Walking for 1097 Days

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes, 15 seconds

I Am OK Walking Into the
Unknowable Future

I woke up at 5:30 AM this morning, just like my Apple Watch alarm rings daily. As I left bed, my watch greeted me with a friendly “Good Morning, Richard” message. Since I live alone, I responded to my watch and put on my walking clothes. Even though the sky was dark and dismal, the predicted rain did not arrive, and it was dry outside. I’ve been doing this for three years and never let the weather affect my mood.

I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of orange juice. I took a vitamin pill and selected a banana and yogurt, which I placed on the table. While waiting for the English muffin to toast, I asked Siri for my morning NPR update. Although I listened to the news in the background, I couldn’t help but think that yesterday marked three years since I buried the love of my life, Jan. Her absence is an unfillable void, and every day without her is a reminder of the life we had together.

After finishing the first phase of breakfast with a banana, muffin, and two spoons of Chobani’s Monterrey Strawberry yogurt, I returned the unfinished juice and yogurt to the refrigerator. I put on my Brooks Ghost shoes and made a mental note to order new ones this week, as I have walked in these since November. Then, I put on three layers to be safe if it feels colder than the 50 degrees the weather app claims. I picked up yesterday’s recycling and headed out for my morning walk.

First Step

I have always enjoyed walking, but it wasn’t until the day after my wife Jan’s funeral that I began a consistent, daily walking routine. That day, I was busy talking to mourners and tapping car windows. Looking back, I realize this was the turning point that started my three-year walking journey on May 6, 2021.

I Conquered Twenty-Six Floors for Jan

After completing The Big Climb, my friend Hugo asked me where I found the strength to keep up my daily walks. I told him that I would choose to walk over driving any day. But why do I walk, even on rainy or snowy days? I don’t have an answer. I could make up a story, but the truth is that the reason still eludes me.

Three years ago, I explained to Hugo that I woke up feeling tired and tempted to sleep in until noon. “I’d do the same,” Hugo said. But instead of giving in to that temptation, I went to the bathroom, splashed cold water on my face, and put on my walking shoes. I went for a walk to clear my head. Hugo shook his head, and I knew most people would have chosen to sleep instead of taking an early morning walk.

The following day, I went for another walk. I told Hugo I didn’t plan to walk daily for three years, but it has become essential to my routine. I asked if he knew about the bumpers they install in bowling alleys to keep the ball out of the gutters. He said yes, he knew about the bumpers, but what did that have to do with my walking? It’s a way to ensure that I stay focused on living my best life as a widow. I need to walk; my other habit is to avoid falling into the gutter. With each step, I get closer to achieving physical, mental, and emotional wellness.

“It’s made a difference,” Hugo said. You look great and are a better person and friend.” I laughed. “Hugo, I’m just an ordinary guy who lost his wife and is trying to be the best version of himself,” I explained. I hope that someday I’ll be able to figure out who I am without Jan. But until then, even though I don’t know what the future holds, I’ll keep listening, embracing it, and walking into it with strength and courage.”

Today’s Morning Walk

I set my Apple Watch to track an outdoor walk as I left the room to take out the recycling and garbage. Though the mist was irritating, I was determined to continue. Walking past my old office, now turned gym, I took in my surroundings, feeling the cool air on my skin and a light mist on my face. Memories of my beloved Jan flooded my mind, but I knew she would want me to keep moving forward.

Turning right, I took the alleyway adjacent to my apartment building. As I approached Alden Street, I saw Karyn, the owner of Keating Physical Therapy. We exchanged pleasantries, and her warm smile was a small but significant part of my daily routine, reminding me that I was starting my walk on time. I picked up my NY Times, walked into the lobby, and put the paper in my mailbox for safekeeping. In January, I left it by the couch, and when I returned, it was gone.

Bridges Street to Homes 5K
From left to Right: Richard J. Uniacke, President of Bridges; Alison Bryant, Secretary of Bridges.

Continuing along Alden Street towards Miln, I saw my friends perched on the steps of St. Michael’s Church, patiently waiting for the morning mass. Their presence, even from a distance, was a comfort. I waved at them before moving forward, my steps steady and resolute. Most of my hometown was still asleep, so the world around me remained quiet for the next half hour as I walked.

As my path left downtown and paralleled the Rahway River, I saw more people. When I started my walking routine, I greeted everyone I saw with a hello and a wish for a good day. I extended those hopes for a good day for months, even when I knew I would not have a good day. In three years of walking, I had greeted many people. Some had become friends, but all were people I looked forward to seeing.

As I carefully stepped over puddles, I realized how life always had obstacles and challenges, but with each passing day, I was getting better at overcoming them. Taking a deep breath and holding my head up high, I moved forward into the future with renewed hope and determination. The future was unknown, but it was the only option I had.

