Wes is Eighteen Months Old

Why Am I Still Defined as a Widow?

I Am More Than What I Lost on My Worst Day

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 7 seconds

As I write this post, my youngest grandson Wes is eighteen months old. It has been thirty-two months since my wife Jan passed away. Although I miss her dearly, I choose to celebrate Wes during these milestones because, after a loss, our only choice is to choose life and live in the present moment. The memories that truly matter are the moments of love we share with our loved ones. In times of grief, these memories keep us going and help us find the strength to move forward. As I have described on several occasions, but most recently in my 2023 end-of-the-year message, I have made much progress in the nine hundred seventy-three days since her funeral.

“Don’t spend your final days grieving over me,” my wife frequently told me. And she was right. Despite losing my beloved Jan, I gained so much from our shared love. Among my wife’s last words were, ‘Richard, you are capable, you are strong, and I believe in you.’ These words have become my guiding light, and I want to share them with everyone. No matter what life throws at you, always remember you have the strength and ability to overcome it. Believe in yourself and keep choosing life! Let these words be your inspiration to rise above any challenge that comes your way.

I don’t understand why I am still referred to as a widow. Despite the loss of my spouse, I have chosen to live life to the fullest with meaning and purpose. I have discovered the transformative power of loving and being loved. I play many roles in life, including that of a father, grandfather, community activist, advocate, and observant Jew. I am a complex and multifaceted individual, and I ask the reader to consider me as such. Let’s not be defined by our worst days but rather by the strength and resilience we display in the face of adversity. I am working towards coining a new word to replace widow that better represents my identity. Until then, let’s embrace our complexity and live with purpose.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Regarding gifts made this month, I will match dollar for dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



A Repetitive Year Ends

Looking ahead to the future, I feel a sense of liberation as I break free from the walls that have held me back, knowing that I am becoming the best version of myself. As the board chair of Bridges, I am excited to play my part, Tikun Olam, in repairing the world and contributing to ending homelessness.

Show thread (1)

Happy Birthday, Wes Jude Nucero!

I Am More Than What I Lost on My Worst Day

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 7 seconds

Happy Birthday, Wes Jude Nucero!

Jude, the middle name, honors Jan, the love of my life, Mike's mom, and Wes's grandmother. It also shows her love of music, especially The Beatles and Hey Jude.

God, in her infinite and divine wisdom, had Wes Jude born fourteen months after Jan died. Wes Jude's birth on this day is a true blessing for Jan, Jude, and our family.

2 comments add your comment

  1. I thought your quest for a new term was noble. So I shared your post with ChatGPT for some help. Here is what it came up with…

    [From ChatGPT] Certainly! Here are some alternative words to replace “widow” that emphasize a positive and forward-moving perspective:

    1. **Continuer**: Suggests someone who carries on, embodying the spirit of moving forward in life.
    2. **New Chapterist**: Implies someone who is starting a new chapter in their life following a significant change.
    3. **Life Adventurer**: Connotes a person who embraces life’s journey with enthusiasm and courage, despite challenges.
    4. **Legacy Keeper**: Emphasizes maintaining and cherishing the legacy of the loved one.
    5. **Love Forwarder**: Suggests a person who continues to spread the love they shared with their departed spouse.
    6. **Journeyer**: Indicates someone on a continuous journey, highlighting progress and personal growth.
    7. **Hope Bearer**: Implies a person who carries hope and optimism into their future.
    8. **Resilience Beacon**: Suggests a guiding light of resilience and strength in adversity.
    9. **Memory Guardian**: Focuses on guarding and honoring the memories of the loved one.
    10. **Renewal Seeker**: Conveys a sense of seeking new beginnings and rejuvenation.

    Each of these terms brings a unique perspective that aligns with Richard’s message of strength, resilience, and positive progression in life.

    • Mark, I want to thank you for your comment. ChatGPT has given me a list of words that express my message of strength, resilience, and positive progress in life. I can use these words individually or in combination as needed. I genuinely appreciate your friendship and support, as without it, I may not have reached where I am today.

