her childhood and her parents with whom she longs to be reconciled.

Her connection with the MacInteers deepens, and Amanda shares with them a dangerous secret from her past. When that secret catches up with Amanda in the present, she, Rai, Sass, and Finn find their lives intersecting—and threatened—in the most unexpected ways. Now, they must come together as the truth lights a path toward survival, mountain justice, forgiveness, and hope.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
Ahab's Wife: Or, The Star-gazer: A Novel

Read: August 2021

Get this book

Ahab’s Wife: Or, The Star-gazer

by Sena Jeter Naslund

Ahab’s Wife: Or, The Star-gazer by Sena Jeter Naslund is a book I could not put down once I finished the first chapter. “Captain Ahab was neither my first husband nor my last.” is one of the most-recognized first sentences in literature–along with “Call me Ishmael.”

Sena Jeter Naslund has created a transcendent heroine – Una Spenser – who is as memorable as Ahab. Una’s universe spans a time that begins to redefine both women and men.

After a spellbinding opening scene, the tale flashes back to Una’s childhood in Kentucky; her idyllic adolescence with her aunt and uncle’s family at a lighthouse near New Bedford; her adventures disguised as a cabin boy on a whaling ship; her first marriage to a fellow survivor who descends into violent madness; courtship and marriage to Ahab; life as mother and a rich captain’s wife in Nantucket; involvement with Frederick Douglass; and a man who is in Nantucket researching his novel about his adventures on her ex-husband’s ship.

Ahab’s Wife is a breathtaking, magnificent, and uplifting story of one woman’s spiritual journey, informed by the spirit of the greatest American novel, but taking it beyond tragedy to redemptive triumph.

Having read this book, I can easily understand why my wife loved the book and encouraged me to read it. Her life story was much like Una’s, an uplifting story of her spiritual journey and her quest to repair the world.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
Home: A Novel

Read: February 2022

Get this book

Home: A Novel

by Marilynne Robinson

Home: A Novel by Marilynne Robinson is a moving and healing book about families, family secrets, the passing of the generations, love, death, and faith. Robinson’s most significant work is an unforgettable embodiment of the most profound and universal emotions. Although I have not read the other novels in this series, I plan to add them to my list. I highly recommend this book.

It is a moving and healing book about families, family secrets, the passing of generations, love, death, and faith. With the loss of the love of my life ten months ago, these are topics that I have spent time thinking about. Ms. Robinson’s powerful writing weaved a story that I could not stop reading.

Again, I highly recommend this novel.

This is the Goodreads summary.

Hundreds of thousands were enthralled by the luminous voice of John Ames in Gilead Marilynne Robinson’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel. Home is an entirely independent, deeply affecting novel that takes place concurrently in the same locale, this time in the household of Reverend Robert Boughton, Ames’s closest friend.

Glory Boughton, aged thirty-eight, has returned to Gilead to care for her dying father. Soon her brother, Jack—the prodigal son of the family, gone for twenty years—comes home too, looking for refuge and trying to make peace with a past littered with tormenting trouble and pain.

Jack is one of the great characters in recent literature. A bad boy from childhood, an alcoholic who cannot hold a job, he is perpetually at odds with his surroundings and with his traditionalist father, though he remains Boughton’s most beloved child. Brilliant, lovable, and wayward, Jack forges an intense bond with Glory and engages painfully with Ames, his godfather and namesake.

Home is a moving and healing book about families, family secrets, the passing of the generations, love, death, and faith. Robinson’s most significant work is an unforgettable embodiment of the most profound and universal emotions.

Subscribe

Contact Us

When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
How to Love Your Daughter

Read: August 2023

Get this book

How to Love Your Daughter

by Hila Blum

I started reading a novel called “How to Love Your Daughter,” written by Hila Blum and translated by Daniella Zamir today. The book explores a complicated relationship between a mother and her grown daughter. It raises the question of how much harm we can do to our loved ones when love blinds us.

The story takes place thousands of miles away from home, where a woman finds herself peeking through well-lit windows at her two granddaughters. She has never met them before, as they are the daughters of her estranged daughter, whom she hasn’t seen in years.

The book’s central theme revolves around the woman’s attempt to understand how a once-loving relationship between her and her daughter ended up in such a distant and unfathomable state. The story shifts past and present as the woman unravels her memories and long-buried emotions. She tries to make sense of the seemingly insignificant moments of parental care that, combined, may have undermined what she valued most.

The author, Blum, skillfully delves into the complexities of family life, where a parent can easily cross the line between protectiveness and possession without even realizing it. The story leaves us wondering whether it’s possible ever to find our way back from such a point.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
Welcome Home, Stranger: A Novel

Read: January 2024

Get this book

Welcome Home, Stranger: A Novel

by Kate Christensen

Today, I began reading “Welcome Home, Stranger: A Novel” by Kate Christensen. The book tells the story of a woman in her fifties who returns home to Maine after her mother’s passing. The novel explores themes of grief, love, growing older, and family complexities. It raises the question: Can you ever honestly go back home?

Rachel is an environmental journalist living in Washington, DC. She has been estranged from her working-class family in New England for many years. Having gone through a divorce and being childless in her middle age, Rachel is a truly independent spirit who has experienced a lot of pain. She feels like her life is falling apart and is struggling to cope with big and small challenges. However, her life takes a different turn when she gets a call to return home for her mother’s funeral.

Then, everything falls apart.

Rachel is surrounded by a cast of characters who are sometimes comical, sometimes heartbreakingly earnest. Her sister is an arriviste, her brother-in-law is an alcoholic, and the love of her life has recently married her sister’s best friend. Rachel must face her past and come to terms with the sorrow she has long buried. She must also confront the ghost of her mother, who, for better or worse, made her the woman she is today.

Lively, witty, and painfully familiar, this sophisticated and emotionally resonant novel from the author of The Great Man holds a mirror up to modern life as it considers the way some of us must carry on now.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
Kala: A Novel

Read: June 2024

Get this book

Kala: A Novel

by Colin Walsh

Today, I started reading “Kala: A Novel” by Colin Walsh, a gripping literary page-turner from a rising Irish talent. Former friends, estranged for twenty years, reckon with the terrifying events of the summer that changed their lives. Three old friends are reunited in the seaside town of Kinlough, on Ireland’s west coast, for the first time in years.

Helen, Joe, and Mush were part of an original group of six inseparable teenagers in the summer of 2003, with motherless, reckless Kala Lanann as their group’s white-hot center. Soon after that summer’s peak, Kala disappeared without a trace.

Now it’s fifteen years later:

  • Helen has reluctantly returned to Ireland for her father’s wedding.
  • Joe is a world-famous musician who is newly back in town.
  • Mush has never left, too scared to venture beyond the counter of his mother’s café.

But human remains are discovered in the woods. Two more girls have gone missing. As past and present begin to collide, the estranged friends are forced to confront their involvement in the events that led to Kala’s disappearance.

Against the backdrop of a town suffocating on its secrets, in a story that builds from a smolder to a stunning climax, Kala brilliantly examines the sometimes brutal costs of belonging and the battle in the human heart between vengeance and forgiveness, despair and redemption.

×