imaginary Girlfriend

Saved by Love,
Rising Like a Phoenix!

“I see a Ghost!” The voice echoed inside my brain as I exited the Grand Street subway station in East Williamsburg. I recognized the voice but could not see a ghost, perhaps because I did not believe in them. I looked to my left and saw Sonny, one of my housemates and a former college basketball player, leaning out of the blue van that belonged to St. John’s Church. “Richard, is that you? Are you alive? We have been worried that you had died in the fire.” I had been up since 6 am; it was now after midnight, so I nodded affirmatively as my brain tried to understand what Sonny had just said. 

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Losing at Love and
Afraid to Try Again!

Mia’s boom box was on the top of the stoop of the St. John’s Lutheran Church rectory, and the music was loud enough that anyone on that block of Maujer Street could hear. It was mid-September 1973, and I was relaxing with Mia, Earl, and six other friends. The harsh summer heat had left, but it was still mild enough to sit outside without a jacket. After a summer road trip that had left me alone and adrift, it was a pleasure to be back in Brooklyn with my friends.

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Biking, Hiking, and
Searching for Love!

“June, what do you think of this flyer before I mimeograph it,” I asked the Church secretary. I had developed on my own the idea of a summer bike trip to youth hostels in Pennsylvania, with the final one in Cape Cod.

The recruitment flyer was the last step in finding the pre-teens and starting the summer biking trips.

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The Jan Lilien Education Fund!

Beautiful World, Where Are You

Read: July 2022

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Beautiful World, Where Are You

by Sally Rooney

Beautiful World, Where Are You by Sally Rooney, a writer recommended to me, but I have always kept them on the to-read list, not the current reading. Does a beautiful word exist? Is it possible to live in a beautiful world despite the loss of the love of my life? Perhaps reading  Beautiful World, Where Are You, will help me in my grief journey.

Ms. Rooney’s book was a page-turner, and I highly recommend it.

One of the quotes from the book echoed my dream of a beautiful world.

“When I try to picture for myself what a happy life might look like, the picture hasn’t changed very much since I was a child – a house with flowers and trees around it, and a river nearby, and a room full of books, and someone there to love me, that’s all. Just to make a home there, and to care for my parents when they grow older. Never to move, never to board a plane again, just to live quietly and then be buried in the earth.” ― Sally Rooney, Beautiful World, Where Are You

It also helped remind me how unique and memorable the love that Jan and I shared was. We could quickly fall into a life lived separately as friends, or we might not have ever fallen in love and married.

As Sally Rooney in Beautiful World, Where Are You, wrote:

“If God wanted me to give you up, he wouldn’t have made me who I am.”

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Alice, a novelist, meets Felix, who works in a warehouse, and asks him if he’d like to travel to Rome with her. In Dublin, her best friend, Eileen, is getting over a breakup and slips back into flirting with Simon, a man she has known since childhood. Alice, Felix, Eileen, and Simon are still young—but life is catching up with them. They desire each other, they delude each other, they get together, and they break apart. They have sex, they worry about sex, and they worry about their friendships and the world they live in. Are they standing in the last lighted room before the darkness, bearing witness to something? Will they find a way to believe in a beautiful world?


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Losing Earth: A Recent History

Read: October 2019

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Losing Earth: A Recent History

by Nathaniel Rich

Losing Earth: A Recent History by Nathaniel Rich reminds us how close we were to halting the climate emergency, and our failure has resulted in our passing the tilting point. The book “reveals, in previously unreported detail, the birth of climate denialism and the genesis of the fossil-fuel industry’s coordinated effort to thwart climate policy through misinformation propaganda and political influence.”

By 1979, we knew nearly everything we understand today about climate change – including how to stop it. Over the next decade, a handful of scientists, politicians, and strategists, led by two unlikely heroes, risked their careers in a desperate, escalating campaign to convince the world to act before it was too late. Losing Earth is their story and ours.