Share your thoughts and ideas

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Wes is Eighteen Months Old
×
A Sovereign People: The Crises of the 1790s and the Birth of American Nationalism

Read: February 2019

Get this book

A Sovereign People: The Crises of the 1790s and the Birth of American Nationalism

by Carol Berkin

A Sovereign People: The Crises of the 1790s and the Birth of American Nationalism by Carol Berkin, Presidential Professor American Colonial and Revolutionary History; Women’s History Professor at Baruch College, focuses on four crises in the first decade. Most historians view these are part of the early partisan debates in America.

Professor Berkin takes a different perspective. She focuses on how the Whiskey Rebellion, the Genet Affair, the XYZ Affair, and the Alien and Sedition Acts helped build nationalism. Despite the partisan divisions, both sides could find solutions that helped America survive its first decade. The failure to resolve anyone of these could have doomed America to failure.

The Federalists – Washington, Hamilton, and Adams – were the leaders of that first decade and managed the successive crisis of sovereignty.

A Sovereign People is one of four books from my first One Day University class.

Subscribe

Contact Us

×
At the Villa Rose

Read: August 2022

Get this book

At the Villa Rose

by Major Alfred Edward Woodley Mason

At the Villa Rose by Major Alfred Edward Woodley Mason, initially published in 1910, is a mystery novel in which Major Mason introduced his French detective, Inspector Hanaud, who was an early template for Agatha Christie’s famous Hercule Poirot. Missing jewels, high adventure some one hundred and fifty kilometers from Geneva, a casino, and blind love are all factors in a complex case for Hanaud, which ultimately involves a gang of frightened murderers. If you enjoy deductive mysteries like me, I highly recommend At the Villa Rose.

The Goodreads summary,

In Aix les Bains during the early 20th century, Celia Harland, a beautiful (of course) young English girl down on her luck, is befriended by a wealthy widow, Madame Dauvray, an addict of “spiritualism,” and stages seances for her benefactrix, while knowing full well that the supposed manifestations from the spirit world are entirely bogus. This set-up supplies the opportunity for a criminal gang master-minded by Madame Dauvray’s maid, with their eyes on the widow’s jewelry collection, to engineer an introduction for one of their numbers, Adele Tacé (“Rossignol”), whose taunts of disbelief goad the old lady into allowing a seance to be held which, unsuspected by either Celia or her patron, will be the cover for murder and robbery.

The crux of the plot is that as a medium, Celia will be made their innocent victim, on whom suspicion is to be planted.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.

×
All the Water in the World

Read: January 2025

Get this book

All the Water in the World

by Eiren Caffall

Today, I began reading “All the Water in the World” by Eiren Caffall. Like Station Eleven, this novel is a literary thriller set partly in New York’s American Museum of Natural History in a flooded future. In the spirit of “From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler” and “Parable of the Sower,” this adventurous journey offers hope that the most important things—love, work, community, and knowledge—will endure.

All the Water in the World” is narrated by a girl who profoundly appreciates water. In the years following the melting of the glaciers, Nonie, along with her older sister, parents, and their researcher friends, remains in a nearly deserted New York City. They have established a settlement on the roof of the American Museum of Natural History with a strict rule: they may only take from the exhibits in cases of dire need. They hunt and grow their food in Central Park while also working to preserve the collections of human history and science.

When a superstorm breaches the city’s flood walls, Nonie and her family must escape northward along the Hudson River. They carry a book containing records of the lost collections. As they race down the swollen river for safety, they encounter communities that have adapted in various, sometimes frightening, ways to the new reality. Despite the challenges, they are determined to create a new world that honors everything they have saved.

Inspired by the stories of curators in Iraq and Leningrad who worked to protect their collections during wartime, “All the Water in the World” mediates what we strive to preserve from collapse and an adventure filled with danger, storms, and a fight for survival.

×
Western Lane: A Novel

Read: March 2023

Get this book

Western Lane: A Novel

by Chetna Maroo

Western Lane: A Novel by Chetna Maroo is a taut, enthralling first novel about grief, sisterhood, and a young athlete’s struggle to transcend herself. Western Lane is about three sisters who have lost their mother. Their father is encouraged to provide structure in raising his daughters. Gopi, the narrator, is a squash player, and her father imposes a brutal training regimen. I highly recommend this novel!

