Walking for 1097 Days

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes, 15 seconds

I Am OK Walking Into the
Unknowable Future

I woke up at 5:30 AM this morning, just like my Apple Watch alarm rings daily. As I left bed, my watch greeted me with a friendly “Good Morning, Richard” message. Since I live alone, I responded to my watch and put on my walking clothes. Even though the sky was dark and dismal, the predicted rain did not arrive, and it was dry outside. I’ve been doing this for three years and never let the weather affect my mood.

I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of orange juice. I took a vitamin pill and selected a banana and yogurt, which I placed on the table. While waiting for the English muffin to toast, I asked Siri for my morning NPR update. Although I listened to the news in the background, I couldn’t help but think that yesterday marked three years since I buried the love of my life, Jan. Her absence is an unfillable void, and every day without her is a reminder of the life we had together.

After finishing the first phase of breakfast with a banana, muffin, and two spoons of Chobani’s Monterrey Strawberry yogurt, I returned the unfinished juice and yogurt to the refrigerator. I put on my Brooks Ghost shoes and made a mental note to order new ones this week, as I have walked in these since November. Then, I put on three layers to be safe if it feels colder than the 50 degrees the weather app claims. I picked up yesterday’s recycling and headed out for my morning walk.

First Step

I have always enjoyed walking, but it wasn’t until the day after my wife Jan’s funeral that I began a consistent, daily walking routine. That day, I was busy talking to mourners and tapping car windows. Looking back, I realize this was the turning point that started my three-year walking journey on May 6, 2021.

I Conquered Twenty-Six Floors for Jan

After completing The Big Climb, my friend Hugo asked me where I found the strength to keep up my daily walks. I told him that I would choose to walk over driving any day. But why do I walk, even on rainy or snowy days? I don’t have an answer. I could make up a story, but the truth is that the reason still eludes me.

Three years ago, I explained to Hugo that I woke up feeling tired and tempted to sleep in until noon. “I’d do the same,” Hugo said. But instead of giving in to that temptation, I went to the bathroom, splashed cold water on my face, and put on my walking shoes. I went for a walk to clear my head. Hugo shook his head, and I knew most people would have chosen to sleep instead of taking an early morning walk.

The following day, I went for another walk. I told Hugo I didn’t plan to walk daily for three years, but it has become essential to my routine. I asked if he knew about the bumpers they install in bowling alleys to keep the ball out of the gutters. He said yes, he knew about the bumpers, but what did that have to do with my walking? It’s a way to ensure that I stay focused on living my best life as a widow. I need to walk; my other habit is to avoid falling into the gutter. With each step, I get closer to achieving physical, mental, and emotional wellness.

“It’s made a difference,” Hugo said. You look great and are a better person and friend.” I laughed. “Hugo, I’m just an ordinary guy who lost his wife and is trying to be the best version of himself,” I explained. I hope that someday I’ll be able to figure out who I am without Jan. But until then, even though I don’t know what the future holds, I’ll keep listening, embracing it, and walking into it with strength and courage.”

Today’s Morning Walk

I set my Apple Watch to track an outdoor walk as I left the room to take out the recycling and garbage. Though the mist was irritating, I was determined to continue. Walking past my old office, now turned gym, I took in my surroundings, feeling the cool air on my skin and a light mist on my face. Memories of my beloved Jan flooded my mind, but I knew she would want me to keep moving forward.

Turning right, I took the alleyway adjacent to my apartment building. As I approached Alden Street, I saw Karyn, the owner of Keating Physical Therapy. We exchanged pleasantries, and her warm smile was a small but significant part of my daily routine, reminding me that I was starting my walk on time. I picked up my NY Times, walked into the lobby, and put the paper in my mailbox for safekeeping. In January, I left it by the couch, and when I returned, it was gone.

Bridges Street to Homes 5K
From left to Right: Richard J. Uniacke, President of Bridges; Alison Bryant, Secretary of Bridges.

Continuing along Alden Street towards Miln, I saw my friends perched on the steps of St. Michael’s Church, patiently waiting for the morning mass. Their presence, even from a distance, was a comfort. I waved at them before moving forward, my steps steady and resolute. Most of my hometown was still asleep, so the world around me remained quiet for the next half hour as I walked.

As my path left downtown and paralleled the Rahway River, I saw more people. When I started my walking routine, I greeted everyone I saw with a hello and a wish for a good day. I extended those hopes for a good day for months, even when I knew I would not have a good day. In three years of walking, I had greeted many people. Some had become friends, but all were people I looked forward to seeing.

As I carefully stepped over puddles, I realized how life always had obstacles and challenges, but with each passing day, I was getting better at overcoming them. Taking a deep breath and holding my head up high, I moved forward into the future with renewed hope and determination. The future was unknown, but it was the only option I had.