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The Testaments: The Sequel to The Handmaid's Tale

Read: September 2021

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The Testaments

by Margaret Atwood

The Testaments: The Sequel to The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood is a sequel worth reading.

The novel alternates between the perspectives of three women presented as portions of a manuscript written by one (the Ardua Hall Holograph) and testimonies by the other two. Being an amateur historian, I found this a fascinating way for Ms. Atwood to write this book.

Aunt Lydia is the author of the Ardua Hall Holograph, which is a surprise based on her role in The Handmaid’s Tale. It is a surprise that she is a mole who despises Gilead and works for the resistance.

The other characters are young women who, along with Aunt Lydia, are forced to come to terms with who she is and how far she will go for what she believes.

Agnes Jemima was born in Gilead and is being educated not to be literate but to be a wife. She finds out her parents are not who she thought they were when Agnes discovers she is the daughter of a Handmaid.

Daisy was raised in Toronto, lives with her adoptive parents, and is an educated woman. As noted in most reviews, Daisy is also the daughter of a Handmaid. She is Baby Nicole from the original book, and Gilead wants her to return.

Read the book! It is a moving and engaging sequel! The testimonies in the book combine these three women’s stories to undermine Gilead.

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She's Up to No Good

Read: July 2022

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She’s Up to No Good

by Sara Goodman Confino

After writing Road Trippin, I needed to read about other homeward-bound journeys that help us find peace and a future after a tragedy. Today I started reading She’s Up to No Good by Sara Goodman Confino. The book is a funny, poignant, and life-affirming novel about family, secrets, and broken hearts. It may be the best read for my days in San Diego.

It was the perfect read for my time at Camp, as it was a life-affirming novel. As much as I know that life continues, She’s Up to No Good reaffirmed my belief.

I highly recommend this book.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview.

Four years into her marriage, Jenna is blindsided when her husband asks for a divorce. With time on her hands and her life in flux, she agrees to accompany her eccentric grandmother, Evelyn, on a road trip to the seaside Massachusetts town where much of their family history was shaped.

When they hit the road, Evelyn spins the tale of the star-crossed teenage romance that captured her heart more than seventy years ago and changed the course of her life. She insists the return to her hometown isn’t about that at all—no matter how much she talks about Tony, her unforgettable and forbidden first love.

Upon arrival, Jenna meets Tony’s attentive great-nephew Joe. The new friendship and fresh ocean air give her the confidence and distance she needs to begin putting the pain of a broken marriage behind her.

As the secrets and truths of Evelyn’s past unfold, Jenna discovers a new side of her grandmother and of herself that she never knew existed—and learns that the possibilities for healing can come at the most unexpected times in a woman’s life.


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The Unfolding

Read: October 2022

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The Unfolding: A Novel

by A.M. Homes

The Unfolding by A.M. Homes is a darkly comic political parable braided with a Bildungsroman that takes us inside the heart of a divided country. The Unfolding is an alternative history that is terrifyingly prescient, profoundly tender, and devastatingly funny. Will this novel help me to understand how we became a nation that no longer shares the same definitions of truth, freedom, and democracy, much less a shared vision of the future?

Although I understand more clearly the crisis facing the US, I highly recommend this novel.

Ms. Homes has written a must-read book that compliments the January 6th Committee report and should make us all more vigilant.

The characters are so well defined that at the end of the novel, I wanted to continue to read about them, especially Meghan.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

The Big Guy loves his family, money, and country. Undone by the 2008 presidential election results, he taps a group of like-minded men to reclaim their version of the American Dream. As they build a scheme to disturb and disrupt, the Big Guy also faces turbulence within his family. His wife, Charlotte, grieves a life not lived, while his 18-year-old daughter, Meghan, realizes that her favorite subject–history–is not exactly what her father taught her.

In a story that is as much about the dynamics within a family as it is about the desire for those in power to remain in force, Homes presciently unpacks a dangerous rift in American identity, prompting a reconsideration of the definition of truth, freedom, and democracy–and exploring the explosive consequences of what happens when the exact words mean such different things to people living together under one roof.

In her first novel since the Women’s Prize award-winning May We Be Forgiven, A.M. Homes delivers us back to ourselves in this stunning alternative history that is both terrifyingly prescient, deeply tender, and devastatingly funny.


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The Midnight Bargain

Read: February 2022

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The Midnight Bargain

by C.L. Polk

The Midnight Bargain by C.L. Polk is about Beatrice Clayborn, a sorceress, who was the next book to read. She practices magic in secret, terrified of being locked into a marital collar that will cut off her powers to protect her unborn children. She dreams of becoming a full-fledged Magus and pursuing magic as her calling as men do. Still, her family has staked everything to equip her for Bargaining Season, when young men and women of means descend upon the city to negotiate the best marriages. The Clayborn’s are in severe debt, and only she can save them by securing a good match before their creditors call.