The following passage explains the importance of squash to Gopi and how she views the world.

In the court, your mind is not only on the shot you’re about to play and the shot with which your opponent might reply, but on the shots that will follow two, three, four moves ahead. You’re watching your opponent’s position and the game he or she is playing, making calculations. This is how you choose which way to go. Though your mind is following several paths at once, it’s not a splitting but expansion forwards and backward in time, and it happens so quickly that it feels like instinct. Sometimes, you don’t even know you are thinking.

In the first few pages, I wondered what I would have done if I had been a single parent when my sons were young. I do not believe I would have imposed on my sons what Gopi’s father did to her. However, I have found reading and art to be powerful tools to help me cope with grief. I have focused on rituals, structure, and purpose.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Eleven-year-old Gopi has been playing squash since she was old enough to hold a racket. When her mother dies, her father enlists her in a quietly brutal training regimen, and the game becomes her world. Slowly, she grows apart from her sisters. Her life is reduced to the sport, guided by its rhythms: the serve, the volley, the drive, the shot, and its echo.

But on the court, she is not alone. She is with her pa. She is with Ged, a thirteen-year-old boy with formidable talent. She is with the players who have come before her. She is in awe.

An indelible coming-of-age story, Chetna Maroo’s first novel captures the ordinary and annihilates it with beauty. Western Lane is a valentine to innocence, to the closeness of sisterhood, to the strange ways we know ourselves and each other.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×
The Day Tripper: A Novel

Read: April 2024

Get this book

The Day Tripper: A Novel

by James Goodhand

Today, I began reading “The Day Tripper: A Novel” by James Goodhand. The story centers around Alex Dean, who can travel through time but, unfortunately, always ends up in the wrong place at the wrong time. This book is a perfect read for a rainy April day. The story moves quickly in just the first few pages, with time flying by faster than it does for Alex.

It’s 1995, and Alex Dean has it all: a spot at Cambridge University next year, the love of a fantastic woman named Holly, and all the time ahead of him. That is, until a brutal encounter with a ghost from his past sees him beaten, battered, and almost drowning in the Thames.

The next day, he wakes to find himself in a messy, derelict room he’s never seen before, in grimy clothes Alex doesn’t recognize, with no idea how he got there. A glimpse in the mirror tells him he’s much older and has been living a hard life, his features ravaged by time and poor decisions. He snatches a newspaper and finds it’s 2010—fifteen years since the fight.

After finally drifting off to sleep, Alex wakes the following morning to find it’s now 2019, another nine years later. But the next day, it’s 1999. Never knowing which day is coming, he begins to piece together what happens in his life after that fateful night by the river.

But what exactly is going on? Why does his life look nothing like he thought it would? What about Cambridge and Holly? In this page-turning adventure, Alex must navigate the years to learn that small actions have an untold impact. And that might be all he needs to save the people he loves and, equally importantly, himself.

×
The Bee Sting: A Novel

Read: December 2023

Get this book

The Bee Sting: A Novel

by Paul Murray

I began reading “The Bee Sting: A Novel” by Paul Murray today, the seventy-fifth book I have read this year, one more than last year. This exuberantly entertaining novel is a tour de force that portrays post-crash Ireland, a tragicomic family saga, and a dazzling story about the struggle to be good at the end of the world.

The Barnes family is in trouble, with Dickie’s once-lucrative car business going under. However, Dickie is spending his days in the woods, building an apocalypse-proof bunker with a renegade handyperson. His wife, Imelda, sells off her jewelry on eBay while trying to avoid the attention of fast-talking cattle farmer Big Mike. Meanwhile, their teenage daughter, Cass, formerly top of her class, seems determined to binge drink through her final exams. As for twelve-year-old PJ, he’s on the brink of running away.

If you were to change this story, how far back would you have to go? To the infamous bee sting that ruined Imelda’s wedding day? To the car crash one year before Cass was born? Or back to Dickie at ten years old, standing in the summer garden with his father, learning how to be a real man?


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

Subscribe

Contact Us

I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.



×