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Long Bright River

Read: December 2021

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Long Bright River

by Liz Moore

Long Bright River by Liz Moore was a 2020 NPR Books We Love Selection. It’s a contemporary novel about the opioid epidemic, it’s a novel about sisters and families, it’s a book about the police and how they fall short of the communities they serve, and it’s a well-plotted crime novel. Its main story revolves around Mickey, a patrol officer raising a young son in a working-class neighborhood in Northeast Philadelphia, and her missing sister, who’s addicted to drugs. Both women are the children of addicts, raised by a strict grandmother.

Despite Long Bright River being selected by NPR and others as one of the best books, I was not sure what to expect. My doubts evaporated on page one. Mickey’s narration, including her description of Kensignton, made this a page-turner.

Mickey and Kacey’s lives became so realistic that I could not put the book down. One night, I stayed up to finish reading for the first time in almost a decade.

As much as it focuses on the opioid epidemic and the shortcomings of policing, its proper focus is on sisters and families. My love of family has become more important to me than ever since the loss of Jan, the love of my life.

Ms. Moore brings it all together in the ending but leaves enough doubt as to the future relationship of the sisters that we can feel the harsh reality of life itself. Long Bright River is the first but not the last book by this author that I will read.

Goodreads has an overview if you need more convincing.

In a Philadelphia neighborhood rocked by the opioid crisis, two once-inseparable sisters find themselves at odds. One, Kacey, lives on the streets in the vise of addiction. The other, Mickey, walks those same blocks on her police beat. They don’t speak anymore, but Mickey never stops worrying about her sibling.

Then Kacey disappears suddenly, at the same time that a mysterious string of murders begins in Mickey’s district, and Mickey becomes dangerously obsessed with finding the culprit–and her sister–before it’s too late.

Alternating its present-day mystery with the story of the sisters’ childhood and adolescence, Long Bright River is at once heart-pounding and heart-wrenching: a gripping suspense novel that is also a moving story of sisters, addiction, and the formidable ties that persist between place, family, and fate.

I highly recommend this book.

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The Midnight Bargain

Read: February 2022

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The Midnight Bargain

by C.L. Polk

The Midnight Bargain by C.L. Polk is about Beatrice Clayborn, a sorceress, who was the next book to read. She practices magic in secret, terrified of being locked into a marital collar that will cut off her powers to protect her unborn children. She dreams of becoming a full-fledged Magus and pursuing magic as her calling as men do. Still, her family has staked everything to equip her for Bargaining Season, when young men and women of means descend upon the city to negotiate the best marriages. The Clayborn’s are in severe debt, and only she can save them by securing a good match before their creditors call.

In a stroke of luck, Beatrice finds a grimoire that contains the key to becoming a Magus, but before she can purchase it, a rival sorceress swindles the book right out of her hands. Beatrice summons a spirit to help her get it back, but her new ally exacts a price: Beatrice’s first kiss . . . with her adversary’s brother, the handsome, compassionate, and fabulously wealthy Ianthe Lavan.

The more Beatrice is entangled with the Lavan siblings, the harder her decision becomes: If she casts the spell to become a Magus, she will devastate her family and lose the only man to ever see her for who she is, but if she marries—even for love—she will sacrifice her magic, her identity, and her dreams. But how can she choose just one, knowing she will forever regret the path not taken?

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Can You Feel This?

Read: January 2023

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Can You Feel This?

by Julie Orringer

Today I read Can You Feel This? by Julie Orringer. This short story rekindled so many memories. In the chaos of a maternity ward, memories of tragedy and grief come flooding back for an anxious mother-to-be as she struggles to balance her child’s needs with her healing. Although Jan and I did not have the shadows of tragedy and grief when our sons were born, this short story was more than a page-turner. Can You Feel This? reminded me of the power of the love Jan and I shared.

When our second son was born, we almost had him at home or in the as we waited too long. In Can, You Feel This? , that was not the case. Both children had two loving parents but also grandparents.

When Jan had the first of several hospitalizations, she was in the hospital where her mother died. Jan told me her feelings, and I comforted her, but I could not fully comprehend her angst.

Can You Feel This? is part of Inheritance, a collection of five stories about secrets, unspoken desires, and dangerous revelations between loved ones. Each Inheritance piece can be read or listened to in a single setting. By yourself, behind closed doors, or shared with someone you trust. This is the second one in the series I have read. The previous one was Everything That my Mother Taught Me.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

Rushed into an emergency cesarean section, a woman finds herself in the same hospital where her suicidal mother died. She’s buried the trauma of her mother’s last hours—and also the dread that she might be just as vulnerable to breaking. As the new mother relives one crisis in the midst of another, prize-winning author Julie Orringer turns the joyous event of birth into a harrowing, poignant short story.