The New York Times Magazine devoted an entire issue to Nathaniel Rich’s groundbreaking chronicle of that decade, which became an instant journalistic phenomenon – the subject of news coverage, editorials, and conversations all over the world. In its emphasis on the lives of the people who grappled with the significant existential threat of our age, it made vivid the moral dimensions of our shared plight.

Losing Earth tells the human story of climate change in even richer, more intimate terms. It reveals, in previously unreported detail, the birth of climate denialism and the genesis of the fossil-fuel industry’s coordinated effort to thwart climate policy through misinformation propaganda and political influence. The audiobook carries the story into the present day, wrestling with the long shadow of our past failures and asking crucial questions about how we make sense of our past, our future, and ourselves.

Like John Hersey’s Hiroshima and Jonathan Schell’s The Fate of the Earth, Losing Earth is the rarest of achievements: a riveting work of dramatic history that articulates a moral framework for understanding how we got here and how we must go forward.

Losing Earth is a must-read book!

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The Hunter: A Novel

Read: March 2024

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The Hunter: A Novel

by Tana French

Today, I began reading “The Hunter: A Novel” by Tana French, often called the Queen of Irish crime fiction. The story takes place in a small village in the West of Ireland during a hot summer. Two men arrive, one returning home and the other seeking riches. However, one of them is also seeking death.

Cal Hooper is a retired Chicago police officer who moved to rural Ireland for a peaceful life. He has built a relationship with a local woman named Lena and has been mentoring Trey Reddy, a troubled teenager on a better path. But when Trey’s long-lost father returns, accompanied by an English millionaire and a plan to find gold in the townland, everything they have built is threatened. Cal and Lena are willing to do whatever it takes to protect Trey, but Trey is not interested in protection. What she wants is revenge.

This novel, written by the acclaimed author described by The New York Times as “in a class by herself,” tells a nuanced and atmospheric tale about what we are willing to do for our loved ones, what we will do for revenge, and what we may have to sacrifice when the two collide.

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My Friend, I Care

Read: August 2021

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My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience

by Barbara Karnes RN

My journey from the Island of Grief back to the Land of Love is long and arduous. Friends, especially those who have also lost a loved one, are the guideposts on this journey. One of these friends, Sue Gramacy, sent this book to me during the early phases of my grief journey.

My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience may be one of the shortest books I have ever read, but it is also one that has been most helpful. Barbara Karnes, RN, provides a concise understanding of grief, and she includes a list of dos and don’ts that are very helpful to someone who has recently lost the love of their life.

She provides a compelling explanation of the new life that we all must strive to achieve.

Our inability to further enjoy life does not measure our loss. The quality of our relationship with the person who has died is found in our strength, our resilience and our ability to create a new and meaningful life.

The endpoint of my journey is a new and meaningful life. This book has helped remind me that it is an achievable goal.

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Invisible Child

Read: December 2021

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Invisible Child: Poverty, Survival & Hope in an American City

by Andrea Elliott

Invisible Child: Poverty, Survival & Hope in an American City by Andrea Elliott was a gift from my son Jon. The New York Times selected “Invisible Child” as one of the best books published this year. It is indeed one of the top books on my all-time list.

GoodReads summary provides a good overview,

The riveting, unforgettable story of a girl whose indomitable spirit is tested by homelessness, poverty, and racism in an unequal America—from Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Andrea Elliott of The New York Times

Invisible Child follows eight dramatic years in the life of Dasani Coates, a child with imagination as soaring as the skyscrapers near her Brooklyn homeless shelter. Born at the turn of a new century, Dasani is named for the bottled water that comes to symbolize Brooklyn’s gentrification and the shared aspirations of a divided city. As Dasani grows up, moving with her tight-knit family from shelter to shelter, this story goes back to trace the passage of Dasani’s ancestors from slavery to the Great Migration north. When Dasani comes of age, New York City’s homeless crisis explodes as the chasm deepens between rich and poor.