In a stroke of luck, Beatrice finds a grimoire that contains the key to becoming a Magus, but before she can purchase it, a rival sorceress swindles the book right out of her hands. Beatrice summons a spirit to help her get it back, but her new ally exacts a price: Beatrice’s first kiss . . . with her adversary’s brother, the handsome, compassionate, and fabulously wealthy Ianthe Lavan.

The more Beatrice is entangled with the Lavan siblings, the harder her decision becomes: If she casts the spell to become a Magus, she will devastate her family and lose the only man to ever see her for who she is, but if she marries—even for love—she will sacrifice her magic, her identity, and her dreams. But how can she choose just one, knowing she will forever regret the path not taken?

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An American Marriage

Read: September 2024

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An American Marriage

by Tayari Jones

Today, I started reading “An American Marriage” by Tayari Jones. It is a masterpiece of storytelling that delves into people’s souls as they confront the past and move forward into the future with hope and pain. The book, which has won numerous awards and was selected as one of The New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the 21st Century, is a must-read for any contemporary fiction enthusiast.

Newlyweds Celestial and Roy embody both the American Dream and the New South. He is a young executive, and she is an artist on the brink of an exciting career. But as they settle into their routines, they are ripped apart by circumstances neither could have imagined. Their story reflects the complexities of modern relationships and the impact of the criminal justice system on individuals and families.

Roy’s arrest and subsequent twelve-year sentence for a crime he didn’t commit shatters their world. Though fiercely independent, Celestial finds herself adrift, seeking solace in Andre, her childhood friend and the best man at their wedding. As Roy’s time in prison stretches on, she struggles to hold on to the love that has always been her anchor. When Roy’s conviction is finally overturned after five years, he returns to Atlanta, ready to pick up the pieces of their shattered life, a testament to their resilience and enduring love.

This stirring love story is a profoundly insightful look into the hearts and minds of three people who are at once bound and separated by forces beyond their control. “An American Marriage” is a masterpiece of storytelling—an intimate look deep into people’s souls who must reckon with the past while moving forward—with hope and pain—into the future.



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I Have Some Questions for You:

Read: February 2023

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I Have Some Questions for You

by Rebecca Makkai

I Have Some Questions for You by Rebecca Makkai is a book that, from page one, pulled me into the story and made me believe I was embedded with Bodie Kane as she returned to her boarding school and worked with students to review the murder of her roommate twenty-three years ago. I Have Some Questions for You was more than a page-turner as I was an unnamed participant. I highly recommend this book and, as Ms. Makkai does, buy it at an independent bookstore.

I had not heard of the book until I read a review in The New Yorker by Katty Waldman, who writes, “The new book, a murder mystery set at an élite boarding school, is being marketed as an irresistible whodunnit. But it also joins a growing number of critiques of true crime.” Once I finished the review, I ordered the book and did not put it down until I finished the novel.

Do not “read this book if you”are looking for a whodunnit. It is a critique of true crime and an assessment of the “me too” era. How do we judge the past by the standards of the present?

Every book I have read since Jan died is one I wanted to discuss with her. But I Have Some Questions is one that would have been helpful for both of us to read simultaneously and share our thoughts. Jan’s work with the YWCA of Union County’s Domestic Violence program would have given her a unique perspective. But my lifetime efforts to free me from male blindness would have been a good counterpoint.

Please read this book, share it, and discuss it.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

A successful film professor and podcaster, Bodie Kane is content to forget her past—the family tragedy that marred her adolescence, her four largely miserable years at a New Hampshire boarding school, and her former roommate, Thalia Keith, in the spring of their senior year. Though the circumstances surrounding Thalia’s murder and the conviction of the school’s trainer, Omar Evans, are online, Bodie prefers—needs—to let sleeping dogs lie.

But when the Granby School invites her back to teach a course, Bodie is inexorably drawn to the case and its increasingly apparent flaws. As she falls down the rabbit hole she was so determined to avoid, Bodie begins to wonder if she wasn’t an outsider at Granby as she’d thought, perhaps, back in 1995, she knew something that might have held the key to solving the case. In their rush to convict Omar, did the school and the police overlook other suspects? Is the real killer still out there?

In I Have Some Questions for You, award-winning author Rebecca Makkai has crafted her most irresistible novel yet: a stirring investigation, timely, hypnotic, and populated with a cast of unforgettable characters, I Have Some Questions for You is at once a compulsive page-turner and a literary triumph.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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