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We Were Eight Years in Power

Read: September 2020

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We Were Eight Years in Power

by Ta-Nehisi Coates

We Were Eight Years in Power by Ta-Nehisi Coates is a collection featuring the landmark essay The Case for Reparations he wrote for The Atlantic. Even though I am a subscriber to The Atlantic and have read many of the pieces, this is a must-read book as it reflects on race, Barack Obama’s presidency, and its jarring aftermath, including the election of Donald Trump.

We were eight years in power as the lament of Reconstruction-era black politicians as the American experiment in multiracial democracy ended with the return of white supremacist rule in the South. In this sweeping collection of new and selected essays, Ta-Nehisi Coates explores the tragic echoes of that history in our own time: the unprecedented election of a black president followed by a vicious backlash that fueled the election of the man Coates argues is America’s first white president.

But the story of these present-day eight years is not just about presidential politics. This book also examines the new voices, ideas, and movements for justice that emerged over this period and the effects of the persistent, haunting shadow of our nation’s old and unreconciled history. Coates powerfully examines the events of the Obama era from his intimate and revealing perspective:” the point of view of a young writer who begins the journey in an unemployment office in Harlem and ends it in the Oval Office, interviewing a president.

We Were Eight Years in Power features Coatesa’s iconic essays first published in The Atlantic, including Fear of a Black President, The Case for Reparations, and The Black Family in the Age of Mass Incarceration, along with eight fresh essays that revisit each year of the Obama administration through Coate’s own experiences, observations, and intellectual development, capped by a bracingly original assessment of the election that fully illuminated the tragedy of the Obama era. We Were Eight Years in Power is a vital account of modern America, from one of the definitive voices of this historic moment.

I recommend this book to all readers.

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Bluff: Poems

Read: December 2024

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Bluff: Poems

by Danez Smith

Today, I began reading Bluff: Poems by Danez Smith, which was selected as one of The New York Times 100 Notable Books of 2024. This collection emerged after two years of artistic silence, during which the world slowed due to the COVID-19 pandemic, and Minneapolis became the epicenter of protests following the murder of George Floyd. In Bluff, Danez Smith powerfully reflects on their role and responsibilities as a poet and their connection to their hometown of the Twin Cities.

This book addresses the awakening from violence, guilt, shame, and critical pessimism to a sense of wonder, envisioning how we might strive for a new existence in a world that seems to be descending into desolate futures.

Smith infuses these poems with a startling urgency; their questions demand a new language, deep self-scrutiny, and virtuosic textual shapes. A series of ars poetica gives way to “anti-poetica” and “ars America,” implicating poetry in collusion with unchecked capitalism. A photographic collage builds across a sequence, illustrating the consequences of America’s acceptance of mass shootings. Additionally, a brilliant long poem—part map, part annotation, part visual argument—offers the history of Saint Paul’s vibrant Rondo neighborhood before and after officials decided to route an interstate directly through it.

Bluff is a manifesto of artistic resilience, even when time feels fleeting and the places we hold dear—both given and created—are in turmoil. In this powerful collection, Smith turns to honesty, hope, rage, and imagination to envision possible futures.



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Jack: A Novel

Read: March 2022

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Jack: A Novel

by Marilynne Robinson

Jack: A Novel by Marilynne Robinson is the second book in this series I have read. Previously I read,  Home, and now I have read the fourth. Without Jan by my side, I read more but not always in order. Fortunately, Jack appears in Home at a later point than is covered in this novel. That provided an understanding of the next phase of Jack and Della’s relationship.

I very much enjoyed reading this novel. Although Jan and I fell in love without all of the complexities of this couple, there were enough similarities that reminded me of how special our love was and remains. For example, our long conversations, many of which were while we walked, are reminiscent of the novel.

I highly recommend this novel. One of the reviews suggested that the next volume should be about Della. I will read that book before the ink drys.

Goodreads provides an overview.

In this book, Robinson tells the story of John Ames Boughton, the prodigal son of Gilead’s Presbyterian minister, and his romance with Della Miles, a high school teacher who is also the child of a preacher. They’re deeply felt, tormented, star-crossed interracial romance resonates with all the paradoxes of American life, then and now.

Marilynne Robinson’s mythical world of Gilead, Iowa—the setting of her novels Gilead, Home, and Lila, and now Jack—and its beloved characters have illuminated and interrogated the complexities of American history, the power of our emotions, and the wonders of a sacred world.

Robinson’s Gilead novels, which have won one Pulitzer Prize and two National Book Critics Circle Awards, are vital to contemporary American literature and a revelation of our national character and humanity.

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