In the shadows of this new Gilded Age, Dasani must lead her seven siblings through a thicket of problems: hunger, parental drug addiction, violence, housing instability, segregated schools, and the constant monitoring of the child-protection system. When, at age thirteen, Dasani enrolls at a boarding school in Pennsylvania, her loyalties are tested like never before. As she learns to “code switch” between the culture she left behind and the norms of her new town, Dasani starts to feel like a stranger in both places. Ultimately, she faces an impossible question: What if leaving poverty means abandoning the family you love?

By turns heartbreaking and revelatory, provocative and inspiring, Invisible Child tells an astonishing story about the power of resilience, the importance of family, and the cost of inequality. Based on nearly a decade of reporting, this book vividly illuminates some of the most critical issues in contemporary America through the life of one remarkable girl.

Jan and I were involved and knew that child poverty and homelessness needed repair. In addition, Jan lived on Washington Park across from Ft. Greene Park in 1974-75. We knew the neighborhood where much of the book’s story takes place. 

Before meeting Jan in 1973, I was both a community/tenant organizer and a youth worker. In the latter role, I made weekly hostel trips for eight to ten young boys from East Williamsburg during 1973. The trips were the first the boys had ever been outside of their neighborhood.

Many of them had imaginations like Dasani. They also had her instinct to fight. One of my first tasks was to check for any weapons.

Decades later, when I would see any of them, now adults, they would ask when we were going on another trip. I wish I had met Jan when I made those trips. She would have helped me improve them and document the impact. If I could re-write history, I would have her join me as the second adult on the hostel trips.

After that summer, it was clear my primary skills were as a community/tenant organizer. Over the next few years, my work focused on creating affordable and supportive housing.

Jan and I did meaningful work that made a difference, yet the need for a permanent solution to the crisis remains. The book highlights the crucial role of resilience, the importance of family, and the cost of inequality. As a nation, we cannot undermine those values by breaking up families, impeding resilience, and maintaining racial and economic inequality. 

The current debate in Washington over the Build Back Better legislation needs to focus not on how much we spend but on its impact on children and families

David Brooks, a conservative commentator, has supported these expenditures for what they can do to address this country’s cultural and economic crisis. 

These packages say to the struggling parents and the warehouse workers: I see you. Your work has dignity. You are paving your way. You are at the center of our national vision.

This is how you fortify a compelling moral identity, which is what all of us need if we’re going to be able to look in the mirror with self-respect. This is the cultural transformation that good policy can sometimes achieve. Statecraft is soulcraft.

If you can only read one book this year, this is the one to read. Child poverty, homelessness, and inequality impact all of us. Ending child poverty and homelessness will make us a healthier and more inclusive nation. It is time for a compelling moral call to action!

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Eastbound

Read: November 2023

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Eastbound by Maylis De Kerangal

by Maylis De Kerangal

Today, I would like to recommend the book “Eastbound” by Maylis De Kerangal, which has been beautifully translated into English by Jessica Moore. The story revolves around a Russian conscript and a French woman who cross paths on the Trans-Siberian railroad, each trying to escape to the East for different reasons. “Eastbound” is an adventure story that takes you through two vibrant inner worlds.

The book has been listed as one of the five best fiction books 2023 by The New York Times. Maylis De Kerangal has done an excellent job telling the story of two unlikely souls with gorgeously translated, winding sentences that evoke a striking sense of tenderness. The brutality of the surrounding world contrasts sharply with the growing collaboration between the two characters.

As the story progresses, we meet Aliocha, a young Russian conscript who decides to desert the train soon after boarding the Trans-Siberian train with other Russian conscripts. During a midnight smoke in a dark corridor of the train, Aliocha encounters an older French woman, Hélène, for whom he feels an uncanny trust. He urgently asks Hélène, through pantomime and basic Russian, for her help hiding him. They hurry from the filth of his third-class carriage to Hélène’s first-class sleeping car. As Aliocha becomes a hunted deserter, Hélène becomes his accomplice, having her inner landscape of recent memories to contend with.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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